Chapter Eight
"Move it over here … no, there … to the left … my left, Sonny … " Alexis had never felt this horrible. She was lying in her room at Sonny's for five days … five whole days … four full nights … and five whole days … in one room. She threw up more than she ate, which was bad, and slept more than she cried, which was a relief. After her third chemo treatment, she refused to see the kids. She banned Carly from the room, and Jason was getting on her everlasting nerve. It had been five weeks since her first chemo treatment and the move to Sonny's from the hospital. The first few days were fine … a little nausea, weakness, but she could walk … now … no walking, she could barely sit up on her own. She was presently instructing Sonny where to set the trash can they so lovingly called the puke bucket. Alexis was finally happy when he placed it where she wanted and lay back onto the two pillows behind her, her head missing the top, banging against the bed frame.
"Ah!! Damnit!! You little sh--!!" She yelped, lifting her right hand as fast as she could, which wasn't fast at all to the back of her head. She didn't hit her head hard, but it felt like a baseball bat slamming against her.
"Oh my God, Alexis!" Sonny quickly leaned on the bed and pulled Alexis toward him, placing his hand lightly on top of hers which was holding her head tightly.
Alexis let the tears fall, 'Great … here we go again with the waterworks,' Alexis thought to herself … she couldn't stop crying. Sonny held her tight. She felt him relax against her and she did the same. The pain was minimizing in her head, but her stomach turned and her eyes stung from crying. Her head rested now on his shoulder. He moved to sit next to her, her head on his chest, his hands running through her thinning hair, her tears dropping on his black t-shirt, her arms wrapped around his waste. He lay back on the bed, pulling her gently down with him … both now laying complete on the bed side by side … her forehead buried in his chest … his arms wrapped around her back.
"Sonny," she whispered over and over as he rocked her against him … the tears claiming more and more of his shirt.
"I've got you," he whispered into her hair. She shivered … 'Idiot' he thought to himself and pulled the covers on top of them. They kept this part of the house warm even though it was scorching hot outside … Alexis was rarely not freezing on a good day. He pulled the covers up to their shoulders and held her closer, running his hands up and down her back and arms to give her his warmth.
Alexis stopped him by wrapping her arms around his body, pulling herself with all her might to him. They were holding each other from head to foot now … everything touching … everything warm. Sonny somehow shut off his feelings … not in his head or heart, but his body … he couldn't live with himself if she knew how much he wanted her … she would be disgusted … the thought of him wanting her while she threw up all over him daily made her even more ill, but he did. Every day that passed was yet another day that he fell more in love with her … and of course, she was oblivious to it all. He couldn't put that on her. He couldn't profess his love when she was feeling so awful. He'd like to think that it would put a smile on her face, and he knew it would, but then he knew she'd ban him too from the room … just like Carly. She got too close. Sonny smiled to himself thinking of all the times he walked in the room these past few weeks and saw Carly reading to Alexis, painting her toenails, showing her more drawings from the kids … then one day, Alexis told Sonny that she couldn't have Carly see her like this anymore. This of course, didn't stop Carly … but she only came in while Alexis was asleep. Alexis knew … she didn't go to college for nothing … she knew when she saw her toenails and fingernails freshly painted when she woke up that Carly came for a visit.
The kids, on the other hand, were not allowed even close to the door and Sonny agreed. Alexis didn't look like herself. It had only been five weeks, but Alexis had lost so much weight. It wasn't much, but she was already so thin, that she was now all skin and bones. Kristina threw a fit almost every day to see her mother, copied shortly after by Molly. Michael tried his best to entertain them, but he himself was worried. Sonny finally put a walkie talkie in the room so they could talk. Alexis spent most of her time on the walkie talkies with the kids, but not now. Now, she was exactly where Sonny wanted her … in his arms. This was the second time that they lay like this together and Sonny felt horrible that he loved it. He just loved being close to her.
Alexis managed to stop crying but was now breathing heavily, "Sonny?"
"Yeah." He tried looking to her, but she held on tight. Her mouth was close to his ear and his, hers.
"Tell me … " she managed to gasp … her breathing becoming more rapid.
Sonny knew what she needed, '"Breathe … breathe, Alexis," he whispered over and over, "I've got you Alexis, breathe … "
It wasn't working … she was gasping for air. Sonny panicked and pulled back. "Alexis! Hey, honey … please, breathe" Her eyes met his. She was scared - he could tell that she had never been more frightened. She gasped again for air, sucking as much possible in, which wasn't enough. She tried to say his name, but nothing came out. He jumped from the bed and reached for the phone, "We need you … " Sonny simply said and joined Alexis again on the bed, placing her hands on his chest. She was fighting for air. He breathed in deep, allowing her fingers to grip his shirt then open up full on his chest. Her eyes never left his … gasping for air …
"Alexis, feel me breathe … come on … we're breathing together … " he took a deep breath and she mimicked him, "Come on baby … we're breathing the same air … come on … feel it, Alexis … " Sonny nodded and remained locked in her eyes as she breathed deeper, "That's it … we're breathing the same … we're the same, Alexis … okay … " she was getting better, breathing deeper, hands splayed across his chest, feeling his own chest rise from the air.
Robin burst through the room, taking in the scene before her. She reached for the oxygen and quickly moved behind Alexis on the bed to put the mask over her mouth and nose. She didn't want to break their connection, so she gently raised Alexis' head and slipped the mask around. She sat on the bed behind Alexis and rubbed her back. She watched as Sonny's eyes were determined to get her through this. This was Alexis' second attack in three days and it worried Robin.
After a few moments, Alexis closed her eyes and fell asleep. Sonny's eyes closed himself, but it was only to stop the tears. Robin gently removed the oxygen mask and stood to leave, breathing out a sigh of relief.
"Robin," Sonny whispered. She looked to him sympathetically. He nodded, "Thank you."
Robin practically moved in when she ordered Alexis to bed rest. She knew that Sonny had plenty of help for the kids and they could afford their own private nurse, but she felt compelled to do this herself. She felt a strong connection to Alexis and wanted to see her through to her recovery. She was doing normal with the side effects of the chemo … but Robin was worried about what she could only describe as her asthma attacks. Although this was only the second one, Robin didn't like it. She left the room to find Jason and Carly pacing the hallway.
"She okay?" Carly demanded. Robin nodded, looking then to Jason.
"Can I talk to you?"
Jason nodded and followed Robin down the stairs to the living room, Carly following two steps behind.
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Sonny watched her sleep for an hour. This was when she was most peaceful. She wasn't exactly 'peaceful' through any nap or sleep, but it was better than being awake. He looked her face over, lightly dragging his fingers along her smooth skin. He'd noticed the bags under her eyes, the worried lines on her forehead, and he knew that she would wake soon. This was his time … when she slept, that he pretended they were married. He pretended they were in love and together for life. He kissed her forehead gently, sure not to wake her prematurely, because where he kissed next, he knew she wouldn't allow awake. His lips touched hers … a whisper touch that he could barely feel physically, but his heart felt completely. He leaned back to look at her face more and was shocked to see her eyes wide open. He was suddenly embarrassed and a little frightened by how she would react.
Alexis looked down to his lips, and then locked eyes with him.
She whispered, "Did you just kiss me?"
Sonny smiled the smallest smile.
"No."
"I didn't think so." She smiled back at him. The next thing she did was the most unexpected thing that he'd ever imagined. Her hands slowly came up. One stopped at his chest and the other behind his neck. She pulled him to her, licking her lips slowly. Her breathing heavy, but that was normal for this … his lips crashed into hers softly, but hungrily. At first it was only lips … soft kisses … short and sweet, then long and full. Sonny's heart raced with each second passing, and he was more than pleased to feel her tongue glide against his bottom lip. He quickly opened his mouth to hers … tongues dancing … tasting her for the longest time. He had waited for this moment for years. His hands around the small of her back, pulling her small body gently to his … her right hand at his chest, grabbing his shirt, her left hand behind his neck, running up through his hair and down his face … lips constantly together, tongues never parting. Alexis felt him against her, she smiled against his lips at his arousal for her … partly smiling because she was happy to feel it … partly smiling because it embarrassed her that they could go no further. She pulled away after one more long kiss and looked deep into his eyes. Sonny took a minute to compose himself. Moving from complete and utter lust in his eyes to pure love for her. He smiled down to her smile.
"Alexis?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you just kiss me?"
"No."
Sonny nodded. "I didn't think so."
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A/N: So those of you who love the show 'Mad About You', yes, I stole that from there!
