Wednesday. Only the third day into the new year and not only did Arthur just want the year to be over, but he wanted to crawl in a hole and die.
After the incident yesterday not only did he not want to face Yao, but now he knew that he may not want to face anyone. Not after Feliks spied on him and probably had enough time to start spreading his own rumors, or after that weird situation with Sadiq. That he still had not managed to figure out.
Not that he managed much after Yao left and he broke down. Crying takes a lot of energy and he barely had enough of it on a day-to-day basis to spend it on crying. But what else could he do? He's already been angry, confused, tired, and crying was basically all he had left. Even if it seemed like he had run out of tears from over the summer. Guess he was wrong; he must have started to gather enough to break the dam he had built around his heart.
Damn it; guess I'm not as strong as I hoped to be by now.
What did he expect? It's only been a month since everything happened, a month since his heart was broken, and his trust shattered by someone he thought would never hurt him. And in the way he did it too, how could it not linger like it has been? Like a poisonous infection too light to kill him quickly, but instead saps him of everything every day that he goes on. Slowly and surely causing him pain but not enough to ever finish him off. Why was that? Why was this so painful?
I loved him, this hurts because I loved him and for some fucking reason I still do . . . that's why! Damn it, god damn it!
Feeling it and knowing it at the same time made accepting it hard, he can't change the way he feels. No one can, if they could Ivan wouldn't love Yao, Ludwig wouldn't put up with Lovino's abuse all for Feliciano, Antonio wouldn't have kept his relationship a secret for as long as he had if not to make Lovino happy! No one would do any of that, or feel any of that if they had a choice, love was fickle and it was mean. It's also what makes people feel like they're flying, drowning but able to breathe, lift buildings and defy God. Love makes pain pleasure and pleasure pain, it's everything, and sometimes it's nothing. He was consumed by it. He missed it, and he just wished there was no more pain, no more suffering.
OOO
Maybe I should just turn around and go home. Nothing good will come out of today anyway.
As he stood dazed on the sidewalk someone came up from behind him.
A swift kick to the back of his shin caused Arthur to scream out.
"What the bloody hell was that! Who the hell?!"
Arthur turned around and came face to face with the orange devil from Monday. Erland Oxenstierna, his blue eyes piercing Arthur like daggers. He clearly did not forget his grudge from 2 days ago, nor did Arthur think he would. He had let other things consume his mind, but seeing Erland's face brought back his memory of vowing to get this little punk. Now he stood right in front of him with no one around. He'd have his revenge.
"Yo, Er, what the heck are ya doin'?"
Not wanting to take his eyes off his prey Arthur was reluctant to look and see who was talking to the boy. Not that he needed to look, judging by the way the person spoke he could only be one of a few others whose use of English was so terrible it could cause linguists to cry. Sure enough, with that relaxed tone of his it was none other than Gil's right hand man in Diebe, Mathias Køhler.
"Eh, well what'ya know if it isn't Arthur? What'ya doin' out here? How do you know Er? Eh, hey now, why'd ya go and kick Arthur ya crazy kid! Do I gotta tell Ber 'bout this?"
The look on the boy's face went from ferocious to apologetic in 3 seconds flat. Clearly if there was one person this lunatic respected it was his older brother. Ber was just the affectionate name of Mathias and his 'family' for Berwald Oxenstierna, a guy who struck fear in many, but managed to be a pretty decent fellow. He got good grades, like the rest of his 'family', got respect from people, gave respect in return, helped people, and overall lived life just by going along. He was one of two in Mathias' bunch that Arthur actually tolerated. How Mathias convinced that guy and the other members of his 'family' to join Diebe with Gilbert still made very little sense to Arthur and to others.
He didn't care enough to dig any deeper though. It was none of his business and he didn't care to know anything more about the gang activities of his town. It was bad enough he knew members by name, or went to school with them, but to know anything more would only bring trouble. He had enough of his own to know not to go and dig into someone else's.
"This little shit kicked me because Monday I caught him peeking into a girl's bathroom at our high school you idiot! And rather than let him get away with it I threatened to call a teacher! Clearly he needs to be taught better to behave like a normal person!"
Mathias just looked dazed, he let Arthur's words sink in, but right as he was about to respond someone else's voice came from the other side of the street.
"Hm, is that true Er, did'ya really do somethin' like that? Tell me the truth."
Speak of the devil, look who's come to play big brother, tch, whatever, he can deal with this now.
Berwald, followed by 3 other people came walking up from the opposite side of the street. All the members of Mathias' 'family' were here. This clearly brought on happiness in Mathias that Arthur was perplexed by. The way his face lit up, the broadness of his smile was almost alien. What perplexed him even more was that, despite how utterly happy Mathias was to see his 'family' the others returned his greeting indifferently, in fact, they didn't react to him at all, they just kind of ignored him.
Except for of course the violet eyed ball of snow that was Tino Väinämöinen, giving a small wave. The ONLY one of this lot that most people not only tolerated, but legitimately liked. And why not? He was nice, he smiled a lot, was easy to talk to, made life easy for everyone because he spoke like a human being instead of that garbage the others spoke, of course people liked Tino; he was the only one of them who acted like a normal person!
"He's lying bro! I never did anything like that! This guy's making stuff up to get me in trouble! I swear it!"
"Hmm" Berwald eyed Erland for a bit and then turned his gaze on Arthur.
This week really IS the worst! Is he going to hit me? All for this brat?! This is why I hate kids!
"HAHAHAHA, oh man! That's totally a lie! That is SO something ya would do Er, ya really think you can lie to us 'bout somethin' like that? If Arthur here says ya did it then ya did it, why'd he lie about somethin' like that huh? Can'ya tell me that?"
Erland was getting more furious by the minute, that or embarrassed, Arthur could no longer tell. All he was getting was that Mathias was laughing at this kid, Berwald was still just staring at him and that the rest of the group acted as though nothing was happening. Except for Tino again, who just looked worried and in desperate want to remedy the situation.
Why the hell is that guy still looking at me though? Do I have something on my face?
Arthur was starting to get angry, he thought Berwald was a decent enough guy, but now he was just annoying him.
"H-hey, why are you staring at me, huh? Did I do something wrong here? Do you think I'm lying to get this kid in trouble? Well I'm not; I called him out on his indecent behavior. B-but I guess I did say he needed to be raised better, not that that's a direct insult to you of course, I did not mean it that way anyway. . .eh, more like, how to put it—"
"Its fine, not a problem. Just thinkin' is all."
OOO
That was not the answer Arthur was expecting, then again what was he expecting? However, this was not an answer any of the others expected, because now all eyes were on Arthur, even the two whose attention was elsewhere this whole time. Lukas, Emil and Tino joined Berwald in looking at Arthur.
W-what the hell? Why did they all suddenly start looking at me?
"Really now guys, why the staring?"
Surprisingly the person to respond was neither of the people who had spoken before. This time it was Tino who spoke up.
"Sorry about that, it's just that, we heard a little about something that happened yesterday, and well, we were all just kind of curious how you managed to get out of a fight with Sadiq Adnan?"
Ah, that . . . I, what do they expect for an answer here? How the hell should I know! Even I couldn't figure it out.
"Oooooooh, really? Hey, how come I didn't hear anythin' about that, huh? What the hell guys! That's some pretty big news! Aside from Ivan, Sadiq's a real monster! He usually always makes someone a shining example of why no one should cross his path! And how'd this guy avoid not getting' hit? At least smacked around a bit! Hey, hey, hey, more importantly how did WE not know about this sooner? That area's ours, I mean it's Gil's, how the hell did Sadiq go right through there without us hearin' about it sooner?"
"We did hear 'bout it sooner, you're just too much of an idiot to pay attention to the grunts who brought us that information, Mathias."
The cool voice of Lukas Bondevik was like ice through the air. Not that he's a bad guy, more like an enigma, he was a watcher, a listener, unlike Mathias and Berwald who were mostly used for brawn, Lukas was a tactician. He used his brain, and he sure as hell had a good one in him, being one of the smartest students at their school. Making his decision to be a gang member all that more confusing. He clearly had better potential, so why did he bother to follow Mathias into Diebe? Why would someone like that waste his time with violence and street drama? When he could be in the brainiac club or whatever and go places? Be more than just some information gatherer for some high school thug? It made no sense how any of this worked for them, for anyone in one of the three gangs that ruled this place.
"Aw, come on bro, that's mean! I was listenin'. . .eh, I guess I just forgot ya know? Yeah, things are heatin' up in Ivan's area these days so I just let it slip that Sadiq was just walkin' around. It's justa small matter, nothin' to worry about"
"So he says."
Now it was Emil who joined the conversation. It was like once one of them started they all had to put a word in. Emil being Lukas' little brother had his own coldness about him, but he possessed a lot more fire deep in him than his brother. It came out in strange ways at strange times. Rumors were going around just last year that he had a meltdown and got into a fight with one of Yao's relatives, some kid in Emil's grade that apparently he had been close to.
No one really remembered what started the fight, all they knew was that it took calling on Lukas to get Emil to cool off and walk away. The two were expelled for about a week. By the time he came back he was the same cool-headed person people knew him as. That's how he's stayed up until today. Not even all the gang stuff had caused him to lose his temper. Making that fight last year all that more interesting for people to know more about.
His expression did not change even when he spoke, and his voice did not change the expression on anyone else's face either. They were all just used to each other. Arthur wondered how he had ended up in such a situation, talking with the main force of Gil's gang. How did they hear about Sadiq so quickly? He knew they said grunts but the only ones there had been Yao and Feliks. Was someone else hiding somewhere and he didn't know? Or was one of those two he was with yesterday a grunt in Diebe?
No, no way, there's absolutely NO way that Yao or Feliks could be in a gang! I mean, if Yao was . . . no, he couldn't be . . . could he? What about Feliks? He's just a gossip, did he already go and spout that he fended off a gang leader? Would he BE so stupid as to go and spread that around? Oh god, and if he was that stupid to go and tell his side, what would stop Feliks from telling everyone about what Sadiq did to me?! W-would that be interesting to anyone? Uhg, of course! It would be! Shit, shit, shit, if I get pulled into this gang bullshit because of that damn gossip I will kill him! I tried SO hard not to get involved in Gil's side of shit thanks to Francis' but looks like I'm getting screwed over anyway. . .
"Uh, hey, are'ya alright man? Ya look a bit pale?"
The genuine concern on Mathias' face first irritated Arthur, and then made him a bit sad. Why was everyone being so considerate of him? Or were these people he has such a low opinion of actually good people who he wrote off just because he didn't understand their choices? It really could be anything, to him it was all just so confusing, but it was too much to think about on top of his own emotional turmoil.
However that did not mean that everyone else was just going to ignore some glaring facts about Arthur. First, the interesting story of how Sadiq just walked around him, secondly, how he has always had Alfred Jones on his side as a living shield. This wouldn't be all that big of deal given their lifelong friendship, but Alfred was the strongest guy at their high school, in their town probably. He was not a member of any gang, not to anyone's knowledge anyway, and they would know if he was, and yet he always meddled in gang affairs. Before school started he punched the new leader Ivan and what had gone around as him breaking his nose, he's done his fair share of pickling fights with Sadiq in his area, granted he lives in Sadiq's area of rule. Above all from their side, he has a real shit attitude towards Gilbert, and always messes stuff up for Diebe, most notably where Arthur's home is, which is within Diebe's rule.
OOO
Then there's this thing looming over him, something to do with Francis that a few people have started to talk about. Like an underground pipe about to burst and spill its contents all over the place. Some of the higher-ups in the gangs have started to hear these murmurs, but no one cared enough to pay it much attention. Could that murmur be the cause of Sadiq's action? Arthur may not be interested in any gang activity, but some of the gang's members are becoming more and more interested in this guy. Arthur would have no idea just how interested, or how big of a role he would play in this grand scheme power struggle to come.
"I'm fine, yes, just fine. Don't worry about me, I'm late for class, I already missed my 2nd and 3rd period classes, at this rate it will seem like I ditched, which was not my intention. Now, if this situation is all cleared up, I'll be going now. You lot shouldn't ditch either, you're late too so try to get to your remaining classes."
A few members were ignoring him again, mainly Lukas and Emil. While Tino along with Berwald just looked at him with deepening concern. They felt bad for him, he had no idea why they were truly there, and what was to come as a result of something as small as an encounter with Sadiq Adnan. Or that Erland and his encounter on Monday was just a set-up, just one small event that meant very little to him but was their way of watching him.
Then there was Mathias, who seemed to be looking past Arthur. Being Gil's most trusted man he knew what was happening, more so than anyone else. He knew what was in the works, what was being aimed for, and who was just a tool to bring a whole organization down, but not just one, but the whole damn thing. The games, the wars, something was coming and it would take a few people down with it. He didn't know how, or who, but he was sure of what he was told and what was asked of him to complete. And he would do it, as best he could.
"Yeah, we'll do that, we're just gonna walk Erland to school, then we'll see ya at CHS yeah? It was nice runnin' into ya Arthur; enjoy the rest of your day! Alright everyone, let's go! Forward! MARCH!"
"Shut up Mathias" for some reason despite how blatantly rude Lukas' comments are, the feeling of any hurt was completely missing from his words.
"Yeah, no one's listening to ya" echoing his brother, Emil's words were just as harmless.
"Mmm" was all Berwald gave in response.
Though he said nothing, Tino grabbed hold of Erland's hand and began walking after Mathias.
They made a strange line, a strange 'family'. Arthur's heart-felt a weird sting, like he was seeing something for the last time. Or was it a sting of jealousy? When was the last time he felt as close to someone as those guys looked? He couldn't remember. He was close to Alfred, and for a time Francis, but aside from those two people who else did he feel close too? Yao? Matthew? Kiku too? They were his friend's sure but, family? When was the last time he felt anything close to that kind of attachment and closeness? Again, he couldn't remember.
"That was a strange event . . . and look how late I am now, that whole exchange took way too long! By the time I get to the school it'll be half way through my 4th period class! Uhg, at this point it's a waste to go, all I'll have is 6th period before I have to sit around and wait for football practice. . .but if the coach sees me after having ditched today I'll get in trouble. . .and what will Yao say? But, I needed to deal with Feliks! What damage will be done if I leave it be for a whole day? Oh boy, what a pain in the ass."
Still standing where he was Arthur fought within himself on whether ditching his last class and football practice was worth the scolding he would get tomorrow. Given that it was literally only 3 days into the school year ditching a whole day already was pretty pathetic, and he had skipped a class yesterday too, he still had the rest of the damn year to survive. While ditching football would leave him in a bad personal place; after all it was one of the few things that still made him happy these days. If he ditched he'd have nothing but a whole shit day to look forward to.
He started to shuffle forward. If he at least made his last class he could make up some sort of lie for his first few classes to his coach and get to practice with everyone. He had enough time to make up a decent enough story that people could believe, that wouldn't require confirmation from anyone else.
He moved slowly, just shuffling along. Not paying attention to anything, thinking to himself about everything, not just from the last few days, but about Francis again. About how they met, where they were when he first saw him, how he had taken his breath away, how fast and seemingly chaotic their relationship had been. How madly in love they fell and all that they had done together, and how it was just broken. Why had it fallen apart like it did? Why did Francis say what he said? Do what he did? How could he have done it? Hurt him so, like that!
Lost in his thoughts he had stopped walking. Standing aimlessly on the sidewalk, consumed by hurt, and of longing, missing the good, the perfection that was those happy times. He was so consumed that not only did he not realize he was no longer moving, but he missed that someone else was now looking at him from afar. It was not one of Mathias' group, they were long gone. It was not one of his friends, they were good and went to school that morning, and did not ditch to go and look for the missing Arthur, who most assumed stayed home after his scary encounter the other day.
No, it was someone else.
OOO
"What the hell! So he just decided to ditch school? What an idiot!"
Alfred was pissed. He stood on the roof of their school surrounded by his brother and various friends of the two of them. Kiku was there, along with Yao and Ricardo Cruz, a friend of Matthew's, the one who had waited for him on Monday after he talked to Arthur. They frequently go to get ice cream during lunch breaks and talk with the server at the local sweets shop, Tim van Dijck. He's a college student at the local Caprees University and works part-time when he doesn't have classes. Since he started working there, Matthew has really become an ice cream enthusiast. Ricardo just goes along for the moral support and he watches as the other two chat and be awkward together.
Today though they both chose to prioritize Arthur and his disappearing act. Sitting quietly they all just listened and watched Alfred pace back and forth, fighting the urge to go and track Arthur down and drag him to school. But he doesn't just want to go and force him to do something he knows he's growing less capable of doing. School was exhausting normally, add in personal bullshit and it can become a hell, a personal, miserable hell. Who would willingly wanna come into hell? Only a masochist, or a Satanist, which Arthur was neither.
However, it was ONLY the third day of school, he had already missed one class yesterday and now he was missing the whole day? How on earth did he think he would graduate if this was just the start of the year and was missing so much school? Alfred knew he was tired, but he shouldn't jeopardize his future over it!
"Uuuuuhg, geez, what the hell should we do? Should I go and look for him?"
"It's too late Al, it's only one day, I think it'll be fine as long as he comes to football practice, and then makes it through the rest of the week." Matthew was trying his best to get his brother to calm down.
"Yes, I agree with your brother Alfred, so please sit down and try to eat some lunch before the bell rings for 5th period."
Kiku made a better convincer than Matthew did, it really did help that Alfred liked him, so listening to him was Al's way of impressing Kiku.
"He probably ditched because he didn't want to deal with Feliks' bullshit today, I don't blame him. But then again it's already lunch and I haven't heard anything, in fact, I haven't even seen Feliks today? Has anyone else?"
Yao was sure the first thing he would be confronted with was someone asking him about his day with Arthur, that weird run in with Sadiq and some other weird stories revolving around those 30 or so minutes of his day yesterday. Strangely, not only was he not confronted by anyone, or heard anything, Feliks wasn't even at school. He seemed perfectly fine yesterday, he wasn't sick, and he ran away from Arthur so sure enough he wasn't hurt, so why did he ditch? Now Yao was concerned for two people.
"Wait, what? Feliks' Bullshit? What are you talking about Yao? Did something happen?"
Now there would be no way to calm Alfred down. Something happened that he didn't know about, his damaged friend was ditching school in the first week back and he wasn't told anything. He was just assuming this had something to do with Arthur's current broken heart status, but now there seemed to be more.
"Spill it Yao! What the hell happened ?!"
"Aiya! Calm down, it's nothing to shout about! Don't get so worked up, sheesh. It wasn't anything huge…I don't think so anyway, well I'll just tell you what happened."
Everyone sat in silence as Yao told them from start to finish what happened with him and Arthur the previous day, from the moment on the roof, to what happened after school. Kiku seemed only slightly confused about what was happening; he wasn't much for gossip or the latest news in fellow student's lives, so even over the summer he didn't really hear about Francis and Arthur. He had however heard of what had happened last month, but nothing was even clear about who was involved in that event. Matthew although always had an idea about what was going on with everyone, given how his brother was behaving. As much as Alfred liked to believe Arthur was only his friend, he cared about Arthur too, and he knew him well enough to read him when things happened to him. Sure enough as the new year started and the days were passing things were becoming a lot clearer. Poor Yao and Ricardo were the only ones who were kept completely out of the loop.
The only one who knew everything, or thought he knew everything, was Alfred. So hearing now that Yao did exactly what he told him not to do a week ago infuriated him. But more so, a gang member being in Arthur's area again was what really tipped him over the edge. He was busting his ass to assure those people were staying away, he was picking fights with Gil all the time over that area, but now other groups were moving in? Bullshit, it was complete bullshit. How many of these low lives was he going to have to beat the hell out of until their bosses got the hint and cleared out? Clearly he hadn't done enough, and that would have to be dealt with again.
"FUCK!"
X
A/N:
Guess who's back? Back again, Shady's back. Tell a friend! Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, nananana~
That's right, 2 years later this terrible person is back with a new chapter! I graduated college; I moved out of my shitty apartment and have started to plan graduate school. So see, I wasn't just ditching out! But, alas, no one cares . . . because I kept you all waiting for 2 years _ almost 3, or has it been 3? Oh god!
I do NOT own Hetalia nor did I create any of the characters that credit goes to Himaruya.
Seeing as this is a Hetalia story the characters introduced are as followed:
Berwald Oxenstierna – Sweden
Tino Väinämöinen – Finland
Lukas Bendevik – Norway
Emil Steilsson Bendevik – Iceland
Mathias Køhler – Denmark
Tim van Dijck – The Netherlands
Ricardo Cruz – Cuba
Differentiation of speech, thought, flashback and action:
Speech is anything in "parentheses", hopefully it's clear who's speaking
Thought is in Italics
Action will be put in *asterisks*
Flashback will be in bold
Should multiple characters be doing something different I shall give explanation. But, hopefully nothing will be too complicated.
Thanks for reading!
