"You're being ridiculous," Tamar said, crossing her arms defiantly across her chest.

Tolya poked his head outside of the coach and said, "She's made up her mind. There's no use arguing."

"Nikolai isn't going to like this," she insisted.

"He already anticipated I would do something like this, Tamar. It won't come as a surprise when you two return to Os Alta without me."

"It's dangerous, Alina. The longer you're out here, the less safe you'll be. Especially without us around."

I stepped forward and pulled open the coach door, gesturing for Tamar to climb inside. "I won't be gone long. Maybe a few weeks, no longer than a month. I am the Sun Summoner remember. I'll be fine."

Tamar shook her head as she climbed into the coach. "Your being the Sun Summoner is the exact reason you're in danger."

Tolya leaned out of the coach again. "I hope you find what you're looking for," he said, not bothering to hide the questioning tone in his voice.

I feigned a small smile. "I'll be back in no time." Before they could say another word, I closed the door of the coach and hit the side, signaling for the driver to move. I turned my back, not wanting to see the twins' disapproving glares as they began down the gravel drive.

The mix of soldiers and Grisha stationed at Keramzin stood at attention as I walked past them, falling completely silent. I couldn't help but notice the tenseness in their faces. Their demeanor made me uncomfortable. One of the Fabrikators, a thin woman named Liliya, dressed in a purple and gray kefta, drifted from the crowd to my side.

"The last shipment of furniture arrived this morning," she said quickly.

I nodded. "And when will the new staff arrive?"

"Tomorrow morning. We've gathered a fine batch of teachers from all over Ravka that I hope you will find suitable."

"Kindness is all I expect of them." We stopped at the steps that led inside and I looked beyond Liliya, eyeing the group that still stood rigid and at attention. "Tell them to come inside and sit by the fires. They could all use a break from the cold."

A look of surprise flashed across Liliya's face. "But won't they just…" she leaned forward. "…Dirty up the place?"

I chuckled. "Tell them to take off their boots before coming inside. Problem solved."

Liliya smiled. "Yes, of course, moi soverenyi," she said before she flitted off.

I walked inside and made my way up the wooden steps, heading towards my room that overlooked all of Keramzin. I kicked off my boots and relaxed into a burgundy-cushioned chair that sat by the window. Pulling a blanket over me, I watched as Liliya darted from group to group, informing them of my order. Soldiers and Grisha hesitantly gravitated inside, while a few stayed behind to be on watch.

Laughter and songs eventually filtered into my room from down below. The distant chatter stirred the hollowness within me. I wanted to join them, to be apart of their camaraderie but I couldn't ignore the way most of them looked at me. It reminded me of how people looked at the Darkling.

Their faces showed wonder and fear, respect and trepidation. By now, all of Ravka knew what I did out on the Fold. Overly exaggerated stories of my divine strength were on everyone's lips. Saint or not, I knew that many feared I would end up like the Darkling—hungry for change, overwhelmed by power.

Tamar even told me that she heard whispers of my supposed hesitation. Some people were beginning to believe that I intentionally left some of the Fold intact, that I let the Darkling escape. Others believed that I'm just buying time until the Darkling can regain his strength and we can rule Ravka together. The thought made me sick.

I was filled with too much doubt. That's why I stayed behind and made Tolya and Tamar return without me. I told them that that I couldn't return to Os Alta until I found a buried memento that Mal and I hid somewhere in the forest. I said that it meant the world to me and that it was all I had left of our childhood. It was obviously a lie, but neither one pressed the issue.

I couldn't tell them that I needed time to think. No one could understand the extreme pressure that I was under. Everyone seemed so sure of their duties, so certain of their place in this war. I realized I had never been certain of anything.


Days passed and I tended to Keramzin like it was my own. I personally worked with the new staff members and teachers. I made sure they understood how the children should be treated. I emphasized kindness and joy over strict discipline and rules. It was important for them to understand the childhood of orphaned children. They needed to be cared for, not tamed.

I also worked with the Grisha and soldiers, teaching and learning with them all. It was important to bridge the divide that separated them for so long. I had to be that bridge, as I came from both armies. Surprisingly, several were receptive to my efforts, eagerly working with me and trying to encourage the others. Though many were hesitant to speak to me at all. Too many bore the same look that was once reserved for the Darkling.

I tried my best to keep their suspicions controlled. I had to prove to them that I could be trusted. At first, I tried to drink kvas with them by the fires but I only made everyone uncomfortable. I gave up and shifted my energy to something more productive.

No one was aware of what I did once night had fallen and the moon hung high above the sleeping soldiers. Each night, after most people had fallen asleep, I snuck into the forest and practiced my summoning. At first, I only focused on the light, trying to gain a better understanding of my power. But the more I practiced the light, the more something inside me stirred like a restless animal.


One achingly cold night, I stood in the clearing of the familiar forest and focused on my breathing. The chill of winter crept through my layered clothes as I stood completely still. With closed eyes, I listened to the skittering of animals, the rustling of trees, the howling of wolves in the distance. There was nothing else. Only the forest and myself.

I knew there were answers in the powers that I possessed. Once I mastered my strength, I could understand my place in the world. At least, that's what I told myself. It wasn't that simple, but I couldn't handle anymore complex emotions. There was a part of me that I had been ignoring, repressing for too long. It was past time to explore that part.

With hesitation, I bit my lip and pulled from the darkest part of myself. I felt a strange heaviness as it surged forward, flowing through me. My heart pounded in my chest as the power rose and writhed, like a living creature, coursing inside me. I let out a choked breath and opened my eyes.

Inky tendrils of blackness seeped from my fingers, swirling around me. Darkness pooled around my feet, spreading slowly like the sea of tar from my nightmares. The ground disappeared beneath it, enveloped by the murky shadows.

I could feel a weight pressing on my shoulders, forcing me to ground. I fell to my knees as the darkness twisted around me. It reacted to my place on the ground, coiling around my legs, climbing my body and wrapping around my torso.

The blackness crawled up my neck and pooled into my mouth, filling my lungs, causing me to clutch my chest for breath. It was all around me. I couldn't see beyond the darkness, I couldn't feel beyond it. I felt both heavy and hollow. I sunk further, falling into the murky depths.

Despair descended over me. It was a different kind of sadness than what I felt on the Fold. This sorrow felt infinite, like it existed long before my birth and would continue to exist long after my death. Was this not my power to use?

No.

It was my power. It had always been apart of me. I had never let it come forward so strongly before. But it was mine. I had the control. I couldn't let myself drown in a sea of blackness. I couldn't let myself succumb to fear.

I released my grip on my chest and let my muscles relax. My arms fell to my side. I stared into the abysmal depths and didn't look away. Slowly, my breathing returned to me. The heaviness in my bones faded. The darkness lessened and uncoiled from around my body. I watched as the inky tendrils transformed into smoke before my eyes, moonlit rays shining through them.

With shaky knees, I slowly rose from the cold ground. The darkness reacted and whirred around me, but it wasn't latching onto me like before. I realized that the smoke was less dense than the Darkling's nichevo'ya. It swirled lightly around me, black wisps dancing in the air.

I raised my arm and willed the wisps to move. They followed my command. I did this repeatedly, exerting control over the darkness that I wielded. I practiced well into the night. I had to make sure that I had the power.

I kept waiting for my body to grow tired but it never did. It was as if the darkness gave me more energy than ever before. As if its use was recharging every ounce of my being. My senses felt heightened. I felt as good as I did the first time I used my light without the help of an amplifier, like I had finally been awoken from a long sleep.

Once shades of purple and orange began to replace the dull light of the moon, I knew it was time to return inside. Time seemed to escape me as I practiced summoning the darkness. It was a different feeling than that of wielding the light of the sun. As I made my way out of the forest, I cloaked myself in darkness and weaved my way through the campsite, past the tired guards, and went inside.

As soon as my head hit my pillow, I fell asleep.


The pattern continued over the following week. I tended to my Sun Summoner duties during the day, practiced my powers at night. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until I was woken from my bed one morning.

"Moi soverenyi, moi soverenyi," someone said.

Hesitant hands lightly shook my shoulder. I tried to swat the hands away but my arm wouldn't move.

"Alina," they said more insistently.

My heavy eyelids slowly parted open. Liliya crouched beside me, looking concerned and a little annoyed. Her thin mouth was turned in a frown.

"What is it?" I groaned.

"It's past midday. The Grisha were wondering if you would train with them today."

"Past midday?" I questioned. "I only just fell asleep."

She lowered her gaze to the floor. "You've been sleeping a lot lately."

I slowly shook my head. "No more than usual," I protested. I didn't want to admit she was right. "Give me ten minutes. Then we can train."

She bowed slightly then shuffled out the room, lightly closing the bedroom door behind her. I turned my head toward one of the windows, assessing the light that peaked out from behind the curtains. With ease, I summoned a wisp of darkness and willed it to part the curtain.

Afternoon light streamed into the room, causing my eyes to water. The shadow wisp evaporated into the air as I lost focus. My arm dangled over the side of the bed as I laid there, utterly exhausted.

With great difficulty, I tried to pull myself upward. I was panting and my heart was racing by the time I was on my feet. The room spun around me as I walked toward the armchair, where my clothes laid draped over the side. I grasped the chair for support as I tried to regain my balance. The room eventually stopped spinning and my breathing leveled. But my body felt weak.

I slumped into the chair, too tired to change my clothes. I closed my eyes and waited for Liliya to return so that I could tell her that the training was off for today. I don't know how much time had passed but I didn't hear her return.

I awoke to my room awash in an orange glow. A small fire burned in the hearth that sat opposite my bed. Lit candles were strewn about the room. A tray of food sat on the bedside table. It was after dinner. But not too long after, as I could clearly hear the voices of the soldiers from down below, always laughing at something despite the ever-presence of war.

My stomach growled loudly as I breathed in the aroma of marinated beets and cooked bread. I summoned the last bit of my strength and made my way to my bed. I slumped over and picked at the food, quickly feeling nauseous as soon as the food reached my stomach. I pushed the food away then gulped down a glass of water.

I fell backwards, into my blanket and pillows, feeling as if I hadn't slept for days. But sleeping was all I had been doing the past week. Was I really so tired or was it something else? It couldn't be the darkness. It made me feel alive when I wielded it. There was no way it was taking so much from me.

I sighed as I remembered the Darkling's hollowed face, his thin and withered disposition after months of controlling the nichevo'ya. Was this so different? I was wielding a power that did not belong to me. It was something that I took. But why was this happening to me now? I thought I was stronger. I thought I could control both light and dark.

I was wrong.

The power was taking from me as I was taking from it. It was draining me.

Like calls to like, girl. I heard Baghra's throaty warning in my head. Like calls to like.

Terror surged through me. Why did I think I could dabble in something I knew nothing about? I realized then that my fear of the darkness had transformed into something much more. The darkness was going to consume me from within.

I stared at the candles as they cast dancing shadows along the wall and I thought of what choices I had left. There were none. The blackness was going to drain me, consume me like the black sea from my nightmares. The great Sankta Alina's undoing would be herself.

It was a strange feeling knowing that I was slowly fading away. It was different from before, when it was my choice. This wasn't my choice. I only summoned the darkness because I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be unstoppable. Now I was only tired.

But there was still a large part of me that didn't want to succumb to such an ending. Ravka needed me; my people needed me, despite what I often told myself. My friends still needed me.

As I laid there and watched the candles slowly fizzle out, one by one, I knew what I had to do. It was the only option I had left.

With a slow beating heart, I closed my eyes and focused on the faded wound on my shoulder. I let myself sink into the darkness that I had grown far too familiar with. I took one last breath and plucked at the tether that bound us.

As I exhaled, I found myself in a large, cavernous room. My eyes were immediately drawn to him. The Darkling stood mid-stride, mouth slightly agape, with his gleaming grey eyes fixed on me.

"I need your help," I said.


Author's Note: I'm sorry for the lack of updates, guys. I was going through a writing slump for a bit then college started back and I lost track. But don't worry, I'm going to continue to write this as long as there are people who want to read it. Like always, please review and let me know what you think!