Cullen stood watching the recruits drill, inhaling deeply of the cold mountain air but it did nothing to dispel thoughts of Riona from his mind. As if he conjured her up with his thoughts, he spotted the pretty elf talking to the large qunari, Iron Bull, that she had recruited. Maker's breath but she was beautiful. As if she could feel his eyes on her she looked in his direction, their eyes locking, he gave her a soft smile only to watch the smiling she had been wearing disappear. She quickly broke eye contact, said something to Bull and rushed away leaving Bull shaking his head and Cullen to drop his shoulders in disappointment as he sighed. Three weeks. That's how long she had been avoiding him, three weeks without a word spoken to him outside the war room. Three weeks since she had returned with the templars. Three weeks she had been avoiding him. Three weeks and he was about to go mad. He had no clue what had happened, they had been getting along well, becoming closer he thought, had he been wrong in thinking that she share his interest… was that why she suddenly started avoiding him? Had she realized he was attracted to her and didn't want to encourage him? Scratching at the back of his head lost in thought he never heard her approach.

"Commander might I have a word with you?" Leliana asked, her hooded face unreadable save for the faint worry lines around her mouth.

Cullen started from his musing, "oh … uh of course Sister Leliana."

"Walk with me." she stated, her tone brokered no argument.

Cullen wordlessly fall into step beside her, one hand resting on the hilt of his sword. Leliana silent, hands grasped behind her back. She led him past soldiers training, past villagers meandering about talking, past the Tavern and up the hill to where the last trebuchet had just been finished. She took a seat on the platform that could be easily turned to aim where it need be, he stood for a minute before it became clear she wasn't going to speak just yet. Sighing he sat next to her, a more than respectable distance between them and waited. As he waited be looked around, they had prepared as best they could, they had a stockpile of lyrium for the templars, three trebuchets had been built, they had more recruits join everyday, it was all prepared for the Herald to attempt to close the breach for good in the morning as was the plan. But still something wasn't right, he knew it, Leliana knew it.

"Tell me Commander have you noticed anything off in the Herald's behavior these last few weeks?" Leliana asked finally voicing the reason for this meeting.

"Honestly she hasn't given me a chance to notice her behavior… we have not spoken since her return outside of the war room. She seems to be avoiding me." Cullen admitted looking like a kicked puppy.

"Interesting. I thought perhaps it was just me she's been avoiding. A hard feat considering we share a room but she comes in only after she thinks I'm asleep and leaves again well before day break. I'm worried. She's not sleeping and when she does, it's restless." Leliana explained looking straight at some unseen image.

"I… why are you telling me this?" Cullen asked.

Leliana looked at him, her eyebrow raised in an arch, her expression one of utter amusement. "I would think that would be obvious commander. You have known her the longest, that would mean you should know her the best. Which would mean you'd be the one to notice if she was not acting herself. Plus, unless I'm gravely mistaken, you care for each other."

"That's uh… I mean… she hasn't...I have no idea what you're talking about." Cullen stammered his face flushing.

Leliana let out an amused laugh, "Please commander I'm not blind, nor is anybody else. It's obvious you care for her… you haven't told her have you?"

"It wouldn't be appropriate, she's the Herald of Andraste… I'm just a soldier." Cullen sighed crestfallen.

"Pfft," Leliana let out a very unladylike snort, "Don't you dare give me that drivel. While I thank you for pushing Saurana away with it, please don't make the same mistake again."

"But she's the Herald" Cullen sputtered in righteous indignation.

"That maybe but she's still just a woman and you just a man. Talk to her commander." Leliana said with a smirk but turning serious, "I am very worried about her."

Cullen sighed defeated, "I've tried. She runs away anytime I try to approach her. I dont know what I did to her. I thought… I … well it doesn't matter what I thought, point is she wont talk to me."

"It hurts. Looking at you hurts. She sees the images that torment her when she looks at you. She sees them every time she closes her eyes. The images aren't real, she knows but it still hurts. I can't help. I've tried but she keeps seeing them. You can help. Make her see past the hurtful things." Cole said from his perch on the trebuchet startling them both.

"What does she see?" Leliana asked.

"Pain caused by envy. Not real she knows but it still hurts her." He answered but still not making himself any clearer.

"Envy? The demon that had infected the Lord Seeker? What did he do to Riona?" Cullen asked in a panic. He had read the reports about the demon but none had mentioned Riona suffering any pain at its hands or claws.

"Envy wanted to be her. He hurt her. Caused her pain to know her. He showed her things to make her react. Things that made her heart hurt. I helped. I made her see they werent real. Helped her escape. But she still sees them. I cant help. But you can." Cole explained looking at him.

"Why do you think I can help?" Cullen asked.

"You can make her see. See its not real. Show her you're real. That Leliana didn't kill you. You can convince her that you're really real." Cole said before vanishing.

"Well that certainly explains things." Leliana mumbled "Talk to her commander." she left Cullen to muss over the spirits words.

He sat rubbing the back of his neck for who knew how long. He wished Cole could have made a little more sense. All he could gather was that the envy demon had showed her Leliana killing him but he didn't understand why it would still be bothering her, it was obviously not real. He ran a hand down his face with a sigh. It had gotten quite late and cold without him realizing it. He rose to his feet suddenly bone weary and began to make his way to his tent. As he neared his tent he saw a lone figure clad only in thin night garments moving towards the lake. He'd recognize Riona anywhere.

"Riona?" he called out to her but she either didn't hear him or chose to ignore him as she continued down to the lake.

Concern etched lines into his face, it was much to cold for her to be out there in such thin garments. Still unsure about what was going on with her but knowing he had to at least try to help, he followed after her. The wind snatched at her hair that he just realized wasn't in its usual braids but rather hung loose down her back, the scent of lavender wafted back to him along with her voice muttering, "not real not real" over and over again. His heart ached for her, for the torment she must have been put thru. A torment he well understood. She stopped when she reached the dock and sat crossing her legs under her. He could see her shiver as she began to rock, 'not real' a steady mantra from her lips.

Cullen moved towards her, slipping off his fur lined over vest. He quietly stepped closer hoping he didn't scare her and that she wouldn't run away again. He placed his vest around her shoulders, it wasn't much but it was better than the nothing she currently had on over her night clothes. When she didn't jump or make a move to run away he lowered himself down next to her. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Cullen watching her out of the corner of his eye. He watched as she pulled his vest closer around her, snuggling into the furs, breathing deep of his scent lingering on it, she still shivered. He scooted closer to her, wrapping his arm about her, rubbing his hand up and down her arm in an attempt to warm her. After several more minutes of silence she raised a tear streaked face to look at him. He was taken a back, he didn't even know she had been crying.

"Cullen" she whispered her voice breaking.

He hugged her to him, running his hand over her head and down her hair soothing her as she began to sob. She pressed her face against the metal of his armor, her hands fisted near her face. He cursed the fact he was wearing it, wishing she was pressed against the warmth of his chest instead of the cold metal. "shhh, it's alright. I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." he murmured to her.

"It was so awful, Cullen. The demon… it … it kept showing you dead, dying in all manner of horrible ways… showed me twisted and evil… it tortured me with…" Riona sobbed.

" Shhhh. It's alright none of it was real. See I'm right here." Cullen soothed tightening his arms around her.

" I can see it. Everytime I close my eyes. Everytime I look at you. I know it's not real but I still see it. How do I make it stop." she whimpered.

"I wish I knew. But I understand better than anyone what you're going thru." Cullen said still running his fingers thru her hair in a soothing gesture.

"How could you possibly?" Riona asked a hitch in her voice from the tears still spilling from her eyes.

"When I was in the ferelden circle there was a young mage, an elf like you, I uh I cared about her but I pushed her away, she was my charge it wouldn't have been appropriate. But I still cared a great deal for her. Then things went bad real bad in the circle. There was this desire demon. It tortured me...All of us really but I wouldn't give into it. It tempted me using her face, her voice, her body. It made me watch her do things I could only dream about doing with her and when I still wouldn't give in, it punished me. I was a mess when she finally rescued me. You would think I would have been grateful but I blamed her. I couldn't stand to look at her because I would just see the demon. I left for Kirkwall after that, so I could escape the memories but I couldn't escape the nightmares. Every night the torture would start again. I've never told anyone that." Cullen suddenly becoming self conscious.

Riona had stopped crying and was watching him with an unreadable expression, "Do you still have nightmares?"

"Yes but they aren't about her anymore." Cullen answered blushing.

Riona seemed to be contemplating something, "Let's make a deal. I'll be here to help you deal with your nightmares and in return you help me with mine."

Cullen couldn't help the grin that split his face, "deal… now would you please allow me to escort you back to your room."

"I'd rather stay out here, it soothes me… will you stay with me awhile longer?" Riona asked turning her large eyes on him, uncertainty clouding them.

"Very well but at least allow me to fetch a blanket for you or something, we can't have you getting sick." Cullen said, at her nod he moved to get up, his hand landed on a large warm blanket. "What in the… how did this get here?" he asked lifting the blanket.

They locked eyes and laughed, "Cole".

Cullen shock the large blanket out and wrapped it about her shoulders. She lifted it inviting to share it with him. He pulled the blanket about him, his arm around her shoulders. He leaned back, using one arm as a pillow, pulling her down with him, her head resting on his other arm. They laid like that watching the sky and talked about anything and everything. They must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew he was being rudely awaken.

"Hey boss, are you two going get up so we can close that giant hole in the sky or are you just gonna cuddle whispering sweet nothings all day." Bull yelled out.

Riona and Cullen both bolted to their feet both blushing profusely and looking quite sheepish which just caused Bull to howl with laughter. Riona looked to Cullen briefly meeting his eye, "I should go get ready."

Cullen gave her nod and small smile. He hadn't come right out and told her of his feelings but there would be time after she closed the breach. But what if he misread things last night, what if she didn't return those feelings. Cullen shoved the worrying thought down when she looked back over her shoulder at him and bestowed him with the most beautiful smile ever. Yes he would tell her later, they had time.