In case you haven't noticed, each chapter's title is a song by Dir en Grey that kind of fits the mood and events of the chapter. Can you help me out by recommending some more songs to me? Thank you!
Song: Amber
The spring breeze makes the uneasy sound as my dreams
crumble and my future breaks.
I have no more...
The sunflower petals were shriveled up and dry, tainted with the color of the blood they were soaked in only days ago. The sunlight streaming through the window was the only way that the petals appeared to have any kind of light or warmth… They lie. They were lying to him! There they sat in their bottle, clinging selfishly to their place in the world, not caring about how they were deceivers and liars! Once this thought came crashing through Ivan's mind, the blood soaked petals no longer held any beauty or attraction—they were just disgusting old petals soaked in a bastard's blood.
Without so much as a sigh, Ivan plucked the bottle from his bedside table and walked over to the wastebasket by his desk, where he dropped the bottle in without even hesitating. The glass bottle shattered in the bin, but Ivan didn't give a damn about that. The beauty was gone, no longer holding any value.
I need light. It's dark…it's too dark. I'm cold. I need light.
He glanced briefly down at the broken bottle again before turning around and walking out of his room, a blank smile plastered onto his face. "Gil, I'm going to go out for a bit," he called cheerily as he walked past the living room and towards the front door. Gilbert, who was lounging lazily on the couch, raised a hand in the air and waved lazily. "Yeah, yeah! Make sure you don't get lost or something!" The Prussian dropped his hand back across his lap and turned his attention back to the television, forgetting about Ivan and his words. "You're one to talk," Ludwig grumbled as he entered the room. He glared at his brother.
"Dude, what's with that look?"
"Well, let's retrace our steps, shall we? A few days ago, you were absent during the assignment! Do you know how troubled I was? I kept thinking that you were drunk on the streets somewhere!"
Gilbert sat up and glared back at his brother. "Hey, at least I have the balls to go out and have fun! The only time you ever do that stuff is when you hang out with Feli!" He paused and tilted his head slightly. "Oh yeah, you heading out with him tomorrow?"
"Yeah..."
Ivan, not really caring about the situation, left before Ludwig into detail about his plans with Feliciano. Ludwig and Feliciano were definitely going to end up together—even Ivan could feel it coming. Yet, somehow, Ludwig managed to remain oblivious to what was going on…and Feliciano was probably too dumb to notice it. Ivan shut the door behind him and reached up to tug his scarf up over his chin and mouth. He then set out down the street, not really knowing where he was going. For some reason, after he had beat the shit out of their target, he was feeling depressed. Why was that? The rush of the kill was the one thing that drove him on; the one thing that motivated him to live for the next day. If that was lost, what did he have? Why was the thrill and joy gone?
…Maybe I'm not meant to have any happiness.
That was probably the answer. After all, he was nobody. The fact that he even found a glimmer of happiness in his life was a miracle, but it wasn't meant to last. The murder was so thrilling and pleasurable when he carried it out but now…now he was just frustrated. Wasn't it enough? Why did he have to suffer so much while bastards like their targets got to live happily with their sins? …Was there ever a time when he truly felt happy? Ivan closed his eyes and sighed, shaking his head softly. No, those days were gone. He had made sure of it. With his hands, he had become an artist of his family's fate—he took his brush and painted them the most beautiful shade of red.
He ran a hand over his face as he walked, avoiding contact with the people around him as he usually did. The Russian groaned, feeling a headache begin. All of that deep thinking was making his head hurt…he wasn't cut out for that kind of shit. With a soft sigh, he closed his eyes for a brief moment and—"Aiyah!" The next thing Ivan knew, he had fallen over and was sitting on the pavement, dumbstruck and wondering what had just happened. Did he just walk into someone?
"Ah! I'm so sorry, aru!"
Wait. He knew that voice. Ivan looked over to see whom he had bumped into and, sure enough, it was that florist named Yao. Yao had also fallen over onto the ground, and was currently trying to gather the groceries he had dropped.
"I'm so sorr—Ivan? You're Ivan, right, aru?"
Ivan was at a loss for words, and it was no because he was embarrassed and was starting to feel strange again. Yao looked…different. His brown eyes that were once bright and somewhat cheery were dull and lifeless, there were small bags under his eyes, his lips were chapped as somewhat bruised, his hair was no longer tied back in a ponytail but flowing loosely to his shoulders, he was skinnier, and his complexion was even paler than it was before. If one were to glance at Yao from the corner of their eyes, they would probably guess he was a woman that either worked too hard or was very ill. He looked absent—almost as if he was walking on the very edge of existence. "I'm sorry for bumping into you, aru. I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking," Yao replied, smiling weakly. Even his voice, the voice that used to sound like music, sounded weak and strained. He picked up the last of his items and placed it back into his shopping bag, and then he stood up and extended a hand for Ivan to take. Without hesitating, Ivan reached out and pulled himself up.
"Thanks…"
"Again, I apologize. Well, I must get going, aru…"
"Wait!" Ivan was surprised to hear his voice cry out like that. What was he doing? Obviously, Yao was in a hurry, so why was he trying to stop him from leaving? Why did he even care if Yao looked so tired and unhealthy? "You don't look very well… Are you alright?" His voice also sounded a bit strained. …Why? What's wrong with me?
Yao blinked in surprise and smiled weakly. "Don't worry about me. I'm just tired from working too much, aru."
"Working too much at the flower shop?"
"Ah… I don't work there anymore, actually. I quit a few days ago. …I just didn't really want to work there…" He chewed his chapped lips and tightened his grip on his bag, almost as if he was in pain. Ivan frowned slightly. That flower shop was probably the greatest place in the entire city, and he'd give anything to work there. Yao loved working there, too… Something must have happened to make him change his mind. That would explain why he looks so sad, a little voice in the back of Ivan's head echoed.
"So what do you do now?"
"…I work in a restaurant. I'm a pretty good cook, aru. Still, it's a lot different than the flower shop…" He sounded pained again. He misses it there, the voice in Ivan's head whispered. He misses the flowers and the warmth. He needs it. Something is wrong. Something is not right.
Ivan suddenly reached out and grabbed Yao's wrist. "Come with me, da?" Without waiting for an answer, Ivan began to pull Yao down the street with him. "A-Aiyah! Ivan, where are you taking me…?" Clutching his grocery bag with his other hand, Yao gulped and reluctantly allowed the Russian to drag him down the street. "Ivan, can you tell me where we're going, aru?"
"We're here~!" Ivan suddenly said cheerily, releasing his grip on Yao. He tilted his head slightly in the direction of what he was talking about. Yao, blinking with confusion, looked behind Ivan to see what he was… "Oh." It was the flower shop where they met. "Um, I hope you don't mind me asking, aru, but why did you drag me here for?" Yao asked, still confused. He looked at Ivan for answers, only to see that Ivan was entering the building.
"Just wait there, da?"
"A-Alright, aru…" Yao somehow felt his cheeks heat up slightly.
Seeing that Ivan was probably going to take a few minutes, Yao turned and sat down on the wooden bench by the window. He placed his bag by his side and, after making sure it wouldn't fall over and spill everything again, sighed and leaned back against the grey brick of the old building. He hardly knew Ivan, and Ivan hardly knew him, so why was Ivan acting so comfortable around him? The Asian sighed and tucked a few stray strands of hair behind his ear. He had to admit that he did look rather ill, but it wasn't his new job that caused it. …It was all the grief and anger about what Kiku had done. Yao took a deep breath and shook his head, frowning. I can't keep thinking about that! I have to…to move on. Kiku was never my real brother, anyway. I shouldn't be so attached to him, he thought.
"Yao?"
"Yes?" Yao responded automatically, looking up. Ivan stood in front of him, holding a large, bright, and healthy sunflower in his gloved hands. Ivan's lips twitched slightly as he tried, tried, to make a small smile appear on his lips. The only smiles I make are ones that make people beg for mercy, he thought with a mental groan of irritation. Ivan shrugged it off and held out the sunflower to Yao, beckoning for the Asian to reach out and take it into his fragile hands. "Go on, Yao~ Take it! I bought it for you."
Ivan chuckled as Yao blushed lightly. "W-Why did you do that, aru?" He reached out hesitantly and took the sunflower from Ivan's hands, his fingers briefly brushing over Ivan's. A sudden rush shot through Ivan at that brief moment. Why was his heart beating so fast? Why was he trembling lightly? His fingers twitched slightly as the flower was removed from his hands, and he quickly drew his arms back to his sides. "Ivan, why did you buy this for me, aru? Thank you, but…" Yao sounded uncertain and confused. "…Why, aru?"
Ivan sat down on the bench next to Yao, his heart beating rapidly. "Remember what you told me about sunflowers? You told me that they're like little suns that bring everyone some warmth and happiness, and then you said that they made you happy…" He paused to make sure his voice wasn't getting strained or anything. "…They made me happy. Even though I was really sad, the sunflowers made me really happy. Yao, you're not happy. You look like you want to die. So, I bought you a sunflower, and it will make you happy, da?" He smiled timidly, waiting for Yao's reaction. I want you to be happy. Are you just like me? Are you alone in this miserable world as well?
"…Thank you, Ivan." Yao looked at Ivan, his eyes watering slightly. "That means a lot, aru. We don't know each other very well but…but you're still comforting me." He smiled softly, his eyes focused on the sunflower he was holding. "…I think this sunflower will do me some good, and I think I should go back to the flower shop soon, aru." It looked as if the color was returning to his face slowly.
Ivan nodded, feeling a little too warm, and stood up to leave. "Aha…Well, bye-bye~!"
"Wait, aru."
"Hm?"
"…Maybe we can hang out tomorrow, aru? I'm free around 2 o'clock in the afternoon."
"…What did you say?"
Lovino growled in frustration, giving his younger brother a pointed look. "You heard what I said, Feli. You're not going out with that fucking bastard, Ludwig, ever again. He and his friends have gone too damn far this time! They killed one of my guys! If you ever see him again, you either walk away or kill him, you got it?"
"They probably didn't know, Fratello! They carry out assignments by what their clients tell them, so they couldn't have known! I can even ask Ludwig, and he'll tell me! Ludwig is a good person! I l—!" Feliciano slapped a hand over his mouth, looking at Lovino with terrified eyes. Lovino was a homosexual, but for some reason, he didn't want Feliciano to be that way as well. Feliciano had always been picked on, and he still was by a lot of people that he didn't even know. Lovino's biggest fear was that Feliciano would face even more insults and sneers if he became a homosexual as well—no one ever dared to insult Lovino, after all. Lovino would shoot anyone that made fun of his relationship with Antonio.
Lovino stared at Feliciano with wide eyes, his lips slightly parted as if he was trying to figure out what to say. "…What were you about to say?"
Feliciano gulped nervously. "I was saying… I was saying…" His fingers trembled as they gripped the sides of his chair uneasily. "…I…I…"
"You have to tell him. You'll just be unhappy!"
"Listen, Feliciano. You need to tell him. You need to fight for yourself, at least once, okay? Don't let people boss you around all the time! I can't stand to see you miserable like this!"
Feliciano bit his lip, Ludwig's words echoing through his mind. Ludwig was right. He was an adult now, and Lovino had no say in what he could or couldn't do. If Lovino wanted to boss him around, why let him? He wasn't his father! Feliciano clenched his fists, a frown forming on his usually gentle face. "…I love him. I love him, and you can't do anything about it, Fratello! I'm not a child anymore—I can live the way I want!" He looked up at his brother, only to see Lovino looking at him in awe. "And another thing," he added with a bit more courage, "I'm not joining the family business! I don't want to be a part of this Mafia stuff! I'm going to a university that specializes in art and cooking!"
He then stood up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Lovino sat at his desk in disbelief, his eyes still wide with shock and locked onto the door Feliciano exited from. "…F-Feli…?" Was that really his younger brother just now? Was Feliciano seriously…in love with that bastard? "Hey, Feli, wait!" Lovino shouted, rushing out of his seat and out the door. "You didn't mean all that, right?"
"Leave me alone!" Feliciano shouted back, exiting the house. "I'm going out with Ludwig tomorrow, and I'm going to tell him! I'll tell him that I love him!"
"WHAT?"
Gilbert and Mathias sat at the kitchen table, bottles of beer in their hands and empty bottles scattered about on the floor. Mathias smirked and gulped down more of the alcohol from his bottle, savoring the bitter flavor as it made contact with his tongue. "All right, fucker, you betta' spill," he slurred, pointing at Gilbert as if he was accusing him of a crime. "You betta' tell meh what you was really doin' while we'z were doin' da assignman…"
Gilbert grinned, equally drunk, and slammed his hands on the table. "Why's you wonderin'?"
"'Cause you were probably out fuckin' someone or getting drunk as hell!" Mathias replied with a drunken smirk. "I'd probably be out tryin' to find me a girlfriend or whatev'!"
Gilbert laughed and nodded, even though he wasn't sure about what his friend had just said. What did it matter? They were both drunk, and most of what they were saying was going to be lost as they recovered from the alcohol in their system. Why not admit the truth? He took another deep drink from his bottle before slamming it back onto the table, still smirking. "You really wanna' know, dude?" Mathias nodded, his face flushed from the alcohol.
"Me and Mattie hooked up a da day before da assignment! We'z were tired of takin' crap from our lovers…so we totally comforted each other and we wound up fallin' in love and all that! Mattie is amazin', he's just a little angle…Ah mean angel…" He paused and hiccupped. "Yup! Then we had some awesome sex n' stuff after a while…and that was why I was gone!" Gilbert grinned and waited for Mathias to respond to his drunken confession, only to blink in surprise as Mathias stared at him in disbelief.
"Dude, you are fuckin' dead," Mathias said quietly, wiping a few drops of beer away from his lower lip. He stood up, kicked a few bottles on the floor gently, then staggered to his room to recover from the alcohol. What was his problem? Gilbert shrugged and drifted off into his memories, thinking about Matthew…how he looked, how he tasted, how he felt… It was all interrupted, though, as a hand roughly slammed down on his shoulder, gripping him tightly and angrily. "What the fuck?" Gilbert snapped, turning around to see who it was.
…Oh fucking hell.
"You bastard…I thought we were friends! You and Mattieu are together? How dare you take him away from me, you fucking little cocksucker!"
…Now would be a good time for Ludwig to burst in here and save my ass…
I'm sorry for the long wait! –bows in apology- I hope I haven't lost any readers because of that long wait! Anyway, I haven't updated this for a while, so my writing may be a bit rusty…
Finally, you get to see some actual RoChu and GerIta!
Next chapter will have Kiku and Heracles, so stay tuned! I'll try and update faster, now that it's summer.
Review please! No flames!
