Through My Eyes

Making him choose

The change in Alfred was gradual. Well, besides the sudden growth that left a great visible height and 'age' difference between him and Matthew.

First, was the loss of the pet name Alfred had for Arthur, Iggy, even though Alfred kept Mattie for Matthew. Not that Arthur minded. Rather, I think he appreciated it since Arthur didn't like to be called "Iggy" by a youth of 15-16 years old.

Next, was increase of excursions into the town, even when Arthur was over, which was odd since Alfred would always want to stay by Arthur's side whenever he came to visit. But he didn't. Rather, it would seem that Alfred went out more whenever Arthur came by, leaving Matthew alone with the Englishman. At the beginning of these ventures out to town, Alfred brought Matthew along (who brought me along, naturally) for simple wares to buy such as small trinkets or food with the allowances given to them by Arthur. We no longer had a housekeeper then because Arthur deemed ourselves mature enough to cook ourselves food and Alfred scared away our housekeeper with his antics and his sudden "growth spurt". We still had a maid (though we had to change her after Alfred's growth) that came once a week to clean the house. Other than that, we had to cook food for ourselves, when Arthur wasn't here that is.

Alfred, who seemingly developed the bad taste in food such as Arthur's, could not cook well so it fell to Matthew to cook. It wasn't that hard for Matthew, who was spared a few times from Arthur's [horrible] cooking by Arthur's forgetfulness, was taught by France and who "practiced" cooking all those times when Arthur did forget to cook his share, to cook for the three of us. All he needed to do was just cook a bigger portion, and a bit more since Alfred was almost like a bottomless hole when it came to food. Which was why Alfred would bring Matthew along to his town visits, so that he could pick out which ingredients were needed for the upcoming meals. Matthew loved these visits with Alfred because it made him feel important and Alfred would listen to his recommendations on which foods to get.

But that all changed when one day, Alfred spotted someone he recognized in the crowd of people and told Matthew to wait at a corner of a street for him while he "checked it out." Matthew obeyed, of course, and sat down with me in his lap and our treasures, food and some random things, on either side of him while he waited. Matthew observed the people around the street – people walking to a destination, people bargaining for cheaper prices on some foods, and people just standing around and talking. While watching the people around him, Matthew strangely didn't notice when some of them would turn and start to walk towards him. Most of them would be older men with a dirty look in their eyes that gave me an uneasy feeling so whenever anything of them would venture too close to Matthew and I, I would glare at them and give a small growl to indicate that yes, I am an alive polar bear and no, they are not getting any closer to Matthew lest I claw their creepy eyes out. It worked of course, those men quickly turned away when they realized that I wasn't a stuffed bear after all and I looked vicious, and Matthew was none the wiser.

I could see what those men saw, a child of 12 or 13 years old sitting alone on a curb would have been easy pickings, if not for the live polar bear in his arms. Alfred was not smart to have left Matthew alone but Matthew was lucky that he always brought me around with him. What's worse was that Matthew could have been easily mistaken as a girl, even though he was wearing a simple vest over a dress shirt with plain pants, he had pale wavy blonde hair that almost looked silver in the light and fell to his shoulders and his innocent violet-blue eyes that looked around curiously. Matthew was absolutely beautiful if one took the time to take in his features and made even more adorable with the complete innocence in his eyes. Arthur never saw this since he was too busy with Alfred and Alfred never saw it either since he was too busy with something else, but these random strangers could see it and it was my duty to protect Matthew. Well, until Alfred came back.

When Alfred finally returned, after I had to scare away about 5 to 10 men, he smelled faintly of roses. It was smell that smelled strangely familiar but I couldn't place it...

"I'm sorry, Mattie!" Alfred said while helping Matthew up, "I thought I recognized the person but I guess I was mistaken! Ready to go home?"

Matthew gave a nod and began to pick up the baskets with our foods and other stuff in it when he too noticed the smell. "Why do you smell of roses, Al?"

"Oh uh..." Alfred looked around nervously until one of his hands fell to one of his pockets and he lifted out a rose, "Oh it's uh... I saw a lovely rose in the window of a floral shop so I went in and bought one to show you! Here!" Then he shoved the rose into Matthew's face until he took it.

"T-thank you," Matthew stuttered and blushed – it was his first time getting anything from anyone. "It's very pretty..."

If a stranger were to look in on this, it would look as if Alfred was romancing a female in men's clothing. Of course, it wasn't that and I could tell that Alfred was hiding something and just used the rose as an excuse. I had no proof but I felt I was right when the next time Alfred went out, and the times after, Alfred didn't allow Matthew come along with him.

Alfred started to go out a lot more afterwards. Before, it would've been like 3 to 4 days between outings, and then it began to decrease to every other day to every day till Alfred was rarely seen in the house. Matthew was left alone in the house when that happened but whenever Alfred returned, he would always give Matthew a red rose. Matthew had received so many red roses that his room began to smell of roses, not that Matthew minded or anything, it was just a lot of red roses. So much, that finally Matthew just asked Alfred to buy rose seeds the next time he went out for grocery shopping so he could plant them in the back and Alfred needn't waste any more money on single roses. Alfred shrugged, left outside, and when he came back, he came back with a last red rose and some rose seeds, in addition to the ingredients for meals. Matthew picked up a hobby of gardening while Alfred kept going out on town runs.


When Arthur finally came to visit, he couldn't find Alfred anywhere in the house and found Matthew in the backyard surrounded by different coloured roses while I was hiding under the shade of a tree. Arthur just gaped at the assortment of roses until he found his voice.

"What are you doing Matthew?"

Matthew looked up from the rose bush he was tending. Matthew was still in a body of a 12 year old so it looked a bit weird for him to be gardening. "Um well... Alfred's been coming home with roses lately so I told him to buy me rose seeds instead because roses are a bit expensive and so he did and it sort of turned to be..." Matthew looked around him, "this."

Arthur just stared at Matthew for awhile before speaking again, "Ah well, where is Alfred now?"

Matthew shifted uncomfortably in his spot and then he said quietly, "He's... in the town..."

"What? He's in the town? He left you alone in the house?"

"Um... Yes, he does that often but but! Um, I thought I was old enough to stay alone house already and so... Um..."

Arthur gave a small laugh, "I'm not blaming you or anything, Matthew. I was only curious. He's probably found a lass he fancies in the town, which is probably where all the roses are coming from. Though, I still need to tell him not to leave you alone for so long, you are still little."

Matthew smiled at the small form of affection from Arthur. He doesn't show that much towards Matthew when compared Alfred, but even a small bit is enough for him.

"Oh well, let's go inside and wait for Alfred?" Arthur took Matthew by the hand and started to lead him inside, "Would you like me to hire a gardener to take care of your roses?"

Matthew just nodded. He would agree to anything Arthur says as long as Arthur was happy.


Another thing that changed slowly within Alfred was his temperament towards Arthur. Alfred was still kind to Matthew, sometimes kinder, but towards Arthur, he became almost hostile. When Alfred came home that day, Matthew witnessed the first argument between Alfred and Arthur.

The conversation started out normally with Arthur just asking a simple question of "Where have you been?"

Alfred just snapped back with a "None of your business."

Arthur let that comment slide and asked another question, "Why did you leave Matthew alone in the house? You know that he's still small compared to you."

"Does it matter? Matthew doesn't mind."

"It doesn't matter if he doesn't mind. You're his older brother, you should know better."

"So are you!" Alfred hissed back, raising his voice. "But you don't remember about him half the time! The other time, you are not even here! Some brother you are!"

"Do not take that tone with me!" Arthur started to raise his voice as well, anger already welling in his eyes. "I've been busy! You should know that!"

"Sure! That was your excuse when I was younger too! When are you ever not busy?!"

"I don't know!"

"That's what I thought!"

The conversation digressed after that while Matthew watched it all from a corner, clutching me tightly almost in fear. The argument ended with Alfred shouting some profanity at Arthur before stomping up the stairs and slamming his room door. Arthur collapsed into a nearby chair and held his head in his hands and Matthew ran straight over to him.

"Are you okay, Arthur?" he asked.

"My God... What happened to him?" Arthur muttered under his breath, ignoring Matthew's question. When Matthew placed his hand on Arthur's knees was when Arthur did look at Matthew.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, I guess it's that time where teenagers become rebellious..." Arthur gave a sigh and patted Matthew on the head. "Go upstairs and see if you can cheer him up. It seems he cares a bit more for you than me."

Matthew nodded and did what he was told. He made his way up the stairs with me in tow until we were in front of Alfred's door. Matthew knocked on the door and was replied with a yell from within.

"GO AWAY!"

Matthew flinched at the sound of Alfred's angry voice but he spoke timidly anyways. "Al...?"

There was a pause and then we heard a rustle of Alfred getting off the bed and then opened door for us. "Oh Mattie, I didn't think it was you. I thought it was... someone else."

Of course we knew who that "someone else" was but Matthew didn't want to push it. Matthew was almost afraid to look up into Alfred's eyes in fear of the anger he might find there but when he looked up, all he saw was only tired eyes. "Are you okay?" Matthew asked the same question he asked Arthur awhile ago.

Alfred shrugged. "I'm all right I guess. I'm sorry you had to see that, Mattie." Weird, they even gave the same reply, they are brothers. "Do you want to come in?"

Matthew who hadn't been in Alfred's room in a long time, eagerly nodded, which elicited a laugh from Alfred, and ran in under Alfred's arm.

Alfred laughed again and closed the door behind him. The room wasn't that all that different from Matthew's room, if not a little bit bigger. Matthew room was accented with red and was full of red roses from Alfred's town visits while Alfred's room was accented with both the colours of red and blue, like he couldn't decide which colour he liked more, and was full of... quite literally, rubbish. Some we could recognize were the trinkets that were bought from the town, mostly broken into many pieces or combined into something else. Others were just... weird. Like there was a something in the corner of the room that was made of bowls, spoons and some wax. It made no sense whatsoever.

Matthew was staring at the bowl/spoon/wax figure and Alfred noticed. "I was trying to make something but it wouldn't work properly so I gave up," Alfred said as if it's totally normal to throw utensils and bowls together with wax.

We just stared at the figure a bit longer, what he was planning to make or make it do we couldn't fathom, until Alfred got onto his bed and said, "Come, it's a bit early but I guess we can call it a night and sleep!"

Matthew was broken out of his reverie and happily climbed onto Alfred's bed to go under the covers. Alfred quickly grabbed Matthew and pulled him into his arms. "There, comfortable now?" Alfred asked and was given a happy "mhmm" in reply. I crawled in beside Matthew.

For awhile, there was silence, besides our calm breathing, until Matthew spoke out. "Why did you yell at Arthur, Al?"

Alfred gave a long sigh and even though I was at Matthew's back and Alfred was on the other side, I could tell that Alfred was looking into Matthew's eyes. "Because England isn't being fair to my people."

"Arthur?" Matthew asked and I was not sure if he noticed Alfred's change of name reference towards Arthur. "But he's always fair."

I wanted to scoff. As fair as one can be when partial to one child over the other.

Alfred shook his head and I felt it as the bed moved, "No, to my people. You wouldn't understand. You haven't grown yet."

"Yes I have!" Matthew, with his back to me, probably pouted, he would only pout to Alfred. I would've liked to see him pout; his pouts are most endearing to watch.

I could feel Alfred relax and then chuckle – no one could stay angry for long if Matthew was pouting that cute pout. "Yes, yes you have, but not in the way I meant! It does not matter, we should sleep before England comes and force you to sleep in your own bed!"

"Eh... But I want to sleep with you..." Matthew replied drowsily, already falling asleep.

"Then sleep now."

Within minutes, Matthew's breath evened out and he fell asleep. Alfred was stroking Matthew's soft hair and said something so quiet that I barely heard it from my side of Matthew.

"If... If I were to leave... would you come with me...?"

Of course, Alfred wasn't expecting an answer from a sleeping child.


The arguments between Arthur and Alfred didn't stop, rather they increased in number. So much that Matthew began to hide away in his room whenever one would start because both of them would expect him to pick one side over the other. But Matthew couldn't pick anymore than he could tell them to stop.

Matthew could still hear some of the arguments when he hid in his room.

"Stop taxing us so much!"

"I am not taxing you that much at all!"

"Yes you are! We are getting taxed and we are not even represented in your parliament! Do you know how unfair that is?!"

"You are represented in it!"

"NO WE'RE NOT!!!"

The arguments would always degrade into shouting matches where neither side would listen to the other. Matthew would hold onto me and hope that they would stop soon. Hope that it would return to how it was before. But that was wishful thinking, it was something that was too far gone and will never come again. Every and any hope of the past returning disappeared when Arthur had to take Matthew away from the house and away from Alfred.


It was March 5, 1770 that day. The day of the Boston Massacre, not that Matthew or myself would know until later. We were at the house, alone. Alfred was out on one of his town runs, like usual, and Arthur was away, like usual. No screaming, no yelling – just quiet. It was becoming something so rare these days that myself and Matthew have missed it somewhat.

It was late evening and Matthew was out on the porch just watching the stars come out slowly and waiting for Alfred to come back when he noticed a figure running towards us. Matthew was about to turn and go back into the house until he realized that it was Arthur coming towards us. So he waited until Arthur reached the porch to greet him.

"Welcome back Ar—"

"Where is Alfred?" Arthur panted as he walked up the steps to where Matthew and I sat.

Matthew gave a confused look before answering. "He's in town, as he always is these days. He comes pretty late too so he won't be home till way later. Why?"

Arthur was silent for a bit, trying to catch his breath as it were, before grabbing Matthew by the arm, hard as a small cry of pain escaped from Matthew and dragging him down the stairs and towards the direction Arthur ran from. "Good, we got to leave, now before he comes back."

"Where are we going?" Matthew was trying to hold back his cries of pain from the tight grip Arthur had on his arm. "What about Alfred?"

"We're going north. Quebec, Nova Scotia. Anywhere but here." A carriage came into sight in front of us and Arthur quickened his pace, forcing Matthew to stumble along. "It's no longer safe here. We got to leave."

"B-but what about Alfred?" Matthew was pushed into the carriage, myself and Arthur followed right after.

Arthur knocked the top of the carriage when he was seated and the door closed. The carriage started to move and we could hear the horses' shoes on the ground. "It's because of Alfred that we have to leave.

"We're... We're not leaving him behind are we...?" Matthew asked sombrely, already sadness beginning to creep into his eyes and voice.

"No!" Arthur yelled back without meaning to, causing Matthew to jump. "No" Arthur said more softly, "It's just... I need to talk some sense into him. It's not becoming safe down here anymore. And you should go back to your lands too. It's time."

"B-but Alfred..."

Arthur reached over, took Matthew onto his lap and started to stroke his hair, "I know, Matthew. It'll be awhile but... I'll make him see right again."

Matthew just cuddled into Arthur's chest as Arthur continued to stroke his hair while Arthur was looking out the window of the carriage. Ironically, that was one of the few times that Arthur had done anything familial towards Matthew and it was when the family was falling apart.

They both stayed that way for the whole long, long ride up north.


When we've finally reached Quebec, Arthur dropped us off at a quaint house with some money and proceeded to head back south to "deal with Alfred."

Arthur didn't hire a housekeeper or a maid for this house but Matthew was pretty much self-sufficient, even if he was still in a body of a 12-13 year old still, so he didn't mind it much. Plus, this new house was a bit smaller than the previous house so there was less space to clean. Though this time, Matthew had to go out shopping for ingredients by himself and of course he always brought me along with him (so I could scare off anybody who went too close to him). The storeowners were sympathetic towards Matthew whenever he went to buy foods and he would always get a discount from them. Matthew would also learn of the latest gossip or news coming from the south from them as well. About the Boston Massacre that forced him to move away from Alfred, or the burning of a British warship 2 years later, or the dumping of tea into Boston Harbour a year after that, or the beginning of the American Revolution War 2 years after that.

Arthur rarely came by to the new house to visit Matthew and Matthew didn't blame him. Arthur was of course busy with Alfred and the impending wars. Matthew just glanced out longingly out the window as the seasons changed and the years passed. He wanted to help one of them, but he couldn't chose, couldn't pick a side. He loved them both so he waited and stayed neutral in their wars.

Arthur understood and did not force him to join the fight against Alfred. Arthur knew how hard it would've been on Matthew to choose, but not Alfred. No, not Alfred, who was still too green in the ways of the world to understand Matthew and his choices.


Alfred came one day in 1775. It was in November, some days after 13th, after the Americans had besieged and taken both Fort St. John's and Montreal, when Matthew heard a knock on his door. Matthew was in the sitting room by the fireplace reading a book and I at his feet, dozing as I was wont to do during these war-ridden days. Both of us started up at the sound of the knock.

"I wonder who that is, Kumayuse?" Matthew asked me, even though he was not expecting an answer, placed down his book on the table beside him and began to head for the front door. I followed him as I was curious to know who it was as well. It couldn't be Arthur since he was down south fighting the American Revolution Wars, and there were not a lot people who knew Matthew personally in the neighbourhood for any of them to come to visit him.

Matthew opened the front door warily and was surprised at who was there at the door. It was Alfred, in soldier's clothing and dirty from the trip here with snow already upon his head.

"A-Al..?" Matthew blinked many times as if to make sure it was truly Alfred he was seeing and not some illusion he made up. We were both curious to how Alfred managed to find out where Matthew was staying but that was not a question for this time.

"Yeah," Alfred gave Matthew a crooked smile, one Matthew hadn't seen in years, 5 years to be exact. "Gonna let me in or are you going to let me freeze out here on your doorstep?"

"O-oh! I'm so sorry!" the door was opened a bit wider to allow Alfred to walk in and when he was in, Matthew closed the door behind him. "Do you want something to drink? Tea...?"

"Ugh, God no, not tea," groaned Alfred, "Do you have coffee instead?"

"Um... maybe... but it'll take a long time for me to make so..." Matthew began to head towards the kitchen.

"Then no, that's fine, I won't be here for long" Alfred stated simply then moved into the room that Matthew was in moments before, tracking mud everywhere.

"You're not..?" said Matthew quietly as he followed Alfred into the room, ignoring the mud. "Why not...?" Matthew took out his hand and clutched the back of Alfred's outfit.

Alfred turned around and kneeled down in front of Matthew so that they were relatively eye to eye. Even though 5 years have passed, neither of them has changed in appearance or height. Alfred was still a youth of 15-16 years and Matthew 12-13. But in Alfred eyes, there was something there that wasn't there before, something that was already in Francis' and Arthur's when we first met them, something that Matthew's still has not gotten. It was then that I realized what that was. It was war and strife. Seeing death, seeing sorrow, seeing something that would probably be similar to the end of the world, at the time. And fighting for something that they believed in.

"A-Al..?" inquired Matthew as Alfred lifted a hand to cup Matthew's cheek.

"Come with me Mattie" Alfred gave a sweet smile to accent his words.

"W-what?"

"Come with me, join with me and break away from England, Mattie. Be your own Nation and not a colony. Come with me."

Matthew started to back away at Alfred's words. "N-no... I can't. I can't Alfred, I can't." Hearing the anguish in his words, I moved closer to Matthew.

Alfred darkened at Matthew's reply and stood up to his full height. Though he was only 16, he was still growing and he was at least a head or two taller than Matthew. He looked terribly daunting to the two of us as his shadow fell over us. "What do you mean you can't? You aren't actually saying that you don't want to come with me? That you want to stay here, with Arthur?"

"N-no... I mean y-yes... I mean no..." stuttered Matthew, "I-I just can't, I can't Alfred!"

"You can't what? Can't come with me? Sure you can, just take my hand and I'll bring you to America, it's as simple as that. All you have to do is leave Arthur and fight with me. It's not hard at all Matthew."

"I can't Alfred, I can't!!" Matthew began to cover his ears as if to block out the words of Alfred' and his sweet musings. He backed into a wall and began to slide down until he sat with his knees close to his chest and his hands still covering his ears. I quickly went to his side and tried to comfort him. "I can't..."

Alfred narrowed his eyes as he took a step or two towards Matthew. "You aren't seriously considering Arthur over me, are you? Arthur who cannot remember you half of the time? Arthur who obviously favoured me over you no matter what I did?"

Oh so he knew. He knew about the favouritism. Matthew just pressed his hands closer to his ears. "P-please Alfred, please..."

"Do you know who is helping me with my Revolution? Francis."

At that, Matthew lowered his hands and looked up at Alfred who towered over him. "Fran... cis...?"

Alfred gave us a victorious sneer, one we have never seen before, well not directed towards us at the very least. "Yes, Francis, you know, France? He's been helping me from the shadows for a long time. He has been wondering though, how did you like his roses?"

And then it clicked, in both mine and Matthew's head. That familiar scent of roses that was on Alfred so long ago, it was Francis' scent. He met Francis back at that time. Red roses were always Francis' favourite. All those times, the roses we thought were from Alfred were from Francis! Alfred could see that we came to correct conclusion.

"Yes that's right, Francis. You know, if you come with me, I can bring you back to your beloved Francis. He's willing to take you back, you know?"

I could see the thoughts running through Matthew's mind. He hasn't seen Francis for 12 years, since that day after the signing of the Treaty of Paris in 1763. Very slowly, Matthew lifted his hand from his side and reached for the outstretched hand of Alfred's. Alfred eyes had that gleam that was reminiscent of those perverted men on the streets on the same day Alfred met Francis and his smirk grew wider as Matthew's small hand was nearing his but at the last second, Matthew pulled his hand back, curled in on himself and, as if it was possible, tried to push himself into the wall to get farther away from Alfred.

"Je suis très désolé! Je suis très désolé mais je ne peux pas! Je ne peux pas!!" Matthew shouted out in French. Matthew only spoke in French whenever he was terribly distressed and Alfred knew that too but, from the looks of Alfred, he didn't care. Alfred looked on at Matthew with a disgusted face and retracted his hand.

"So that's it, huh? You're going to choose Arthur over me? Over Francis?" Alfred spoke with venom in every word.

"Non...! No Alfred!" whimpered Matthew. "I c-can't choose! I can't choose, Alfred! P-please! Please Alfred!!" Matthew was shaking, trembling with every word he spoke and for twelve years since that day in that house, Matthew cried. Matthew cried tears he hasn't cried for twelve years.

"S'il vous plaît... s'il vous plaît... Je ne... I... I can't Alfred... I can't choose... Please don't make me choose... Please..."

Alfred looked down on the trembling Matthew with no more emotion than one would have for a rock. "If you can't choose, then fine. I will choose for you. From now on, you and I are enemies. If I need to take Canada by force then so be it."

As Alfred turned around to walk out the door, Matthew jumped up and grabbed on Alfred's pant legs. "S'il vous plait! S'il vous plait!! Ne me quitte pas!! Please, Alfred! I'm sorry! Please don't leave me!" Like Francis, I knew that's what he wanted to say.

Alfred promptly removed Matthew from his legs and threw him on the ground. "You've made your choice when you refused to come to my side and so I have made mine. Goodbye, Canada."

With that, Alfred quickly walked through the house and through the front door and closed it with a heavy slam that shook the house. Matthew was left lying in the middle of the room, weeping large tears that ran like rivers down his face.

"S'il vous plaît..."

And again, I knew another piece of Matthew broke.


We later learned that, after a failed attempt to take Quebec in December and another failed attempt in June of 1776, Alfred went back to the house in the Americas and burned Matthew's rose bushes down.


Translations:

Je suis très désolé! Je suis très désolé mais je ne peux pas! Je ne peux pas!! - I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry but I can't! I can't!!

S'il vous plaît... s'il vous plaît... Je ne... - Please... Please... I ca...

Ne me quitte pas!! - Don't leave me!!

Notes:

Ughh so long. Why is it so long? I could've easily separated this into two parts but I said that it would be UBER sad for this chapter and so I had to keep the 2nd part in (which was where all the sad bits were). I wasn't expecting the first part to be so long XD. The first part was the "happy" bit of the chapter and when you get to the end it's like SAD SAD SAD. T^T.

I give you a bit of cute Alfred/Matthew, if you look at it at some angle, and then I take it away! AIN'T I NICE?!?!? Next chapter will mainly be with England and Matthew. Till next time and I love your reviews XD. Thankies for them~ I decided to continue working on this even though NONE of my friends read it anymore. All for you guys now! Merry Belated Christmas!