Officially the last chapter!
"Hello Skye," Coulson greeted the hacker as she entered his office later that day. "Thanks for knocking."
Skye closed the door behind her. "I wanted to ask you something."
"Is this about your parents?"
"That depends."
"On?"
"On what's on my file."
"Your file?"
"During the meeting thing Simmons said something about Fitz writing on the back of my file. What exactly is my file? Or are you not at liberty to discuss that?"
Coulson opened a drawer in his desk and slid Skye her file. "The head of a S.H.I.E.L.D. team is required to pass out files like this to their agents."
"And I don't have one because I'm not an agent."
"Not yet. When you become an agent you will be handed files on your respective team members."
Skye picked up the file and looked it over. "My file doesn't say much."
"It's basic information and whatever personal details S.H.I.E.L.D. knows that they feel is important. Your file doesn't say much because S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't have much to say about you, or this all they're willing to say about you. When you become an official agent and join a S.H.I.E.L.D. team then you're given files of the other team members; but by the time you get them you'd probably know everything there is to know about everyone anyway."
"Do all files look like this?" Coulson reached in the same drawer and handed Skye a stack of papers. At the top of the stack was Agent Ward's file. "Are these everyone's files?"
"You're not an official agent; you shouldn't be seeing any. I'm being lenient here in showing you Ward's."
"Then what's this other stuff you handed me?"
"Why don't you see for yourself?"
Skye set Ward's file back on Coulson's desk and looked at what had been underneath. "Is this..." she flipped through the other papers, "…these are Ward's reports on me?"
"Actually, that's just one report."
"It's nine pages long."
"I've asked him to reduce the number of pages in his report, but he couldn't. To save paper we arranged it so his reports are verbal. My summary of his reports are usually written- and shorter."
"Why are you giving me this?"
"Not giving, lending; I want that report back. And I don't want Ward catching you with that."
"Why?"
"Why don't I want Ward catching you with that? That should be fairly obvious."
"No, why do you want this back? I looked at the date; it's from over a month ago."
"I like to keep papers like that in my archive drawer."
"Archive drawer?"
"I don't know why you were so worried," Coulson's sudden subject change was vaguely confusing.
"Come again?"
"He doesn't say anything bad about you."
Skye's eyes lit up, but she kept cool. "He doesn't?"
"Just a few pieces of constructive criticism here and there; but essentially nothing bad. I trust you'll like what he has to say." Skye bit her lip to contain a noise of excitement from escaping her lips. "You can go now."
"Thanks again AC," Skye thanked him.
"Oh, and you can send FitzSimmons in now."
Confused at first, Skye understood what he meant when she saw Fitz and Simmons on the other side of the door with paperwork in each of your hands. "I'll leave you three alone," Skye quipped as she left.
"Come on in guys," Coulson allowed. He watched as the two apprehensively stepped into his office and set their paperwork on his desk in perfect sync. "Okay, what did you do?"
Fitz nudged Simmons. "Tell him."
"You tell him the first part," she retorted back.
"Wh—why should I?"
"Because the first part was your fault."
Fitz sighed. "Sir, about earlier…see, I accidentally made more than one copy of the letter."
"I'm aware," Coulson replied.
"You are?"
"The letter that is in your possession was not the same one with everyone's fingerprints on it- rest assured that particular letter has been taken care of."
"So which one did you give Simmons?"
"The one that fell out of your pocket during your fight with Ward."
Fitz smacked his forehead. "That's where I stashed the second one!"
Coulson raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean second one?"
"Well Sir…" this time it was Simmons' turn to talk, "…Fitz had printed three copies."
"Three copies?"
"The one with everyone's fingerprints- which was the one we thought we had."
"And the one I thought I lost but was actually in my pants," Fitz added. "Perhaps I should've worded that last statement better."
Coulson gave them a wary look. "Where's the third copy?"
Fitz gestured to his partner. "Go on, tell him."
Simmons took a deep breath. "Fitzthoughtthethirdcopywasthesecondcopyand-"
Coulson stopped her, "A little slower please, Simmons."
"She said that I thought the third copy was the second copy and then you asked her to slow down," Fitz translated.
How the hell do they do that, Coulson wondered. "And what did you do with that third copy?"
"I put it in the left side of a folder labeled 'CLASSIFIED'…"
"…and I put the anti-serum notes on the right side of the same folder," Simmons finished.
Shit. Maybe there was a chance this wasn't going to end the way Coulson assumed (and given the events of today it wasn't a good idea to assume). "Where is the folder now?"
"Well, you see Sir…I gave the folder to you."
Internally panicking- but maintaining composure on the outside-, Coulson reached for the only folder on his desk. He knew he sent Maria the paperwork, but maybe he accidentally sent her his own private folder instead of the folder with the notes. Opening the folder, he tried not to lose his cool when he saw the rough draft for his Captain America novel staring back at him.
Though he was grateful Maria or anyone else wasn't going to see that.
"So you're the last one to know what happened to it," Fitz concluded.
Coulson whistled. "I do know what happened: I sent those notes in to Agent Hill," he put his private folder in another drawer. "I was preoccupied with today's events that I neglected to double check your notes."
"Those notes were intended for Dr. Streiten, Sir," Simmons reminded. "Wouldn't Dr. Streiten get the letter?"
"Maria double checks everything before sending files where they need to go." Coulson pinched the bridge of his nose. "And of course I told Maria I had a surprise for her." FitzSimmons bit their lips as Coulson lowered his hand and looked at them. "This conversation never happened. Understood?" They both nodded simultaneously. "You're dismissed."
"Ladies first," Fitz gestured for Simmons to leave first.
"Oh and Leo," Coulson stopped Fitz before he was officially out the door, "take this relationship slow before you two…do anything…in the bedroom," yeah, that was a better way of saying 'have sex'.
It still made Fitz blush regardless. "Agent Coulson, please; it's not like we're married," and with that, Fitz left.
It's nice to know there are still some traditional couples out there, Coulson smiled as he thought about that.
Back to business. He started preparations for a video conference call with Agent Hill.
"Agent Coulson," Maria sardonically greeted.
Coulson tilted his head at her. "Maria, please, it's Phil."
"Can I help you with something Phil?"
"Remember how I told you I had a surprise for your new office; one that you can frame?"
"Yes, you asked for my opinion once I got it."
"Well…I wanted to personally explain myself. See, we had a 0-8-4 circulating the Bus in the form of a billet-doux-"
"A love letter?"
"Billet-doux sounds classier. Anyway, the agent who wrote the letter had three typed copies. One managed to get everyone's fingerprints on it, another copy an agent lost in their pocket, and the third was…"
"…was accidentally sent to Dr. Streiten." Maria pursed her lips together, "Ah, so that's what he meant by that."
"Beg pardon?"
"Streiten told me to tell you he was flattered, but he doesn't think of you like that. I didn't know what he meant by that, but now I do."
"So you didn't get the letter?" Maria shook her head. "But don't you double check the folders before sending them off?"
"Today's been a pretty hectic day…"
"You can say that again," Coulson muttered under his breath.
"…and I skipped over a few things to meet other important quotas."
"Is it safe to bet you got my little present?"
"Nope."
"I placed it in the paperwork intended for you."
"I went through that paperwork; I didn't see anything surprising."
"Are you sure? How could you miss it?"
"Miss what?"
"My drawing; the one with the porcupine beside a poop with knives sticking out of it."
"Oh that?"
"Yes, that."
"Yee-ah," she stressed out that word, "I threw that away."
"I noticed you left out the word 'accidentally'."
"It wasn't an accident. I just glanced over it without really looking and threw it away."
"You shredded it, didn't you?"
"No, it's sitting in my garbage. I take it that was my gift to frame in my new office."
"I spent a good chunk of time perfecting that drawing for you."
"Well I'll take it out before I go and I'll frame it tomorrow."
"Thank you. Oh, and I'll be sending you a new shipment of interoffice relationship forms."
"Fitz and Simmons?"
"Obviously."
"About time."
"How do you think Fury will react?"
"He'll play it cool, but then mutter 'about damn time' under his breath," Maria imitated Fury as best she could. "I think he's made bets with some of the scientists."
"You need to work on your mimicking skills."
Maria scowled. "Is there anything else you want Coulson?"
"Let me ask you: did you have to fill out those forms for your movie date with Captain America?"
"His name is Steve! And seriously, how do you know about that?"
"Goodbye Maria," Coulson turned off the video conference call.
…
Setting the plane to auto-pilot, May headed to her bunk for a well-deserved rest. When she entered her bunk, she didn't show emotion when she discovered a re-folded piece of paper with S.H.I.E.L.D. stationary on her bed. Obviously, it was the same letter everyone had gotten their hands on, but with one minor difference: the letters AC beside a hyphen handwritten near the bottom.
And a genuine smile flashed across Melinda May's face.
End scene!
I realized Maria was also a character I used and I mentioned using character quotes for title chapters so I used a quote of hers for this one. Fair is fair.
And I thought I'd clarify this now: remember in chapter 2 Coulson had two folders on his desk BEFORE he got the notes from Simmons. And in chapter 6 when May came into his office he was working on his 'writings'. As to what Coulson would write: I figured it'd have something to do w/ Captain America and Coulson would get be super embarrassed if anyone else saw it. Also Ward said protect their privacy when being interrogated by May instead of protecting his or her privacy like one might usually say when it's one person- this was a subtle way of saying there were two people involved.
Be honest, you catch those? Did anything else take you by surprise?
Ah, it doesn't matter. Just so long as I kept you guys entertained then that's all that really counts. Peace out!
