A/N: Sorry it's been a bit of a wait! This chapter is set the same year as last. Hope you enjoy as much as the last ;)

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2014 – March – Brendan

In his efforts to repair the damage of his absence at her birth, Brendan poured everything he had into loving Aoife. She had a shock of dark hair already and bright enquiring eyes. It had given him a new purpose and a new badge of manliness. She'd rekindled his love for Eileen too, because together they realised how lucky they were, holding her in their arms. The guilt swelled his brain and he channelled this into getting up in the night to comfort Aoife and take her for walks in the pram. At the same time, he bundled her up in his own protectiveness, desperate to look after her.

"What's gotten into you?" Eileen had said fondly stroking the back of his neck as Aoife slept in his arms. Eileen had just woken from a well needed nap.

Brendan shushed her but his answer glowed from the outside – the pride of being a father again. He reckoned it was instinctive and a part of him hoped that this might be a new beginning for him as a parent. He had just forgotten it was like this with the boys too, the euphoria. It didn't last. Just as he couldn't keep his desires away and stay faithful. It never lasted. Soon the goodness in him would fade and he'd be back to the rotten core.

After fucking Ste, Brendan had dropped him a few streets away from his new flat and the air between them festered in frosty, sordid guilt. It felt even worse to have to explain to him the reasons why he had to abort their hook-up. He saw the look on Ste's face then, the horror and the attempt to swallow down the bile he must have felt.

"While we were…?" Ste said, raising a fist to his mouth as if he was going to be sick.

Brendan affirmed it, twitching with the conflict of wanting to be rid of Ste and rush to be at the hospital but at the same time longing to be with Steven.

"Why didn't you tell me she was pregnant?!" Ste said, teeth clamped together as he pushed open the car door.

"That would have made a difference?"

"Yes!" Ste said, hissing. "Don't you think I feel bad enough that you're married with kids anyway?!"

"You can't help who you want," Brendan said, eyeing him darkly with his hands braced on the steering wheel. Brendan wasn't sure him having one more child made a difference.

Ste reared away, groaning with frustration. "Go and see your wife. Forget this – you and me - ever happened." It was too dark for Brendan to tell if Ste was upset, all he had saw was the disappearing hunched shoulders of Ste returning home. Lashing out in frustration, he thumped the dashboard, sucking in air to calm down before heading to the hospital. If only things were as simple as to return to Eileen and forget the consuming obsession he had for Steven. He felt a magnetic pull to him, even more intense now that they'd had sex.

When he arrived at the hospital, Eileen's blissed out mood seemed to absolve her of anger towards him for not being there. She held Aoife in her arms looking pale and exhausted and just relieved at his eventual arrival.

"I'm so sorry," he said, pressing his mouth to her damp forehead. He could still taste Steven underneath it all – a sign of how things were, Steven always underlying his every move.

"She's beautiful," Eileen had said, tears forming in her eyes. For that moment it felt as though the recent struggling years between them were removed, starting fresh encouraged by the birth of their little girl, a symbol of their love and marriage. She reached up to kiss his mouth, placing a delicate touch over his repaired cuts and nicks from the fight. "You got fixed up," she said, unaware how guilt ridden the smile he gave her was.

April – Brendan

Three long months had dragged on through Brendan's life since the night with Steven. Some nights, just as he drifted into sleep, Brendan experienced flashes of their bodies together, the taste of his yearning mouth. Their sex had hooked into his bloodstream like a drug and the withdrawals had left him waking in sweats, head aching with the turmoil of affection he'd prompted. It wasn't just a hunger for his body Brendan had started to experience – that could be diluted with distractions of other men and adrenaline if that was needed – it was a greater longing, one he couldn't find a place or reason for in his mind. He couldn't understand it yet.

Eileen was tired and ratty through lack of sleep on their next hospital visit. Aoife had been born with a minor breathing problem and although she'd settled now, her cries cracking the frosty temperature of the house, the hospital had requested a check-up visit in Out Patients. Brendan knew seeing Steven again would flare up the torturous feelings he attempted to forbid himself from, but like he dreaded, there Steven stood, hovering by reception to make an enquiry. He leant over the counter, his body stretching under the blue uniform. Brendan knew if he could see Steven's eyes from where he stood, he'd see they were just as vivid.

Brendan's tongue dried up in his mouth as Eileen motioned to the reception desk to find out where they were headed. Panicked, Brendan grabbed her arm. He couldn't see Steven, not like this, not now.

"What'ya doing?" she snapped, the whites of her eyes widening.

"I know the way. C'mon," he said, lying and heading with the pram in the opposite direction of reception so he wouldn't be forced to confront Steven with wife and baby in tow.

But whatever aims Brendan had in avoiding Steven, they failed. As he sat with Eileen and a sleeping Aoife, thoughts of Steven had tarnished his best efforts to keep away and once more he felt compelled to find him and be with him.

May - Ste

He could just about stifle a yawn as he left the hospital behind. Being eight in the evening, it was already dark outside. He preferred the day shifts, of course, but they came with their own busy drawbacks but he was glad to be heading into the weekend - which for once, he had off. Adam's firm had been pushing him into longer hours, including some weekends and Ste hadn't really spent that much time with him. On the surface he'd made all the right noises to Adam, complaining that they weren't seeing much of each other but there was a freedom in it that he enjoyed. If he wanted to wake at midday on his day off and eat cereal straight from the box then he could.

Regrettably the freedom also allowed him too much time to think, too much time to over analyse the guilt he felt at betraying Adam. It had been a horrible mistake sleeping with Brendan. He couldn't excuse himself for it. Brendan had worked his way under his skin and couldn't be scratched out. Ste kept laying blame at Brendan's door as if the whole experience had been a solo event, just a desperate married man preying on Ste's vulnerability. Truth was, he wasn't vulnerable. He had been complicit - stronger than that - eager, almost as much as Brendan had. The worse thing was if they hadn't been disturbed by the call about Brendan's wife giving birth then it would have happened again and then it would have been less easy to pin it down as a mistake. A one-time mistake. Ste found that he could easily absolve himself from guilt if he acknowledged it had just been once. He reasoned that plenty of people had long term affairs and straying once might be a common thing that all relationships go through. And Brendan was married with kids, if anyone was the guilty one it was him.

The one-time occurrence excuse followed him around, even on mornings in the shower where he'd touch himself and be struck immediately with images of Brendan in his mind. He let himself imagine Brendan's hands on him. It was only fantasy, it wasn't harming anyone.

On the way home he considered deviating to the shops to pick up some cans and something sugary but he did that earlier in the week and was too full and hyper to eat the dinner Adam had made. He thought better of it and began walking. Just one street away from the hospital he could sense someone behind him so he turned, expecting an animal or just a random stranger. There was no one, just an empty rain splashed pavement and he felt a bit of an idiot. The footsteps had stopped so he started walking again only to hear the pace again behind him.

"Who's there?!" he called out, turning again. He shivered, cold seeping in under his jacket and uniform. "I can hear you followin' me!" He aimed for indignant in his tone but fear had clenched his throat. He wasn't stood on the nicest estate, the sort any decent parent would tell you to avoid late at night.

Silence. Then after a rustle, Ste huffing and puffing with irritation, a voice crawled out through the dark. "It's me, Steven. It's me."

"What?! You're following me?!"

"I just needed to see you, that's all," Brendan said, stepping out from his hiding place and illuminated by the street lamp.

Ste scoffed. He felt a rush of warm, relieved adrenaline but his arms folded across his chest astounded that Brendan was following him home from work. He knew it had been a mistake letting Brendan drive him home after they'd had sex. They couldn't go back to being strangers when Brendan had the upper hand and knew where he lived. "What the hell do you think you're doing following me in the middle of the night? You could've been anyone! You could have had a knife!" Ste saw a look of smugness present itself in Brendan's face but Ste shot him down. "I've got nothing to say to you, alright? Stalkin' me ain't gonna change that."

"I ain't got your number, have I? I can't exactly write you a note when you've got lover boy living with you."

"All the more reason to leave me alone then." Ste turned, began striding away.

"Don't you wanna hear what I got to say?!"

"No. I told you, I ain't interested. What we did was a one off, a stupid one time mistake. It's done. Over. Finished." Ste had squeezed into an alleyway, slowing down as he weaved in between the barriers to stop cyclists. He became grateful for the lack of light in the alleyway and the fact his back was turned away from Brendan because his skin mottled pink. Seeing him again had resumed all the latent desires he'd carried around with him as baggage. Even the thought of Brendan being so determined, that he would follow him home curled Ste's insides with intrigue. It was so very wrong and sordid, but he couldn't deny the surges of attraction. Brendan made him feel desirable, he was hunted down and consuming Brendan's attention so much so that he acted irrationally and riskily. What man could resist having that power over someone? Ste had never even come close to a connection like that.

"Are you sure about that, Steven?"

Brendan had bridged the gap and before Ste had realised it, he too had slowed, helping Brendan in his cause to catch up. He could feel Brendan's warm breath penetrate the night's chill. Ste's heart thumped in his chest. It seemed to rattle and shake his blood, his principles. Physically it'd be so easy to pick up his feet and walk away, confining Brendan's memory to the mistake he'd sworn it was. He felt the weight of Brendan's hands press down on his shoulders. Their shadows merged into one and a blanket of warm air licked across the nape of his neck with Brendan's mouth buried there.

"I want you," he said, breathing heavily into Ste's ear from behind, sliding his hands around Ste's waist.

Ste's relenting moan slipped from his lips and he reached out with the flat of his palms to steady himself against the wall that Brendan steered him towards.

"Brendan…" His body ached, murmuring into the night. "Don't stop," he said, welcoming the pressure of Brendan's hands roaming his body. His weight slumped forward against the wall and he positioned Brendan's hands between his legs, spreading them apart. Brendan's breath panted hot and sweet against his neck and under his collar and Ste could feel the outline of his hard dick pressing up against him. He lathered Brendan's movements with the encouragements of his voice, groaning at the way Brendan's hands came around him and his rough palms grazed against his cock. They weren't making skin to skin contact but Ste could barely breathe from it. He wound his hips, grinding against Brendan and heard the vibration of pleasure ripple through his groans.

His nurse's uniform fitted loose at the waist and needed little persuasion for it to be pulled down, but as the air caught his hips, Ste stopped him. "Not here," he said. He span around, kissing Brendan full on the mouth, letting his hand slide between them. "I know where we can go."

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They kissed and kissed in the car park of the Travelodge and somewhere after the earnest desperation and hunger, laughter had sprung from nowhere and they had to sober up in the reception. It was one of those out of town anonymous places, the teenage girl on reception looked bored in the job, and Ste hung around reading the leaflet stand while Brendan paid. He paid in cash, not wanting the questions when his bank statements came. Ste started to wonder then what kind of guy just carries around wads of cash like that. They exchanged lust driven smiles when the receptionist was busying herself with the paperwork.

"You got any money for the machine?"

"You hungry?"

"Yeah…and…" Ste eyed the packet of condoms in the vending machine. They'd risked it before but he wasn't going to be that stupid again.

Brendan hadn't heard the last comment and turned back to the receptionist. "Not the sort of place to do room service, no?" He smirked at her and laughed dryly. She looked at him with a dumb expression. "No? Okay. Good." He handed Ste some coins.

Brendan had all paid up by the time Ste returned – a bar of chocolate each and a pack of condoms in hand. The receptionist pretended not to notice and wished them a nice stay. She'd not see them check out three hours later either, only find their key returned.

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"Fuck fuck fuck!"

Ste's knees weakened, staggering against the door, his bar of chocolate half eaten and abandoned on the vanity desk. Brendan had picked up exactly where they'd been interrupted last time, sinking to his knees and keeping his promise. Ste was almost embarrassed at how his cock reacted instantly to the sight of Brendan on his knees, a surprising sight to see a man like him so submissive and powerless. Ste had started to tell him how he liked being sucked off but Brendan had silenced him. His tongue flicked the head of his cock, spurning little slanted cries from Ste's slack mouth. Brendan took all of him into his mouth, laboured breaths spurting through his nose, and kept his eyes open through the deep throat. It was all Ste could manage not to buck his hips and he gasped in large gulps of air, biting back cries that his throat had gargled. Brendan's mouth coloured dark red and sucked him tightly, not giving up until Ste had come.

The kiss after, tinged with his own sour taste, had Ste throwing his body around Brendan's and being hoisted to the bed. Once there Ste stripped completely and stretched out across the bed flushed and light headed. He caught sight of his left hand and immediately his mood crumpled. Brendan was undressed and erect by now, kneeling on the bed and locating the condoms.

Ste sat up and bent over the bed reaching for his phone.

With a hint of devilishness in his voice, Brendan spoke. "Don't move." He shuffled up behind Ste, hands on his hips. Ste felt the arch of his back exaggerated and Brendan had pulled him so that his hot, lithe tongue wriggled with saliva across his hole.

Ste moaned, forgetting the way he'd frosted over. "Wait…" He moaned again, Brendan spreading his cheeks apart. "Just wait."

After a moment longer of exploration, Brendan gave in. Ste found Adam in his contacts and called.

"Hi babe…yeah I'm sorry, I should'va called earlier. Yeah…yeah I know. Someone's gone off sick you see and I said I'd cover….I know. I know but I was thinking right, it's more money innit – yeah we gotta save up for the wedding and that…yeah I know. Yeah don't wait up. Okay. Love you too babe. Bye."

"Babe?" Brendan questioned.

Ste worked his way up the bed again. "Yeah, and what do you call your wife?"

Brendan flashed a darker glare in his direction.

"Don't get funny with me n' jealous over 'im when you've got a whole family at home." He wasn't being jokey now, he meant it.

Brendan tipped back a swig of drink that he had from a silver coat flask. "Ain't jealous," he said, running his hand along Ste's spine when he laid out flat beside Brendan. "You came back to me, didn't ya?"

"S'pose I did," Ste said, trembling at the ticklish delicate sweep of his back.

"Now you gonna roll over? I wanna look at you this time." Brendan's fingers played through Ste's hair as he settled on his back. He let the fingers pop in his mouth, wet with saliva. "You good to go?" He nudged their lips together, drawing up onto his arms. Ste folded up, knees apart. His eyes dissolved behind his lids as Brendan's fingers sunk into him up to the knuckle.

Ste's arm reached up, tangling his grip into the headboard. It didn't matter that the room was a bit tatty and you could hear the faint sounds of doors banging on the floor above. It didn't matter that Adam was at home, cling-filming dinner he'd cooked and grumbling about the hospital abusing Ste's generous nature. It didn't matter that Brendan's kids, including the newborn baby, and wife were thinking he was busy at work. Brendan eased into him, solid, thick and heart-stoppingly masculine. Ste felt as if he might blackout and the burn of initial pain was just enough to keep him rooted in the room until it melted into a visceral pleasure that he wished he could bottle. It didn't matter that when their eyes met, bodies crippled in ecstasy Ste had never felt anything like it. It didn't matter.

At least, that's what Ste told himself to avoid the guilt that came with letting a man, who wasn't his future husband, come inside him and his mouth several times that night.