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"Stop worrying about me." Hank grunted.
"See you soon." Jay smirked at him recognizing the dance and throwing his arm protectively around his Partner and giving her a kiss in the cheek.
"Don't push me Halstead." They heard Hank say as they passed through the security gates hand in hand.
Erin did not turn around, no second glance, she knew she would just run back into the arms of the man who had saved her and not be able to get on the plane and go home. Jay however had to make sure that Olivia would in fact take care of his Sargent. The sight he saw when he turned around was one of Hank kicking a plastic chair and Olivia wrapping her arms around his back leading him out. "We will get through this." Jay whispered, more to reassure himself than Erin.
"Adam never called after you sent the video." Erin said as they sat down on the plane.
"I never sent the video, thought we should watch it with them."
"You that worried about them?"
"No, but I think they could use he extra hugs or some thing when they do see it."
"Laying there was quite peaceful, do you think that peace is what she saw?"
"Nadia saw the beauty in everything."
"That is what I want to remember but all I keep thinking about is that stupid scarf she shoved into the backseat."
"She made sure we would get him...her last act in this world was to keep who knows how many women safe by ensuring that he would never see he light of day again."
"My cake,my car, the scarf I gave her...she shouldn't have been the one abducted."
"Can't change the past."
"We should have saved her Jay." She said leaning into his shoulder.
"Do you need one of your pills?"
"No...Just you right now." Erin whispered. Jay wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled deeper into him as the plane rose into the clouds. Neither slept on their flight home, they watched the clouds.
As soon as the plane touched down Jay flipped on his phone and sent Hank a picture of the Chicago airport. Not five seconds later the message said it had been read but he never received a reply...he didn't expect one.
"They are in Chicago." Hank mumbled as he flipped the file folder closed and set it back on the conference table.
"You want me to take you back to the hotel? I need to be getting home...you are more than welcome to go there too." Olivia told him.
"I'm good." He said looking across the table. "I will see you back here in the morning."
He left shortly after Olivia walking slowly from the PD to the hotel, he felt more lost and alone than he had in years. He sat down on the bed and kicked off his boots and pulled out his phone. Just as he was about to call Erin his phone rang.
She had beat him to it, "Hi Dad." She said as her face showed up on the screen. He fought back a smile and allowed a small grunt in response. "We wanted everyone together when we showed the video." Erin said as she flipped her screen around to show their entire team, plus Platt, Roman and Burgess sitting around in the living room.
"I was there Erin, this isn't necessary." Hank said, thankful that she thought to call.
He heard a rustle and Jay took the phone, allowing it to flash to his face so Hank would know the phone had changed hands-subtle Halstead. "Play the video already." Jay told his partner.
Hank watched as Erin instructed everyone to lay down in the floor with their heads together before she held up the phone to play the video. Hank closed his eyes as he heard the choked sobs coming from multiple members of his team, the team he failed to protect. After the two minute video finished Jay sat up and took the phone, and Hank into Erin's bedroom. "She is doing okay." Jay told him. "You alone tonight?" Jay asked disappointed.
"I told you not to worry about me Halstead."
"Hard not to Sarge."
"Take care of them."
"Talk to you in the morning."
"Night Kid." Hank said and he shut off his phone.
When Jay walked back into the living room his team had split apart and withdrawn into themselves. Adam had curled up on the couch, Antonio paced in the kitchen, Burgiss was sitting by Adam trying to get him to talk to her, Roman sat next to Atwater and both looked lost. Trudy was shrugging on her jacket and Erin was still laying on the flood in the center of the room. Only Erin and Al remained laying on the floor.
Everything was so screwed up, no one felt comfortable in their own skin anymore and everyone was on eggshells. Jay walked slowly around the room and put his hand on each of their shoulders, squeezing gently. "We are together in this. The paperwork side of this may be done but we still have to go to trial and grieve. We can't do that alone."
"I need to get back to PD...someone has to pick up the slack while Hank is on vacation." Trudy mumbled as she walked towards the door.
"See ya in the morning Sarge." Atwater said with a nod.
"Did you want to head out Adam? Roman and I have the early shift." Kim asked, receiving no response.
Jay sat down on the couch next to Adams head and put his hand on his shoulder, his thumb resting on his neck. When Jay saw the panic and despair in Adam's eyes he moved his leg towards his head and when he lifted it Jay scooted so Adams head rest on his thigh.
"Adam? Are you okay?" Kim asked softly, frustrated and a twinge guilty that Jay seemed to be able to help her boyfriend more than her.
Wondering how much Kim knew about his grief struggle Jay whispered, "You staying here again Buddy?" When Adam gave a minuscule nod Jay looked at Kim, "Grief is a tricky thing..."
Looking at Jay, Kim ran her fingers through Adam's hair, "I will be at home if you need anything."
Roman stood up with Kim and looked at Kevin, "Headed home too?"
"Yeah, my sis is prolly waiting for me." He answered.
"Breakfast in intelligence at eight." Erin said without looking over.
When the three left Erin stood up and went over to Antonio and put her arm around him. "Lets go." She told him as she led him down the hall.
"Old man holding up?" Al asked Jay without moving from his spot on the floor.
"You've known him longer than me."
"He take you up to the roof?"
"Yeah."
"About Camille?" Jay nodded. "More than I have gotten."
"He's at the hotel now."
"You expected different?"
"Hoped."
"There anything new with the case?"
"Ready for trial. They are doing more with some of the others but that is strictly on them."
"And Hank?"
"Said he was going to see Justin." When Al grunted in response JAy laughed, "Two of you are so talkative."
"You're a good Kid Halstead, still have a lot to learn but you are a good kid." Al said as he sat up. "You with us Ruzek?" Al asked.
"Guess so." Adam said sitting up next to Jay.
"You good here then?" Al asked standing up and letting himself out.
"Jay?" Adam questioned, "Why is this fucking me up so bad?"
"You are like twelve...let me just tell ya...it doesn't get any easier."
"How do you keep from losing it then?"
"I don't."
"Voight?"
"It is hard for all of us."
"Camille is his wife right?"
"Yeah...why?"
"Why'd Al ask about her?"
"Because of Erin."
"Why do I feel like everyone is talking in riddles?"
"Dont worry about it."
"Kim doesn't like that I haven't been staying at her place."
"She know you've been staying here with Dawson?"
"Not sure."
"You tell her about the panic attacks?"
"No."
"You should."
"She doesnt get emotional at this stuff."
"She cares. She's tough, but she cares."
"It doesn't mess her up though Man...I am a complete...mess or whatever and she can just keep on working like it is no big deal."
"This is the last night you stay here till you talk to her. Now where did you two lose the dang remote?"
"It's next to the TV." Adam said relaxing into the couch.
"Who leaves the remote next to the TV...defeats the whole purpose of even having the remote if you have to get up to walk to the thing."
"Your legs aren't broken."
"Shut up Ruzek." Jay said sitting back down, his shoulder leaning against Adams.
"Think Lindsay and Dawson are okay in there?"
"No...they miss her..." Jay said flipping the channels until he found a rerun of MASH.
"What's your deal with this show?"
"BJ reminds me of an old friend...and I grew up watching it. It's funny." Jay said as he leaned his head back on the couch with a sigh.
"Tired?" Adam asked as he watched the show.
"Mmm..." Jay mumbled with glassy eyes as he leaned against his friend.
Adam leaned his head onto Jays shoulder and felt the weight of his head almost immediately. "Get some sleep Halstead." He mumbled. It was oddly comforting to feel his weight on my shoulder, it was safe. He was safe. He was safe with me. Trust didn't seem to come easy in the CPD as he had struggled to learn.
He trusted too easily, wore his heart on his sleeve, opened himself up too quickly. Adam got posting the episode and the next thing he knew Erin walked into the living room with tear stains on her face. Adam went to say something and Erin held her finger up to her mouth to shh him.
"Tonio's asleep." She whispered sitting down on the couch with her legs over Jay, feet on Adam. She ran her fingers along the back of his neck and he melted into her allowing Adam to pick up his head. Erin softly kissed his temple and his head slid back on her arm making him snore softly. "He's exhausted." Erin mused.
"Aren't we all?" Adam asked, not knowing if she was talking about Antonio or Jay.
"How are you doing Baby?" She asked, pulling out the pet name again, something he knew she would never let slip at work.
Shrugging his shoulders, "Better with you home." He answered.
"After the trial is over I need you to step up and be there for him?" Erin said running her fingers through her Partners hair.
"After the trial?"
"Yeah Baby, I don't know if I am cut out for this life...I wasn't born into it...I promised him I would stay until it was done but after that...I need to find me again...whoever I may be."
"Don't you love him?" Adam asked, understanding more of what the earlier conversation was about.
"It isn't about that."
"Erin you know you are the one that holds our team together don't you?"
"Not gonna have this conversation. Jay and I have talked about it...Hank has an idea..."
"So does Al."
"Adam I love all you guys but that doesn't make the world go round."
"Will you tell me before you run away."
"When the trial is over..." Erin told him as Jay groaned and halready opening his eyes. "Go back to sleep." She whispered to him and Adam smirked when he snuggled into her. "Shut up Ruzek."
"Running away and being killed Erin..either way we lose someone we care about." Adam said crossing his arms across his chest. He could feel the panic setting in. Seeing the change Erin moved herself so she was between the two and she pulled Adam into her. "I don't know if I can lose anyone else."
"I want you to listen and listen hard, Halstead has promised to pull me back after I run...I know you don't get it but he does and that is all that matters. I need you and everyone else to help him so he can help me. Got it?"
"So you will be back?" Adam asked as he fought back the tears."
"So help me Ruzek...I lost myself when we lost Nadia, I was barely holding myself together after watching Jules die...watching Justin and Hank after Camille died...my own Mother chose drugs over me...and Teddy...Hank saved me once but he can't do it again...he isnt strong enough...I will do what I need to for Nadia but after that..." Erin said her voice cracking.
"We will get through this together." Jay said sitting back up and pulling Erin into him. "I won't let you down." When Erin pulled Adam who was having a full blown panic attack into her Jay ruffled his hair. "Guys, we will get through this."
Nudging Erin a few minutes later Jay whispered, "Give the Kid something to calm him down. It is late."
Erin passed Adam to Jay and went to her jacket and pulled out a Xanax before walking into the kitchen and pulling a water bottle from the fridge. She set the pill in his mouth and poured a small amount of water into his mouth, "Swallow Baby." She said running her thumb along his cheek.
Ten minutes later Erin watched as his eyes rolled back and Jay felt dead weight against him. "Lightweight." Jay mumbled with a sad smile.
"He okay to leave him so we can go to bed?"
"You were okay to leave for us to go up to the roof, pretty sure he will be fine a few feet away."
"Ass." Erin smirked.
"You know you love it."
"I will be in bed. When you are done codling the Kid I will be waiting for you."
"Codling huh?"
"Snuggling?"
"Comforting."
"Bed." She said as she walked down the hall, popping her head in to check on Antonio. Jay laid Adam down on the couch and covered him with a blanket before walking into Erin's room and plopping down on the bed closing his eyes.
Erin walked out of her bathroom wearing nothing but Jay's Blackhawks Jersey and saddled him. "Now about that ass..."
