"I'm sorry" Was the first thing the three brothers heard in the morning. It was Saturday morning, and the three were all eating breakfast, unaware of the youngest coming down the stairs until they had heard him speak that sentence.
"For what?" Donnie asks as he turns around to face his now younger brother; his only younger brother. His hair was standing up slightly, sleep clear in his eyes, and he was still wearing his usual clothing, the one he was also wearing at the clinic when he was freed from that brothel, now 3 weeks ago.
"For freaking out like that" Mikey muttered and averted his head slightly. "It won't happen again" He says with a serious tone, guilt lacing his voice.
"Mikey" Leo quickly speaks up, taking a few steps towards the blonde but eventually deciding against it. "You can always come to one of us, it's not your fault. You're family" He says and Mikey looks up slightly, his eyes shining from upcoming tears.
"I know but…" He hesitates for a bit before he turns towards the stairs again. "Thanks" He eventually utters, completely changing the subject. Raph and Don look at each other, clearly seeing what Mikey was doing, and with a sense of deja vu as well. Raph scoffed as he saw what Donnie was thinking, waving it off.
He didn't need to be reminded that he had done the same thing when he was younger.
"Don't go upstairs" Leo quickly says when Mikey turned around to go upstairs again, but he stopped when he heard Leo, stiffening slightly. "I-I mean.. you can but why don't you eat some breakfast with us? But it's up to you"
"'m not hungry" Mikey eventually mumbles before walking up the stairs, leaving the three brothers to watch his youngest brother. Leo sighs in defeat, turning back to his younger two brothers.
"He'll need some time" Don says quietly, Leo looks up at the mention with tears brimming in his eyes.
"I know" He utters, voice cracking slightly. A single tear now falls down his face and he hides his face in embarrassment. Donnie's face falls and he stands up, walking towards his oldest brother before tightly wrapping his arms around him. "I d-don't even know why I'm crying" Leo mumbles in Donnie's shoulder.
The second youngest smiled sadly, rubbing Leo's back to comfort him. Yet, he doesn't say anything, knowing that nothing would thoroughly comfort Leo. Nothing could; no words, and no hugs. But he knew that the latter would help. It always did, for the two of them when they were younger, and then for the three of them.
And maybe now for the four of them.
Eventually Don releases Leo from the hug, looking his older brother in the eyes. Slowly, yet confidently, Leo nods and gives his younger brother a well-deserved smile.
"We'll get through this Leo" Don says and Raph nods from the table.
"Genius is right" He butts in. "Ya've done it before after all" He states, all too obvious to whom they were referring.
"He'll settle"
TMNT
...
He never did.
Weeks went by and the boys got used to having a fourth brother in their lives. Yoshi was also starting to get used to the new responsibilities and new schedule they had to bear in mind. They made it work though. Yoshi already had three children to look after. All of them bearing some kind of psychological sickness.
Raph being the worst of them.
Mikey was forced to talk to someone once every week, to talk about what he's gone through. He had only agreed on one condition, they wouldn't hear a word about it. Of course the psychologist couldn't fulfil that promise, no one could. If certain information would indicate that he was about to harm, be harmed or harm himself; he had an obligation to tell.
But, luckily, until now that hasn't happened. Yet. Mikey didn't go to school yet, doctors declared that he wasn't ready yet. Emotionally that is. So for now he was staying home. The brothers skipped as many days as the school allowed them to to keep Mikey company. Don skipped the most because of his reputation, he had no trouble keeping his grades up.
But a school would and could only allow so much. So Mikey was alone quite a lot. Even Yoshi couldn't take a lot of sick days. His boss knew the situation he was going through, he knew about Mikey and Raph, but he would get in trouble himself if he allowed Yoshi to go more. So that wasn't option either.
So weeks went by and the brothers slowly settled into their new lives; Mikey didn't.
He had trouble adapting to his new life. He didn't know them, he didn't know the people who claimed to be his family. Even if he believed them; they were strangers to them. Apart from DNA, he had no ties to them. He hadn't bonded with them, barely knew anything about him. And he was withdrawn.
He didn't settle, quite the opposite actually. He rarely talked to anyone. And when he talked it was only what was necessary. He never engaged a simple conversation about his day, or about some random subject. He mostly shied away, escaping towards his room.
Even now he was alone in his room. Only him and Raph were home and the latter only had one lesson today so he just skipped school altogether to keep Mikey company. Which mostly meant Mikey staying in his room, and Raph walking aimlessly around the house in case Mikey actually engaged a conversation.
Something that never happened.
"Can we- you, talk?"
Until now. Raph grimly thinks and he looks up from his position, sitting cross-legged on his bed. Mikey was standing in the door opening, leaning against the side. The blond didn't look good. He had sweat against his brow and his face was pale. Not to mention the fact that he was leaning heavily against the door.
"Are ya feelin' okay?" Raph asks, completely ignoring Mikey's demand.
"I want you to tell me about about your past life" Mikey demands again in a small voice, only to be met with complete silence. "Don't ignore me" Mikey adds angrily, glaring at his 'older brother'. Raph looks up, unable to ignore his little brother. But he didn't give in.
"Maybe ya should lie down. Ya look exhausted" Raph points out, eyeing at the huge bags under Mikey's eyes. "Are ya even sleepin' at all? I've been hearin' ya scream.."
"Stop that" Mikey snaps angrily. "I want you to talk"
"Sit down first" Raph says with a frown on his face.
"NO!" Mikey screams angrily, furious tears in his eyes. "I want you to tell me about your parents, before this"
Raph blinks a few times before he takes over the angry glare that was on his brother's face. "No" He says coldly. "I want ya to sit down."
"Bullshit!" Mikey screams.
"I won't talk about that Mikey, ya aint makin' me" Raph frowns, glaring at his younger brother. Vaguely he realised how he was treating his traumatised, mind you, brother. But he wasn't thinking rationally right now. His heart thumping in his chest as memories were pushed back to the surface.
"You always tell me to talk! You always tell me that it helps!" Mikey screams angrily, the first tears starting to stream down his face. "Why won't you talk?! Don't you realise you're being a fucking hypocrite?"
"I said no Michelangelo" Raph says, surprisingly calm. Mikey blinks a couple of times, his glare loosening immensely all of a sudden. Seconds pass, full minutes pass and neither stop staring.
"They named me Mikey" He eventually breaks the silence, completely surprising Raph
"Huh?"
"My parents." Mikey clarifies. "I don't know if it was a coincidence or not; but they named me Mikey"
Raph is silent again for a few minutes, anger fully gone right now. "They kept mine as well." Raph eventually whispers, causing Mikey to look at him with a surprised look. Raph scoffs slightly. "Raphael; they named me Raphael." He clarifies.
There was a short silence, neither one expecting to say anything "I couldn't find my aunt" Mikey whispers.
".. I know" Raph whispers back. "I'm sorry" He eventually adds. Mikey stumbles slightly and Raph immediately scoots to the edge of his bed.
"Mikey" Raph says softly and baby blue eyes snap towards his older brother. Slowly Mikey makes his way over to Raph's bed, climbing onto it without Raph asking. The latter smiled, scooting backwards to give his little brother some space so he wouldn't feel too cramped.
"Yer right, I was being a hypocrite. I should've told ya" Raph reluctantly admits. "I know ya don't want to hear it, but I'm still scared of them" the memories. They add silently, and Mikey nods slightly, knowing what Raph is talking about.
"Can ya be honest with me?" Raph asks hesitantly and Mikey slowly looks up. From up close the bags seemed even worse and he realised how drowsy Mikey actually looked. Fatigue was clearly visible in his eyes. He was fighting a losing battle Raph grimly noted. And there wasn't anything he could do against it.
Mikey didn't answer verbally, and he didn't move. He only looked, uncertainty shining in his eyes. Yet, he didn't protest against the question.
"How much sleep are ya gettin'?" Raph eventually asks when he saw that Mikey wasn't protesting, or saying no to the question. Raph shifts slightly, looking at his little brother with anxiety and curiosity at the same time.
"Enough" Mikey eventually mumbles, the lie all too obvious in the statement. Raph sighs in defeat, looking away for a split-second before gazing at Mikey again.
"Mikey.. ya don't have to answer everything. Ya know that." He starts hesitantly. "But please be honest with me okay?"
Mikey frowns slightly but yet again keeps silent.
"I hear ya scream Mikey, we all do" Raph says with a frown. "There's a thin wall between us, I hear ya wake up after a nightmare. Even if the rest ain't hearin' it"
The frown on Mikey's face deepens. "I'm sorry"
"There ain't nothin' to be sorry for" Raph points out, shaking his head. "I did the same back then" He adds reluctantly. Mikey's harsh words still fresh in his mind. It wasn't untrue either, he was being a hypocrite. Constantly telling Mikey to talk about his feelings, to talk about the things he went through because it would help.
And yet, he never spoke a word about what happened to him. But that was different, wasn't it? He was better, he got settled and he was cured. Right?
Raph looked up when Mikey started to cough suddenly. The older teen winced sympathetically at the sound. He sounded sick as could be, and his face was starting to turn a slight tinge of red as less and less oxygen managed to get inside his lungs. Eventually the coughs died down and Mikey took a shuddering breath.
Mikey's blue eyes locked with Raph's but the younger immediately turned his head away with a scowl. Suddenly Mikey scoffs angrily and slides off the bed with shaky arms. He sways on his feet for a split second before he walks out of the room.
And just like that; he was gone.
Raph never made a move to stop him.
TMNT
It was several hours later when I found myself leaning against the entrance to Mikey's room, similar to how Mikey had been leaning against mine. Currently my arms were crossed over my chest and I was looking sideways into the room where Mikey was sitting against the side of his bed.
He was sitting on the ground, one knee drawn up to his chest while the other one was stretched out. Even if he was facing the door, and me, he didn't initially look at me, even if he heard me approach. He was wearing some simple sweatpants and a white t-shirt, nothing special but it wasn't the thing he wore back in the clinic.
Over these last weeks we had of course bought him new clothes; new furniture and personal items.
"I never went to school" I say with a confident voice but from the inside I was scared shitless. Mikey slowly looked up, confusion written on his face.
"Why?" He asks softly, cocking his head to the side. I sigh, walking into the room and closing the door. Even if I knew that it wouldn't matter. Dad wasn't even home right now, and Don and Leo were watching TV, so they wouldn't be hearing our conversation either. Still, it gave a sense of safety.
And with what I was about to tell him.. I needed that.
"Neither of us were legally adopted" I started, leaning against the now closed door. "But my parents weren't economically stable enough to adopt kids. And it was already known that my mom couldn't get pregnant after a bad miscarriage"
Mikey stared at me, sorrow in his eyes. "Those weren't your parents" He whispered softly and I sigh, shaking my head softly.
"They were the first 10 years of my life" I mumble. "I didn't know better y'know. But I do now"
"Why didn't you.. y'know..?" He asks again, and I sigh, knowing it was a question about the statement I had made about me not attending school.
"Because nobody could know I existed" The blond nods absently, understanding written on his face before looking down at his own lap. I stare at him for a few moments before I walk over to him, climbing on top of the bed and looking down at Mikey, who was still sitting on the ground with his back against the bed.
We both stayed silent for some time, neither of us saying anything or even acknowledge the other. But it wasn't awkward in any way, it felt comfortable.
"I loved mine" Mikey suddenly mumbles and I look at him, my eyebrows knitting together in confusion. Took me a few seconds to realise he was talking about his 'parents'
"They couldn't get kids themselves so they adopted me… I don't think they even knew I wasn't legally adoptable" He explains and I smile gently at the story, encouraging him to go on.
But, not so surprising either, he didn't continue with his story. instead he kept looking at his hands, which were firmly placed on his lap. He was fidgeting nervously, scratching his hands absently.
"They would lock me in the basement when someone would visit. To avoid anyone finding out" I say after a silence, rubbing my wrists at the memory. Still able to feel the rope or chains that would wrap around my limbs to keep me from escaping, or rip off my gag. Not like I would ever do, I was too scared back then.
"They locked me up as well in the beginning. So I would cooperate" Mikey mumbles almost directly afterwards, averting his gaze completely so I was looking at the back of his head. His blond hair already turning black at the top. And I knew who they were, to whom Mikey was referring. The people at the brothel.
I exhale through my nose, both silently accepting the game of 20 questions, or at least a twisted version of the game.
"One time our basement flooded and my 'dad' put me in the attic after I did somethin' wrong." I scoff slightly at the memory, and how stupid it actually was. "Idiot forgot the attic wasn't soundproof"
I laugh bitterly, laughing at the irony of the whole situation. That my dad's beating would be the thing that would prevent me from ever getting beaten again. Not that I was thinking about that at the moment. I only remember the agonising pain as he repeatedly hit me with his belt, and the screams that would leave my throat sore for days.
Then a fist against my skull, and then the next thing I know was waking up in the hospital. My real dad sitting next to my bed and holding my hand. I smirk, you can probably guess how I reacted. In extreme pain, disorientated, emotionally hurt and a strange man holding my hand. Something I had not been familiar with up until that point.
And the first new person I had met in 10 years.
Mikey seems to catch on as he looks at me with an apologising look. "Can I see?" He asks shyly.
My first thought was to say no, no way in hell that I was gonna show him. I didn't even show it to Leo and Don anymore. It was just a part that would be ignored most of the time. They of course saw it when we would change sometimes, at school for example, or when we'd go swimming.
But then I realised the little fight we had just hours ago. And Mikey eventually being the one to be right. So I slowly nodded, both standing up. He watched curiously as I turned around and lifted my shirt to show my back. Which was definitely the most scarred. It wasn't like my dad needed to hide the beatings, because no one knew me.
My psychiatrist told me that it was something psychological. That they would rather have the wounds be covered up, because even with how deranged my 'dad' was, or other child abusers, they would still have some sense of morality. Of course that didn't change the fact that he kept beating me with every mistake, or if something went wrong in his life.
I shiver as cold fingers prod my back and I instantly turn around.
"I'm sorry" Mikey cringes, holding his hand close to his chest and watching me with wide eyes as I let my shirt fall over my scarred back again. Vaguely I realise that Mikey wasn't that much shorter than me regarding height but I could only stare at his face. He seemed to be worse than a few hours ago.
His blue eyes were now dull and filled with fatigue, still he tried to act strong and healthy. He was panting softly and breathing hard through his nose, his skin pale and his body shivering ever so slightly. Almost too little to notice.
"Yer ill" I state again, hoping Mikey wouldn't blow up like he did the last time I pointed that out. But as I feared, Mikey scowled weakly.
"I'm not, it's not bad. Not as bad as…" he stops himself, looking away with sadness in his eyes. I frown.
"Not as bad as who?"
The blond gnaws at his lip at the question. And I hope he realises that he doesn't necessarily have to answer the question, that he's free to say he doesn't want to answer it.
"My mom" Mikey eventually utters, looking me directly in the eyes. "When I… when I was nine my mom got really sick, like hospital sick." I swallow thickly, baffled by the sudden revelation, shocked by the fact that he'd want to share so much.
"Did she die? …...Is that how you ended up with them?" I question hesitantly. And I wouldn't even know how that would make sense in the first place. Her dying causing Mikey to end up in that horrible place, in prostitution, but I asked nevertheless. Because I was hoping Mikey would explain.
"It's not… she didn't die because of that" The sickness. Mikey mutters and suddenly he sits down, burying his face in his hands. "I want to be alone" He says, muffled through his hands. I nod absently, even if he wouldn't be able to see it.
I wanted to deny the request, be with him right now. But even I realised that I had pushed my luck enough today. He told me more than he has done in the last few weeks, he has revealed more than he has done in the last 2 months. He had trusted me with painful information. So I listened to his request.
I turn around, walking over to the door but a voice stops me. "My parents were good people Raph, they never wanted me to be.. there" Mikey adds, his eyes brimming with tears. I gape slightly but I nod, ignoring the silent addition to the sentence. And it only confirmed our speculation around how Mikey ended up in that house.
How he ended up in the prostitution business.
But ultimately I left with more questions than answers.
They never wanted me to be.. there...
...But they were the reason.
Same kind of message as last chapter; if you liked the chapter and story please leave a review to let me know! Feed meeee :D
See ya!
