Seek and Go Hide
part eight
"So are you coming or not?"
Stopping short and looking up from the file he had been flipping through as he walked down the hall, Doug was surprised to find Pacey in his office. With his feet on Doug's desk.
"Feet!"
Feigning confusion, Pacey leaned back in Doug's chair and put his hands behind his head. Grinning from ear to ear, he said, "I'm sorry? I'm not following your logic - what kind of answer is feet?"
Swatting at Pacey's feet with the file folder he had been intently reading only a moment ago, Doug reiterated, "Feet. Get your feet off my desk! Now!"
Relenting, Pacey cheerfully removed his feet from the desk but said; "Don't tell me you never sit in here with your feet up and lord over all the deputies..."
"I think you've confused me with the Mayor and my deputies with the city council."
"Ah, right you are. Well maybe someday huh?"
"You're mighty chipper today. Get out of my chair."
"Well why shouldn't I be?" answered Pacey as he got up and walked around to the other side of the desk. Sitting back down he continued, "The holidays are 80% over, I've got a bunch of new underwear and a rockin' party planned for tomorrow night. Which brings me back to my question: Are you coming or not?"
"It depends. Will you be wearing your new underwear?" joked Doug.
Unphased, Pacey replied, "The odds are good. So you're coming then?
"I don't know Pacey. I'm not really in a party mood..."
"It's a New Year's Eve party Dougie - mood is irrelevant. You weren't in the mood for Christmas either and look how good that turned out. For a Witter family Christmas that is. Flood and fire but no pestilence this year."
"Those kids are crazy."
"You're their Uncle."
"So are you."
"Let's not turn this into a war of words Sheriff Semantics. And nice attempt at the subject change. So you're coming?"
"I don't know." Doug shifted in his seat looking as uncertain and indecisive as Pacey had ever seen him. "I'm completely ambivalent. And I have nothing to wear."
"If you don't care then you should come."
"I didn't say I didn't care. I said I was ambivalent."
"Tomato, potato. You're coming."
"Everyone thinks ambivalent means you don't care but it actually means you are caught between opposing feelings or opinions. It's the opposite of not caring. It's like when people use the word careen but what they really mean is career. Career means to rush at full speed while careen means to tilt or lurch..." Doug rambled good-naturedly in hopes of permanently changing the subject.
"You are making me so sorry that I bought you that vocabulary trivia page-a-day calendar for Christmas," said Pacey shaking his head sadly.
"Don't be - I spend a good part of every day apotheosizing it."
"Well that sounds kinky but whatever floats your boat man."
"It means..."
"I so don't care - I am one hundred percent un-ambivalent. No more fifty-cent words or I'll tell Jack that you're pining for him."
"Ok. Ok. Truce," said Doug hurriedly. Even just the mention of Jack's name flustered him these days. He had spent the last couple of weeks kicking himself and trying to come to grips with the fact that Jack had a boyfriend now. Pacey had been very supportive but he kept bugging Doug to talk to Jack - to tell him how he felt. That just wasn't an option. Whatever had possessed him to think he could open himself and his heart up to Jack had utterly deserted him the night he saw Jack and That Guy kissing on the sidewalk. That Guy thought Doug, his name is Greg and I know it. But Doug preferred to think of him as "That Guy". Doug hated the thought of Jack being with Greg but thinking of Jack and That Guy - well that sounded like a sitcom. A sitcom Doug could ignore. A sitcom couldn't touch him. A sitcom didn't hurt - not as much. Jack and That Guy.
"So I'll see you at 8:00pm or so. Sound good?" Pacey's questions interrupted Doug's reverie.
"Pace..."
"Look, I'm not letting you sit at home alone on New Year's Eve. It's part of my new New Year's resolution."
"Which is?" Doug couldn't help but ask.
"To be more like Mother Theresa," quipped Pacey as he piously folded his hands and bowed his head as if in prayer.
"Was she known for dragging people to events they don't want to attend?"
"That and making a really good chutney."
"You're hilarious. Truly, a one man laugh riot," said Doug.
"You think I'm kidding? Wait 'til you try the chutney at the party tomorrow night."
'Will Jack be there?" asked Doug quietly.
"Yes," answered Pacey truthfully. "And so will Greg, sorry I mean That Guy. And Jen. And a lot of other people."
Doug didn't say anything instead he just sighed and stared solemnly at his hands.
"You have to quit avoiding him. Tell him how you feel or don't. It's your call. But quit avoiding him. It's not feasible in a town the size of Capeside. And it's not fair to Jack."
"Not fair to Jack..?" Doug glared up at Pacey unable to believe what he had just heard.
Pacey met Doug's eyes and stared right back at his stubborn brother. "It's not and you know it. Suck it up. You can't hide forever."
"You're right."
"Damn right I'm right. 'Bout time you admitted it," smirked Pacey.
"You're not right about everything!"
"Most things."
"This one thing," countered Doug.
"Several dozen things I think," contradicted Pacey easily.
"Possibly right about three or four things but certainly right about less than seven things."
"Excuse me Sheriff?" interrupted Marie the bantering brothers with a concerned look on her pale face.
"Yes Marie?"
"Officer Willis radioed in and asked me to come get you. Seems he's having some trouble..." her voice trailed off and she chewed worriedly on her lower lip.
"What kind of trouble?" asked a suddenly alarmed Doug.
"Well, he...he can't seem to...seem to locate his...his gun. He thinks maybe the Granger boy stole it or that he left it at the Marina. Possibly. He's not sure." Marie stood there looking as if she feared an explosion.
"You're kidding? No, of course you aren't kidding. Where is he?" Standing up, Doug grabbed his coat and put it on.
"He's over on 3rd and Water."
"Tell him I'll be right there. And call up Tanya Granger and see if she knows where Cliff is right now."
"Right away Sheriff." She hurried back to her desk.
"I've gotta go Pacey. Duty calls," said Doug grimly. "But I'll see you tomorrow at the party," he grudgingly added. "Marie?" Doug hollered, "Did you get Tanya Granger yet?"
"There was no answer," came the reply form down the hall.
"Damn, damn," Doug swore softly as he walked out his office and down the hall. "Keep trying and radio me when you get her," he said as he passed Marie at the front desk. She just nodded and bit her lip some more.
Pacey smiled fondly at his brother. Doug had gone from self-conscious nervous wreck to wholly capable, all-business Sheriff Witter in less than a second.
"You think Cliff Granger pinched it?" asked Pacey as he followed Doug out into the parking lot. "I thought he stuck to minor pranks and spray paint."
"So far he has but he and Bill had a run in the other day..." Doug gritted his teeth. "Hopefully the gun is under the seat in Bill's cruiser like it was last time."
"Well good luck with that. I know you love a game of Hide and Gun Seek. See you tomorrow." With that, Pacey gave Doug a thumbs up and turned and walked back toward the Ice House. He was pleased that he had convinced Doug to come to the party and more than a little surprised it had been relatively easy.
Getting Jack to agree to come had been a piece of cake. Pacey merely mentioned the party one night when Jack and Greg were at the Ice House together. "You'll be here right?" he had asked. Greg loved the idea and so Jack had had no choice but to agree. Later he had given Pacey an earful but Jack was committed and that was all that mattered to Pacey.
Pacey was tired of being caught in the middle between the two men - both of whom pretended but failed to convince him that there was nothing between them. Doug was sure he had missed his chance with Jack. And Jack for his part, was sure Doug didn't want anything to do with him. No matter what happened, at least the impasse between them would be a thing of the past.
-----------------------
The party was in full swing by the time Jack and Greg arrived. The place was packed and full of laughter and music. Jack scanned the crowd quickly to see who was there. He saw that Pacey was behind the bar telling jokes and serving up his famously strong martinis and pouring glass after glass of champagne.
"I told you we should have gotten here sooner," said Greg in Jack's ear. "Looks like we're missing all the fun." He ran his hand down Jack's back and lingered at his ass.
Stepping away from the grope and ignoring the complaint, Jack continued to scrutinize the room. Pacey had told him to look for a surprise guest and he was curious to find out who it was. Suddenly his eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face, "Hey! There's Jen! Let's go." Jack hurried across the room without waiting for Greg's response.
"Jen. Great. By all means, let's hang out with the bitter pregnant lady. All night long. Pretty please?" groused Greg to no one in particular. He frowned peevishly and instead of following Jack, he headed to the bar.
Jack meanwhile had reached Jen and without hesitation pulled her into a big hug and swung her around saying, "You're here! I'm so glad!"
Laughing, Jen wrapped her arms around Jack's neck and kissed him repeatedly all over his face. "Hi sweetheart! Happy New Year! Now set me down before I throw up!"
"I can't believe you're here! You said you couldn't come! You said you had to work. And a doctor's appointment! You lied to me!"
"Lying is often a integral element when surprising someone. Surprise!" Jen threw her arms up in the air and gave Jack her most dazzling smile.
Unable to resist, Jack scooped Jen up in another hug and said, "But I hate surprises!"
"I know, but you love me!"
"That's true. Lucky for you!"
"Lucky for me," Jen agreed. Extracting herself from Jack's hug, Jen took a step back and looked at him. Tenderly she pushed his hair off his forehead and said, "Look at you. You're all fancy."
Indeed Jack was more dressed up than usual. He wore a pair of extremely well fitting, charcoal gray wool slacks, a black and silver belt, black leather shoes and a red shirt with silky soft sheen. The shirt was open at the neck and showed off his unseasonable tan. Jack had looked good when he left the house earlier that evening but seeing Jen had transformed him from good looking to gorgeous. His happiness radiated off him in waves and now, with his eyes shining and the laughter bubbling out of him, he looked totally fantastic.
"Saint Bart's agreed with you! Or is that bronzer?" exclaimed Jen.
"Forget about me! Look at you! Beautiful as always." Placing his hand softly on her stomach, Jack bent down and whispered, "Hello baby. Hello. Happy New Year! Your Uncle Jack loves you."
"What are you saying to her? Speak up - I can't hear you! No secrets from Mommy!" demanded Jen.
Straightening up, he said, "Shouldn't you be showing more? You're still tiny! Wait! Did you just say her?"
"Did I?" Jen paused coyly, "I did."
"I thought you were going to wait and be surprised?"
"I hate surprises - you know that!" Laughing, Jen relented, "What can I say? I cracked under the pressure. I was shopping and saw this cute little sundress and I just had to know. So I called my doctor and asked. She made me beg a little to make sure I was serious but then she told me - I'm having a girl!"
Once again, Jen found herself enveloped in a hug. She clung tightly to Jack and savored the moment.
"That's terrific! I bet she looks just like you!"
The two friends continued to laugh and catch up. Jack didn't give a thought to Greg until Jen asked if he was here alone.
"Did you dump Greg?" Jen asked hopefully.
"No - he's here somewhere," said Jack turning to look for him. Spotting him at the bar, Jack turned back to Jen and inquired, "Do you think I should dump him?"
"No. No. Far be it from me to..."
Jack interrupted her, "You think he's boring..."
"Well, yeah. But whatever. He's good in the sack right?" shrugged Jen.
"Yeah. Yeah he is..." Jack's voice trailed off.
Overhearing the last part of the conversation, Pacey came striding over, all good humor and bravado. Handing Jack a drink he said, "You're talking about me right? Don't be embarrassed! Go ahead and sing praises of my prowess."
"Pacey, how would I know if you were good in bed?" laughed Jack good-naturedly.
"Oh right!" Pacey nodded conspiratorially and winked broadly, "We've never slept together. Right!" Motioning broadly, Pacey made some crude gestures that belied his words.
"This is how rumors get started," lectured Jack in a mock serious tone.
"Ah, I'm not worried - my reputation with the ladies proceeds me," said Pacey as he wrapped an arm around Jen and gave her an affectionate squeeze.
Snuggling in, Jen said huskily, "Ummm. You smell so good."
Grinning from ear to ear, Pacey boasted, "You see? My charms are legend!"
"Is it chicken?" murmured Jen, inhaling deeply. "I'm starving."
All three of the friends burst out laughing. They kept it up until tears were running down their faces. Every once in awhile, when it seemed they were going to be able to get themselves under control, one of them would burst out with "Legend of the Sexy Chicken" or "Don Juan De Pollo" or some other equally stupid but hilarious remark. None of them had laughed so hard in a long, long time and it felt good.
When Greg came up and asked what was so funny, not one of them could really explain it.
-----------------------
Doug stood nervously in front of the mirror wondering if he should shave. He didn't really want to but it would take him a longer to get ready if he did shave and that meant he could be even later for the party. Glancing at the clock he saw that it was almost 9:00. Pacey had expected him around 8:00 and Doug knew that if he didn't get to the Ice House soon, Pacey would probably come looking for him. Or so Pacey had threatened via the answering machine about twenty minutes ago.
No, he wouldn't shave. He liked the beard - it made him feel protected somehow. So I'm ready to go, thought Doug as he looked at his outfit. He wasn't sure about the shirt - it was a nice blue color that brought out his eyes, or so the salesgirl had said, but it was made of some sort of ultra-suede or something. Whatever it was, it was very soft. Doug had liked the softness in the store but now he wondered if maybe it wasn't a little too gay. Shirts aren't gay! Doug reminded himself as he decisively tucked the soft, blue shirt into the waist of his black pants.
Time to go! Switching off his stereo and grabbing his coat, Doug headed out the door and toward the party. I should have had a drink before I left...
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Jack stood shivering out on the deck of the Ice House. Inside the party was going full tilt but Jack had needed a minute to catch his breath. He and Greg were having a battle of wills tonight. They weren't fighting - they never fought - rather they kept skirmishing. Saying one thing when they meant another, flinging pointed little barbs at one another and stuff like that. It was exhausting. Jack would rather just get it out in the open but now wasn't really the time.
So here he was. Staring into the cold night. 2006 had not been an easy year and he hoped with all his might that 2007 would be better. It had to be. After all, Jen would be having the baby in about three and a half months and that was bound to be a very good thing. Grams' cancer seemed to be under control. School was going pretty well. Andie's fellowship had been picked up. 2007 looked promising from here. If only Doug would... Jack's thought was interrupted by the approach of a shadowy figure, a figure that turned out to be Doug. Surprised, Jack tried to conceal his astonishment. He hadn't thought Doug would be here tonight.
"Hey Doug," said Jack quietly as Doug stepped onto the porch.
"Jack? Hi. Um, why are you out here? Is something wrong?" Doug did his best to be cool. His heart was racing. Jack looked amazing
"No. Nope. Just getting some air."
"Oh." The two men stared at each other, neither sure what to say or do.
"You can go on in," said Jack. "No need to stay out here with me."
"No. I mean. I'd like to stay here. For a minute. If that's ok."
"Whatever dude." Jack sat down on the steps and looked up at Doug.
"Um, the thing is..." Doug sat down on the step next to Jack, careful not to crowd him. "The thing is...I'm sorry." Just saying the words "I'm sorry" was such a huge relief that Doug felt like he could float away.
Jack didn't say anything so Doug continued, "I'm sorry that I've been such...such an ass. I was really unfair to you. And mean. I know that. Also, you may not have noticed but I've kind of been avoiding you..."
"Oh, I noticed," said Jack.
"Yeah, well I'm sorry about that too. I'm sorry about a lot of things," said Doug thinking specifically about That Guy. There was a long quite moment that stretched on and on.
"I'm glad you're sorry."
"Well, that's something I guess." There was another pause and then Doug said "Well I guess I'll leave you alone..."
"Don't," interrupted Jack.
"Ok."
The two men sat in companionable silence for a few minutes. Then Jack said, "I'm glad you came tonight. I didn't think you would."
Smiling, Doug admitted, "Well, Pacey didn't give me a lot of choice. But I'm glad I came too. You look really great."
Stunned, Jack glanced at Doug and smiled when he saw the look of panic on Doug's face. He hadn't planned to say that! The thought filled Jack with glee but he played it off. "Thanks. It's the tan - I spent a week in Saint Bart's over Christmas. It was nice." Jack made a point to leave out the fact that he had spent the week with Greg. "How was your Christmas?"
"It was no tropical vacation but it was ok. My sister Kerry, her kids are...well they're insane, Ritalin deprived, little monsters. They flooded two bathrooms - twice. And set fire to a canoe. Even Pacey was overwhelmed by the carnage. And they were only here for three days. Three very long days."
"Did they stay with you?" chuckled Jack.
"God no!" blurted out Doug. "They stayed at my Mom's place but I was out there the whole time to play man of the house. For all the good it did."
"Well, it sounds fun."
"Then I'm telling it wrong." Jack and Doug laughed together and felt a glimmer of the easy camaraderie that used to exist so naturally between them. Hearing the door to the Ice House open, Jack turned and saw Jen walking out onto the deck.
"Jack? What are you doing out here?" Stopping short, Jen's tone changed from friendly and curious to guarded and aloof in an instant, "Hello, Sheriff Witter."
"Jen Lindley!" exclaimed Doug as he stood up quickly, guilt written all over his handsome face. "I didn't know you were in town." Except I did...why did I say that? Doug wondered.
Looking back and forth at the two men with a slightly puzzled expression, Jen replied, "It was a little surprise your brother and I cooked up for Jack." With that, Jen dismissed Doug and turned all her attention to Jack. "Jack, are you coming in?" She extended her hand out to Jack. Jen did her best to give Doug the deep freeze, and her best was damn effective. Jen didn't know what Doug and Jack were up to out here, alone, in the dark, on New Year's Eve, but she didn't like it. Doug had done enough damage to Jack. If she had anything to say about it, he wouldn't be doing any more.
"Yeah, we should go in," agreed Jack as he took her hand and stood up. Doug opened the door and held it graciously for them. Jen swept through imperiously; Jack trailed right behind looking a little sheepish. Doug ran a hand nervously through his hair and then followed them inside.
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By all standard measures, the party was a huge success. There was much laughter and drinking. There was even some dancing. Pacey stood behind the bar and enjoyed the momentary lull. He saw Jack and Jen sitting at one of the small tables, their heads together, completely absorbed in one another and whatever it was they were talking about.
And there was Doug, talking to Dawson's mom and looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. Every so often, Doug would glance over at Jen and Jack and the look on his face would shift from politely interested to wistful. I should go save him, thought Pacey reluctantly.
When he saw the aggressive redhead whose name was...? Yeah, he had already forgotten, and she was making a beeline right for him, Pacey shifted from reluctant to enthusiastic. "Hey Seth! Your turn to man the bar," said Pacey as he dropped the bar rag he had been fiddling with and headed over to Doug and Gale.
"Gale! I'm so glad you could make it," Pacey greeted Gale with a light kiss on the cheek. Then he turned to his brother and said, "'Bout time you got here."
"I've been here for a while," grumbled Doug.
"Pacey, the place looks great! And the food is excellent. Tell me, should I be worried about the future of Leery's Fresh Fish?"
"I could never compete with you and Bodie, Gale. I know my place. Anyway, I think the town is big enough for the both of us don't you?" asked Pacey in his typical charming manner.
Gale laughed, "Oh you sweet boy! I was just telling Doug about Dawson and how great he's doing out in California. Did you hear that he might be getting his own show? Everyone tells me that it's just unbelievably lucky how well Dawson is doing but I tell them that it's not luck - he's just very, very talented and even Hollywood can't ignore that. Well, you know..."
Pacey gritted his teeth behind his tight-lipped smile and looked at Doug. Doug just cocked an eyebrow at him. Great. Now we're both trapped here!
-----------------------
Huddled over the small table, Jack and Jen bantered back and forth while Jen picked at the remains of the chicken and other food on her plate.
"Did you try this chutney? It's amazing!" she asked Jack.
"I think it is part of Pacey's New Year's resolution," replied Jack.
"Better living through chutney?"
"Yeah."
"He's a clever, clever man," said Jen brightly. She returned to their earlier topic, "So he said he was sorry - big whoop. I thought you didn't care."
"Of course I care. You know I care," said Jack indignantly. "Since when is caring a crime?"
"It's not a crime. It's just not a shrewd move." Jen was deeply concerned about Jack. No one really understood their relationship but Jack meant more to her than just about anyone. She needed to hold him together so that her could hold her together. That way, they would both be safe.
"Shrewd is out." Jack scoffed, "So very out."
"Says who?" asked Jen flippantly.
"The Shaw Report," retorted Jack without missing a beat.
"You're going to take advice from Entertainment Weekly instead of your best friend in the whole wide world?"
"Entertainment Weekly has really been there for me this past year. You don't know. EW understands me," Jack pretended to be choked up and sniffed for comic effect.
"If shrewd is out, then what's in?"
"Well, shrewd is out, sensible is five minutes ago, and so, if I remember right, sincere is in."
"Perfect," said Jen without one ounce of sincerity. "Are you telling me that I'm 'out'? That won't last. I was born to be in. He keeps looking over here you know..." she said gesturing with her head to the other side of the restaurant.
"He does not. Really?" Jack couldn't keep the eagerness out of his voice.
"Oh, sincerely," said Jen with ultra-sarcastic emphasis.
"Where is he?" asked Jack as he turned slowly and he hoped, naturally, in his chair.
"He and Pacey are talking to Gale and those other people over by the window."
Jack took a moment to watch Doug. He was so very handsome. He seemed taller. Maybe I've just adjusted to Greg, Jack realized. Just then, Doug looked over in Jack's direction and Jack felt himself start as if he had been caught doing something naughty. Smiling politely, albeit awkwardly, Jack gave Doug a little wave and tried to play it off. Just happened to be looking in your direction, not staring or ogling or anything, just an ocular coincidence...Jack thought somewhat frantically.
But Doug wasn't going to settle for polite glimpses. He signaled desperately with his eyes, get me outta here. Please? His optical SOS flashed briefly and then he turned his attention back to the group.
Jack chuckled and said, "He wasn't looking over here...well he was, but only because he needs rescuing from Gale and the gang."
Jen couldn't help but roll her eyes, "Right Jack, I'm sure that's it."
"You know, all that sarcasm can't be good for the baby," Jack expertly needled his friend.
"You keep this up and her first words are going to be 'Oh puh-lease'. So, we shall we deploy a search and rescue for Pacey and Doug or what?"
"We probably should," said Jack as he reached for Jen's hand.
"Now remember, this is Gale Leery, she can be very tricky, we'll have to stay on our toes. She's immune to subtlety - which may be where Dawson's gets it now that I think of it..." Jen rambled softly as they crossed the room. "Never underestimate her small talk skills. She's like a highly trained sniper. We're in, we're out, or we're dead."
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Doug and Pacey were firmly ensnared in Gale's web of chitchat. She had introduced them to her new boyfriend and several other friends had joined them. She had even turned them on themselves - they were their own worst enemy in this chatter battle. Pacey had just finished sharing the details of his chutney recipe and the bold inspiration behind it when Gale set her sights on Doug.
"So Doug, what's this I hear about some crazy man down at Saint John's on Christmas Eve? I heard he was menacing carolers...do tell..." Gale asked, her eyes wide at the thought of holiday danger and intrigue.
"Menacing? Not exactly," said Doug. "On older gentleman, I'd rather not say who, had had a little too much to drink and paid a visit to the church. A group of carolers returned at about the same time and when they got back, they decided to sing one more song - just for the fun of it. They sang "O Holy Night" if I'm not mistaken, and the man became...let's say, emotional. He got a little upset and wanted someone to give him a hug. But since no one knew who he was and because he stank of alcohol, the carolers were...reluctant," Doug chose his words carefully and for humorous effect. The small group was captivated. Which just goes to show how fundamentally boring Capeside really is, thought Doug as he quickly looked over at Jack and Jen. "At that point the man got a little aggressive, and started shouting about Jesus and the lepers and how the carolers could take a page or two out of that book. I arrived on the scene in time to hear him saying 'They call it the Bible for a reason you know!' I interceded and tried to calm the man down. He kept heckling the carolers, calling them uncharitable, wicked, and off-key. I think the 'off-key' remark cut the deepest; the carolers kept badgering the man. Someone asked him why he wanted to ruin Christmas and he started to cry again. I sent everyone inside in an effort to get the situation under control. Once the carolers were gone, the man stopped crying - it turned out he had been faking the tears. I asked him if he was at Saint John's for any particular reason, like had he come down to go to 10:00 mass? That's when he said, 'Afraid not son. I'm pretty sure Christmas Eve mass at Saint John's is BYOB and I'm tapped out."
Everyone burst out laughing. Doug just smiled. He didn't tell them that his equally drunk wife had locked the man out of his house and that he had ended up spending Christmas Eve at the police station. Or that the next morning, the man had had no recollection at all of the night before. Doug let them have the punch line and kept the sad reality to himself.
"Tell us another one," enthused one of the ladies in the group.
"It's not really a joke," said Doug sternly, "It's my job."
"Well you just must laugh and laugh all day long!" cooed the woman.
"Gale! Hi!" Jen gushed and giggled as she slipped into the middle of the coterie and gave Gale a fast hug, "It's so good to see you! I love your hair. I'm sorry to interrupt, but they need Pacey and Doug back in the kitchen - some kind of emergency I think."
"Certainly dear, but before you run off, tell me, how's the pregnancy going?" asked Gale eagerly.
Recognizing a trap when she heard one, Jen took out the big guns and said with a perfectly straight face, "It's going fine but I might have to put the baby up for adoption."
Gale gasped, "Oh, I'm so sorry. Forgive me for asking."
"But only if she turns out to be a Republican. It's too early to tell right now." Jen took a split second to enjoy the scandalized looks on their faces then said, "Ok, we gotta go, I'll talk to you later Gale! Come on guys."
With that, they hustled off toward the kitchen doing everything they could not to explode with laughter. From behind her, Jen heard Gale say, "I'm sure she was just kidding."
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"That was masterful Jen!" exclaimed Jack as he jumped up to sit on the counter.
"Truly," agreed Pacey as pulled himself up next to Jack, "Your charms are legend."
"Just a little something I learned from G.W. Bush - shock and awe campaigning - it works great in the short term but you pay for it later. And I'm sure I will pay for it. Hopefully with dirty looks and lectures and not with a visit from a social worker! Hey, is there any more of that chutney back here?"
"Doug, could you get it? It's in the walk-in - it's in the big jar on the second shelf. You'll see it. What do you want with it?" Pacey asked Jen. Doug shot Pacey a look but did as he was asked.
"Umm, a spoon?" answered Jen uncertainly.
"Doug could get you some bread or rice or something. You don't have to eat it plain," said Pacey mischievously.
"But I want it plain," explained Jen patiently.
"That's a first!" cracked Jack.
"Was that some kind of crack?" shot Jen.
"Yes. Yes, I believe it was," replied Jack.
"Definitely a crack," concurred Pacey. "Doug? What's the hold up in there?"
Returning from the walk-in, Doug held two large jars. He lifted them up and griped, "There were two big jars on the second shelf."
Hopping down from the counter, Pacey took the two jars from Doug and shook his head. Holding up the first jar he said, "Yes, one jar you'll note is filled with fresh, delicious chutney." Pacey set the first jar down and held up the second one, tilting it back and forth, whatever was inside squooshed unpleasantly, "The other jar is full of recycled lard."
"Yuck!"
"Gross dude!"
"Why do you...? I don't even want to know!"
"You'd be surprised how often it come in handy," said Pacey cuddling the jar. "Oh lardy, no one understands you the way I do."
"Pacey, please - I'm trying to eat here! Quit molesting that jar," said Jen between spoonfuls of jar number one. "It's so good! Is it really your New Year's resolution?"
"Indeed, chutney, kindness, hard work and The Nobel Prize in 2007."
"He's trying to be more like Mother Teresa, if you can believe that," explained Doug with a smile.
"Way to unflinchingly build failure right into your plan Pace," said Jack.
"What do you mean?" asked Pacey guilelessly.
"You don't really think you're going to win the Nobel Prize?"
"Well, I can't win if I don't play," smirked Pacey.
"Yeah," said Jen with her mouth full of chutney, "Quit raining on his parade Jackers. What's your resolution anyway?" When Jack didn't answer instantly Jen said, "Uh-huh. That's what I thought. You have unresolved issues."
"Fine. Pacey has such a good resolution, I'll make it mine too! Here's to twin Nobel Prizes in 2007!" said Jack playfully as he shifted into a more comfortable position and pulled his legs up under him so he could sit cross-legged, Indian style.
"Copycat! Step off my resolution!" cried Pacey forcefully. "And it's bad enough your ass is all over my food prep area but get your shoes the hell off!
Doug whooped with laughter and sarcastically exclaimed, "Feet!" He gave his little brother a mocking look that very clearly said: Not so funny now is it?
Ignoring them both, Jack asked, "And what about you Linley? What's your brilliant New Year's resolution?"
"To give birth and not totally freak out. To be a good mother and to wear my favorite jeans again," Jen answered smugly. "Unlike you Jack, most of us actually do think about these things. Even if they are doomed to fail - in all or in part."
"What about you Doug? What's your resolution?" asked Jack.
"To start moving forward. It's no secret to anyone here that I've been in a rut for... for a while. My goal for 2007 is to get out of my rut and move forward."
"Dougie, Dougie! That's too thoughtful, too realistic. Where's the fun in that? Where's the failure?" asked Pacey.
"Jen's resolution wasn't contingent on failure," stammered Doug.
"Please!" said Jack, "That whole part about not freaking out while giving birth? That's not going to happen. She's going to be a spaz machine."
Jen nodded, "He's right. I'll probably come totally unglued. But I am going to be a good mother! And wear my jeans again!"
"So, you're saying I should build in some failure to ensure the success of my other goals? Like a loss leader? Or a negotiation point?"
"That's one way of saying it. Another way is to say: I expect I'm going to fuck up and I'm ok with that. But it has to be something you actually would want otherwise it doesn't count," clarified Jen. "Like I don't want to freak out when I go into labor, even though the odds are good that I will. Get it?"
"Ok, then my revised resolution is to move forward and to ease up on the coaster thing."
"Excellent!" exclaimed Pacey. "You'll definitely fail at that!"
The four friends hung out in the kitchen cackling and hooting with laughter for 10 more minutes before Pacey had to get back to his bartending. But Doug, Jack and Jen remained in the relative comfort and solitude of the kitchen for another half an hour. So it was over 45 minutes before Jack spared a thought for Greg. Wincing, he said, "I should go find Greg."
Cagily Jen said, "So, Doug? Have you met Greg yet?'
"No. Not yet," answered Doug feeling his heart sink. Fun time was over.
"Well, I think it's time you met him. Don't you Jack?" she asked pointedly.
A little flabbergasted at the thought, Jack responded, "What? Yeah. I mean...If you want to...whatever..."
The look on Doug's face made his opinion pretty clear to Jen but bleakly he said, "No. I'd love to meet...him." That Guy. That damn Guy, thought Doug bitterly.
----------------------
"Doug, this is Greg. Greg - Doug."
The moment Doug had been dreading, from the minute Pacey had convinced him to come to the party, had finally arrived. Smiling tightly, Doug extended his hand out to "That Guy" who, from now on, could be nothing other than Greg. "Pleased to meet you...Greg," choked out Doug even though he felt more discomfited than pleased.
"And how do you know my Jack?" asked Greg staring attentively as he shook Doug's hand and stepped closer to him. Greg loved invading people's personal space. Especially when they were so good-looking and jumpy.
"I, um...we..." flustered, Doug took a step back from Greg and looked plaintively at Jack.
"Doug is Pacey's brother. We go way back," interjected Jack.
"Ooo, the cop right? The long, strong arm of the law." Greg gave Doug a lascivious look and continued, "I hope you aren't going to have to arrest me Officer."
"Why would I do that?" asked Doug genuinely confused and more uncomfortable than ever.
"Because I'm pretty sure I'm going to be breaking all the sodomy laws when I take Jack home tonight!" cackled Greg loudly as he reached for Jack.
"Greg!" exclaimed Jack mortified by his boyfriend's inopportune and tactless remark. He pulled away from Greg and gaped at him. Where all this was coming from? Greg had been uncouth and clingy all night but this was just too much!
"Those laws were completely repealed in this state in 2004 after the U.S. Supreme Court found the Texas sodomy laws unconstitutional in 2003. And they were, in effect, abolished years before that when they became more or less unenforceable after a ruling set down in 2002. All of which I'm sure you know," responded Doug tightly. He didn't know what Jack had told Greg about him, but Doug did know he didn't like being made fun of.
"Don't tell me you're yet another cop that can't take a joke! What is it about law enforcement and humorlessness that makes them go hand in hand? Didn't Rodney King, OJ and Louima teach you anything? You cops gotta ease up."
"Oh, I can take a joke. I guess I just don't find your brand of infantile, jejune humor all that funny. If you'll excuse me..." Doug turned and walked away and headed for the bar. He could definitely use a drink - right now.
Jen, who had been standing silently by during the awkward introduction, looked at Jack. Jack looked like he was going to throw up and her protective instincts kicked in to high gear. "Nice Greg," she spat. "Real nice." Throwing him her dirtiest look she followed after Doug.
"What's her problem?"
"What's her problem!? What's your problem?
"What? I was just kidding around."
Jack shook his head, "People don't usually 'kid' about police brutality with a cop. Besides, you've been acting weird all night."
"You wanna know why?"
"I would love to know why."
"All night I've gotten the feeling that you didn't want me here. Every time I turn around, you've vanished and when I find you, if I find you, you're talking to Jen or Pacey or the cop..."
"They're my friends!" interjected Jack hotly.
"But you know who I never find you talking to? Me. I can be a lot of things Jack, but one thing I can't be is dismissed."
"I haven't dismissed..."
"Then prove it," Greg challenged.
"Prove it how?"
Greg reached for Jack and drew him close. He wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him fiercely on the mouth. Jack felt foolish and on display but Greg knew what he was doing and all too soon Jack forgot about everyone at the party and kissed him back. When they broke apart both men were breathing hard.
"Ok, you've pissed all over your territory so now will you relax?" Jack asked with just a trace of bitterness.
"Just remember who the big dog is," teased Greg as he playfully ruffled Jack's hair.
"I should have remembered your leash..." replied Jack.
"Promises, promises..." drawled Greg.
-----------------------
Doug reached the bar and plopped down on an empty stool.
"What's up Dougie?" asked Pacey as he wiped down the bar.
"I'd like a drink," answered Doug curtly.
"Can do." Throwing the bar rag over his shoulder, Pacey stood in front of his brother and jovially inquired, "You want something specific or should I just surprise you?"
"Whatever. Nothing stupid or pink."
"Would you consider a Slippery Nipple stupid?" kidded Pacey. When Doug only glared at him, Pacey continued, "Right. No MTV-approved novelty drinks."
"Have I told you what a good time I'm having?"
Pacey grabbed a bottle from the back shelf and pulled out a glass, "No, no you haven't."
"Guess why."
"It's early yet."
"Does that mean it's going to get better or worse?"
"Hey guys. Mind if I join you?" Jen carefully sat on the stool next to Doug and noted his stony expression.
Smiling Pacey said, "Hey hot mama, you need something to drink?"
"Tonic and lime would be great. Also whatever snack food you have squirreled away back there."
"You're still hungry?" Pacey handed Doug his drink. Doug didn't say anything but drank half of it in one swallow. Pacey rummaged around under the bar.
"I'm always hungry. Ooo! Goldfish crackers - perfect. Remember the old jingle? It was so random and hilarious!" Jen started singing, "Here's a jingle for goldfish something for goldfish..."
Pacey joined in, "The wholesome snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off!"
The two friends dissolved into laughter. Doug just sat there, staring at the remainder of his drink.
"What's with him?" asked Pacey when the laughter subsided.
"He just met Greg," said Jen as she happily munched on the snack crackers. She had come over here to make Doug feel better but until she had some idea how to do that, she'd just have a little snack. Moreover she wasn't even sure if she should try to make Doug feel better.
"Oh. That guy..." Pacey rolled his eyes.
"Totally."
"He's so..." Pacey did a silent, mocking impression of Greg.
"Exactly," agreed Jen.
Without looking up, Doug finished his drink and said, "You two can quit talking in code. Say whatever you want. I'm going to the restroom." And with that he got up and walked toward the back of the restaurant.
"Ugh! I hate the term restroom! I mean, he's not going to take a nap back there is he?"
You would prefer what? Urination town? Or maybe, I-Need-A-Little-Me-Time Village?
Pacey, help me out here," said Jen leaning her elbows on the bar and lowering her voice. "Doug's pretty fucked up isn't he?"
"Yeah, he is. But no more so than the rest of us." Seeing Jen's skeptical look he said, "Well maybe a little bit more, but not significantly more. And he's working on it."
"He hurt Jack," Jen said seriously.
"He didn't mean to," replied Pacey just as seriously.
"Does that really matter?"
"I think so. If an animal gets caught in a trap and is suffering, almost dying in that trap, and then someone comes along and tries to help - if they get hurt, it's not because the animal is bad or even wants to hurt them - it's because the animal is desperate to get free. Once Dougie figured out that he wanted to be free, he kinda freaked out."
"I feel for him. I really do. And that astounds me, because the last person I thought I'd have sympathy for is the deluded Deputy Doug."
"He's Sheriff now," said Pacey.
"Whatever."
"Maybe you should talk to him yourself. See if you can get some straight answers out of him - if you'll forgive the pun."
"Maybe I will," said Jen softly. And then, in her more customary tone of voice, she asked, "You got any more goldfish? And that wasn't a pun. It was barely a wisecrack. I expect better from you Witter."
----------------------
Walking out on to the deck, Jen smiled ruefully. She thought she had seen Doug sneak out and, sure enough, there he was slumped in one of the dozen or so patio chairs lined up against the restaurant.
"I thought you were going to the bathroom."
"Going to the bathroom was such a success I thought I'd try going home next," retorted Doug.
"Which is why you're sitting out here?"
"No one bats a thousand," said Doug shrugging.
"True. But you can't leave yet; it's only 11:35. Law dictates you can't leave until 12:07... at the earliest," scolded Jen kindly.
"What law is that?"
"It's either the law of common decency or else it's pursuant to the laws of holiday suffering. Either way, you can get in a lot of trouble."
'We wouldn't want that," snapped Doug impatiently.
Sitting down in the chair next to him, Jen fixed her gaze on Doug and said, "Look Doug, Greg's been a jerk tonight but that's not who he really is."
"And who is he really?" asked Doug, unable to meet her frank gaze.
"Mostly? He's a bore. A real yawn. Mental pablum. This dickhead routine he's exhibiting tonight, it actually makes him more interesting."
"That's great," said Doug sarcastically.
Jen sighed, "That's not what I meant."
"What did you mean Jen?" asked Doug bitterly.
Determined, Jen just kept looking at him, it was as if she thought she could get some answers if she stared at him hard enough.
Doug couldn't take it for long. "What?" he practically shouted.
"Do you have feelings - real, honest, intense feelings for Jack?"
"That's none of your business."
"You shouldn't have told him he wasn't worth it."
"I didn't..." Doug cut himself short and stared straight ahead. "Dammit," he swore softly.
"I'm just saying."
They sat in silence for a while listening to the muffled party sounds from inside. Doug shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"Do you ever get scared Jen?" he asked his voice thick with barely contained emotion.
Jen resisted the urge to make a sarcastic remark about being pregnant, single and broke being the ultimate formula for fear and answered simply, "Yeah, I get scared."
"I'm scared every single day. Every emotion I feel, every issue I dig up, every mistake I make - it fills me with complete and utter fear. Not stress. Not anxiety. Not nervousness. Fear. Gut wrenching, paralyzing fear. Sometimes, I get so scared I don't even know who I am anymore."
Jen didn't say anything; she just reached over and took Doug's hand in her own. She knew that fear.
"And then, I get so tired of being scared that I get angry. No, not just angry. Livid. Furious. I'm furious with myself for being such a coward and I'm furious with every single person around me who doesn't notice that I'm scared and furious..."
"You're not a coward Doug. You may feel like one, but I promise you, you aren't..."
"When will this stop? When will I just be me again? The old me?"
Jen sighed and leaned her head on Doug's shoulder. "Some things change us permanently I guess. The old you is gone." Jen tightened her grip on Doug's hand and said, "But the new you is just ahead. The fear and anger will fade... but right now, right now...you're in the crucible. And the crucible sucks but you won't always be in it."
"How can you be so sure?" questioned Doug, hungry for her assurance.
"I've been there before...and..." she paused, "I'm there right now."
Realizing he wasn't the only one dealing with big, scary problems, Doug said, "Jen? It's going to be ok. Really. I promise." He looked at her - all kindhearted reassurance and tender blue eyes, "It will."
Feeling tears drip down her cheeks, Jen tried to compose herself. This wasn't supposed to be about her but for some reason, Doug's words both touched and calmed her. She kinda believed him. "Yeah, I know," she sniffed a little. "Doug?"
"Yeah?"
"It's going to be ok. I promise too."
Doug smiled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Ok. But remember, you promised."
Jen smiled. She was glad her instincts had been wrong about Doug, and she was glad she had taken the time to find that out. Pacey was right, Doug wasn't that much more fucked up than any of them. That was a relief since she was pretty sure Jack was in love with him.
Doug interrupted her chain of thoughts and asked, "So he's really like mental pablum?"
"You have no idea. All he talks about is computers, his mother -the lesbian professor- and sex. And come on, I like sex talk as much as anybody, but blah blah blah blah! People that boring just shouldn't be allowed to talk about sex. It ruins it for the rest of us. Oh!" Startled, Jen sat up straight in her chair.
"Is something wrong?"
Jen grinned, "No. No, it's the baby. Here." She took Doug's hand and placed it on her stomach. Breathlessly she waited. "There! Did you feel it?"
"Wow. Jen, that's amazing! There's a person inside you." Doug smiled in admiration.
"I know. It's a girl. Did you know? I'm having a little girl."
"That's terrific! She'll probably look just like you!"
"That's what Jack said!" laughed Jen incredulously. Before things could get awkward, she said, "Can I tell you a secret? You can't tell anybody. Not even Jack. It'll be the first test of our friendship."
"Tell me. I'm pretty sure I can keep a secret!"
"Yeah, I guess you can," Jen clapped her hands together and radiated excitement. "I know her name. She told me in a dream." She paused for a minute to see if Doug was going to make fun of her or not
"So what is it? You have to tell me now!" Doug nudged Jen lightly with his elbow.
"It's Amy. It means beloved, which she is! Amy," Jen savored the name as she said it. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was Amy.
"Amy. I like it. It's kind of old fashioned..."
Suddenly Pacey burst on to the porch holding several glasses of champagne and said, "What are you two doing out here? It's like 3 minutes to midnight! Come on; get your antisocial butts inside! Here's champagne for you," said Pacey as he handed Doug a glass. "Sparkling apple juice for you," he said to Jen. "And look at that, a glass left over for me and one for the lucky lady I'll be kissing in mere moments!
"And that is whom?" queried Doug.
"I'll tell you at 12:01...or make that 12:04 if she's not married."
"My brother, the romantically amoral optimist!"
Laughing Jen and Doug followed Pacey inside.
----------------------
The party had come to a standstill, everyone waiting breathlessly for midnight, which was about 20 seconds away. Jack stood next to Greg. And Pacey had a pretty redhead hanging off his arm. Doug saw Gale Leery whisper something in her date's ear and there was Mr. And Mrs. Garrison, both of whom looked unexpectedly cheerful considering the late hour. Marie Shank and Bill Willis - good grief were they dating? thought Doug. It looked like the whole town was here; ready to ring in the New Year. Everyone had someone it seemed.
The countdown began - 10, 9, 8... Doug told himself that it didn't matter, that 2007 was going to be good no matter what happened or didn't happen tonight. 7, 6, 5...Doug felt a hand slip into his; he looked down and saw Jen smiling up at him. "You aren't going to leave me with no one smooch at midnight are you?" she asked.
4, 3, 2, 1! Happy New Year! Pandemonium broke out - people kissing and cheering and laughing and Doug was one of them. Reaching down, he swept Jen up into his arms and gave her a more than friendly kiss. When he set her back down, all she said was, "Holy crap!"
----------------------
An hour and a half later and the majority of the guests had left. The only ones left were Pacey, Jen, Doug, Jack and Greg as well as a group of Pacey's teenaged employees. The kids hung out in the back laughing and from the sounds of it, having an insult contest.
Doug watched them for a minute and wondered if he had ever been that young and carefree. Doug turned his gaze to others who were slow dancing. As he watched Pacey and Jen and Jack and Greg dance, Doug felt a sharp stab of jealousy. Which was crazy because they had been dancing for all of one and a half songs.
They'd been sitting around the bar chatting when "Letting Go" by Sozzi came on the stereo and Jen had insisted that Pacey owed her a dance and pregnant or not, she was cashing in. A minute later, Greg dragged Jack out to join them. Jack had protested, not wanting to leave Doug sitting alone but Doug had assured him it was no big deal.
But now, as the next song, "Cry Ophelia" by Adam Cohen played softly; Doug wished he wasn't always the odd man out. He stared at Jack and Greg - they looked so comfortable and happy together that Doug felt his throat tighten in that familiar suffocating way.
There was a loud burst of laughter from the kids in the back and one of them hollered, "Hey boss! Come prove Corey wrong!"
"I'm not wrong!" insisted Corey.
"You're not wrong," said a pretty brunette sweetly, "You're spectacularly, stunningly wrong. You might actually be redefining the concept of wrong as we know it."
Laughing, Pacey let go of Jen and walked over to the rowdy bunch saying, "Let's keep it to a dull roar kiddies! What's Corey wrong about this time?"
Jen joined Doug at the bar and gesturing to the kids, asked, "That seem familiar to you?"
"Reminds me of you guys - Pacey, Dawson, Joey, Jack, you..." nodded Doug. "Except I think you guys were more obnoxious."
"We were not!" huffed Jen indignantly. Doug just cocked an eyebrow at her and smiled. "What?" she asked, "Didn't you have a gang of loud, insufferable, madcap friends when you were that age?"
"I've never really been the gang type." A comfortable silence fell between them and Doug found himself watching Jack and Greg again.
Jen noticed and said, "Probably shouldn't look at him like that. Not if you don't want to deal with the consequences..."
Doug blanched and replied, "What do you mean? Look at him like what? I wasn't..." He sighed and knew he had been caught.
"It's written all over your face. Unless you are ready to be completely obvious, I'd suggest that you not be so obvious. Not that you don't look adorable all moony and lovelorn."
"Point taken," said Doug stonily as he turned and faced Jen. "Thanks."
"Think nothing of it Sheriff."
Pacey rejoined them and said, "Aren't you guys tired?" Stretching he said, "I'm beat. I told the little rascals to pack it up and now, I'm telling you - pack it up!" He flipped off the stereo and turned off some of the lights.
"So was Corey wrong?" asked Jen yawning a little.
"He's almost always wrong, but he's the me in their little group so I backed his play tonight. Holiday spirit and all," Pacey grinned and watched as the kids headed out the front door. "Night guys!"
"See you tomorrow boss," said Corey pushing his friends out in front of him. "And thanks a lot."
They left and suddenly the restaurant seemed very quiet and empty. Jack and Greg walked over to the bar. "That's it then," said Jack. He looked and Jen and asked, "Where are you staying anyway?"
"Well, I was going to stay with Pacey, but I'd rather stay with you." Jen gave Doug a knowing look and smiled. "No offense Pacey."
"Too tired to take offense," responded Pacey good-naturedly.
"That's ok right?"
"Of course it is!" said Jack. "You don't have to even ask!"
"Great," said Jen digging in her purse. She pulled out her keys and said, "Greg will you go get my bag out of the rental car? It's the Saturn." Without waiting for an answer she threw him the keys and continued, "Thanks. Grab my pillow too please. And Pacey? Come pack me up some of that chutney for the road."
"The long, long road to Jack's? Can't you just come back tomorrow?" groused Pacey.
"Hi, I'm pregnant. You are required to indulge me."
"Ok, fine. You women have got it made," joked Pacey.
As the headed for the kitchen, Jen said, "Want me to detail the downside? Because I can..."
"Fine. I'll go get her bag," grumped Greg. When he was gone, Jack and Doug were alone.
Jack smiled, grateful for the moment Jen had so cunningly engineered. "It was really good to see you tonight Doug. Even though I kind of feel I didn't get to spend much time with you. I didn't get to tell you how much I liked this shirt for example."
"Really?" said Doug looking down at the blue shirt, slightly embarrassed by the compliment.
"Yeah, it looks great on you." Jack ran his hand lightly down Doug's arm. It was just a friendly gesture but it sent shivers racing down Doug's spine.
"Thanks. I..." Doug's voice trailed off.
"What?" asked Jack.
"I'm just really glad we got a chance to talk tonight."
"Me too. Does this mean we can be friends again?" Jack narrowed his eyes and watched Doug closely for his response.
"Friends?" Doug looked confused for a minute but tried to play it off, "Right. Of course. Friends. Yeah."
"Good," said Jack firmly. "Doug?"
"Yeah?"
"I think it's going to be a good year. I want you to know..."
Just then Greg returned with Jen's stuff and said, "Damn it's cold out there! So are we going or what?"
Jen and Pacey heard Greg and returned from the kitchen. Jen held the jar of chutney and looked a little annoyed. She glared at Greg who patently ignored her.
As the others went out into the deck, Pacey stayed behind and turned out the rest of the lights. As he exited the building he devoted so much of his time and energy to he said, "Pretty good start to a new year. Let's take a moment to enjoy our clean slates."
"Umm, Pace? From what I saw you doing with Angela Murphy, I'd say your slate is not exactly clean," teased Doug.
"Angela! That's her name!" exclaimed Pacey in all sincerity.
"Pacey!" gasped Jen and Jack in unison.
"Isn't she engaged?" asked Jack.
"She was kinda vague about it when I asked her..." said Pacey sheepishly.
The group said their 'goodnights' and final 'happy new years' and went their separate ways. As Doug walked back to his place, he felt good. The evening had had its share of ups and downs but all in all, Doug felt more hopeful than he had in a long time.
-----------------------
Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don't go so fast
I'm missing the moments as they pass
Now I've looked in the mirror
And the worlds getting clearer
So wait for me this time
I'm down I'm down on my knees
I'm begging for all your sympathy
But you
(I'm just an illusion)
You don't seem to care
(I wish that I could)
You humble people everywhere
(I don't mean to hurt you)
Now I've looked in the mirror
And the worlds getting clearer
I'll take what you give me.
Please know that I'm learning
So wait for me this time
I should've know better
I shouldn't have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away
Now this is my time
I'm going to make this moment mine.
(I shouldn't have wasted those days)
I'll take what you give me.
Please know that I'm learning
I've looked in the mirror
My world's getting clearer
So wait for me this time
So wait for me this time
So wait for me this time
- Time
By Chantal Kreviazuk
part eight
"So are you coming or not?"
Stopping short and looking up from the file he had been flipping through as he walked down the hall, Doug was surprised to find Pacey in his office. With his feet on Doug's desk.
"Feet!"
Feigning confusion, Pacey leaned back in Doug's chair and put his hands behind his head. Grinning from ear to ear, he said, "I'm sorry? I'm not following your logic - what kind of answer is feet?"
Swatting at Pacey's feet with the file folder he had been intently reading only a moment ago, Doug reiterated, "Feet. Get your feet off my desk! Now!"
Relenting, Pacey cheerfully removed his feet from the desk but said; "Don't tell me you never sit in here with your feet up and lord over all the deputies..."
"I think you've confused me with the Mayor and my deputies with the city council."
"Ah, right you are. Well maybe someday huh?"
"You're mighty chipper today. Get out of my chair."
"Well why shouldn't I be?" answered Pacey as he got up and walked around to the other side of the desk. Sitting back down he continued, "The holidays are 80% over, I've got a bunch of new underwear and a rockin' party planned for tomorrow night. Which brings me back to my question: Are you coming or not?"
"It depends. Will you be wearing your new underwear?" joked Doug.
Unphased, Pacey replied, "The odds are good. So you're coming then?
"I don't know Pacey. I'm not really in a party mood..."
"It's a New Year's Eve party Dougie - mood is irrelevant. You weren't in the mood for Christmas either and look how good that turned out. For a Witter family Christmas that is. Flood and fire but no pestilence this year."
"Those kids are crazy."
"You're their Uncle."
"So are you."
"Let's not turn this into a war of words Sheriff Semantics. And nice attempt at the subject change. So you're coming?"
"I don't know." Doug shifted in his seat looking as uncertain and indecisive as Pacey had ever seen him. "I'm completely ambivalent. And I have nothing to wear."
"If you don't care then you should come."
"I didn't say I didn't care. I said I was ambivalent."
"Tomato, potato. You're coming."
"Everyone thinks ambivalent means you don't care but it actually means you are caught between opposing feelings or opinions. It's the opposite of not caring. It's like when people use the word careen but what they really mean is career. Career means to rush at full speed while careen means to tilt or lurch..." Doug rambled good-naturedly in hopes of permanently changing the subject.
"You are making me so sorry that I bought you that vocabulary trivia page-a-day calendar for Christmas," said Pacey shaking his head sadly.
"Don't be - I spend a good part of every day apotheosizing it."
"Well that sounds kinky but whatever floats your boat man."
"It means..."
"I so don't care - I am one hundred percent un-ambivalent. No more fifty-cent words or I'll tell Jack that you're pining for him."
"Ok. Ok. Truce," said Doug hurriedly. Even just the mention of Jack's name flustered him these days. He had spent the last couple of weeks kicking himself and trying to come to grips with the fact that Jack had a boyfriend now. Pacey had been very supportive but he kept bugging Doug to talk to Jack - to tell him how he felt. That just wasn't an option. Whatever had possessed him to think he could open himself and his heart up to Jack had utterly deserted him the night he saw Jack and That Guy kissing on the sidewalk. That Guy thought Doug, his name is Greg and I know it. But Doug preferred to think of him as "That Guy". Doug hated the thought of Jack being with Greg but thinking of Jack and That Guy - well that sounded like a sitcom. A sitcom Doug could ignore. A sitcom couldn't touch him. A sitcom didn't hurt - not as much. Jack and That Guy.
"So I'll see you at 8:00pm or so. Sound good?" Pacey's questions interrupted Doug's reverie.
"Pace..."
"Look, I'm not letting you sit at home alone on New Year's Eve. It's part of my new New Year's resolution."
"Which is?" Doug couldn't help but ask.
"To be more like Mother Theresa," quipped Pacey as he piously folded his hands and bowed his head as if in prayer.
"Was she known for dragging people to events they don't want to attend?"
"That and making a really good chutney."
"You're hilarious. Truly, a one man laugh riot," said Doug.
"You think I'm kidding? Wait 'til you try the chutney at the party tomorrow night."
'Will Jack be there?" asked Doug quietly.
"Yes," answered Pacey truthfully. "And so will Greg, sorry I mean That Guy. And Jen. And a lot of other people."
Doug didn't say anything instead he just sighed and stared solemnly at his hands.
"You have to quit avoiding him. Tell him how you feel or don't. It's your call. But quit avoiding him. It's not feasible in a town the size of Capeside. And it's not fair to Jack."
"Not fair to Jack..?" Doug glared up at Pacey unable to believe what he had just heard.
Pacey met Doug's eyes and stared right back at his stubborn brother. "It's not and you know it. Suck it up. You can't hide forever."
"You're right."
"Damn right I'm right. 'Bout time you admitted it," smirked Pacey.
"You're not right about everything!"
"Most things."
"This one thing," countered Doug.
"Several dozen things I think," contradicted Pacey easily.
"Possibly right about three or four things but certainly right about less than seven things."
"Excuse me Sheriff?" interrupted Marie the bantering brothers with a concerned look on her pale face.
"Yes Marie?"
"Officer Willis radioed in and asked me to come get you. Seems he's having some trouble..." her voice trailed off and she chewed worriedly on her lower lip.
"What kind of trouble?" asked a suddenly alarmed Doug.
"Well, he...he can't seem to...seem to locate his...his gun. He thinks maybe the Granger boy stole it or that he left it at the Marina. Possibly. He's not sure." Marie stood there looking as if she feared an explosion.
"You're kidding? No, of course you aren't kidding. Where is he?" Standing up, Doug grabbed his coat and put it on.
"He's over on 3rd and Water."
"Tell him I'll be right there. And call up Tanya Granger and see if she knows where Cliff is right now."
"Right away Sheriff." She hurried back to her desk.
"I've gotta go Pacey. Duty calls," said Doug grimly. "But I'll see you tomorrow at the party," he grudgingly added. "Marie?" Doug hollered, "Did you get Tanya Granger yet?"
"There was no answer," came the reply form down the hall.
"Damn, damn," Doug swore softly as he walked out his office and down the hall. "Keep trying and radio me when you get her," he said as he passed Marie at the front desk. She just nodded and bit her lip some more.
Pacey smiled fondly at his brother. Doug had gone from self-conscious nervous wreck to wholly capable, all-business Sheriff Witter in less than a second.
"You think Cliff Granger pinched it?" asked Pacey as he followed Doug out into the parking lot. "I thought he stuck to minor pranks and spray paint."
"So far he has but he and Bill had a run in the other day..." Doug gritted his teeth. "Hopefully the gun is under the seat in Bill's cruiser like it was last time."
"Well good luck with that. I know you love a game of Hide and Gun Seek. See you tomorrow." With that, Pacey gave Doug a thumbs up and turned and walked back toward the Ice House. He was pleased that he had convinced Doug to come to the party and more than a little surprised it had been relatively easy.
Getting Jack to agree to come had been a piece of cake. Pacey merely mentioned the party one night when Jack and Greg were at the Ice House together. "You'll be here right?" he had asked. Greg loved the idea and so Jack had had no choice but to agree. Later he had given Pacey an earful but Jack was committed and that was all that mattered to Pacey.
Pacey was tired of being caught in the middle between the two men - both of whom pretended but failed to convince him that there was nothing between them. Doug was sure he had missed his chance with Jack. And Jack for his part, was sure Doug didn't want anything to do with him. No matter what happened, at least the impasse between them would be a thing of the past.
-----------------------
The party was in full swing by the time Jack and Greg arrived. The place was packed and full of laughter and music. Jack scanned the crowd quickly to see who was there. He saw that Pacey was behind the bar telling jokes and serving up his famously strong martinis and pouring glass after glass of champagne.
"I told you we should have gotten here sooner," said Greg in Jack's ear. "Looks like we're missing all the fun." He ran his hand down Jack's back and lingered at his ass.
Stepping away from the grope and ignoring the complaint, Jack continued to scrutinize the room. Pacey had told him to look for a surprise guest and he was curious to find out who it was. Suddenly his eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face, "Hey! There's Jen! Let's go." Jack hurried across the room without waiting for Greg's response.
"Jen. Great. By all means, let's hang out with the bitter pregnant lady. All night long. Pretty please?" groused Greg to no one in particular. He frowned peevishly and instead of following Jack, he headed to the bar.
Jack meanwhile had reached Jen and without hesitation pulled her into a big hug and swung her around saying, "You're here! I'm so glad!"
Laughing, Jen wrapped her arms around Jack's neck and kissed him repeatedly all over his face. "Hi sweetheart! Happy New Year! Now set me down before I throw up!"
"I can't believe you're here! You said you couldn't come! You said you had to work. And a doctor's appointment! You lied to me!"
"Lying is often a integral element when surprising someone. Surprise!" Jen threw her arms up in the air and gave Jack her most dazzling smile.
Unable to resist, Jack scooped Jen up in another hug and said, "But I hate surprises!"
"I know, but you love me!"
"That's true. Lucky for you!"
"Lucky for me," Jen agreed. Extracting herself from Jack's hug, Jen took a step back and looked at him. Tenderly she pushed his hair off his forehead and said, "Look at you. You're all fancy."
Indeed Jack was more dressed up than usual. He wore a pair of extremely well fitting, charcoal gray wool slacks, a black and silver belt, black leather shoes and a red shirt with silky soft sheen. The shirt was open at the neck and showed off his unseasonable tan. Jack had looked good when he left the house earlier that evening but seeing Jen had transformed him from good looking to gorgeous. His happiness radiated off him in waves and now, with his eyes shining and the laughter bubbling out of him, he looked totally fantastic.
"Saint Bart's agreed with you! Or is that bronzer?" exclaimed Jen.
"Forget about me! Look at you! Beautiful as always." Placing his hand softly on her stomach, Jack bent down and whispered, "Hello baby. Hello. Happy New Year! Your Uncle Jack loves you."
"What are you saying to her? Speak up - I can't hear you! No secrets from Mommy!" demanded Jen.
Straightening up, he said, "Shouldn't you be showing more? You're still tiny! Wait! Did you just say her?"
"Did I?" Jen paused coyly, "I did."
"I thought you were going to wait and be surprised?"
"I hate surprises - you know that!" Laughing, Jen relented, "What can I say? I cracked under the pressure. I was shopping and saw this cute little sundress and I just had to know. So I called my doctor and asked. She made me beg a little to make sure I was serious but then she told me - I'm having a girl!"
Once again, Jen found herself enveloped in a hug. She clung tightly to Jack and savored the moment.
"That's terrific! I bet she looks just like you!"
The two friends continued to laugh and catch up. Jack didn't give a thought to Greg until Jen asked if he was here alone.
"Did you dump Greg?" Jen asked hopefully.
"No - he's here somewhere," said Jack turning to look for him. Spotting him at the bar, Jack turned back to Jen and inquired, "Do you think I should dump him?"
"No. No. Far be it from me to..."
Jack interrupted her, "You think he's boring..."
"Well, yeah. But whatever. He's good in the sack right?" shrugged Jen.
"Yeah. Yeah he is..." Jack's voice trailed off.
Overhearing the last part of the conversation, Pacey came striding over, all good humor and bravado. Handing Jack a drink he said, "You're talking about me right? Don't be embarrassed! Go ahead and sing praises of my prowess."
"Pacey, how would I know if you were good in bed?" laughed Jack good-naturedly.
"Oh right!" Pacey nodded conspiratorially and winked broadly, "We've never slept together. Right!" Motioning broadly, Pacey made some crude gestures that belied his words.
"This is how rumors get started," lectured Jack in a mock serious tone.
"Ah, I'm not worried - my reputation with the ladies proceeds me," said Pacey as he wrapped an arm around Jen and gave her an affectionate squeeze.
Snuggling in, Jen said huskily, "Ummm. You smell so good."
Grinning from ear to ear, Pacey boasted, "You see? My charms are legend!"
"Is it chicken?" murmured Jen, inhaling deeply. "I'm starving."
All three of the friends burst out laughing. They kept it up until tears were running down their faces. Every once in awhile, when it seemed they were going to be able to get themselves under control, one of them would burst out with "Legend of the Sexy Chicken" or "Don Juan De Pollo" or some other equally stupid but hilarious remark. None of them had laughed so hard in a long, long time and it felt good.
When Greg came up and asked what was so funny, not one of them could really explain it.
-----------------------
Doug stood nervously in front of the mirror wondering if he should shave. He didn't really want to but it would take him a longer to get ready if he did shave and that meant he could be even later for the party. Glancing at the clock he saw that it was almost 9:00. Pacey had expected him around 8:00 and Doug knew that if he didn't get to the Ice House soon, Pacey would probably come looking for him. Or so Pacey had threatened via the answering machine about twenty minutes ago.
No, he wouldn't shave. He liked the beard - it made him feel protected somehow. So I'm ready to go, thought Doug as he looked at his outfit. He wasn't sure about the shirt - it was a nice blue color that brought out his eyes, or so the salesgirl had said, but it was made of some sort of ultra-suede or something. Whatever it was, it was very soft. Doug had liked the softness in the store but now he wondered if maybe it wasn't a little too gay. Shirts aren't gay! Doug reminded himself as he decisively tucked the soft, blue shirt into the waist of his black pants.
Time to go! Switching off his stereo and grabbing his coat, Doug headed out the door and toward the party. I should have had a drink before I left...
--------------
Jack stood shivering out on the deck of the Ice House. Inside the party was going full tilt but Jack had needed a minute to catch his breath. He and Greg were having a battle of wills tonight. They weren't fighting - they never fought - rather they kept skirmishing. Saying one thing when they meant another, flinging pointed little barbs at one another and stuff like that. It was exhausting. Jack would rather just get it out in the open but now wasn't really the time.
So here he was. Staring into the cold night. 2006 had not been an easy year and he hoped with all his might that 2007 would be better. It had to be. After all, Jen would be having the baby in about three and a half months and that was bound to be a very good thing. Grams' cancer seemed to be under control. School was going pretty well. Andie's fellowship had been picked up. 2007 looked promising from here. If only Doug would... Jack's thought was interrupted by the approach of a shadowy figure, a figure that turned out to be Doug. Surprised, Jack tried to conceal his astonishment. He hadn't thought Doug would be here tonight.
"Hey Doug," said Jack quietly as Doug stepped onto the porch.
"Jack? Hi. Um, why are you out here? Is something wrong?" Doug did his best to be cool. His heart was racing. Jack looked amazing
"No. Nope. Just getting some air."
"Oh." The two men stared at each other, neither sure what to say or do.
"You can go on in," said Jack. "No need to stay out here with me."
"No. I mean. I'd like to stay here. For a minute. If that's ok."
"Whatever dude." Jack sat down on the steps and looked up at Doug.
"Um, the thing is..." Doug sat down on the step next to Jack, careful not to crowd him. "The thing is...I'm sorry." Just saying the words "I'm sorry" was such a huge relief that Doug felt like he could float away.
Jack didn't say anything so Doug continued, "I'm sorry that I've been such...such an ass. I was really unfair to you. And mean. I know that. Also, you may not have noticed but I've kind of been avoiding you..."
"Oh, I noticed," said Jack.
"Yeah, well I'm sorry about that too. I'm sorry about a lot of things," said Doug thinking specifically about That Guy. There was a long quite moment that stretched on and on.
"I'm glad you're sorry."
"Well, that's something I guess." There was another pause and then Doug said "Well I guess I'll leave you alone..."
"Don't," interrupted Jack.
"Ok."
The two men sat in companionable silence for a few minutes. Then Jack said, "I'm glad you came tonight. I didn't think you would."
Smiling, Doug admitted, "Well, Pacey didn't give me a lot of choice. But I'm glad I came too. You look really great."
Stunned, Jack glanced at Doug and smiled when he saw the look of panic on Doug's face. He hadn't planned to say that! The thought filled Jack with glee but he played it off. "Thanks. It's the tan - I spent a week in Saint Bart's over Christmas. It was nice." Jack made a point to leave out the fact that he had spent the week with Greg. "How was your Christmas?"
"It was no tropical vacation but it was ok. My sister Kerry, her kids are...well they're insane, Ritalin deprived, little monsters. They flooded two bathrooms - twice. And set fire to a canoe. Even Pacey was overwhelmed by the carnage. And they were only here for three days. Three very long days."
"Did they stay with you?" chuckled Jack.
"God no!" blurted out Doug. "They stayed at my Mom's place but I was out there the whole time to play man of the house. For all the good it did."
"Well, it sounds fun."
"Then I'm telling it wrong." Jack and Doug laughed together and felt a glimmer of the easy camaraderie that used to exist so naturally between them. Hearing the door to the Ice House open, Jack turned and saw Jen walking out onto the deck.
"Jack? What are you doing out here?" Stopping short, Jen's tone changed from friendly and curious to guarded and aloof in an instant, "Hello, Sheriff Witter."
"Jen Lindley!" exclaimed Doug as he stood up quickly, guilt written all over his handsome face. "I didn't know you were in town." Except I did...why did I say that? Doug wondered.
Looking back and forth at the two men with a slightly puzzled expression, Jen replied, "It was a little surprise your brother and I cooked up for Jack." With that, Jen dismissed Doug and turned all her attention to Jack. "Jack, are you coming in?" She extended her hand out to Jack. Jen did her best to give Doug the deep freeze, and her best was damn effective. Jen didn't know what Doug and Jack were up to out here, alone, in the dark, on New Year's Eve, but she didn't like it. Doug had done enough damage to Jack. If she had anything to say about it, he wouldn't be doing any more.
"Yeah, we should go in," agreed Jack as he took her hand and stood up. Doug opened the door and held it graciously for them. Jen swept through imperiously; Jack trailed right behind looking a little sheepish. Doug ran a hand nervously through his hair and then followed them inside.
-----------------------
By all standard measures, the party was a huge success. There was much laughter and drinking. There was even some dancing. Pacey stood behind the bar and enjoyed the momentary lull. He saw Jack and Jen sitting at one of the small tables, their heads together, completely absorbed in one another and whatever it was they were talking about.
And there was Doug, talking to Dawson's mom and looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. Every so often, Doug would glance over at Jen and Jack and the look on his face would shift from politely interested to wistful. I should go save him, thought Pacey reluctantly.
When he saw the aggressive redhead whose name was...? Yeah, he had already forgotten, and she was making a beeline right for him, Pacey shifted from reluctant to enthusiastic. "Hey Seth! Your turn to man the bar," said Pacey as he dropped the bar rag he had been fiddling with and headed over to Doug and Gale.
"Gale! I'm so glad you could make it," Pacey greeted Gale with a light kiss on the cheek. Then he turned to his brother and said, "'Bout time you got here."
"I've been here for a while," grumbled Doug.
"Pacey, the place looks great! And the food is excellent. Tell me, should I be worried about the future of Leery's Fresh Fish?"
"I could never compete with you and Bodie, Gale. I know my place. Anyway, I think the town is big enough for the both of us don't you?" asked Pacey in his typical charming manner.
Gale laughed, "Oh you sweet boy! I was just telling Doug about Dawson and how great he's doing out in California. Did you hear that he might be getting his own show? Everyone tells me that it's just unbelievably lucky how well Dawson is doing but I tell them that it's not luck - he's just very, very talented and even Hollywood can't ignore that. Well, you know..."
Pacey gritted his teeth behind his tight-lipped smile and looked at Doug. Doug just cocked an eyebrow at him. Great. Now we're both trapped here!
-----------------------
Huddled over the small table, Jack and Jen bantered back and forth while Jen picked at the remains of the chicken and other food on her plate.
"Did you try this chutney? It's amazing!" she asked Jack.
"I think it is part of Pacey's New Year's resolution," replied Jack.
"Better living through chutney?"
"Yeah."
"He's a clever, clever man," said Jen brightly. She returned to their earlier topic, "So he said he was sorry - big whoop. I thought you didn't care."
"Of course I care. You know I care," said Jack indignantly. "Since when is caring a crime?"
"It's not a crime. It's just not a shrewd move." Jen was deeply concerned about Jack. No one really understood their relationship but Jack meant more to her than just about anyone. She needed to hold him together so that her could hold her together. That way, they would both be safe.
"Shrewd is out." Jack scoffed, "So very out."
"Says who?" asked Jen flippantly.
"The Shaw Report," retorted Jack without missing a beat.
"You're going to take advice from Entertainment Weekly instead of your best friend in the whole wide world?"
"Entertainment Weekly has really been there for me this past year. You don't know. EW understands me," Jack pretended to be choked up and sniffed for comic effect.
"If shrewd is out, then what's in?"
"Well, shrewd is out, sensible is five minutes ago, and so, if I remember right, sincere is in."
"Perfect," said Jen without one ounce of sincerity. "Are you telling me that I'm 'out'? That won't last. I was born to be in. He keeps looking over here you know..." she said gesturing with her head to the other side of the restaurant.
"He does not. Really?" Jack couldn't keep the eagerness out of his voice.
"Oh, sincerely," said Jen with ultra-sarcastic emphasis.
"Where is he?" asked Jack as he turned slowly and he hoped, naturally, in his chair.
"He and Pacey are talking to Gale and those other people over by the window."
Jack took a moment to watch Doug. He was so very handsome. He seemed taller. Maybe I've just adjusted to Greg, Jack realized. Just then, Doug looked over in Jack's direction and Jack felt himself start as if he had been caught doing something naughty. Smiling politely, albeit awkwardly, Jack gave Doug a little wave and tried to play it off. Just happened to be looking in your direction, not staring or ogling or anything, just an ocular coincidence...Jack thought somewhat frantically.
But Doug wasn't going to settle for polite glimpses. He signaled desperately with his eyes, get me outta here. Please? His optical SOS flashed briefly and then he turned his attention back to the group.
Jack chuckled and said, "He wasn't looking over here...well he was, but only because he needs rescuing from Gale and the gang."
Jen couldn't help but roll her eyes, "Right Jack, I'm sure that's it."
"You know, all that sarcasm can't be good for the baby," Jack expertly needled his friend.
"You keep this up and her first words are going to be 'Oh puh-lease'. So, we shall we deploy a search and rescue for Pacey and Doug or what?"
"We probably should," said Jack as he reached for Jen's hand.
"Now remember, this is Gale Leery, she can be very tricky, we'll have to stay on our toes. She's immune to subtlety - which may be where Dawson's gets it now that I think of it..." Jen rambled softly as they crossed the room. "Never underestimate her small talk skills. She's like a highly trained sniper. We're in, we're out, or we're dead."
-----------------------
Doug and Pacey were firmly ensnared in Gale's web of chitchat. She had introduced them to her new boyfriend and several other friends had joined them. She had even turned them on themselves - they were their own worst enemy in this chatter battle. Pacey had just finished sharing the details of his chutney recipe and the bold inspiration behind it when Gale set her sights on Doug.
"So Doug, what's this I hear about some crazy man down at Saint John's on Christmas Eve? I heard he was menacing carolers...do tell..." Gale asked, her eyes wide at the thought of holiday danger and intrigue.
"Menacing? Not exactly," said Doug. "On older gentleman, I'd rather not say who, had had a little too much to drink and paid a visit to the church. A group of carolers returned at about the same time and when they got back, they decided to sing one more song - just for the fun of it. They sang "O Holy Night" if I'm not mistaken, and the man became...let's say, emotional. He got a little upset and wanted someone to give him a hug. But since no one knew who he was and because he stank of alcohol, the carolers were...reluctant," Doug chose his words carefully and for humorous effect. The small group was captivated. Which just goes to show how fundamentally boring Capeside really is, thought Doug as he quickly looked over at Jack and Jen. "At that point the man got a little aggressive, and started shouting about Jesus and the lepers and how the carolers could take a page or two out of that book. I arrived on the scene in time to hear him saying 'They call it the Bible for a reason you know!' I interceded and tried to calm the man down. He kept heckling the carolers, calling them uncharitable, wicked, and off-key. I think the 'off-key' remark cut the deepest; the carolers kept badgering the man. Someone asked him why he wanted to ruin Christmas and he started to cry again. I sent everyone inside in an effort to get the situation under control. Once the carolers were gone, the man stopped crying - it turned out he had been faking the tears. I asked him if he was at Saint John's for any particular reason, like had he come down to go to 10:00 mass? That's when he said, 'Afraid not son. I'm pretty sure Christmas Eve mass at Saint John's is BYOB and I'm tapped out."
Everyone burst out laughing. Doug just smiled. He didn't tell them that his equally drunk wife had locked the man out of his house and that he had ended up spending Christmas Eve at the police station. Or that the next morning, the man had had no recollection at all of the night before. Doug let them have the punch line and kept the sad reality to himself.
"Tell us another one," enthused one of the ladies in the group.
"It's not really a joke," said Doug sternly, "It's my job."
"Well you just must laugh and laugh all day long!" cooed the woman.
"Gale! Hi!" Jen gushed and giggled as she slipped into the middle of the coterie and gave Gale a fast hug, "It's so good to see you! I love your hair. I'm sorry to interrupt, but they need Pacey and Doug back in the kitchen - some kind of emergency I think."
"Certainly dear, but before you run off, tell me, how's the pregnancy going?" asked Gale eagerly.
Recognizing a trap when she heard one, Jen took out the big guns and said with a perfectly straight face, "It's going fine but I might have to put the baby up for adoption."
Gale gasped, "Oh, I'm so sorry. Forgive me for asking."
"But only if she turns out to be a Republican. It's too early to tell right now." Jen took a split second to enjoy the scandalized looks on their faces then said, "Ok, we gotta go, I'll talk to you later Gale! Come on guys."
With that, they hustled off toward the kitchen doing everything they could not to explode with laughter. From behind her, Jen heard Gale say, "I'm sure she was just kidding."
-----------------------
"That was masterful Jen!" exclaimed Jack as he jumped up to sit on the counter.
"Truly," agreed Pacey as pulled himself up next to Jack, "Your charms are legend."
"Just a little something I learned from G.W. Bush - shock and awe campaigning - it works great in the short term but you pay for it later. And I'm sure I will pay for it. Hopefully with dirty looks and lectures and not with a visit from a social worker! Hey, is there any more of that chutney back here?"
"Doug, could you get it? It's in the walk-in - it's in the big jar on the second shelf. You'll see it. What do you want with it?" Pacey asked Jen. Doug shot Pacey a look but did as he was asked.
"Umm, a spoon?" answered Jen uncertainly.
"Doug could get you some bread or rice or something. You don't have to eat it plain," said Pacey mischievously.
"But I want it plain," explained Jen patiently.
"That's a first!" cracked Jack.
"Was that some kind of crack?" shot Jen.
"Yes. Yes, I believe it was," replied Jack.
"Definitely a crack," concurred Pacey. "Doug? What's the hold up in there?"
Returning from the walk-in, Doug held two large jars. He lifted them up and griped, "There were two big jars on the second shelf."
Hopping down from the counter, Pacey took the two jars from Doug and shook his head. Holding up the first jar he said, "Yes, one jar you'll note is filled with fresh, delicious chutney." Pacey set the first jar down and held up the second one, tilting it back and forth, whatever was inside squooshed unpleasantly, "The other jar is full of recycled lard."
"Yuck!"
"Gross dude!"
"Why do you...? I don't even want to know!"
"You'd be surprised how often it come in handy," said Pacey cuddling the jar. "Oh lardy, no one understands you the way I do."
"Pacey, please - I'm trying to eat here! Quit molesting that jar," said Jen between spoonfuls of jar number one. "It's so good! Is it really your New Year's resolution?"
"Indeed, chutney, kindness, hard work and The Nobel Prize in 2007."
"He's trying to be more like Mother Teresa, if you can believe that," explained Doug with a smile.
"Way to unflinchingly build failure right into your plan Pace," said Jack.
"What do you mean?" asked Pacey guilelessly.
"You don't really think you're going to win the Nobel Prize?"
"Well, I can't win if I don't play," smirked Pacey.
"Yeah," said Jen with her mouth full of chutney, "Quit raining on his parade Jackers. What's your resolution anyway?" When Jack didn't answer instantly Jen said, "Uh-huh. That's what I thought. You have unresolved issues."
"Fine. Pacey has such a good resolution, I'll make it mine too! Here's to twin Nobel Prizes in 2007!" said Jack playfully as he shifted into a more comfortable position and pulled his legs up under him so he could sit cross-legged, Indian style.
"Copycat! Step off my resolution!" cried Pacey forcefully. "And it's bad enough your ass is all over my food prep area but get your shoes the hell off!
Doug whooped with laughter and sarcastically exclaimed, "Feet!" He gave his little brother a mocking look that very clearly said: Not so funny now is it?
Ignoring them both, Jack asked, "And what about you Linley? What's your brilliant New Year's resolution?"
"To give birth and not totally freak out. To be a good mother and to wear my favorite jeans again," Jen answered smugly. "Unlike you Jack, most of us actually do think about these things. Even if they are doomed to fail - in all or in part."
"What about you Doug? What's your resolution?" asked Jack.
"To start moving forward. It's no secret to anyone here that I've been in a rut for... for a while. My goal for 2007 is to get out of my rut and move forward."
"Dougie, Dougie! That's too thoughtful, too realistic. Where's the fun in that? Where's the failure?" asked Pacey.
"Jen's resolution wasn't contingent on failure," stammered Doug.
"Please!" said Jack, "That whole part about not freaking out while giving birth? That's not going to happen. She's going to be a spaz machine."
Jen nodded, "He's right. I'll probably come totally unglued. But I am going to be a good mother! And wear my jeans again!"
"So, you're saying I should build in some failure to ensure the success of my other goals? Like a loss leader? Or a negotiation point?"
"That's one way of saying it. Another way is to say: I expect I'm going to fuck up and I'm ok with that. But it has to be something you actually would want otherwise it doesn't count," clarified Jen. "Like I don't want to freak out when I go into labor, even though the odds are good that I will. Get it?"
"Ok, then my revised resolution is to move forward and to ease up on the coaster thing."
"Excellent!" exclaimed Pacey. "You'll definitely fail at that!"
The four friends hung out in the kitchen cackling and hooting with laughter for 10 more minutes before Pacey had to get back to his bartending. But Doug, Jack and Jen remained in the relative comfort and solitude of the kitchen for another half an hour. So it was over 45 minutes before Jack spared a thought for Greg. Wincing, he said, "I should go find Greg."
Cagily Jen said, "So, Doug? Have you met Greg yet?'
"No. Not yet," answered Doug feeling his heart sink. Fun time was over.
"Well, I think it's time you met him. Don't you Jack?" she asked pointedly.
A little flabbergasted at the thought, Jack responded, "What? Yeah. I mean...If you want to...whatever..."
The look on Doug's face made his opinion pretty clear to Jen but bleakly he said, "No. I'd love to meet...him." That Guy. That damn Guy, thought Doug bitterly.
----------------------
"Doug, this is Greg. Greg - Doug."
The moment Doug had been dreading, from the minute Pacey had convinced him to come to the party, had finally arrived. Smiling tightly, Doug extended his hand out to "That Guy" who, from now on, could be nothing other than Greg. "Pleased to meet you...Greg," choked out Doug even though he felt more discomfited than pleased.
"And how do you know my Jack?" asked Greg staring attentively as he shook Doug's hand and stepped closer to him. Greg loved invading people's personal space. Especially when they were so good-looking and jumpy.
"I, um...we..." flustered, Doug took a step back from Greg and looked plaintively at Jack.
"Doug is Pacey's brother. We go way back," interjected Jack.
"Ooo, the cop right? The long, strong arm of the law." Greg gave Doug a lascivious look and continued, "I hope you aren't going to have to arrest me Officer."
"Why would I do that?" asked Doug genuinely confused and more uncomfortable than ever.
"Because I'm pretty sure I'm going to be breaking all the sodomy laws when I take Jack home tonight!" cackled Greg loudly as he reached for Jack.
"Greg!" exclaimed Jack mortified by his boyfriend's inopportune and tactless remark. He pulled away from Greg and gaped at him. Where all this was coming from? Greg had been uncouth and clingy all night but this was just too much!
"Those laws were completely repealed in this state in 2004 after the U.S. Supreme Court found the Texas sodomy laws unconstitutional in 2003. And they were, in effect, abolished years before that when they became more or less unenforceable after a ruling set down in 2002. All of which I'm sure you know," responded Doug tightly. He didn't know what Jack had told Greg about him, but Doug did know he didn't like being made fun of.
"Don't tell me you're yet another cop that can't take a joke! What is it about law enforcement and humorlessness that makes them go hand in hand? Didn't Rodney King, OJ and Louima teach you anything? You cops gotta ease up."
"Oh, I can take a joke. I guess I just don't find your brand of infantile, jejune humor all that funny. If you'll excuse me..." Doug turned and walked away and headed for the bar. He could definitely use a drink - right now.
Jen, who had been standing silently by during the awkward introduction, looked at Jack. Jack looked like he was going to throw up and her protective instincts kicked in to high gear. "Nice Greg," she spat. "Real nice." Throwing him her dirtiest look she followed after Doug.
"What's her problem?"
"What's her problem!? What's your problem?
"What? I was just kidding around."
Jack shook his head, "People don't usually 'kid' about police brutality with a cop. Besides, you've been acting weird all night."
"You wanna know why?"
"I would love to know why."
"All night I've gotten the feeling that you didn't want me here. Every time I turn around, you've vanished and when I find you, if I find you, you're talking to Jen or Pacey or the cop..."
"They're my friends!" interjected Jack hotly.
"But you know who I never find you talking to? Me. I can be a lot of things Jack, but one thing I can't be is dismissed."
"I haven't dismissed..."
"Then prove it," Greg challenged.
"Prove it how?"
Greg reached for Jack and drew him close. He wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him fiercely on the mouth. Jack felt foolish and on display but Greg knew what he was doing and all too soon Jack forgot about everyone at the party and kissed him back. When they broke apart both men were breathing hard.
"Ok, you've pissed all over your territory so now will you relax?" Jack asked with just a trace of bitterness.
"Just remember who the big dog is," teased Greg as he playfully ruffled Jack's hair.
"I should have remembered your leash..." replied Jack.
"Promises, promises..." drawled Greg.
-----------------------
Doug reached the bar and plopped down on an empty stool.
"What's up Dougie?" asked Pacey as he wiped down the bar.
"I'd like a drink," answered Doug curtly.
"Can do." Throwing the bar rag over his shoulder, Pacey stood in front of his brother and jovially inquired, "You want something specific or should I just surprise you?"
"Whatever. Nothing stupid or pink."
"Would you consider a Slippery Nipple stupid?" kidded Pacey. When Doug only glared at him, Pacey continued, "Right. No MTV-approved novelty drinks."
"Have I told you what a good time I'm having?"
Pacey grabbed a bottle from the back shelf and pulled out a glass, "No, no you haven't."
"Guess why."
"It's early yet."
"Does that mean it's going to get better or worse?"
"Hey guys. Mind if I join you?" Jen carefully sat on the stool next to Doug and noted his stony expression.
Smiling Pacey said, "Hey hot mama, you need something to drink?"
"Tonic and lime would be great. Also whatever snack food you have squirreled away back there."
"You're still hungry?" Pacey handed Doug his drink. Doug didn't say anything but drank half of it in one swallow. Pacey rummaged around under the bar.
"I'm always hungry. Ooo! Goldfish crackers - perfect. Remember the old jingle? It was so random and hilarious!" Jen started singing, "Here's a jingle for goldfish something for goldfish..."
Pacey joined in, "The wholesome snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off!"
The two friends dissolved into laughter. Doug just sat there, staring at the remainder of his drink.
"What's with him?" asked Pacey when the laughter subsided.
"He just met Greg," said Jen as she happily munched on the snack crackers. She had come over here to make Doug feel better but until she had some idea how to do that, she'd just have a little snack. Moreover she wasn't even sure if she should try to make Doug feel better.
"Oh. That guy..." Pacey rolled his eyes.
"Totally."
"He's so..." Pacey did a silent, mocking impression of Greg.
"Exactly," agreed Jen.
Without looking up, Doug finished his drink and said, "You two can quit talking in code. Say whatever you want. I'm going to the restroom." And with that he got up and walked toward the back of the restaurant.
"Ugh! I hate the term restroom! I mean, he's not going to take a nap back there is he?"
You would prefer what? Urination town? Or maybe, I-Need-A-Little-Me-Time Village?
Pacey, help me out here," said Jen leaning her elbows on the bar and lowering her voice. "Doug's pretty fucked up isn't he?"
"Yeah, he is. But no more so than the rest of us." Seeing Jen's skeptical look he said, "Well maybe a little bit more, but not significantly more. And he's working on it."
"He hurt Jack," Jen said seriously.
"He didn't mean to," replied Pacey just as seriously.
"Does that really matter?"
"I think so. If an animal gets caught in a trap and is suffering, almost dying in that trap, and then someone comes along and tries to help - if they get hurt, it's not because the animal is bad or even wants to hurt them - it's because the animal is desperate to get free. Once Dougie figured out that he wanted to be free, he kinda freaked out."
"I feel for him. I really do. And that astounds me, because the last person I thought I'd have sympathy for is the deluded Deputy Doug."
"He's Sheriff now," said Pacey.
"Whatever."
"Maybe you should talk to him yourself. See if you can get some straight answers out of him - if you'll forgive the pun."
"Maybe I will," said Jen softly. And then, in her more customary tone of voice, she asked, "You got any more goldfish? And that wasn't a pun. It was barely a wisecrack. I expect better from you Witter."
----------------------
Walking out on to the deck, Jen smiled ruefully. She thought she had seen Doug sneak out and, sure enough, there he was slumped in one of the dozen or so patio chairs lined up against the restaurant.
"I thought you were going to the bathroom."
"Going to the bathroom was such a success I thought I'd try going home next," retorted Doug.
"Which is why you're sitting out here?"
"No one bats a thousand," said Doug shrugging.
"True. But you can't leave yet; it's only 11:35. Law dictates you can't leave until 12:07... at the earliest," scolded Jen kindly.
"What law is that?"
"It's either the law of common decency or else it's pursuant to the laws of holiday suffering. Either way, you can get in a lot of trouble."
'We wouldn't want that," snapped Doug impatiently.
Sitting down in the chair next to him, Jen fixed her gaze on Doug and said, "Look Doug, Greg's been a jerk tonight but that's not who he really is."
"And who is he really?" asked Doug, unable to meet her frank gaze.
"Mostly? He's a bore. A real yawn. Mental pablum. This dickhead routine he's exhibiting tonight, it actually makes him more interesting."
"That's great," said Doug sarcastically.
Jen sighed, "That's not what I meant."
"What did you mean Jen?" asked Doug bitterly.
Determined, Jen just kept looking at him, it was as if she thought she could get some answers if she stared at him hard enough.
Doug couldn't take it for long. "What?" he practically shouted.
"Do you have feelings - real, honest, intense feelings for Jack?"
"That's none of your business."
"You shouldn't have told him he wasn't worth it."
"I didn't..." Doug cut himself short and stared straight ahead. "Dammit," he swore softly.
"I'm just saying."
They sat in silence for a while listening to the muffled party sounds from inside. Doug shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"Do you ever get scared Jen?" he asked his voice thick with barely contained emotion.
Jen resisted the urge to make a sarcastic remark about being pregnant, single and broke being the ultimate formula for fear and answered simply, "Yeah, I get scared."
"I'm scared every single day. Every emotion I feel, every issue I dig up, every mistake I make - it fills me with complete and utter fear. Not stress. Not anxiety. Not nervousness. Fear. Gut wrenching, paralyzing fear. Sometimes, I get so scared I don't even know who I am anymore."
Jen didn't say anything; she just reached over and took Doug's hand in her own. She knew that fear.
"And then, I get so tired of being scared that I get angry. No, not just angry. Livid. Furious. I'm furious with myself for being such a coward and I'm furious with every single person around me who doesn't notice that I'm scared and furious..."
"You're not a coward Doug. You may feel like one, but I promise you, you aren't..."
"When will this stop? When will I just be me again? The old me?"
Jen sighed and leaned her head on Doug's shoulder. "Some things change us permanently I guess. The old you is gone." Jen tightened her grip on Doug's hand and said, "But the new you is just ahead. The fear and anger will fade... but right now, right now...you're in the crucible. And the crucible sucks but you won't always be in it."
"How can you be so sure?" questioned Doug, hungry for her assurance.
"I've been there before...and..." she paused, "I'm there right now."
Realizing he wasn't the only one dealing with big, scary problems, Doug said, "Jen? It's going to be ok. Really. I promise." He looked at her - all kindhearted reassurance and tender blue eyes, "It will."
Feeling tears drip down her cheeks, Jen tried to compose herself. This wasn't supposed to be about her but for some reason, Doug's words both touched and calmed her. She kinda believed him. "Yeah, I know," she sniffed a little. "Doug?"
"Yeah?"
"It's going to be ok. I promise too."
Doug smiled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Ok. But remember, you promised."
Jen smiled. She was glad her instincts had been wrong about Doug, and she was glad she had taken the time to find that out. Pacey was right, Doug wasn't that much more fucked up than any of them. That was a relief since she was pretty sure Jack was in love with him.
Doug interrupted her chain of thoughts and asked, "So he's really like mental pablum?"
"You have no idea. All he talks about is computers, his mother -the lesbian professor- and sex. And come on, I like sex talk as much as anybody, but blah blah blah blah! People that boring just shouldn't be allowed to talk about sex. It ruins it for the rest of us. Oh!" Startled, Jen sat up straight in her chair.
"Is something wrong?"
Jen grinned, "No. No, it's the baby. Here." She took Doug's hand and placed it on her stomach. Breathlessly she waited. "There! Did you feel it?"
"Wow. Jen, that's amazing! There's a person inside you." Doug smiled in admiration.
"I know. It's a girl. Did you know? I'm having a little girl."
"That's terrific! She'll probably look just like you!"
"That's what Jack said!" laughed Jen incredulously. Before things could get awkward, she said, "Can I tell you a secret? You can't tell anybody. Not even Jack. It'll be the first test of our friendship."
"Tell me. I'm pretty sure I can keep a secret!"
"Yeah, I guess you can," Jen clapped her hands together and radiated excitement. "I know her name. She told me in a dream." She paused for a minute to see if Doug was going to make fun of her or not
"So what is it? You have to tell me now!" Doug nudged Jen lightly with his elbow.
"It's Amy. It means beloved, which she is! Amy," Jen savored the name as she said it. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was Amy.
"Amy. I like it. It's kind of old fashioned..."
Suddenly Pacey burst on to the porch holding several glasses of champagne and said, "What are you two doing out here? It's like 3 minutes to midnight! Come on; get your antisocial butts inside! Here's champagne for you," said Pacey as he handed Doug a glass. "Sparkling apple juice for you," he said to Jen. "And look at that, a glass left over for me and one for the lucky lady I'll be kissing in mere moments!
"And that is whom?" queried Doug.
"I'll tell you at 12:01...or make that 12:04 if she's not married."
"My brother, the romantically amoral optimist!"
Laughing Jen and Doug followed Pacey inside.
----------------------
The party had come to a standstill, everyone waiting breathlessly for midnight, which was about 20 seconds away. Jack stood next to Greg. And Pacey had a pretty redhead hanging off his arm. Doug saw Gale Leery whisper something in her date's ear and there was Mr. And Mrs. Garrison, both of whom looked unexpectedly cheerful considering the late hour. Marie Shank and Bill Willis - good grief were they dating? thought Doug. It looked like the whole town was here; ready to ring in the New Year. Everyone had someone it seemed.
The countdown began - 10, 9, 8... Doug told himself that it didn't matter, that 2007 was going to be good no matter what happened or didn't happen tonight. 7, 6, 5...Doug felt a hand slip into his; he looked down and saw Jen smiling up at him. "You aren't going to leave me with no one smooch at midnight are you?" she asked.
4, 3, 2, 1! Happy New Year! Pandemonium broke out - people kissing and cheering and laughing and Doug was one of them. Reaching down, he swept Jen up into his arms and gave her a more than friendly kiss. When he set her back down, all she said was, "Holy crap!"
----------------------
An hour and a half later and the majority of the guests had left. The only ones left were Pacey, Jen, Doug, Jack and Greg as well as a group of Pacey's teenaged employees. The kids hung out in the back laughing and from the sounds of it, having an insult contest.
Doug watched them for a minute and wondered if he had ever been that young and carefree. Doug turned his gaze to others who were slow dancing. As he watched Pacey and Jen and Jack and Greg dance, Doug felt a sharp stab of jealousy. Which was crazy because they had been dancing for all of one and a half songs.
They'd been sitting around the bar chatting when "Letting Go" by Sozzi came on the stereo and Jen had insisted that Pacey owed her a dance and pregnant or not, she was cashing in. A minute later, Greg dragged Jack out to join them. Jack had protested, not wanting to leave Doug sitting alone but Doug had assured him it was no big deal.
But now, as the next song, "Cry Ophelia" by Adam Cohen played softly; Doug wished he wasn't always the odd man out. He stared at Jack and Greg - they looked so comfortable and happy together that Doug felt his throat tighten in that familiar suffocating way.
There was a loud burst of laughter from the kids in the back and one of them hollered, "Hey boss! Come prove Corey wrong!"
"I'm not wrong!" insisted Corey.
"You're not wrong," said a pretty brunette sweetly, "You're spectacularly, stunningly wrong. You might actually be redefining the concept of wrong as we know it."
Laughing, Pacey let go of Jen and walked over to the rowdy bunch saying, "Let's keep it to a dull roar kiddies! What's Corey wrong about this time?"
Jen joined Doug at the bar and gesturing to the kids, asked, "That seem familiar to you?"
"Reminds me of you guys - Pacey, Dawson, Joey, Jack, you..." nodded Doug. "Except I think you guys were more obnoxious."
"We were not!" huffed Jen indignantly. Doug just cocked an eyebrow at her and smiled. "What?" she asked, "Didn't you have a gang of loud, insufferable, madcap friends when you were that age?"
"I've never really been the gang type." A comfortable silence fell between them and Doug found himself watching Jack and Greg again.
Jen noticed and said, "Probably shouldn't look at him like that. Not if you don't want to deal with the consequences..."
Doug blanched and replied, "What do you mean? Look at him like what? I wasn't..." He sighed and knew he had been caught.
"It's written all over your face. Unless you are ready to be completely obvious, I'd suggest that you not be so obvious. Not that you don't look adorable all moony and lovelorn."
"Point taken," said Doug stonily as he turned and faced Jen. "Thanks."
"Think nothing of it Sheriff."
Pacey rejoined them and said, "Aren't you guys tired?" Stretching he said, "I'm beat. I told the little rascals to pack it up and now, I'm telling you - pack it up!" He flipped off the stereo and turned off some of the lights.
"So was Corey wrong?" asked Jen yawning a little.
"He's almost always wrong, but he's the me in their little group so I backed his play tonight. Holiday spirit and all," Pacey grinned and watched as the kids headed out the front door. "Night guys!"
"See you tomorrow boss," said Corey pushing his friends out in front of him. "And thanks a lot."
They left and suddenly the restaurant seemed very quiet and empty. Jack and Greg walked over to the bar. "That's it then," said Jack. He looked and Jen and asked, "Where are you staying anyway?"
"Well, I was going to stay with Pacey, but I'd rather stay with you." Jen gave Doug a knowing look and smiled. "No offense Pacey."
"Too tired to take offense," responded Pacey good-naturedly.
"That's ok right?"
"Of course it is!" said Jack. "You don't have to even ask!"
"Great," said Jen digging in her purse. She pulled out her keys and said, "Greg will you go get my bag out of the rental car? It's the Saturn." Without waiting for an answer she threw him the keys and continued, "Thanks. Grab my pillow too please. And Pacey? Come pack me up some of that chutney for the road."
"The long, long road to Jack's? Can't you just come back tomorrow?" groused Pacey.
"Hi, I'm pregnant. You are required to indulge me."
"Ok, fine. You women have got it made," joked Pacey.
As the headed for the kitchen, Jen said, "Want me to detail the downside? Because I can..."
"Fine. I'll go get her bag," grumped Greg. When he was gone, Jack and Doug were alone.
Jack smiled, grateful for the moment Jen had so cunningly engineered. "It was really good to see you tonight Doug. Even though I kind of feel I didn't get to spend much time with you. I didn't get to tell you how much I liked this shirt for example."
"Really?" said Doug looking down at the blue shirt, slightly embarrassed by the compliment.
"Yeah, it looks great on you." Jack ran his hand lightly down Doug's arm. It was just a friendly gesture but it sent shivers racing down Doug's spine.
"Thanks. I..." Doug's voice trailed off.
"What?" asked Jack.
"I'm just really glad we got a chance to talk tonight."
"Me too. Does this mean we can be friends again?" Jack narrowed his eyes and watched Doug closely for his response.
"Friends?" Doug looked confused for a minute but tried to play it off, "Right. Of course. Friends. Yeah."
"Good," said Jack firmly. "Doug?"
"Yeah?"
"I think it's going to be a good year. I want you to know..."
Just then Greg returned with Jen's stuff and said, "Damn it's cold out there! So are we going or what?"
Jen and Pacey heard Greg and returned from the kitchen. Jen held the jar of chutney and looked a little annoyed. She glared at Greg who patently ignored her.
As the others went out into the deck, Pacey stayed behind and turned out the rest of the lights. As he exited the building he devoted so much of his time and energy to he said, "Pretty good start to a new year. Let's take a moment to enjoy our clean slates."
"Umm, Pace? From what I saw you doing with Angela Murphy, I'd say your slate is not exactly clean," teased Doug.
"Angela! That's her name!" exclaimed Pacey in all sincerity.
"Pacey!" gasped Jen and Jack in unison.
"Isn't she engaged?" asked Jack.
"She was kinda vague about it when I asked her..." said Pacey sheepishly.
The group said their 'goodnights' and final 'happy new years' and went their separate ways. As Doug walked back to his place, he felt good. The evening had had its share of ups and downs but all in all, Doug felt more hopeful than he had in a long time.
-----------------------
Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don't go so fast
I'm missing the moments as they pass
Now I've looked in the mirror
And the worlds getting clearer
So wait for me this time
I'm down I'm down on my knees
I'm begging for all your sympathy
But you
(I'm just an illusion)
You don't seem to care
(I wish that I could)
You humble people everywhere
(I don't mean to hurt you)
Now I've looked in the mirror
And the worlds getting clearer
I'll take what you give me.
Please know that I'm learning
So wait for me this time
I should've know better
I shouldn't have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away
Now this is my time
I'm going to make this moment mine.
(I shouldn't have wasted those days)
I'll take what you give me.
Please know that I'm learning
I've looked in the mirror
My world's getting clearer
So wait for me this time
So wait for me this time
So wait for me this time
- Time
By Chantal Kreviazuk
