Flip Flop and Fly
Disclaimer: I own only the obvious, the rest belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
Author's Note: Sorry about the long wait. Please enjoy the following insanity.
Thanks to my good beta and friend, Paladin Steelbreaker.
Chapter EightThe first thing Itachi did after leaving the Uchiha Sector was to pay a visit to the hospital so that he could have his wounded neck checked. He didn't think that the little cut would make his head fall off, but he'd rather err on the side of caution than suddenly one morning find out that the cut had gotten infected or something like that. Besides, it would hopefully throw any stalking Uchihas off his trail, and would thusly insure that he got to the Hokage Tower and could talk to the Hokage without any of them hanging about.
The nurses spent at least half an hour moaning and cooing over 'Uchiha Itachi-sama', then were shooed out of the room by one of the doctors who seemed completely terrified to be treating an Uchiha, and stuttered and shook his way through the examination. Itachi simply sat there, trying not to scare the poor fool even more, occasionally nodding or smiling at the correct places. He had long since given up on following the doctor's terrified, incomprehensible babble.
Finally the doctor sent him off with a healed neck – only a thin, pale stripe testified to him being hurt in the first place, but it would disappear quickly – and stuttered babbles about how honoured the doctor felt at having been allowed to treat 'Uchiha Itachi-sama'.
'This is insane,' Itachi thought to himself as he exited the pocky-shop. He needed something to calm his nerves after such a morning. 'The Uchihas have half the village worshiping the ground they walk on in fear, and the other half does it as well because they don't want to be victims of an angry lynch mob consisting of the first half!'
The secretary that sat in the ante-chamber outside the Hokage's office was a different one from yesterday, and this man didn't seem to be very happy about anything at all; especially not when Itachi asked if the Sandaime had a minute or two to spare for a quick chat. The man promptly informed him that the Hokage was in a meeting, and that he would have to wait for that to finish – which would take a long, long time, probably the whole day, so he would be better off coming back tomorrow.
Itachi blinked, shrugged and settled down in one of the surprisingly comfy chairs in the ante-chamber to wait. "I'm on vacation, so it's not like I have any pressing matters to attend to," he said to the secretary when the man sent him an annoyed look. The teen then proceeded to happily munch on his pocky, while wondering and philosophising over several deep subjects, amongst them being: why did the chicken cross the road; who came first? the chicken or the egg, and what would happen if he so happened to gift a shinobi with enough C4 explosives to blow up Konoha.
"Would. You. Mind?!" the secretary suddenly bit out through clenched teeth, his eyebrow twitching slightly.
"Mind what?" Itachi asked innocently. "If you need to go to the bathroom, I'll be happy to take care of things here."
The twitch went up another notch. "That is not what I meant, Uchiha-san. I was asking you to be quiet."
"But I was being quiet until you said something to me." The teen protested. "Rules of courtesy say that I have to reply, otherwise I would have been very rude."
"You were continuously making a very rude noise just a minute ago!"
"Huh?"
"You were eating with your mouth open, and rules of courtesy say that one shouldn't do that." The secretary emphasised on the words that Itachi had used not a minute ago. "Please desist."
"I wasn't. I have to open my mouth to feed myself more pocky, and you simply misinterpreted that signal subconsciously." Itachi pointed out. "And everyone makes the occasional noise when they're eating, it's unavoidable."
The man was starting to turn red. "I need to get back to my work." He growled.
"You were the one who started talking."
The shinobi had had enough apparently. He was completely red in the face, and was now looming threateningly over his desk. "Just because you're an Uchiha you think that you know everything, don't you?!" he roared in a very quiet tone.
'Is that even possible? Must be an oxymoron.' Itachi wondered to himself before replying calmly. "Not at all."
"Well, I'll tell you something, you little brat!" the secretary went on, completely ignoring the teen's reply. "You are just a little, small, insignificant, worthless-"
But exactly what kind of worthless fiend he was Itachi would never find out, because there came a shocked and slightly indignant exclamation from way down the corridor, and both the teen and the secretary turned to look. A familiar blond head was making – i.e. stalking – its way towards them, and the rest of the body was clearly just as frustrated as the head.
"What are you doing here?" Uzumaki Naruto demanded of Itachi as he stalked right up to the sitting teen.
"Many things," Itachi replied calmly, sticking a pocky in his mouth. "Eating the most delicious food on earth. Having a deep discussion on the uses of body language with this charming secretary here. Waiting to speak with the Sandaime Hokage. Take your pick."
"Annoying people and keeping them from their work?" the blond suggested with a sneer, his arms crossed.
"If he feels annoyed, then, yes, apparently I did annoy him. However, we were also discussing the rules of courtesy, and you are being rude by interrupting a conversation that had nothing to do with you in the first place." The black-haired teenager rolled his eyes. "Annoying brat."
"Na-na-NANI?!?!?!" the secretary looked ready to have a heart attack. No one had ever spoken to Naruto-sama in such a way! It was simply not done! "You take that right back, you-!"
Once again Naruto cut him off, and glared at the teen. "When it comes to shinobi matters I am, by far, your superior. By all rights you should be calling me 'uncle', and yet you refuse to give me the respect that I deserve? Even other Uchihas and Hyuugas respect me." He growled dangerously, looming dangerously over the still-sitting Itachi, and emitting a wave of killer intent.
"Ah, but there is one little fault in your reasoning, dobe," Itachi smirked. "I am not a shinobi, and I don't intend to become one either. Therefore I shouldn't and won't be calling you anything until you give me a reason to."
It was a miracle that the secretary hadn't keeled over and died yet, what with all the gasping and shocked exclamations that came from him.
Naruto ignored him, and leaned close to Itachi. In an attempt to intimidate him even further, the blond had pulled out one of his kunai, and now held it against Itachi's neck. "Do you respect me now?" he hissed.
"Not at all," came the infuriatingly calm reply. "In fact, you have just made sure that any and all respect I might have had for you – no matter how small – has disappeared completely. And while we are on the subject of respect, let me ask you a question. Do people respect you because they love or like you, or do they respect you because they fear you, and fear what might happen to them if they don't show you respect? Those are very different things, dobe, I suggest that you learn to differentiate one from the other."
The blond opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it again. He repeated this process several times, but finally accepted that there was no answer that he could give.
Itachi smirked. "When you find out the answer to that question, please tell me. Ah! Hokage-san!" the latter part was directed at the Hokage that had just exited his office along with a very important-looking ANBU.
The Sandaime took in the scene in the ante-chamber, clear amusement shining in his eyes, and the ANBU gave off the distinctive feeling of being equally amused.
"Itachi-kun," the old man nodded. "Here for our daily chat, I see. And you brought some pocky as well! Wonderful! I hope there is some strawberry flavoured pocky there…?" he hinted.
"Of course, of course! Wouldn't forget it for the world." Itachi replied and walked up to the Hokage and the ANBU. "Good day to you too, ANBU-san. I want to thank you once again for escorting me to Konoha, so: thank you very much."
"… aa…" the ANBU agreed. For some strange reason he seemed shocked that the black-haired teen had remembered him, or that he'd managed to see the miniscule difference between the ANBU-masks. No normal civilian should be able to do that! The ANBU turned to the Hokage and to safer topics. "I shall leave you then, Hokage-sama."
"You're dismissed, ANBU-san." The Hokage said, and said ANBU disappeared in the blink of an eye. The old man then turned back to Itachi, totally ignoring his shocked grandson. "Well, Itachi-kun, lets go into my office then."
"Hai, hai!" Itachi smiled and followed the Sandaime into the office, and closed the doors behind them.
"Grandpa…" Naruto stared at the closed doors of the office in shock. Never before had the Sandiame ignored him to such a degree that he didn't even look at the blond, and Naruto found that he really didn't like the feeling it evoked in him; and with Itachi's previous comment floating around in his head, the situation seemed even worse somehow. With just one well-aimed and well-placed sentence, Itachi had managed to make Naruto doubt his entire life and existence up until now!
VIII
"You really do love to mess around with other people's heads, don't you?" was the first thing that the Hokage said after the two of them had situated themselves. "Especially my shinobi, for some strange reason."
"Eh, it's a hobby." Itachi replied flippantly.
"Indeed, though I am curious about what you said to my adoptive grandson. He looked like the world had fallen around his ears."
Itachi smiled. "Part of that is your doing, Sarutobi-san. Naruto has never been ignored before, I'd wager, and it must be a new experience for him – and a good experience, in my humble opinion. As for what we talked about, well, we simply spoke about respect, how to earn it and so on. Nothing serious at all."
The Sandaime raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment further on it. "Right. Now, is there anything that I can do for you today, Itachi-kun?"
"Actually there is. I would like to know how the Hyuuga-family got to know about my mission yesterday. You see, one of them told Uchiha Fugaku about it, and he's been on my case all morning."
Sarutobi-san leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "They saw it."
"Saw it? Hokage-san, there wasn't a single person close enough to us to see anything according to Kakashi."
"It's their kekkei genkai, their bloodline limit."
Itachi blinked.
And blinked.
And blinked again.
"Nope, still not getting it!" he said. "Their what?"
"It is any ability passed down genetically through a specific clan that cannot be imitated or duplicated by any normal method, although it might be possible to copy it using genetic manipulation or organ transplantation. The eagerness with which the rulers of nations – or the shinobi themselves – have taken advantage of shinobi with bloodline limits for the purposes of furthering war efforts has taken its toll on their reputation, to such a degree that many automatically associate bloodline limits with war and pain. It eventually reached the point of outright fear and hatred, resulting in witch-hunts and systematic murders of families and individuals with bloodline limits." The Hokage explained patiently. "The Hyuuga Clan have the Byakugan which is a doujutsu, an ability centred in the eyes. It allows them 360 degree x-ray vision to a 50-metre radius. All Hyuugas are, of course, sworn to secrecy on what they might accidentally see, but since it isn't known that you have become a tokubetsu shinobi, they probably thought that you were training, or ended up at the wrong place to the wrong time."
'Something like Superman's eyes, I suppose. But just like the Man of Steel, the Hyuugas must have a weakness.' Itachi's eyes were narrowed in concentration as he tried to sort through the information. "Then why didn't Fugaku think the same?"
"He's the chief of the Konoha Police Force," came the reply. "And he has access to almost all missions that aren't classified as secret, which yours wasn't. The Sharingan, the Uchiha Clans own doujutsu, is thought to have descended from the Byakugan."
The teen blinked (again). "The Uchihas have a bloodline limit?"
"I do not know much about it, the bloodline abilities are jealously guarded by their users, but the most commonly known ability of the Sharingan is that it can copy and memorize any technique that it witnesses – be it genjutsu, taijutsu or ninjutsu."
Itachi shook his head in shock, this really was some heavy mumbo jumbo as far as he was concerned. According to what he had learned in the biology classes in school, it was scientifically possible for people to have a something extra attached to their chromosomes et all, but never had he heard about people who were able to control this something extra and use it – like the Hokage had lead him to believe all people with a bloodline limit could.
'This is just insane.' The teen rubbed his temples. "Right, back on safer ground where I have an inkling of what's possible and what's not: do you have a phone I could borrow to call my grandparents? I tried to use my cell this morning, but I couldn't get a connection."
The Hokage nodded in understanding. "Yes, of course. Please follow me, and I'll lead you to it."
VIII
"There is only one telephone in each of the Hidden Villages, and that's about all you will find," the shinobi in charge of the phone explained. "The people of this world aren't too interested in such things, and we shinobi only use the technology that benefits us. Of course, we do have televisions, and fridges, and electric light, and stoves and all that, but we have also learned from the mistakes of the Outsiders, and therefore have chosen not to bring cars, or trains, or busses, or airplanes and similar things here since they would pollute our world far too much. And some things – like handguns, tanks, bombs, etc. – we have no use for whatsoever."
"This must be Greenpeace heaven." Itachi muttered to himself. However, he had to admit that the shinobi were smart. Smart and deadly. "So, um, where is this phone of yours?"
The shinobi nodded towards a table. "There you have it."
The teen stared for a minute at the… contraption, then sighed and shook his head, wondering if he should have expected something like this. The phone looked like it came from the late 19th or early 20th century. It was black and big and there were more wires there than there was in a space shuttle. Beside the phone itself there were two books, one a log that registered who was using the phone when and for how long, and the other held all the information and numbers one needed to call other Hidden Villages or the Outside world.
"Thanks," Itachi said when the shinobi had showed him how to use the ancient phone, and watched as the man walked back to the other half of the room. The only thing separating the two halves was a rickety old shelf, filled to the brim with scrolls of some sort. The teen turned back to the hone, dialled the correct combination of numbers, and waited.
It took quite some time, but finally someone on the other side picked up.
"-Parker.-" Said the gruff voice in English.
"-Still haven't had your morning-coffee, eh, old man?-"
"-Itachi?!-" Parker's voice suddenly exclaimed, and it was quickly joined by other voices as well, demanding to know the same thing.
"-None other. Is the entire group assembled there?-"
"-Yes, we're in one of the meeting rooms at the HQs. Hold on, I'll put it on the speakers.-" There was a click and some static, and then Parker spoke up again. "-Talk to us, Itachi. Why didn't you contact us before?-"
Rodriquez's voice sounded amused. "-So, Itachi-chan, what's up?-"
"-Good to hear from you!-"
"-How's the Uchiha family?-"
Garcia's annoyed voice suddenly came across. "-Give the poor fellow a break, you guys. I'm sure he will tell us everything in due time. Oh, and hi, Itachi! How have you been?-"
Itachi smiled, suddenly missing this particular group of people and wishing that he was back home again. "-I'm fine. The reason I didn't call earlier, was because I couldn't.-"
"-They aren't threatening you, are they?-" Parker's voice was all suspiciousness.
"-Not at all, we had to hike for a week before reaching the village, my cell doesn't work, and there is only one phone here. How about you people, did you find something out?-"
There was a collective sigh from the group on the other end. "-Just how many people do you think are named 'Uchiha Fugaku'? It's like hundreds of them popped up out of nowhere! We're checking the medical records to the DNA-samples you used during the paternity test, but it's taking a lot of time. Especially since we also have other cases.-"
"-And we haven't found a single lead on any of those animal-masked people, either.-"
"-There's no hurry about this, so focus on those cases that really need it.-" Itachi said. "-Besides, I've got my trusty stun gun with me, so everything's working out fine.-"
"-You already electrocuted several people, didn't you?-" Garcia asked – more like stated – in a dull voice.
Rodriquez chuckled. "-People over here are already telling horror stories about you and that stun gun to the rookies. They are also taking the chance to relax since you aren't here to keep them on their toes.-"
Parker broke the light moment. "-Itachi, we've checked all the airports in the country – private and public ones – and no one has seen you pass through. Just what the hell is going on?-"
"-We took a private chopper out to a smaller ship in international waters, so that's probably why you couldn't find us.-" Itachi replied, hating himself for the lie. However, he doubted Parker or any of the others would believe him if he told them that he was actually in a sub-dimension or whatever it was. Heck! He wouldn't have believed it either if he hadn't been experiencing it all.
"-That does explain it.-" Parker agreed. "-Is there anything you can tell us that would make our search easier?-"
Itachi told them about the Uchiha Clan, mentioned the Hyuuga Clan, and also talked slightly about the fanaticism for the shinobi arts that the entire village seemed to have. Something held him back from revealing the weird jutsus and doujutsus and everything that would really be important. He didn't know what it was that kept him back, but he trusted his instincts and didn't say anything. "-Sorry I don't have any more information, I've only been here for three days.-"
"-It's alright. You better get going before those ninja-wanna-be's get too suspicious. Call me in a couple of days, alright?-"
'There's nothing wanna-be about them!' Itachi's mind screamed, but outwardly he simply chuckled. "-Of course, and say 'hi' to my grandparents for me, will you?-"
"-Of course. Goodbye, Itachi.-" Parker's words were echoed by several other voices, and then the line went dead.
Itachi replaced the phone, leaned against the wall and sighed. 'This really is insane.'
VIII
For the rest of the day Itachi strolled around Konoha and tried to familiarize himself with the village, the shops, the people, and the spontaneously appearing-out-of-nowhere and jumping-from-freakin'-tall-roofs shinobi. The most difficult thing to get used to, however, wasn't the inherent suicidal tendencies of shinobi, or the twisting, confusing, maze-like streets of a shinobi village, rather it was the staring that all the civilians put him through. It was as though they had never seen a teenager before!
To escape the stares Itachi gravitated towards the training grounds and the calm that they presented. The grounds were large, and there seemed to be surprisingly many variations. One was a swamp, another a jungle, one a very deep lake, one a rocky plain, and there was – of course – several forests around. Either way, it kept Itachi amused for hours since even the animal life differentiated from training ground to training ground.
'Why do I feel like I'm in Wonderland?' Itachi wondered to himself as he walked along and munched on pocky. 'If some crazy Cheshire Cats, maniacal Queens of Hearts, or homicidal cards show up, I swear I'm out of here.'
However, no weird cats, queens, lobsters, jabberwocky's, or cards appeared. Instead there was the chirping and singing of various birds, an occasional squirrel jumping from tree to tree, someone shouting about the 'power of youth', the melodious sounds of someone repeatedly hitting a log…
Itachi stopped walking and blinked. Had he imagined it?
"THE POWER OF YOUTH SHALL PREVAIL!!!!"
Birds weren't supposed to shout nonsense about the power of anything – not even the most well-trained parrot should be able to do that.
"IF I CAN'T DO THIS 500 TIMES, THEN I SHALL HOP AROUND KONOHA 200 TIMES!!!! ON ONE LEG!!!!"
There was something seriously wrong here.
'This needs to be investigated.' The teen decided, veered off from his original path and followed the voice – the voice which only got louder and louder, until it seemed like Itachi's eardrums were about to burst.
Itachi rounded a cluster of bushes and young trees, and suddenly stood at the edge of a moderately large clearing. There were logs and other targets all around, as well as a weird… creature… thing… boy. The boy was dressed in a green spandex suit, with glaringly orange leg-warmers, a red hitai-ate tied around his waist, and a horrible bowl-like haircut. Itachi's head cocked to one side as he watched the green-dressed boy punch and kick a poor log relentlessly.
"299!" the green-dressed boy counted. "300! 301! 302! 303!"
There was a girl in the clearing as well, dressed in a pink, Chinese-styled sleeveless shirt, and dark, knee-long pants. Her hair was pulled up into two tight buns, and she was surrounded by different weapons. The targets around here were riddled with various shuriken, kunai, and other weapons Itachi had never seen before. The girl was currently taking a break, getting something to drink, and keeping a slightly-incredulous eye at the green-dressed boy.
"Lee," the girl said. "You're going to hurt yourself if you continue this."
"317! 318! I have to – 320! – have to do this! 324! 325! The power of youth – 330! 331! – is burning in me – 335! 336! – brightly! 338! 339! 340!"
The girl shook her head, and thusly spotted the rather curious Itachi. "Um, hello? May I help you?"
"Hmm? Ah, no, I'm just… just staring." Itachi admitted as he continued watching the green-clad boy, then he shook himself and turned towards the girl. "Kishimoto Itachi." He presented himself with a short bow and stretched out his hand to shake hers.
"Yuki Tenten," she replied with a smile. "It's nice to meet you, Itachi-kun."
Itachi grinned at her and offered her pocky. She was already on his good side, what with not staring at him as though he was god, calling him –sama or Uchiha, and generally just acting normally. "Um, just one question. Him – Lee-kun, was it? – is he always like that?"
Tenten nodded with a sigh. "He takes after our jounnin-sensei."
"Ah. You sensei must be quite the… quite the individual, then."
She smiled. "Yes, that is one way to put it. Lee! Come over here!"
"YOSH!!!! TENTEN-SAN!!!! I DID IT!!!! I KICKED THE LOG 500 TIMES!!!! THE POWER OF YOUTH REALLY IS BURNING BRIGHTLY TODAY!!!!" the boy shouted as he ran over.
It was at this point that Itachi discovered the huge, black, caterpillar-like eyebrows. 'It's a rare specimen of the species Eyebrowus Hugeicus.' The teen thought to himself in fascinated amusement. "You sure know how to kick, Lee-kun."
"Thank you! I can see that the springtime of youth burns in you brightly… er… who are you?"
"This is Kishimoto Itachi-kun," Tenten introduced them.
"Ah! You are the genius child of the Uchiha Clan!" Lee exclaimed, his round eyes narrowing challengingly. "Rumours are already swarming about you. About your original lightning-jutsu, created after only being here for three days. About becoming a shinobi after just two days. And about your mission yesterday."
"Lee!" Tenten scolded. "Weren't you the one who said that we should act normal around Itachi-kun if we ever met him?"
But Lee ignored her. "You must be good." He said. "I would like to fight you."
The older teen blinked. "You'll have to excuse me, but I don't fight anyone who hasn't introduced themselves."
"Rock Lee is my name." The boy smirked. "And now, we fight."
Itachi stared. 'Well, shit.'
VIII
There, it's done. Please tell me what you think
The explanation about the bloodline limits was taken from the Naruto-page at Wikipedia, so it isn't mine. I just couldn't figure out a way to say everything shortly, and in a formal manner. So, yeah…
Thanks to:
dragonmage27, THE Hyuuga Neji, TheWhiteMonk, angelsdawn1004, dragaan, Fate, Talchy, CrazyGirlofManyNames, Yami no Hikari-Chan, Kuroy, Insane Immortal Dragon Goddess, Honebar, disama, Beta the Second, Shi No Megami 20, Azalie-Kauriu, Vree, Sakurai Haruka, Chibi of Many Names, Laughing Cat, RainPure, MissSilver, Phamalama, Annaku, rockleefan, Sahrai, Silver-Entrantress-Elf, Chosha Kurenai, animeflunky, choclatbandit, and RozenMaiden14.
