title: a better man
prompt: A sudden moment of unexpected anxiety because Miroku is actually going to be a father, its real. It's actually happening, finally. Finally, a year ago he was ready to die away from the amazing woman carrying his children but now, NOW its happening
rating: t
warnings: a liiiiitle angsty


When the initial joy calms down and life returns to its routine, he is struck with fear. His children had always been an abstract concept, a future but not a present, conditional and not growing in his wife's womb the way they were right now. He saw her swell and change before his very eyes, and watched time tick away.

He was struck with fear, yes, but it was inadequacy that ate him alive in the night. He was not an honorable man. He was –to put it bluntly- kind of a piece of shit. Miroku had never hated himself before, but now it was like an infection, spreading and poisoning his disposition.

It was worsened when one day, she beckoned him to feel the tiny kicks, the movements that made it even more real. This was Sango, his Sango, carrying his child, and she was expecting the best from him. She deserved so much; she deserved the world, why had she settled for a man like him when she'd had princes falling for her? But she smiled at his wide, wondering eyes, and his doubt was chased away. Not permanently, perhaps, but it would be a reminder.

He must never let anything destroy this life. He must never let himself slip into old habits. He must fill his head (somehow) even fuller with thoughts of her, and thoughts of her love. Where the child grew –children, though they weren't to know it yet- a need grew with it.

He would rise to meet it.


I have a lot of feelings about Miroku as a character.