About A Soldier
Part 8/10
Goodbye
Five years after the unstable reconciliation with Maria, and Jasper feels more torment now than ever. He feels more trapped than his first few months as a newborn in the cage.
Again, the night's hunt was not satisfying for him. He was up to four a night, and now something new was torturing him: the pain of his victims. It's what drove him… he suspects he thirsts not only for their blood but now for their pain.
It's driving him crazy.
A breeze passes through while he's still a long way from the house, and he thinks he hears his name on it. He halts and turns his face to the wind, inhaling. He recognises the scent.
"Jasper, it's me. It's Pete."
"Peter, what are you doing back here? Maria thinks your dead if she –"
"I came back for you. Me and Charlotte, we were worried about you."
He feels a tug of appreciation, and that familiar trusting sensation he always got from Peter. Still…
"You shouldn't be here, Pete. Leave."
"Come with us?"
"I'm secure here, Pete. Maria's losing her lust for war, she just wants to live now."
"And you? Are you living, Jasper, or are you merely surviving?"
The question hits him. He knows the answer. "I can't leave her, she won't know what to do with herself."
"Jasper, listen to me. The fighting… it's not all there is. Maria will never stop. Maybe for a few years, but it's all she knows. I've seen other ways. I've seen our kind living together without fighting."
Jasper stares at him. Had he gone and finally lost his mind? "What are you talking about?"
"Up North, they don't fight there. Please, come with us, Jasper. You've learned all you can from Maria, and she's taken all she can from you without killing you. Please."
Silence.
"We'll be here until midnight, by the old burn pile. I'll wait for you, Jasper, until then. And then, we're gone for good. Please… don't miss this opprotunity. You're better than this."
Peter's gone, and Jasper's left with his words. Without fighting. Don't miss this opprotunity.
He inhales deeply, savoring the feel of oxygen burning in his lungs. He knows the choice isn't a hard one. The decision to make the choice is what's waiting…
* * *
He finds his coat draped over an armchair near the door. The medals from his time in the military – back when he was human – are in a desk drawer. He looks at each one carefully as he tucks them in his pockets. They are the only thing left of his humanity.
After collectioning his personal items, he thinks he's ready.
He's wrong.
A tiny silver necklace sitting on top of the desk catches his eye. Maria's. He sighs and stares at it. Can he survive without her? Sure, he tells himself.
Does he want to?
He knows the answer. He wants out.
Carefully, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny gold button that came loose from his uniform a few weeks back. He places it in the center of the necklace, rearranging it until he thinks it looks alright.
Then, he makes his way silently up the stairs. Maria was in her room, pretending to be resting again. He pauses outside the door and listens. He can hear her breathing – trying to be as human as she can be.
She's so far from human it's unreal. He was well on his way down the same path.
Carefully, he places his hand flat on her bedroom door. "I'm sorry, Maria. It's just a promise that I can't keep." Then, he takes a long, deep breath.
"Goodbye," he says. Then, he smiles slightly to himself and adds something he knew Maria would say to him: "Mi amor."
