A/N: WARNING: There is some very sensitive material in this chapter that deals with domestic violence. If you are sensitive about this sort of thing, don't read. I'll post a short chapter summary at the end.
Again, thank you for all the reviews and support! Please keep them coming!
***Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm just babysitting her dogs.***
EPOV
Fucking fuckity fuck fuckeroo.
FUCK.
Every fucking time I log onto Facebook there's a new photo of Bella and her boyfriend together.
It makes me sick.
It's not like I have anything personal against the guy. He looks decent enough, and my Facebook creeping proved he's probably not completely psychotic. He's got a good job, seems to have a close family, and I didn't see anything that immediately sent up red flags. All the same I don't like him. He's bad news.
Why?
Because he's Bella's fucking boyfriend.
What the fuck am I going to do about this clusterfuck situation?
BPOV
I smiled and nodded politely as Billy Black told me yet another story of Jake's high school football days. It's not that I wasn't interested in hearing about Jake, quite the opposite actually. I just couldn't handle all the detailed information about yard lines, passes, or field strategies. I hate organized sports. And so I tried my best not to let my eyes glaze over as he painted a vivid picture of Jake being the centre of the universe. I was completely grateful when Rachel intervened.
"Dad, quit boring Bella. She's our guest," she reprimanded from the kitchen where she was finishing dinner.
Billy chuckled. "Sorry, I get carried away sometimes."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Jacob wasn't really that good. He actually spent more time on the bench than he did playing. Trust me, I was dragged out to every damn game!"
Jake laughed loudly. "Like I wasn't forced to sit through your debate club competitions! Now talk about boring," he joked.
"Now kids, let's take it down a notch," Billy warned. "So Bella, Rachel tells me you're a counselor?"
I nodded. "Yep, I'm a social worker at the centre."
"And she makes the big bucks too!" Rachel yelled.
It was my turn to chuckle. "Hardly. I work at a non-profit organization. If I went into private practice maybe, but I'm happy enough. Besides I don't need that much money anyway," I replied to Billy before I could turn on my brain-to-mouth filter. Thankfully he didn't push for more information. If he had been my mother, well… she would have insisted on knowing.
He smiled at me. "It's nice to know there are people out there who legitimately care about others. You're a rare gem, Bella Swan."
"She sure is," Jake added with a big grin.
"Food's ready!" Rachel interrupted.
Dinner was incredible. Chicken ceasar salad, baked potatoes, and blush pasta. Between the food and the beers I drank, I was way too stuffed for raspberry ice cream as we continued chatting in the living room afterward.
We sat in the living room of Billy Black's small but cozy house in south Etobicoke. Like the rest of the house, the living room was full of old floral patterned wallpaper with the walls lined with family portraits. The big couch looked like it was covered in old, worn curtains from the 1970s while the love seat and armchair were a clashing burnt orange very characteristic of the 1960s. The floor was covered in brown fuzz that was probably shag carpeting when it was new but had obviously been worn down from years of traffic. Yes, it was very dated, but it had a homey lived-in feel that made me feel comfortable.
"See Dad, I told you they would hit it off," Rachel stated smugly from the love seat she was sharing with her husband, Will Wainwright.
"Rach, shut up. You're going to embarrass Bella," Jake warned as he shot her a stern glare.
"Jacob Black! Do not talk to your sister that way," Billy growled.
Will and I chuckled in unison at the family antics.
"Tell me about your family," Billy said as he looked back at me.
I cleared my throat nervously. "Well there's not much to say really. Dad died about ten years ago, and my mother is married to Phil Dwyer so they travel a lot."
Billy gasped. "THE Phil Dwyer?"
I laughed and nodded. "Yes, the very same. They travel a lot during the baseball season so I don't see much of them in the warmer months. I could try and weasel some tickets for you," I offered.
Billy put his hand over his chest, faking heart failure. Then he addressed Jake directly. "You will not screw this up. You're marrying this girl, you hear?"
Jake's eyes twinkled. "Maybe someday," he said as he winked at me.
And that's when Edward's face flashed before my eyes.
XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoX
Alice was insisting her wedding should take place on Victoria Day weekend in May despite Jasper's assurance there wouldn't be any fireworks in the US. Her response? 'Well we'll have to set up our own fireworks display.' That was very typical of Alice. I couldn't wait to watch the drama play out as she and Jasper fought over this matrimonial detail. He had also vetoed ice sculptures and walking down the aisle on horseback, so Alice was feeling especially stubborn about the date. I went ahead and booked the time off work knowing Alice would eventually win this argument.
If I'm being completely honest with myself, the news that Jake wouldn't be accompanying me to Hawaii for Alice's wedding was a huge relief. I never let him know I thought that way, of course, but there was no way to deny it to myself. I liked Jake. I liked him a lot. But by May we would only have been a couple for ten months and I wasn't ready for something as big as vacationing together. Unfortunately I discovered one night that Jake felt differently.
"I'm ssssoorry babe, I really wanna come to Haway wif you," he mumbled drunkenly as he leaned his weight on me.
I was trying to support his massive frame and hail a cab at the same time, and boy was I failing. Luckily Emmett came out of the bar at the crucial moment before I dropped Jake on his ass.
"Need some help?" He said as he took my spot as Jake's crutch.
I rolled my eyes. "I've never seen him like this before."
Emmett's eyes narrowed at Jake. "Big guy doesn't usually drink this much. Look, there's a cab!" He exclaimed as a taxi pulled over to the curb in front of us.
"Thank God," I mumbled. "Come on Jake, let's get you home," I said as Emmett helped fold him into the backseat of the cab where he refused to sit upright. I sighed, thanked Emmett, and got into the front seat with the driver.
We arrived at Jake's place in record time. Unfortunately for me that meant peeling him out of the car and half carrying him into the house he shared with Quil and Embry, who were not home yet. I pulled Jake upstairs to his bedroom and tried to get him undressed as he lay on his massive bed.
"Belllllla, I fuckin love you girl," he purred in a drunken haze. I had to hold my breath when he burped because he smelled like the inside of a brewery.
"I know, come on Jake, you need to sleep now," I said as I wiggled his jeans off his glorious hips.
"But I'm sowwy," he said in a fake little kid voice. It was irritating.
"Sorry for what?" I said absent-mindedly as I yanked off his pants. Jake kicked off his jeans and pulled off his shirt before grabbing my shoulders and pulling me on top of him.
"Sorvy bout the trip," he mumbled. I could tell he was trying to search my eyes but his own were unable to focus on anything clearly. He was in really bad shape.
I patted his cheek gently. "We'll talk about this tomorrow. Let's just get some rest," I said in my most soothing voice.
That's when it happened. I don't know how or why, but all of a sudden Jake snapped and pushed me off him angrily.
"You don't fucking care that I can't go to Ha-haway with you!" He yelled.
I was beyond shocked. "Jake, calm down! It's okay, really. It's only for a few days then I'll be back," I said diplomatically avoiding his accusation.
"No it's not! You don't care about me! Who gives a shit about what I feel?" He spat out as he sat up and ruffled his long, messy hair. "Fuck!"
"Jake, I'm sorry. I'll miss you," I said quietly, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shook me off.
"No you fucking won't! You only give a shit about yourself! You don't fucking care if I'm there!" He screamed.
By now Jake was standing upright, pacing his room like a madman. I'll admit I was frightened to see him like this – the Jake I knew was always so happy-go-lucky. What did I do? What did I say? I racked my brain, trying to remember if this outburst was my fault somehow but I came up blank. I had no idea why he was so mad.
"Please come to bed," I pleaded.
"You don't want to sleep with me, I'm just a piece of fucking shit!" He yelled with balled up fists. For a moment I was truly frightened for my own safety.
"Jake, you're scaring me. Please calm down," I begged, feeling tears prick at my eyes.
He looked at me, his eyes suddenly able to focus on my face. I looked back at him and saw nothing but a mask of fear, hatred, and rage. It hadn't escaped my notice that his words were no longer slurred or that he was now capable of walking in a straight line, and it scared the ever loving shit out of me. I could feel my fight-or-flight response starting to kick in, and at the moment it was begging for the latter.
"Why the fuck would you want me to go to Hawaii when you don't give two shits about me?" He said in a cold, calculated, monotone voice, all the time maintaining eye contact.
Oh God, this is it. He's going to hurt me.
"I care about you a lot," I responded weakly.
"Then fucking say it. Say the fucking words!" He bellowed as he gestured wildly.
"Jake this is not appropriate. I want to be able to say it when we're both calm and sober," I replied as my hands started shaking and my adrenaline kicked in. I mentally calculated how easily I could get to his bedroom door and down the stairs before he could catch me. My odds weren't good.
"You hate me! You fucking HATE ME! I knew it! I'm not a fucking drunk, and I can take care of myself. I don't need to be babied by someone who doesn't fucking love me!" He said as he took one step toward the bed.
At that moment the bedroom door opened and I looked over to see Quil and Embry enter the room with hard looks on their faces.
"Come on, Jake buddy, let's go sit down," Quil said as he and Embry each grabbed one of Jake's arms.
"Sonofabitch, leave me the fuck alone!" Jake screamed and thrashed against their grip.
That's when the tears spilled down my cheeks and a sob escaped my throat. I was so relieved to be saved yet still petrified of all I'd witnessed.
Though Quil and Embry were not as large as Jake, I was grateful they seemed to be almost as strong. They had a good grip on Jake who was still struggling and yelling as they half dragged him out of the room. I stayed in place listening to the ruckus of Jake being forced down the stairs to the living room, then of Quil yelling for him to stop acting like a pussy. Yet I could tell Jake was still putting up a fuss when I heard the telltale sound of furniture being dragged across the hardwood floor. Then I heard the unmistakable sound of skin slapping hard against skin, and all went quiet.
I curled up in the fetal position and cried, praying to any deity that would listen that Jake hadn't knocked them out. What would I do if he came back for me? Would I make it out of here unharmed?
The sound of footsteps on the stairs sent my heart into overdrive and my palms turned clammy. I searched my brain for memories of my father's self-defense training and put a few moves into my active mind. I knew I should take an offensive position but I couldn't will my limbs to move. I feared I might be stuck in this position forever.
When I saw Embry's worried face peek around the door, I exhaled with relief.
"Are you okay?" He asked tentatively.
I couldn't hold back anymore. I burst into fitful, snotty, hiccupping sobs. My body shook with tension and fear as I released my anxiety onto Jake's bed.
Embry crawled up beside me and rubbed my back soothingly. "Shhh, it's okay. He's calm now. There's nothing to worry about."
XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoX
By the time Embry had peeled me off Jake's bed and stuck me in a cab, I was at least able to walk even if the tears wouldn't stop. I'd chanced a glance at Jake before walking out the door – he was passed out on the couch with Quil sitting next to him. Both he and Embry gave me sympathetic looks as I practically ran out the front door.
When I got home it was already 3AM and my brain was working on overdrive. I was exhausted, yes, but the adrenaline was still flowing and I was extremely distressed. I needed to talk to someone. And at this hour I had only one option – Edward Cullen.
With shaking fingers I dialed his number from my cellphone without caring how expensive this call would be. I needed to hear my voice of reason.
"Cullen," he said as he answered after the second ring.
"Edward?" I whispered.
"Bella! What's wrong?" He asked, sounding panicked.
For the second time this evening I completely broke down into hysterical sobbing and incomprehensible wailing. I couldn't help it – the image of Jake standing menacingly next to me was more than I could handle.
"Bella, calm down. Please tell me what happened," he pleaded.
"I… Jake… oh God!" I said as I descended into more sobs.
"Jake… is he okay? Was there an accident?" He asked frantically.
I sniffed and blew my nose. "No. Jake… he… he –"
I heard Edward inhale sharply before asking, "Did he hurt you?"
"No. I mean yes. Or… I don't know," I blathered.
"Bella, calm down. Did he hit you?" Edward asked. His voice was poisonous and laced with venom.
I sniffed again. "No he never touched me. But I thought he would. Oh God, I thought he was going to attack me!" I cried. There was silence for a moment except for Edward's labored breathing. "Edward? Are you still there?" I asked timidly.
"Tell me what happened," he commanded.
"Well he was drunk. Like, really really drunk. I've never seen him like that before. I was helping him into bed, taking off his pants, and all of a sudden he turned from slurry and half asleep into a raging monster. I don't know what happened! I never said anything!" I wailed, trying to stifle a new set of wet, snotty tears as I shut my eyes tight.
"Were you guys fighting or something?" Edward asked.
"That's the thing," I replied, "I hardly said anything. I was trying to get him to pass out. Then he stood up and freaked out saying I didn't care about him and how I don't want him around when I go to Hawaii. I didn't do anything wrong," I said, feeling calmer but still very upset.
"Hawaii? Oops, nevermind… Okay, from what I can tell you are not to blame. Hell even if you were egging him on he had no right to do that. Don't blame yourself here, he's obviously got some issues," he said in a soothing voice that was laced with concern.
I rolled my eyes. "Obviously! But I had no idea at all, he's always been so kind and thoughtful. If I had any idea that this would happen…"
Edward sighed. "Look, I know this was shitty. If I was there I'd beat the shit out of him. But as it is, you have to think about the future. What are you going to do?"
I answered truthfully. "I don't know."
XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoX
I woke up the next morning, a Sunday, with a huge headache from crying so hard the previous night. I stayed in bed most of the day trying to figure out what I should do. When Jake called I didn't bother answering it, but I did listen to the voicemail.
"Bella! I'm so sorry about last night. I don't remember much but Quil told me about… about what happened. Please call me back so we can talk about it. I'm really, really, really sorry."
I didn't call back.
Monday…
"Please talk to me. I know you must be super pissed right now but we need to talk about what happened. I feel like a grade A asshole. PLEASE let me make it up to you."
Tuesday…
"I know you're ignoring me and I know I deserve it. Please Bella, I'm in hell over here. I feel like shit about what I did. I just want to make things right. Please call me."
Wednesday…
"Okay I get that you're ignoring me. I know I deserve it, and believe me I'm paying the price. I did a really shitty thing and I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'd really like to know where we stand. At least let me know if you're still my girlfriend. I miss you."
On Thursday Jake had the nads to show up at my work at the end of the day. I was just locking up my office when I heard his voice behind me.
"Hey," he said quietly.
I pulled my key out of the lock and shoved it in my purse before turning around to face him. He really did look terrible, with large purple bags under his eyes as though he hadn't slept in days and greasy hair tied haphazardly into a ponytail.
"Geez, Jake! Do you go to work looking like that?" I exclaimed.
He chuckled lowly. "I, um… called in sick today. I wanted to surprise you," he mumbled shyly.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Well, job done. Now if you'll excuse me I'm on my way home."
I could hear him follow me down the hallway, past the reception desk where Rose was still working for another half hour, and out the front door. As soon as we were outside I turned around to face him.
"What do you want?" I asked angrily.
"I was hoping we could talk," he said quietly.
"What's there to discuss?" I sneered. "I got your messages. I know how sorry you are."
His shoulders slumped a little. "Don't you have any questions or anything?"
I shook my head. "Nope. I think you were pretty straightforward. You think I don't care about you, that I see you as pond scum, and that I'm going to Hawaii to cheat on you. Is that about right?"
Jake reached out and put one hand on my shoulder. "Bella, I…"
I wriggled out of his grasp. "Don't fucking touch me!" I yelled.
He looked shocked as he pulled back. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to see me that way," he said as he sat down on a cement block, covering his face with his hands in frustration. It pulled at my heart strings a little.
"Jake, you do owe me an explanation. What the hell happened?" I asked, a little more gently.
He shook his head. "That's not the first time I've… flown off the handle. Most of the time I don't remember it. The first few times I didn't believe Quil when he told me about it the next day, but when others said the same thing I couldn't just ignore it anymore. It's why I don't drink much anymore."
I sighed in frustration and sat down next to him, maintaining a bit of distance so we wouldn't accidentally touch. He lifted his head and gave me a small smile which I found heartwarming despite his red, puffy eyes.
"Have you ever been to a counselor about it?"
The smile faded and his eyes narrowed. "I don't need therapy, I just need to cut down on the booze. I'm not crazy," he retorted.
"Jake, people go to counselors for many different reasons. Some for grief, others for advice, and yes some have mental health issues but that's not a necessary qualification. I work with plenty of people here who are just as normal as you or I. Getting help for a problem doesn't make them weak any more than it means they're crazy. Sometimes we all need an objective, impartial voice. Somewhere safe to let out frustrations and anxieties. I could recommend some good people," I offered diplomatically.
He gripped the hair on his scalp with tight fists. "I don't know about all that. Can we just focus on us for now?"
I sighed again. This guy was stubborn. "Okay, fine. But I haven't forgiven you just yet. You really scared me, and I need some time to figure things out for myself."
"Are we breaking up?" he asked, sounding like I'd kicked his dog.
I looked into his dark, expressive eyes. The same eyes that five nights ago had frightened the crap out of me. Today they showed no signs of rage – he was all remorse, worry, and fear. He didn't want to lose me anymore than I wanted to end our relationship. But could I move past what happened? Could I give him a second chance? I really was on the fence about it.
"No, we're not breaking up yet. But you have a lot of groveling to do, and I mean it when I say I'll need some space. You shook my trust and you're going to have to earn it back. The hard way." I said matter-of-factly.
He nodded and smiled. "Thank you," he whispered.
I smiled back and stood up. "You can start by walking me to the subway. I need to get home and change before another bridal party meeting at Alice's place."
XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoX
Jake kept his word about making it up to me. Several times a week I received deliveries of flowers, gifts, and sometimes there would be breakfast waiting for me at my desk in the morning. He didn't push me to see him and always let me initiate contact except for the odd text message or e-mail.
I took everything in stride, but as the weeks passed I found myself putting that traumatic night behind me and allowing Jake back into my life the way he had been before. Somehow I learned to forgive his behaviour even though I'd likely never forget it. It was easier than I thought – Jake was such a warm, loving man.
I kept the events of that night to myself. I didn't say a thing to Alice, Rose, Jasper, or Rachel because I knew the first three would pitch an anti-Jake campaign, and really it was my decision to let it go. I didn't need three monkeys on my back about it. Besides, it was probably only a one time thing. Jake himself said he rarely got drunk.
So autumn turned into winter. Christmas came and went, which I spent with the Blacks since my mother insisted on Christmas in Paris. New Year's Eve was nerve racking but Jake only had two beers the entire night of Alice's house party. In January my vacation was officially approved so I excitedly booked my week long trip to Hawaii, making sure to use the same hotel Alice & Jasper chose for their nuptials.
Work was the same as usual. The few times I saw Quil & Embry they never breathed a word of that night with Jake. I guessed they had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it came to him. Emmett and Rose started dating exclusively, much to the shock and horror of the LGBTQ community. It was nice to have a sense of normalcy in my life and a routine I could manage. Everything seemed to fall into place.
Except for Edward, who was appalled I'd given Jake another shot. To his credit he never flew off the handle about it or anything, but I saw his jaw tighten when I made that revelation to him. It didn't escape my notice that Edward asked about Jake a lot in the following weeks, making sure to hash out every detail that seemed inconsistent to him. I knew he was looking out for me and I really appreciated it but there was more than one time I wanted to flip him off over Skype. Gradually Edward seemed to become resigned to my relationship status and stopped asking about Jake.
As winter turned to spring and my one year anniversary of meeting Edward came around, I grew increasingly sad. I couldn't believe an entire year had passed since my life-changing flight to Los Angeles. Well it hadn't affected my daily life, but meeting him had definitely altered my perception of things. I missed him terribly and hoped we'd be able to meet again soon. I just didn't know how to approach the subject without sounding as needy as I did when we'd first parted. I didn't want to scare him.
EPOV
When Bella told me about "that night" with her boyfriend, I had to physically stop myself from booking a trip to Toronto for the sole purpose of kicking his ass.
I mean, who does that? Seriously, this guy sounded like a total jerk. And then she forgave him! Bella Swan must be a saint, there simply is no other explanation. What a kind, caring, intelligent, funny, amazing person could see in someone who would pull that kind of shit is beyond me. She could do so much better. Bella deserves only the best and it killed me that she settled for that dog. Couldn't she see herself clearly?
Even after such a long acquaintance I still wasn't privy to all the things that make Bella tick. She's an unusual person, in a good way – she always keeps me on my toes guessing at what's coming next. It was what I loved about her… shit, did I just use the "L" word?
I'd known this mysterious, enigmatic woman for nearly a year. We've only spent a total of four days physically in each other's company. Yet there was something about her, something unexplainable, that popped into my head every single time I was propositioned by someone. I'd definitely had my fair share of opportunities with the delicate sex, and even once with my own sex. But whenever I'd get the inkling to say yes, I'd see her face dance across my vision.
I can't help it. Bella Swan had captured my interest. My sole interest.
And even though I felt guilty as hell I couldn't help picturing her petite, tight body as I pleasured myself each morning in the shower. It was always her, no one else, who starred in those X-rated fantasies. Remembering her in that tiny bikini on the beach, or her short blue dress with her legs that go on forever, or even the way her skinny jeans hugged her delectable ass. I knew it was wrong to use her that way but fuck it felt so right. Even after all this time the sight of her stirred feelings in me that were so foreign yet delicious.
And I wasn't able to take out my frustrations with someone else; Bella's presence in my life wouldn't allow it. Fuck!
As the date of her friend's wedding drew nearer, and she spent more time talking about it when we chatted online, an idea brewed in my head. I only had to talk to my business partners and book the time off. I hoped it would work… I needed to see her again. Very badly.
Short summary: Bella meets Jake's lower middle class family and gets along just fine with them. Bella takes a really drunk Jake home from the bar where he has an episode of rage. It scares her badly but she's able to forgive him after he works hard to win her trust. Edward debates meeting Bella in Hawaii for Alice's wedding.
Please review! Let me know what you think. Will something happen between Bella and Edward, even with Jake in the picture? Hmmmm.
