Okay, I apologise for the extremely long wait time! I forgot to bring my laptop charger when I went away last week so I didn't have much time to write. However, I did get my results for my A Levels where I got AAB, so excited for University now which starts in September. I would like to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has read/favourited/followed/reviewed my story, and an extra thank you to reviewer Dseiladmnd who gave me the idea for some of this chapter, I was going to thank you through a PM but I realised that I couldn't! Anyways, on with the story
-Another apology, I went away again before I had chance to upload the chapter and I was distracted by 'The Queen of the Tearling' which is AMAZING by the way, you should all read it, but I'm going to update super soon to make up for it
Fifty Shades belongs to E.L James, not me sadly
Christian's POV
I walk behind her as she walks towards the elevator in the apartment. Despite the tension that surrounds us and the anger that is still evident between us, I still can help myself looking at her, the most beautiful woman that I have ever laid my eyes on. Even when she's angry, she lights up a room, her passion shines through wherever she is, enlightening everyone that she meets, even those enshrouded in darkness. My inner musings are then interrupted by her voice.
"It isn't forever" Her voice breaks slightly. I know that her pain is because of me, and knowing this makes me hate who I am. What kind of man makes their wife cry? What kind of a husband tries to manipulate their wife into subordination through intimidation? I am a husk of a man, the events of the last couple of days reinforce this to her and to myself. No matter what Ana says, I will never be good enough for her. I know that, but I will prove to her that I can be worthy of her love. I just don't know how to do that anymore. Hearts and flowers were never my thing.
"Where will you go?" my voice sounds weak to my ears, I inwardly scold myself for the weakness. Part of my hopes that she won't hear it even though I know she will whereas the other selfish part of me hopes that she can hear the pain in my voice informing her of what she is doing to me. To us.
"I'm not sure, but I'm sure Sawyer will inform you once I have decided or you'll use the tracker on my car." She has yet to look up at me in the eyes, though if she did, I don't know if I would be able to bear the tears that are likely to be lurking around her beautiful blue eyes. The elevator doors open and she walks forward, fearing that this may be the last time get to see her in a while, I move forward and cry out her name, not bothering to worry about the weakness that I am displaying to her; my wife; my lifeline; my reason for living.
"Christian" Then the doors close on the face of my wife, leaving me feeling more alone than ever. Sawyer stalks past me minutes later from where I have remained stood in front of the gleaming elevator doors, my body hasn't moved at all, perhaps due to the shock of her leaving.
"I'll go and follow her sir." He knows what I was going to ask before I even thought about uttering the words. In the last few months it has become increasingly evident that Sawyer and my wife have become closer, and my rational mind knows that it is nothing to worry about; that he sees her as a younger sister just like she views him as an overly protective older brother. Her safety and wellbeing means everything to me, and Sawyer helps me maintain it. With a slight nod of my head, I turn and walk away into the master bedroom in Escala.
My whole body feels numb. She's left me. My wife who is carrying my child has left me alone, all alone. The air surrounding me seems to swell suddenly and it becomes more and more difficult for me to get air into my lungs. I crouch and sit on the floor, my shaking legs unable to carry my weight any longer. My throat constricts and my eyes become blurred.
"Please no. Please come back. Please don't leave me by myself" I cry into the dark empty room, the sound seems to echo off of the walls as if the room was empty. My world is empty without my Ana.
It could be seconds, minutes or even hours that pass before I am broken out of my self-inflicted pain fest by the sound of my phone announcing a text message. I quickly grab it out of my back pocket.
+ Kate's just told me that Ana wanted a girl night and bailed on me, you up for a bit of brotherly bonding ;)
I surprisingly feel comforted by the fact that Ana is with Kate, despite Kate's ability to get my wife in trouble I hope that she will be able to provide her with the comfort tonight that I am unable to.
=Sure, where we off to?
+ That bar near Escala, I'll be at yours in 15 dickhead.
An hour later, we're sat in the bar, a glass of wine in my hand and a beer in Elliot's. The bar is busy, full of both men and women dancing and drinking the Friday night away, couples are sat in booths around the edges of the room seeking solitude in the dark together. This sight makes me yearn for Ana even more.
"So, what's going on with you and Ana anyway?" Absolutely-fucking-brilliant, just the thing that I wanted to bloody talk about tonight, "There I was, waiting for Kate to get to my apartment so we could have some make Elliot happy time when I get a quick bloody text message from Kate saying that Ana wanted to spend some time with her, and I know for fucking certain that you keep your wife on a tight leash so something must have happened for you to suddenly let her to do what she wants. So, what's happened bro." Then he downs the last of his beer and orders in another round, I quickly drink mine and order a scotch and wait for the bartender to deliver our next drinks. I'm going to need more alcohol if I'm going to have this conversation with my brother.
Our drinks arrive and my brother looks at me expectantly, clearly waiting for me to speak. Since when has my brother been so bloody observant? I have to admit, I haven't been around very much to notice these things, but bloody hell he can't have always been this way.
I know that I have to I tell him everything. If I want to have a proper relationship with my brother, I think that this is something that I have to do, so I do and I don't stop talking.
"Ana's pregnant. She missed the shot. I mean it's the one thing that she really has to remember and she fucking forgot, and now she's going to have a baby. We've only been married for a couple of weeks and now she's pregnant. How the fuck am I supposed to look after a child, especially a child that is my own flesh and blood. You know how fucked up my life was before you lot. Can you imagine me as a fucking father? Because I bloody well can't. This child could do so much better than me and I don't know how I'm supposed to tell Ana, my wife, the woman who has the most faith and patience in the world, that I don't think that I am capable of helping her through her pregnancy when I know that I'm gonna fail her in the long run. I don't know if I could face doing that to her, she means so much to me Elliot, and I'd hate for her to be disappointed in me. I just want to make her proud." I inhale deeply, clear my throat loudly and drink the scotch in the glass in front of me. I don't want to look over at Elliot, I don't want to see the look on his face.
Staring down at my now empty glass, I hear him sigh, call over the bartender and order another glass of scotch for me. Once the glass is placed in front of me, I drink in quickly. I've drunk before after a bad day at work, this time however, I know exactly what they mean when they say that people drown their sorrows in alcohol. I'm sick of making people around me miserable, and the alcohol helps me forget about that somewhat.
"Listen bro, I think I understand where you're coming from I was adopted too remember, but she loves you." I look up when I hear the seriousness in his voice. "That woman married you for a reason; one because she has the patience of a saint and two because she sees beyond your wealth to see your heart. And that bro, is something that I imagine that most people find it hard to do. No matter what you do, Ana is going to love you and help you through whatever happens. You found each other for a reason bro. But you need to get yourself together, not only for yourself and your mental health, but for your wife. She's pregnant for Christ's sake, she needs you now more than ever and she needs protecting now more than ever. However, I will give you tonight to vent, which means that we need more alcohol." He turns away from my face and shouts up to the bartender. "Hey! Can we have another round over here please? Cheers."
With the drinks in our hands, he turns back to me and nods his head towards me,
"To you and Ana bro, and you're everlasting happiness! Drink up, it's your tab we're drinking on anyway, s'not like you can't fucking afford it."
"Come on bro, at least try and make this easy for me. For fuck sake, where's Taylor. I feel like I've been here for bloody ages. I could have been fucking Kate now but I'm stood here with you dickhead, oh hell you're gonna kill me in the morning for allowing you to get this drunk." I try and come up with an intelligent response but all that comes out of my mouth is something that sounds like a groan.
"Oh thank bloody fuck for Taylor, finally." Then, everything blurs and my eyes close, leaving me in the dark.
The room is quiet, the only sound that I can hear is my own heart beating in my chest. It's dark and I'm all alone in the kitchen. Mommy is asleep on the floor in the living room, she smells funny. I hear the door open and slam against the wall. I run as fast as I can to the table and hide underneath it. My hand flies in front of my mouth, I hope he doesn't hear me.
"Oiy, boy!" he shouts. Please don't find me, please don't hurt me again. I hear him enter the kitchen and my breathing increases. He lifts up the table cover and looks straight at me. His eyes are black, he scares me. Then, before I can run away he grabs my arm and drags me into the living room. I try to escape from his grasp, but he is holding me too tight. My arm hurts. I start to cry.
"Shut up kid, this is your fault," he says pointing to mommy. She still hasn't moved from the floor. "You did this to her you little shit." He lets go of my arm and I run over to mommy and lie next to her. Please help me mommy, don't let him hurt me again mommy.
The scary man leaves the house and I am left alone with mommy. She feels cold, so I go and get her a blanket from my bed and put it over her. The house is quiet again, I can only hear my own breathing. I lie under the blanket with mommy and stay close to her until I fall asleep.
A man wakes me up by picking me up from the floor, no! Let me stay with mommy! I want my mommy! They are putting a sheet over her face and carrying her out of the house! No, they can't do that! I want my mommy, please! No!
I startle awake by the sounds of my screams. My clothes stick to my body as a thin layer of sweat has formed over my skin, drenching both the clothes and the sheets around me. I sit up and look around the empty room. The cold side beside me on the bed sends shockwaves down my spine. Ana. She's still gone. The few nights that have passed without her lying beside me have send nightmares flooding back into my routine. My head falls down into my hands and I wipe the tears and sleep from my eyes, trying to rid myself on the remnants of the nightmare.
Slowly I make my way over to the bathroom, beside the sink, I see a bottle of Ana's favourite perfume. Hope fills my veins. Even when she's gone, it still feels as though she is still here with me. Looking up into the mirror, I can see weariness wearing on my face. Before Ana, I went weeks without proper sleep. It seems like a lifetime ago.
After wiping my face and changing into some pyjamas, I fall back into bed ignoring the discomfort from the bedsheets below me, I grab my phone from the bedside table and see that I have numerous text messages waiting for me; one from Ana, one from Elliot and one from Mia. Ignoring the other two, I open the message from Ana;
*I love you, A xx
A grin sweeps across my face almost splitting it into two without any discomfort. She still loves me. After everything that has happened, she loves me. And through the small text message that she has sent me, my world almost seems right again. I will prove to her that I deserve her, if it's the last thing that I ever do.
=I love you too, baby. More than you will ever know xx
Who'd have thought that I, Christian Grey, would ever send kisses to someone over a text message? How things have bloody changed, and thank god they were for the better. I can't stand the man that I used to before Ana.
After placing my phone back on the side table, I turn over and lay my arm over on Ana's side of the bed. I will get her back. I will do everything it takes, just to make her love me and be proud of me. Memories of Ana float into my mind, and I fall asleep quickly.
