Intro: A bar outside of town. The air is real smoky and the clientele is mostly rough, biker-types. Hyde is sitting at a corner table near a jukebox. He's drinking a beer from the bottle and smoking a cigarette. A tall thin blonde walks over and sits down. They begin talking for a while. She orders a drink. The waiter brings it over and she begins playfully touching the straw with her forefinger and mouth. She gently reaches over and lays her hand on Hyde's right knee. Before Hyde has time to react, the jukebox suddenly stops. The bar becomes pitch black except for a red light over the entranceway. The door opens wide and a cloud of smoke appears. When the smoke dissipates, a small brunette wearing all black leather; jacket, pants, and boots appears. Her hair is blowing and the breeze opens her jacket revealing a tight red bustier. She saunters through the bar, in slow motion, running a hand through her hair and walking towards the jukebox. Hyde has his sight fixated completely on the beauty. The blonde seems distressed and removes her hand from Hyde's knee. The brunette leans over the jukebox seductively selecting her choice of song. Once she is satisfied, she waits for the sweet sound of, "Hey Hey Momma" muttering through the machine. As the sexy voice of Robert Plant echoes in her ears, she slowly starts taking off her jacket. She tosses it to the side and begins swaying her hips. As she spins around, she notices Hyde staring at her. Fixated in his eyes, she walks over and faces him square on. She slowly lifts up her left leg and plants it on the other side of his chair. Then she proceeds to gently sit down on his lap, straddling him. Lifting her hands up to his face, she presses her soft lips to his. Hardly containing himself, Hyde hears her say, "Oh Steven." And then, repeating his name, "Steven. Steven."

Kitty: Steven!

Hyde: Ahhhhh! What?

Kitty: You fell asleep on the couch.

Hyde: What time is it?

Kitty: It's 3:30 in the afternoon. Aren't you late for work?

Hyde: Oh yeah. Uh, I better get going.

Kitty: Wow, that must have been some dream. So, who was this pretty young thing?

(Jackie walks in)

Jackie: Hey, have guys seen Fez?

Hyde: Ahhhhh! I gotta go.

(He exits)

Jackie: What's with him?

Kitty: Oh damn. It's you again? (Kitty's signature laugh)

(Jackie looks at her with a confused expression and mutely says "What?")

Opening credits start.

Act I:

Scene 1: Somewhere cross-country. Eric is driving to Arizona. The Who's "Teenage Wasteland" is playing in the car and he's singing along. He hears something in the back.

Kelso: Mmm. Where am I?

Eric: Kelso? What the hell?

Kelso: Eric? What? Where are you going?

Eric: I'm going to Arizona to see Donna. What are you doing in the back of the Vista Cruiser?

Kelso: Well, Fez kicked me out of the apartment last night because of the little slip-n-slide mishap. I still think it was his fault though. I told him we should have put up a sign that says "Enter at your own Risk."

Eric: (sarcastic) Yeah, that would have been much better.

(Kelso climbs over the backseat to the front almost kicking Eric in the head)

Eric: Hey! Watch it!

Kelso: Sorry! So where are we anyway?

Eric: I have no idea. I know we're in Oklahoma, but Bob's directions are horrible. Look at this. (Reading off his directions) "Take this long route, you see. You know the one with the big sign and go west." What the hell does that mean?

Kelso: Maybe it's a clue.

Eric: A clue?

Kelso: Yeah, you know like a scavenger hunt.

Eric: A scavenger hunt?

Kelso: Yeah, and instead of getting some dumb prize at the end, you get "Hot Donna."

Eric: All right, you have officially pissed me off.

Kelso: What? You'd prefer an Easter egg to Donna?

Eric: Just, stop talking.

Kelso: All right. But she's gonna be super pissed when I tell her.

(Eric slams his head against the steering wheel)

Scene 2: The Hub. Fez is playing pinball. Jackie comes in and runs over to Fez.

Jackie: Thank God I found you!

Fez: (With bedroom eyes) Oh baby, you didn't have to look far.

Jackie: Ew, you perv! Like that would really happen. Anyway, I have a surprise for you!

Fez: Is it candy?

Jackie: No.

Fez: A Sugar Daddy?

Jackie: That's candy, Fez.

Fez: A non-candy Sugar Daddy?

Jackie: Fez!

Fez: What?

Jackie: Name something other than candy that you love?

Fez: A woman dipped in candy?

Jackie: Close. (A woman walks into The Hub. She's a tall, slender, blonde, attractive woman. Jackie presents her to Fez). Ta Da!

Woman: Hey Fez.

Fez: Who the hell are you?

Jackie: Fez? It's Big Rhonda. Well, without the Big part.

Rhonda: Yeah, I slimmed down a bit. But not as slim as you string bean. (She nudges him with her elbow and snorts out a laugh)

Fez: Rhonda? You look so different.

Rhonda: Different, good?

Fez: Just different.

(Rhonda looks upset)

Jackie: Fez?

Rhonda: Oh, well I guess you're not impressed with the new Rhonda.

Fez: It's not that. It's just, well; I liked you the way you were before.

Rhonda: Well, I'm still the same person. I can put on the geeky glasses again if you want. (She pulls the glasses out from her pocket and puts them on).

Fez: Yeah, that helps a little.

Rhonda: So, what. You only liked me for my looks?

Fez: Is that shallow? Because I don't want to give you the wrong impression, here.

Rhonda: No, it's fine. At least I know who you really are.

(Rhonda runs out of The Hub crying. Jackie turns to Fez and hits him on his arm).

Jackie: What the hell's the matter with you!

Fez: What? She's too pretty for me. I need someone more on my level. (He looks over at a booth and starts staring at a nerdy girl with thick glasses and a night brace). Now see she is someone who can get Fez's engine running, if you know what I mean. Roaaaaaaaar.

Jackie: Ugh, you're such a jerk. (She leaves).

Fez: What? (He looks over at the nerdy girl again and mutters to himself). I'll catch you later hot stuff. (He leaves).

Scene 3: Grooves Record Store. Hyde's behind the counter in a daze. A customer walks up to him to pay for an album.

Customer: So, how much for this Captain & Tenille album?

Hyde: I should shoot you.

Customer: What?

Hyde: No man in his right mind would buy an album like this. At least lie to me and say it's for your girlfriend.

Customer: OK, it's for my girlfriend.

Hyde: Too late. We both know that's not true. Not to mention it's obvious that you're gay.

Customer: What? I am not!

Hyde: Don't lie. I saw you checking out that guy over there.

Customer: What's wrong with you? I'm leaving! (He slams the album down on the counter and leaves)

Hyde: (Yelling after him) I'm only doing this for your own benefit. Come clean with yourself man!

Leo: What's the matter with you? You don't seem yourself, man.

Hyde: Ah, it's nothing. Believe me, I'm still the same paranoid, anti-government, rebel everyone hates to love. (Smiles to himself)

Leo: Yeah, but now you have an attitude, man.

Hyde: Whatever. I don't care.

Leo: Ah, I think I see it now.

Hyde: No offense Leo but you couldn't see a nuclear explosion if it happened ten feet away from you.

Leo: That's probably true man. But I've always been in tuned with my sensitive side. You're bummed over a chick, man.

Hyde: That's stupid.

Leo: Then how come you keep snapping at every person you talk to? Believe me, I've been there more times than I want to remember. Actually, it's probably a good thing I can't remember. (Starts laughing. Hyde looks bored and starts to walk away). Wait man. Here, sit down. (They both sit on the couch) Look, when my old lady split on me, I was completely heartbroken. And the reality of it was that it was actually my fault. I was just too proud to see it, man. I would drink all day, come home, and sometimes not alone, and just crash on the couch. Ah, the good old days.

Hyde: Leo? Does this story have a point?

Leo: Oh, yeah. Anyway, I thought we would be together forever, no matter what I did or said. But, then one day I came home and saw that she had picked up and left with our son. I knew my life would never be the same, man.

Hyde: Yeah, but you're living life on your own now. Chicks anytime you want. No rules.

Leo: I know my life seems glamorous man, but deep down I'm miserable. I'm just lucky I have you. You've always been like a son to me. I'll always appreciate that man.

Hyde: Thanks Leo. I just think my situation is different than yours.

Leo: Whatever you say man. Just don't wait too long. Because once you realize it, loud girl may be gone.

Hyde: How did you know it was Jackie?

Leo: I didn't. Who's Jackie, man?

(Hyde shakes his head and walks away from Leo).

Act II:

Scene 4: The basement. Fez is watching TV. Rhonda walks in looking for Jackie.

Rhonda: Jackie? Oh, it's you.

Fez: Look, Rhonda. I think we need to talk.

Rhonda: I have nothing to say to you.

Fez: I never meant to hurt you. I was startled when I saw you because you look so beautiful. Not that you weren't beautiful before. You always looked great to me. (Rhonda starts to smile a little). It's just, well, I didn't think you would really be interested in someone like me.

Rhonda: Are you kidding? I've always had a thing for hot foreign man.

Fez: Which brings me back to, why are you interested in me?

Rhonda: Fez, I'm talking about you.

Fez: Oh. (Realizing) Oooooooooooh.

Rhonda: What do you say we get out of here and go see a movie?

Fez: Sounds good to me.

Rhonda: You know what I've always liked about you Fez?

Fez: No, what?

Rhonda: Even though I had this easy personality, you never took advantage of me.

Fez: I know. Something I am surely regretting now.

Rhonda: Hey, don't worry. You buy me the extra big popcorn and you may just get lucky tonight.

Fez: Really? Don't trick me devil woman!

Rhonda: I'm not kidding Fez. So, let's go.

Fez: I'm right behind you. I just need to do something first.

Rhonda: OK. I'll be out in the car. (She leaves)

Fez: (Singing & swaying his hips and arms) I'm going to do it again! I'm going to do it again! (He runs out of the basement and meets up with Rhonda).

Scene 4: Forman's living room. Kitty & Red are watching TV.

Kitty: You know that Columbo is something else. He also kind of makes me tingly all over. (She looks over at Red)

Red: Really? Well let's just do something about that, shall we?

Kitty: Oh Red! (They run upstairs. But before the make it up halfway, the doorbell rings)

Red: Leave it. It's probably another one of those damn kids.

Kitty: Oh Red. It'll only take a second. (She opens the door to reveal Donna).

Red: Oh crap. I told ya!

Kitty: Donna! What are you doing here?

Donna: Looking for Eric. Is he here?

Kitty: No, he went looking for you in Arizona.

Donna: Oh, that's so sweet. (Realizing) What a dumbass!

Red: Well there's something we agree on. Now, get out.

Kitty: Red!

Donna: I can't believe he's on his way to see me.

Kitty: Well, I guess he had something really important to tell you.

Red: (getting upset) Kitty? No meddling.

Donna: It's OK, Mr. Foreman. I already know about South America.

Kitty: You do?

Donna: Yeah. And if he thinks I'm going to let him just leave me like that again, he's crazy! We've been through too much together, am I right?

Kitty: Oh, honey. He wasn't going to leave without you.

Red: Kitty?

Kitty: What? I'm not meddling. I'm helping.

Donna: You mean, Eric was going to ask me to come along?

Kitty: I'm not saying a word. My lips are sealed. (She does a hand gesture closing her lips)

Donna: Oh my God! I better go call my Mom to see if he got there yet! Thanks Mrs. Foreman. (She hugs her and then leaves through the kitchen).

Red: Now look what you've done.

Kitty: What? I didn't say a word. And, now she's gone, so (pause)

Red: Eh, I'm not in the mood anymore. Let's go back to watching TV.

Kitty: What? (Yelling) I work too damn hard to come home and watch you sit on your ass ignoring me. Now get up those stairs Mister. Hop to! (Red looks nervous and starts running up the stairs).

Red: (smiling) Kitty, I've never seen you like this!

Kitty: Stop talking and move it Mister! (She runs up after him).

Scene 5?-Truck stop coffee shop. Eric is asking a waitress for directions.

Eric: (Pointing at the map) So, I was supposed to turn back there?

Waitress: Yep. Sorry sonny, but you just added another 2 hours on to your trip. (Walks away laughing)

Eric: Great. Now what?

Kelso: I say we just keep going and see where we end up.

Eric: What good will that do?

Kelso: (pulling something from his pocket) Will you relax, Eric. I have my Captain Jack compass. He'll see us through.

Eric: Didn't you get that from a Honey Combs box?

Kelso: Yeah. And that cereal is too good for this thing not to work.

Eric: You have to be one of the dumbest people ever.

Kelso: Hey, don't piss off the man with the compass!

Eric: That's it. We're going home. (He leaves the coffee shop)

Kelso: (Yelling after him) Can't we at least try it! We never get to do anything I want to do!

Customer at the bar: I'm glad they're gone.

Customer 2 at the bar: Yeah. Those gay couples make me queasy. (They both nod in unison).

Fade Out.

Tag: Movie Theater- Rhonda is watching the movie. Fez comes in holding 3 oversized tubs of popcorn.

Rhonda: Wow! That's a lot of popcorn!

Fez: I just want to make sure that you hold up your end of the bargain, if catch my drift.

Rhonda: Fez? I didn't mean that every big popcorn you bought meant we're going to do it.

Fez: You didn't?

Rhonda: No. One's all I need to go all night.

Fez: Oh. (Realizing) Ooooooooooh!

(They start making out)

Fade out.