A/N: Now, what the hell is this doing here you ask?
Ah, I could go into an explanation but I won't. ;)
(Two Reasons: Hari-chan is not very happy with LJ at the moment and she is sick of looking at this story as incomplete when really, it's all done babies. ^.^)
I will totally understand if I get burned for the length of these last two chapters. Honestly, I wouldn't blame anyone at this point if they gave up just because they are so long. Hopefully you'll love me enough to let go of the anger and enjoy the conclusion of "Bad Romance". Here's the penultimate chappie, next one should be up in the next couple of days. :)
(Now for the real author's note of this chapter!)
I tried really hard not to make this as angsty as it has been coming out but… I'm pretty sure I failed to the nth degree. Forgive me dear readers; these two just DON'T want to resolve their problems. -.-
Once I'm finished with this monster I will be able to FINALLY focus on other stories that have been basically abandoned for this one. T.T I know my babies miss momma but sometimes when an idea is jumping on your lap the best thing to do is spank it to calm it down and hope for the best. XD There's also a part of this story where I totally channel "As Good As It Gets"… yeah. I love that movie. I loves you Jack! Even as an old Obsessive Compulsive! :D
ONWARDS MY LITTLE MONSTERS! THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "BAD ROMANCE" IS READY FOR TAKE OFF!
Warnings: Violence, rape, emotional and physical battery along with mental fuck-uppery that you could only expect from Bad-Romance!Light and L (basically the usual). Angst along with a lot of WTF moments of the angry/confusing kind, not excluding of course spousal abuse (mostly just emotional and mental this time however) as well as probable mental-health issues dealing with mood and psychological disorders AND last but not least an attempt at some emotional catharsis that will most likely seem strange and slightly tacky (lawl). Next chapter is going to be the last chapter… might as well make this one a doozy (like all the other chapters weren't right? XD). :)
Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note or "So Happy I Could Die" by Lady Gaga… Just to let you guys know. ^.^;
"I love that lavender blonde…
The way she moves, the way she walks-
I touch myself, can't get enough.
And in the silence of the night
Through all the tears
And all the lies-
I touch myself and it's alright…
Just give in;
Don't give up baby-
Open up your heart and your mind to me.
Just know when
That glass is empty that the world is gonna bend-
Yeah!
Happy in the club with a bottle of red wine,
Stars in our eyes 'cuz we're having a good time-
Eh-eh, eh-eh; so happy I could die…
Be your best friend-
Yeah, I'll love you forever,
Up in the clouds
I'll be higher than ever-
Eh-eh, eh-eh; so happy I could die
And it's alright."
-"So Happy I Could Die" by Lady Gaga
Title: So Happy I Could Die
Rapid footsteps stuttered as their collection meshed together into a jumbled assortment, long legs practically fumbling over each other as L slid down a particularly slippery corner and glimpsed into the alley adjacent to the nosy club Light had no doubt deemed suitable for the night.
Spotty lights bridged together to form a broken pathway down the formerly dark lane, broken glass and tipped over garbage cans sparkling dully under the dim lighting.
'Glass…'
Immediately flashes of bruised skin and sparks of pain filtered into his mind without his consent, L's concentration bordering on non-existent. The sounds he had heard just minutes before had not been a part of his imagination; if nothing else, L was sure of that.
Sprinting down the path of lights and garbage, L's eyes were everywhere, his ears pricking to pick up every sound that wasn't his own. The debris crunching disgustingly under his sneaker-clad feet, his harsh breaths being pulled out into the air in large clouds of condensation and the audible shivers his body was raking in from insufficient heat were all ignored; all there was (once again) was Light.
L's phone, which was still gripped between spindly fingers, was quickly flipped open and the familiar number re-dialed. Pausing in his steps, L prayed to every God he did not believe in that an answer would be his reward.
Brring…
"-I'll never be the same if we ever meet again."
"What the fuck…" L whispered, lowering the phone next to his ear and walking forward, the loud dance music not coming from the club but the large trash receptacle a few feet in front of him.
"Won't let you get away if we ever meet again."
"Shit…" Lithely climbing up the sides of the huge trash bin, L's dark eyes took everything in until the flashing lights of the familiar phone caught his attention.
"This free-fall's (Fall!) got me so (So!); kiss me all night, don't ever let me go!"
"FUCK!" Pulling his sleeve over his hand, L dug around until he caught the phone between fabric-encased fingers and gagged. For once, not even the sight of himself digging through garbage made him pause as L deftly jumped down the receptacle and landed nimbly on both feet.
"I'll never be the same if we ever meet again…"
Pressing the "End Call" button on his own cell-phone (no, he did not feel anxious as the lights on his lover's phone drifted off, that was ridiculous!) and dialed another familiar number, eyes already catching splotches of red on the ground leading down the alley and out onto the other side of the street…
"Hello? L, what the he-"
"Get your ass to this address as fast as you can. And by that I mean now."
Murmuring a swift set of numbers and words, the voice on the other line was quick and precise; no awkward comments or jovially tone set within the younger man's voice. Clicking the phone shut, L closed his eyes and cracked his neck.
It was going to be a long night.
Eyelids fluttered open as dilated brown eyes blurred with glazed-over tears, large blurbs of color burning their owner's retinas until they were forced to blink away the liquid trying to cascade down pallid cheeks and cracked lips.
The itchy sensation of dried blood crept alongside the incapacitated man's right-side of his head, fingers aching to reach up and touch, but the blinding pain behind the bright lights in his eyes forced that idea down completely; 'Concussion' was the only word able to make through the silent grunts of pain and inner-whimpers stifled by years of taking pain only to store it away inside under lock and key.
Bloodshot honey-brown eyes bounced upward as a looming shadow looked down upon the broken figure on the floor, face hidden completely by the bursts of light and heavy darkness masked over the room where the lights did not hit.
Any other person's first thought would be 'where am I?'
Light's was 'who the hell did I piss off now?'
"I see you're awake…" A smooth tenor reverberated within Light's eyes, the sound obnoxiously loud even though it was nothing but a whisper. "For the moment."
Harshly blinking away the array of lights distracting him from the shadowed blur now set in front of him, Light cleared his throat as best he could and began the inevitable 'countdown'.
One…
"Who the fuck are you?" Scrambling back against the wall, drowsy brown eyes worked to pinpoint the person standing above them, the smirk on the other man's practically flowing over Light's body like grimy ooze dripping down a gutter. "And what the hell is your problem?"
"My problem? You see, Light, I have a lot of problems. I have a brother who is now dead and unable to provide me with the information I need. I have a cartel that refuses to deal with me because I do not have the supplies they want. I also have the police tracking me down for trafficking when, funnily enough, I have no drugs to actually traffic." Slicked back raven-colored locks became visible as the man who was still unidentifiable leaned closer into Light's personal space, two specks of bright green (where had he seen that exact shade of green before?) honing in on the brunet like headlights. "And all this would not be happening if not for one person and one person in particular."
"Oh, do I get three guesses or do the first two don't count?" Though his brain was clogged with pain and drowsiness, Light still had enough sense in him to be able to not use it. And was it just him or were those eyes becoming even more familiar…?
"You just had to open your big mouth didn't you Lightie-boy?" Skeletal fingers pressed against the sides of Light's sunken cheeks, making sure to keep those confused mahogany-brown eyes on the stranger's face. "You couldn't just leave well enough alone huh? If not for your testimony then my brother would've been in the clear. If not for you, I would still have a business and my brother would've been gone in a different kind of way… Hell, I would've took you in as my own and we could've made such good business together."
'Shit…' Light faintly heard his own voice ring in the back of his head, those eyes finally clicking in his memory; though in the past they did not belong to this virtual stranger but to a heavy set gang-leader who had always looked at Light as if he were the apple in his eye. 'Double shit! What the hell did I get myself into?'
"He fucked himself over…" Light wheezed out. "They had enough evidence from here to Kalamazoo to get him where he went. My testimony-"
"Sealed the fucking deal my friend!" Clapping in mocking gratitude, the still-nameless man above Light grinned as pieces of his face began to click into place. "We probably could've gotten him off with a lighter sentence but you just had to speak up huh?"
"Fucker deserved more than just a few measly years in jail! He ruined me and countless other boys just so that he could get more money in his pocket! Not to mention what he almost did to m-" Snapping his jaw shut before any more damaging information could escape, Light glared up at the raven-haired abductor. "It doesn't matter though. I don't care if he's rotting in jail or rotting in hell. And you, we both know you could give two shits and a log about him. If this is all about revenge what else do you gain out of it? I have no connections to that world anymore and even less to the police force. If you're caught you'll essentially be giving yourself up to the dogs and ending up just like your dear old brother."
"You're right." Gently roving his fingers through the shivering man's dirty brown locks, the green-eyed captor smiled maliciously. "But there's two things you haven't considered; one, who the hell would go looking for you. And two, who wouldn't want such a pretty souvenir like you? My brother had good taste if nothing else… and I deserve nothing less than the best."
Before Light could open his mouth to snap out another reply, the once ominously soothing fingers grabbed the silky strands and jerked the weak man's head forward, the other mysteriously missing hand appearing out of the peripheral of Light's eye-
Only to turn into black as a blunt object rammed into the back of his head, the pain even more consuming than before.
"Ok, I got an eyewitness that says he saw the brunet you were talking about being trailed by some dark-haired guy in a suit!"
"But did he get a good shot of his face?"
"A side profile! And eye-color as well! We can work with it!"
"Eye color?"
"Bright green almost bordering on yellow! Really rare in this area!"
"Great! Run the characteristics and tell me what you come up with!"
"I got another eye-witness who says that they saw a man dragging another man into a 4-seat sedan! Didn't get a license plate number but make and model are right here!"
"Good! Put that in to the system as well and check the motor vehicle records to pin down how many of that same make and model are owned in the city! We'll break it down from there!"
L didn't say a word as the other men in his office scrambled for more information about his absentee lover, the words blurring together until L could only hear white noise. Sitting behind his desk, the detective pulled out the bottom right drawer and hauled out a massive folder filled to the brim with information, the name Yagami, Light scrawled prettily on the top left corner.
Only a couple of hours had passed but L already felt as if he would pass out, the adrenaline fading away as the onset of panic he loathed to still admit to feeling began to creep its way into the investigator's system…
"Make… model… green eyes… green eyes?" L blinked, a familiar set of green eyes floating above him, their owner about to make their finishing move-
"Asai." L breathed out, hands trembling over the unopened folder.
And just like that, L knew exactly what he had to do.
"You really are a fighter aren't you?"
Light didn't even respond brown eyes hollow of anything resembling human emotion.
"Asai used to tell me about how stubborn you were but I never really thought you'd live up to the expectation."
A sharp smack against his left cheek stung but not enough to make the younger man's eyes water.
Pain was something Light had grown used to over the years; both his best friend and his enemy.
The more this man hit him, the more the situation became something of a game instead of something to be feared.
"In fact, he used to talk a lot about you… what you did in the bedroom especially."
Cringe.
Shiver.
Twitch.
Shake.
"Such… vivid details…"
Light felt his eyes grow heavy again; time becoming nothing more than a passing dream as the same curtains, same crumbling walls, same unerring darkness haloed the disgusting businessman still speaking, now caressing every part of Light that he could reach.
"I could almost forgive you… looking the way you do…"
The panic fueled Light's next actions, now chained wrists straining as long lithe legs kicked forward and aimed for the 21-year-old's captor's face. Bright crimson spotted thin lips as the green-eyed man recoiled backwards and hit the floor, yelping in pain from both Light's kick and the collision towards the ground.
"YOU FUCKING LITTLE BITCH!"
Hiking his wrists as far up along his back as he could, Light prepared himself for the onslaught about to be brought his way, knowing that he wouldn't escape this place unless he was either in a body bag or laid out on a stretcher.
'Where were you when I still wanted to die?'
Bruised lips curled into a vicious snarl as a clink of a belt buckle opening was Light's only warning before a slash of black leather hurled down onto his chest and cut into his skin.
"You want me to beat you don't you?" The older man giggled. "You want to feel like the fucking victim don't you? Well don't worry, Asai told me all about that as well. I won't pull myself down to his level though. I'm gonna savor every second of this Light just like he did. And I'll make sure that you never forget me. No, not like you did my brother."
"He had everything in the palm of his hand and yet he still let it all go because of one little punk bitch he liked to fuck. Who the hell was he to let his dick rule his decisions, huh?" Pulling Light's face up, cold bloody lips smashed against dry ones, prying them open with blunt teeth and a slithery tongue. "But I'll teach you both a lesson, yeah? I'll make you enjoy this… and if you don't, all the better. I want you to remember this moment whenever you try to look your loved ones in the eye and want to give them a hug, kiss, fuck, whatever. You aren't shit; hell, you ain't even fit enough to even look at with all the shit you've done. Think you're so much better when really you're the worst of the pack."
Light shivered as the words, softly spoken into his left ear, rung with a truthfulness that even he wished he could blank away with a bottle or a pill. But Light had never been that stupid; drugs had never comforted him and alcohol was only a means to an end; sex.
What was the use of completion when all it ever caused him was pain?
(Sweet, never-ending, all consuming pain…)
Instead of fighting off the older man's advances, Light hung back against the wall like a limp ragdoll, lifeless brown eyes once again plunged deep within a young man's own despair.
'Maybe if I close my eyes, it will all go away…'
Light remembered how his father used to laugh whenever he would say that, ruffling his hair in such an endearing way. Pricks of pain edged up the 21-year-old's scarred rib-cage and torso, the sensation of skin being re-ripped open both soothing and pure agony.
Shutting his eyes against the sight in front of him Light bit his lip and hoped the memories would (for once) keep the pain at bay.
"L, be careful!" Mello cried out as L whipped out of the still going car, the motel in front of them looking dead in the silence of the night. "This guy ain't no joke!"
After only a mere hour of investigating Asai and his remaining kin, it took no time to connect the dots between Asai and his only younger brother, , who was also a big name in the drug/human-trafficking trade. After reading about Asai's murder and noticing the similarities between the physical description of the eye-witness and outside club cameras, L could only conclude that this man had been the one to take his lover not even 6 hours before.
Stupidly enough, the near 40-year-old had used his own car in the kidnapping, most likely not expecting anyone to follow up on Light's movements if Light's former disappearances were anything to go by. But luckily L had been trailing after the near middle-aged man and had managed to catch this before any lasting damage could be down to his Light…
Right?
Rushing past the motel owner who absently pointed out a room number as the police infantry moved in, L felt his heart pound against his rib-cage, dark gray eyes smoldering like soot before the fire. Moving up the small set of stairs, L locked into the room number he had heard before (R28) and felt his legs fly for him (the impact was nothing, nothing compared to the ache of not knowing) and the shattering of wood flew into the afternoon air, sun glinting on specks of chips as the blares of sirens and hoarse bellows flashed in instances that L would not be able to remember later on.
Everything, after that first kick, was nothing but a blur.
"FREEZE!"
"DON'T SHOOT!"
"You're under arrest…"
"Light…"
"Get him on that gurney stat!"
"Shit, he's lost a lot of blood..."
"Is he comatose?"
"I've got a pulse!"
"What's the matter with him?"
"Is he breathing?"
"Oh my God… LIGHT!"
"Get that kid out of here STAT!"
"Big brother…?"
Sayu's breath hitched as Light said nothing, the machine next to him pumping in his next breath as the heart monitor next to it tick, tick, tick'd the next few seconds away.
Tears scorched against those dark brown eyes Light found so dear, tiny tracks of saline rushing down a pale face usually drawn into a large smile and perpetually cheerful eyes.
Sayu could not find that same cheerfulness at this moment however.
Not when her brother sat there so silently, face drawn tightly into an expression of constant pain and exhaustion even in sleep.
"Why can't they ever leave you alone?" Sayu quietly sobbed, head falling forward into his hands. "Why can't they just leave us all alone? Why do they always have to try to take you away Light?"
A warm hand gently massaged Sayu's shoulder, a matronly face appearing just as tired and withdrawn as their younger counterpart.
"He'll be ok." Sachiko whispered into her daughter's ear, taking in her oldest son's battered face and bandaged head. "He's never given up on life all that easily. I doubt he'll start now Sayu."
"If I was him, I would never wake up." The 16-year-old replied somberly. "I'd stay in my dreams and just forget."
Pressing her lips against her daughter's forehead, Sachiko squeezed her own eyes shut and swallowed her own agreement.
"Aren't you going to go see him?" Mihael whispered as he stared at L's slouched figure curled slovenly within the plush office chair that had always exuded L's confidence but instead seemed to protect him from everyone (and everything). "And his family? They're probably waiting for you at the hospital."
"Never thought I'd hear you play the voice of reason babeh," Mail smirked as he ducked underneath the leather-clad fist aiming for his face. "But blondie here is right for once. You should be over there pampering your lover bug not in here sulking."
"He's knocked out anyway, what is there to really see?"
Both Mail and Mihael gave each other simultaneous looks of 'Uh Oh, He's Gone Broke On Us Again Hasn't He?'
"This would have never happened if I hadn't pushed him. I hurt him and as if that wasn't enough I practically pushed him into somebody else's arms so that they could hurt him too!" L curled himself even deeper within his own embrace, a tinge of bitterness enveloping the air around him…
"Have you been drinking again?" Mihael exploded, blue eyes wide and angry.
"Do... do you ever wonder if maybe what you're dealt with… that's it? That you can't change your cards even if you try to re-deal the deck?" Both of L's insubordinates stared at him as if he had a third eye, twin gazes trying to speculate what it was L was actually trying to say as the older man completely evaded the prior question and flip-flopped around his own head. "If maybe… this is really as good as it gets?"
"What do you mean?" Mail cautiously questioned.
"Maybe Light was right." The detective stood up, clothes disheveled and eyes burning with dryness and lack of sleep. "There's no use fighting for something that can't be fixed. Maybe we can't be fixed."
"That's bullshit!" Blond hair became a tangle of knots as the younger man pulled at his un-brushed locks of gold. "All you two need to do is sit down and have a talk; there's no reason to go to this extreme when you're not even half awake or sober L! What would you have if you didn't have Light?"
"Nothing." L strolled out the door without a second glance back, his feet surprisingly still clad in his trademark sloppy sneakers and hands now bunched up within his pockets. "I'd have nothing."
Giving the older man a small head start, Mail and Mihael both glanced at each other sharing another look much similar to before.
"Wanna make sure he doesn't completely screw up the only good thing he has going for him?"
Mihael gave his boyfriend a dubious look. "No… but we're going to anyway aren't we?"
Mail simply smiled.
"Can I get you anything else?"
'I shouldn't be here...' L thought to himself but didn't move to get out of the club, his dark eyes focused solely on the glass filled to the brim with amber liquid quite sure to burn once he knocked it back. 'But I'm so tired...'
"Sir?"
"Not right now…" The slur in L's voice was distinct even to him; it was an out of body experience watching himself drink even more of the bittersweet liquid as if it were a lifesaver and becoming more engulfed in the fog of alcohol that was taking over his senses and bringing out all of the garbage that L had been trying to hide for so long now.
One event after another seemed to bombard him at all times, Light's appearance into his life bringing chaos that he had never had to encounter when he had been alone and deprived of such emotional rampage. Three now going on four years after the fact and L was still as ill-equipped as ever to take on life's problems. Light was right in saying that even L didn't know what he wanted; even when he had Light in his grasp it was still not enough.
Both men needed to be right, to be on top, to be leaders…
L didn't know if he had it within him to hand over control as easily as others did. He operated differently and he knew it…
Another drink was slammed in front of the disoriented detective, the hand not that of the bartender.
Glancing up, milky white skin led up to a pair of pale blue eyes and chestnut brown hair reminiscent to Light's own color (at least it did under the array of lights and beer goggles toppling L's perception at that moment).
"Hi!" The stranger smiled (Light didn't smile the first time they met; it was a flurry of seductive glances and whispered words hinting at the maelstrom that would occur not even a half-an-hour after) as he swept a stray bang away from his eyes (Light's hair was always impeccable even in the midst of passion; L had always wondered how it managed to defy the laws of physic before just accepting that Light himself was an entity that even science could not explain on the best of days). "You looked a bit under the weather. Wanna share with a stranger?"
Strangely enough L did want to share but he was pretty sure that was the alcohol that wanted to do the talking instead of he, himself.
Grabbing the drink and shoving it down his throat before anything could slip past his lips L instead grabbed the young man's hand and pulled him out into the dance floor.
"Let's dance instead!"
Instantly charmed by the detective's enthusiasm, the now-excitable brunet laughed as he sashayed onto the dance floor, blue eyes alight with interest even as L kept a certain distance from the mystery man across from him. As the night wore on, however, and the drinks continued to be consumed that distance became smaller and smaller-
Until there wasn't any distance at all.
Two pairs of blue and green eyes narrowed as they continued to watch undetected, stalking each figure late into the night.
L felt his throat constrict as he tried to swallow, a strange itchiness creating a painful sensation down through his esophagus as his stomach echoed fellow sentiments and rolled painfully. The room held a strange putrid smell which did nothing to help ease his stomach, the bittersweet smell of vomit lingering into L's nostrils, throbbing temples causing the 31-year-old investigator to close his eyes, even as the shuffling of sheets pricked at his ears and the unfamiliar ceiling seemed to ring bells that wanted to stay un-rung.
'Where the hell am I and what the hell happened last night?'
As much as it pained him, L had never pictured himself as being one of 'those' people. Light had succumbed to such nights without hesitation (the boy freely admitted it to this day) but even the night where he had met the passionate hellion known as Light Yagami had L been with his wits and known what he was doing step by step.
'Who the… fuck…?'
The one thing that he had always hassled Light about, that he had always adamantly denied ever doing and ever wanting to do-
L stared at his hands, the memories from the night before coming back in a rush.
'How could I...?'
Not even seeing if the other person was awake or not L rushed out of the bed and pulled on his clothes (he'd have to burn these when he got home and changed) and ran out of the hotel room (so familiar... why was this room so familiar?) without once looking back.
"So now what?" Mail looked over at the pensive blond who for all of his impulsiveness was usually the ringleader between them. "Are you gonna tell Light what we saw?"
"… … We kinda have to don't we?" Mihael whispered. "He's… he's our friend too now. If Light did the same thing we wouldn't even hesitate to let L know what was going on. How is it any different now that it's the other way around?"
"I don't know." The redhead whispered as he ripped his shirt off around his head and threw it on their bedroom floor. "I don't think it is. I… we should wait though. He's not even fully awake yet. He doesn't need this shit right now."
"Damn… I was hoping L would be smarter than this."
"Well I was hoping to get laid tonight but we can't all get what we want now can we?"
Mihael threw a pillow at his boyfriend's head and nearly cackled as it hit its target, the large red splotch on Mail's left cheek matching the fire-hydrant red color of his hair.
A small twitch of the computer-programmer's mouth was the only acknowledgment that the hit had even hurt, causing Mihael's cackling to increase both in length and loudness.
"Asshole."
But both men knew that really, it was all in good fun.
L sat on his bed, dark eyes wide and contemplative.
After a day locked inside his bedroom he was still no closer to finding his own solution to his problem.
The freedom he had felt that night he had gone out had been nothing but an illusion. The alcohol, as always, stifled his senses and destroyed any inhibitions he had had that night but the questions was had he liked it?
L thought of Light, thought of the young man laying on his hospital bed after everything he had been through, wading through memories of unmemorable faces and nightly escapades, daily beatings and… much more personal offences.
The detective remembered the distinct flashes of the night before; of thinking that Light had been with him in that bed and everything had been ten thousand times simpler and L had felt like lust at first sight wasn't enough to describe this emotion welling in his chest, not when somebody as beautiful as this boy had lain within his arms and given as good as he got.
But those flashes were few and far in between, staining the encounter with a bitterness that L couldn't wash out of his mouth no matter how many times he tried.
Without a doubt, L had hated every minute of it, but only because it hadn't been Light.
'You see how easy it is to do it…?' A tiny voice whispered in L's ear. 'Imagine how easy it would be for Light…'
Dark eyes widened even further, deeply troubled by the prospect.
Because it would be easy…
Especially for someone as beautiful (conniving) as Light.
"Where have you been?" Sayu harshly questioned, brown eyes dim of their usual pep. "Mom and I have been trying to call you for ages!"
"Sorry," L stated as he trudged inside the wide hallway, multiple nurses roaming past them with speculative glances, all screaming 'No matter what you say or do, I've somehow seen this before…' "I've been busy with the case."
(Liar…)
"Have they found anything on the guy that took Light yet?"
"No, not at the moment."
(Liar…)
"So what, they're just going to let him go free?"
'Not if I have anything to do with that.'
"I suppose so."
(It's just so easy… lie after lie after lie…)
"Well Light woke up yesterday." Sayu shifted uncomfortably, obviously having not had the best experience with her newly-awakened brother. "He asked for you once he managed to get out of his… stupor."
"He had a panic attack didn't he?" L softly questioned.
Sayu didn't even answer, lowering her head in shame as she thought of the hysteria etched onto her older brother's face as he backed away from both herself and her mother once his eyes popped open, old demons clouding over those gorgeous features until fear was all you could register within Light's visage.
"He'll be alright, Sayu."
(Now that's the biggest lie of them all isn't it? How do you think he'll feel once he finds out your little secret hm?)
"Once he calms himself down and the medication wears off, he'll be the same old Light we all know and remember."
Staring up at the man giving her the (false) hope she needed Sayu nodded, appearing so much more fragile under the array of blinding lights and crisp white walls surrounding them. Grabbing L's hand, they both made their way back to the room-
Both trembling even if for two entirely different reasons.
Days and days and days… hours and hours and hours… always stuck in the same place every time…
Light tuned out the conversation floating around him as he stared out the only window within the room, the charcoal gray skies blurring over as smooth concrete gray clouds floated by, the glass of the window pane holding upright even as streaks of heavy rain bounced off of its protection.
I don't even know what I'm waiting for anymore.
A tight grip shook the tanned bicep coiffed in the loose white tee-shirt that Light had bummed off L, too tired to bother his mother or sister for his clothes and knowing that L would not bring his usual attire regardless of whether it was Light's convenience or his own.
Milky brown eyes slowly turned away from the window and rolled upwards until a pair of equally dark gray eyes captured their attention.
What is there left to live for?
L's mouth continued to move but Light could not hear the words; it was like white noise pitched against a veil of silence and Light couldn't dredge up the will to actually care.
Light closed his eyes and let his mind wander, thoughts loosening until only the darkness was left.
"Yooohooooo… wakey-wakey little man…"
A brown eye popped open as a blurb of yellow and blue floated above the single orb and… grinned?
"Are you finally awake sleeping beauty?"
Light grinned as he pushed Mihael's face out of the way and blinked away the sleep he had been indulging in, the morphine that had been pumping through his system finally at a point where Light could manage coherency without feeling as high as a kite.
"No thanks to you." The bed-ridden college student snapped as he pulled himself up whilst trying not to pull at his stitches as well. "What the hell are you doing here by yourself? I always figured Mail was your shadow/prostitute stalker and L was… well my shadow/prostitute stalker."
Mihael chuckled viciously as he thought of both Mail and L dressed up as his and Light's own personal hookers, knowing that even a person with the most control wouldn't be able to hold back the peals of laughter such imagery caused.
"Seriously though, what the hell are you doing here?" Light asked with humor still evident in his voice, obviously having the same imagery stuck in his own head. At the stab at his sudden appearance however Mihael's smile dimmed significantly until it was no longer a smile at all and Light's own amusement had all but disbursed.
"I gotta tell ya something Light." Mihael murmured uncomfortably. "After all the bullshit I do kinda... see ya as a friend and if you were doing the same to L I would do the same thing."
Fists tightened over coarse blue sheets. "What are you talking about Mello?"
Wincing at the sudden shift of name, the usually verbose blond who spoke without thinking most times tried to chose his words as best he could for once.
"You know L always had his doubts about you when it came to fidelity..."
Light felt his breath hitch as Mihael's bright blue implored that he understand so that he wouldn't have to say what they both knew what was coming.
Light instead closed his eyes and nodded his head, needing to hear what it was the blond-haired undercover agent had to say.
"Light…?"
"When?" Came the strangled reply. Mihael sat down at the edge of the mattress and put a hand on Light's leg as if to comfort him.
"A week ago."
The silence that came after was long and painful for both men; Mihael had never seen Light so placid and numb and Light had never seen Mihael so sympathetic and nervous.
Nervous for him or nervous for his employer however?
"It doesn't matter," Light finally choked out as evenly as possible "because we never really got back together anyway. And it seems it was just as well. He can do whatever the hell he wants with whoever the hell he wants. I'm not going to reproach him that."
"Light but that doesn't excu-"
"But thank you." The brunet held back tears as he gave the tiniest of smiles to the undercover investigator, happy to know that despite everything Light still had one more person who he could consider a 'friend'. "The fact that you came here and told me this makes me happy; I think of you as a friend too."
Mihael rubbed the back of his neck, obviously embarrassed to show even this much emotion towards the young man he had grown to respect, even if reluctantly.
"Yeah, well I would've done the same for L and… shit, after all the crap he's put you through about this shit he should've known better. Um… I guess if you need anything you can give me or Mail a call; you know our cell phone numbers."
"Same to you." Light concurred. Holding out his hand as Mihael's feet hit the ground and began to shift towards the door, Light swallowed the laugh bubbling up his throat as the usually boisterous blond stared at his appendage as if it were a ticking time bomb. Cautiously gripping onto Light's hand they both smothered down chuckles as the other man seemed just as nervous about the shake as the other.
Nothing else was said as Mihael gave the boy a mock salute and exited the room with a smile. It was a shame that L had done what he had done but it had given Mihael a chance to see Light for the person he was and he couldn't help but like what he saw.
Now it was only a matter to seeing just how things would turn out from here on in…
Once Light was sure he was alone he let the small smile leave his face and turned over on his side, plump lips falling open as the tempest of emotion threatened to overthrow him entirely until there was nothing left to feel and there was nothing but a blank slate.
"You're awake." L smiled as he entered the room, a large plant (not flowers thank God) cradled within his hands.
Light gave the man a small peak through dark feathery lashes before turning back on his uninjured side and closing his eyes, not quite comprehending the heavy block now settled over his chest once L entered the room all smiles and light-hearted laughter.
Fingers clutched onto pale white sheets-
'You knew it would end this way'
Trying to keep the younger man from going under-
'Why did you invest yourself in a failing mission anyway?'
But not succeeding in the slightest.
'He isn't in love with you…'
"Light?"
'Just what he thinks the two of you should be.'
The heart monitor began to beep at an erratic rate as L rushed to the college student's side, not sure what was going on inside the 21-year-old brunet's head or body and fearing (as always) the worst.
'Whatever you're looking for he can't give you.'
Nurses pried L away from Light's still form as his eyes flew open and a blank canvas was all that Light would let out even as the endless questions, pitying stares and gentle hands attempted to coax him into calmness.
'And whatever he's looking for… well, what makes you think you even have it?'
Tense muscles slowly loosened as a robust nurse nodded at one of the doctor's entering the room and injecting something into Light's IV-
'That's what you get when you let your heart win over your head Light…'
And every sound, every bit of noise and color and living and non-living object was lost in the oblivion of Light's drug-clouded mind.
Being in the apartment that they had shared bought none of the happiness that Light had at one time felt.
In fact he felt suffocated being in its mere presence.
L shared none of his discomfort, hand tightening over Light's bicep in an authoritative gesture that belied the other man's fear of the younger man leaving.
"You need to rest. The bed's all ready for you to get comfortable in."
Barely giving the older male a secondary glance Light made his way inside and nodded, the look on L's face a mixture of confusion and outright petulance.
Without one single word Light stumbled his way into the bedroom and dropped onto the bed, hiding within the multitude of sheets and pillows, a stray tear managing to track its way down his cheek and land in a tiny pool on top of the pillow smashed against the tired face that had forgotten what it was like to actually rest instead of just sleep.
L, for once, kept his distance as he felt his own will break bit by bit by bit.
"L, I'm fine."
Light rolled his eyes as he bent his back and smirked at the satisfying crack that echoed in return.
"I'm at the house… why the hell would I lie about being at the house?"
With each day that passed it seemed that L could only become all the more protective of the younger man still confined to bed rest (though that was more L's suggestion than the hospital's) and Light was steadily and very quickly getting sick of it.
"I'm not going to go anywhere! No! So what if I spoke with Mihael and Mail, they were worried! And Mikami too!"
Each word was imprinted into Light's mind like a tally; how many accusations would it take before he would actually break?
"Listen, I have to get back to work eventually so if Misa or my boss needs to speak with me I'm not going to just avoid them!"
Truthfully this imprisonment hurt more than L's actual infidelity; as if the lack of trust was bad before, now that L had learned how 'easy' it was to fall into somebody else's lap he distrusted Light's 'lack' of control even less now.
"You can't keep me in your apartment forever and we both know that if I really wanted to leave I could whenever the hell I wanted to even right under your nose! Like hell I need to stay with you if I don't want to, leaving is ALWAYS an option!"
As if Light had the problem with cheating.
L had known what he was like but still Light had thrown away all causalities and been the one to stay loyal; even whilst they hadn't been together!
What did that say about their relationship?
How could there even be a relationship?
"I'm hanging up now, bye."
There couldn't.
Staring down at the phone on the table the confused brunet felt his fingers clink nervously against each other until the sounds of flesh meeting flesh faded away and the pale beige of the ceiling became blurry at the edges and Light pretended it was only because of dry eyes and not the contradictory.
Light stared down at the medication in front of him, the pills all bright in color and sitting on the counter waiting to be swallowed.
'You should take these.'
His hand didn't even move.
'They'll help you forget.'
There were a lot…
'You need solace.'
His stomach felt queasy…
'Why don't you take at least one?'
Like a pit was being dug right in his abdomen…
'Aren't you hungry? You should take these and then go get something to eat.'
Why did his stomach feel like it was burning?
'You'll feel better soon.'
Blinking once to get the dryness out of his eyes Light stared back down at the pills-
'I promise.'
Only to find them gone.
Sitting down on the chair next to him, Light laid his head down and simply waited for them to kick in to effect.
'I promise…'
The sound of a phone ringing off in the distance ruined Light's search for oblivion. The continuing racket began to echo loudly within his ear drums until the injured young man carefully stood up and made his way to the electronic contraption annoying him.
Even as his eyesight wavered, Light continued forward until gray plastic was held against his ear and the word hello had already made it past his lips.
L narrowed his eyes as he entered his apartment, the whole of space completely and utterly silent. Wincing as he heard his own footsteps echo within the spacious kitchen, L kicked off his shoes and made his way into the living room, which was equally as silent.
"Hello?" The detective called out, ears pricking to pick up even the slightest of sounds. A muffled curse from inside the closed bedroom reverberated through the hallway leading into the enclosed space, as if the person inside were… crying?
"Light?" L burst through the bedroom door, not knowing what to expect but always managing to expect the unexpected nonetheless.
Destruction greeted his gaze, a small bundle of red, brown and beige huddled in the farthest corner away from the rumpled sheets, dismantled mattress and shattered picture frames now scattered on the floor like disregarded remnants no longer needed to live.
"W-what happened…?" The detective breathed out as he carefully stepped over the wreckage, eyes widening as splotches of brownish-red coloring were matted all over his roommate's once-white tee-shirt and green lounge pants. Dried tracks of tears discolored rivulets of Light's now pale cheeks and chin as honey-brown eyes darkened into inscrutable molten amber, glossy and lost amidst the ruins in front of them.
Light continued to sob as he cradled the phone against his chest, the normally tanned locks of hair matted and tangled against sweat-soaked skin. L, who could hardly stand the sight, reached forward without even thinking twice.
"Light… calm down and talk to me…" L's milky white appendage was shoved away before it could make its target, the 21-year-old scurrying against the wall in a panic, phone dropping from his grip and scattering onto the floor with a loud clatter.
"Don't TOUCH me!" Hands pulling at smooth strands of hair, the panicked expression only intensified at the blank expression now set on L's face. "I… I've gotta go."
"Light, you don't have to go anywhere. Besides, where would you go and why?" L calmly stated in his carefully constructed monotone, already devising ways to restrain the college student before he could get very far.
"I JUST GOTTA GO!" Light screeched taking the older man off guard long enough to slip past him in a fumble of quick feet and nimble limbs.
Racing past the pair of hands reaching for the fleeing brunet rushing through the door and out of the apartment complex, L's legs propelled forward and nearly tangled over each other in their haste.
Within seconds Light was gone from the apartment, L once again left to wonder if chasing after him would even solve anything (or nothing).
Light pushed his way into the crowd of people surrounding the large glass doors beckoning him entrance, clean and freshly dressed after a pit stop at his family's apartment away from L.
Rushing to the help desk, a bored looking gray-haired woman greeted the twitchy man, obviously already expecting the worst.
"Please… I'm here to see a Sachiko Yagami… she was admitted here-"
"Relation?"
"Son, Light Yagami." Light huffed out, pushing and pulling random pieces of hair away from his face.
After typing in the name and getting the information she needed, the older woman gazed up the brunet in newfound sympathy and smiled. "She's in the intensive care unit right now but I can phone you in once we get some new information in."
Light nodded solemnly as he turned away and plopped into one of the many available seats within the ER, toying with his cell-phone as he waited for his little sister to greet him-
"Light Yagami…?"
"… Yeah?"
"Uh, this is Samuel… I work with your mother over at the school…"
"What happened? Is my mother alright?"
"Light… you're going to need to get to the hospital as soon as possible, your mother was just involved in a hit in run-"
Click.
For once the person who had to do all the waiting.
"I don't get it." L swallowed another cup full of tea, the only thing he had been ingesting for the past three days after Light's incredible blow up. "He just… exploded."
"And you say he was holding the phone?" Mail flicked his goggles away from his eyes as he stared over at the shaken dark-haired investigator.
"Yeah…"
"Have you tried calling him or any of his family?"
"Yeah," L once again answered. "No answer from any of them."
"Gee, I wonder why." Mihael muttered under his breath. "If you were less busy being an asshole and spent more time trying to understand your little mockingbird I'm sure you wouldn't be in this situation now would you?"
"And what is thatsupposed to mean?" The snarl was carefully hidden underneath the porcelain mask of boredom, the lilt of L's voice non-existent and stoic.
"You can't bullshit a bull-shitter L-I know what the fuck you did and so does Mail!" The excitable blond screeched, ignoring the wide eyes growing wider and the sound of ceramic tipping over against wood. "And guess what? So does Light!"
"You… you told him?" Were the first words out of L's mouth, not even knowing what it was the Mihael had told his ex-lover/best-friend, but as always fearing the worst.
"What, did you expect us to keep it a fucking secret L? You cheated on him! That's not something you can just sweep under the rug and forget all about!"
Without another word to either men (or another glance at their calculating stares) L stood up, ignoring the large tea-stain on his plain white shirt along with the mild burn accompanying it.
The twisting stab within his chest was no doubt much, much more painful.
"Mom!" Light wheezed out as he barged into the hospital room, Sayu flailing behind him after a good four days of waiting, pacing, starving, worrying… "Mom…"
"Baby…" Sachiko weakly grinned as Sayu pouted beside her oldest son. "Babies…"
"Mama…" The youngest person in the room trembled, slowly walking forward as if any step rushed would cause the woman on the bed to disintegrate into dust. "Mama we were so worried…"
"Come here…" Sachiko breathed out, her arm wrapped awkwardly against her chest and side obviously heavily bandaged underneath the hospital gown. "Both of you come here… I'm going to be alright. Now get over here and give me some love!"
Sayu laughed, watery eyes spurting tears as she trampled over to the bed and carefully gave her mother a hug. Light, however, stayed stationed where he was on the other side of the room, obviously petrified of the thought of even looking at his mother let alone touching her and tarnishing her in some way.
Sachiko was not having it however. "Light get your behind over here and give your mother a hug."
After a moment of internal debate Light dragged himself to the bed but still hung back, fingers twitching against his lengthy sleeves. Sayu subtly pushed the older man forward, smirking back at the glare she received for her efforts. Sachiko smiled genially as Light propelled himself forward, calloused hands gently clasping onto his mother's shoulders and down her forearms until his forehead briefly touched the nape of his mother's neck and he gulped.
A warm soft hand came up and brushed the golden brown strands of unruly hair that fell forward, giving Light all the comfort he needed and vice-versa.
"I'm ok…" Though hurt Sachiko still found it within herself to give instead of take; Light wondered how someone could be selfless, or, in fact, how someone as selfish as him could have been a part of this woman at one time.
"What am I supposed to do?" Light beseechingly muttered against aging skin, confused and struggling to not panic at the sensation as he was usually the one sitting in the hospital bed and his mother tearfully attempting to reach him. "I can't even help you like this."
"You can help me. You can help me." Sachiko whispered. "Sayu, give Light and I a moment please."
Sayu gave her two most precious persons a once over before leaving the room, not wanting to upset her mother after everything that had happened but curious as to what she had to say to her older sibling. Once only Light and Sachiko were left within the room, shaky hands pushed the younger man off of the exhausted mother only to find themselves clasped between two younger but just as equally unsteady palms.
"You need help Light." The brunet began to shake his head, obviously read to dispute any wrong doings on his part but his mother shook her head, not willing to hear any of it. "Ever since your father past away, you've been a different person Light. It kills me to see you like this, so unhappy, so willing to throw your life away. And for what? You're so young yet all you see is everything that's wrong with this world. I've never been able to provide the needs you've been crying out for but I'm willing to put my foot down now and beg you to see someone for this. That's how you can help me Light. That's all I want you to do."
Light felt his legs begin to tremble, his usually unshakable demeanor gone without a trace.
Where was that unfeeling persona he had attached to himself for so long?
Why was it that he still cared?
"You could still be happy Light…"
"You all made me believe that with L and look what happened. He made me feel so much; that he was the one that I could forget everything with and he threw it back in my face too many times to count. I just have to admit it… this whole time, what I felt; it was only just a dream…" Light whispered brokenly. "I don't want to blind myself anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore."
"But you can still make it a reality don't you think?" Sachiko smiled as she laid a hand over Light's head. "Do this for me and I'll never ask anything of you ever again Light. And maybe you won't have to dream anymore hm?"
Light didn't answer back, eyes muddled with promises that he intended to keep.
His silence said more than words after all.
