Dedicated to Saffy, who begged me to upload this. :D
xxx
Nikki managed to forget about every that happened the previous evening, by digging herself into a case, something that she was very thankful for. Leo had decided to join her on the case, having nothing better to do, and for the simple fact that he was avoiding any phone calls from the coroner telling him that a board meeting was due. Nikki was distracted however, and all the while that Leo was performing the autopsy on the poor middle-aged man who had lost a fight with a steak knife, she had been leaning against the bench at the side of the room, staring absentmindedly at the body. Half an hour into the autopsy and Leo was concerned for her, Nikki was normally there with the body, helping him, or commenting about various things, but she had been silent since he had started.
"Nikki are you alright?"
"Hmm?" Nikki asked, looking away from the body and staring at her friend.
"Are you alright?" Leo repeated, concerned for the younger woman "You seem distracted"
"I'm fine" Nikki replied, forcing a smile onto her face, which Leo could instantly tell was faked. He had known her long enough to understand her body language, not as well as Harry did though.
"No you're not"
"I'm.." she trailed off, glancing at the lab techs as they walked from the cutting room, carrying various things to be tested. Nikki waited until it was only her and Leo in the room before she continued. "How do you know when someone is in love with you?"
Whatever Leo was expecting Nikki to say, it wasn't that. He withdrew his hands from the chest cavity of the man in front of him and walked over to the sink, pulling his gloves off and throwing them in the bin as he did so. He felt a surge of something in his chest when Nikki asked him, and he wondered if she had ever thought of asking her real father that question. Leo highly doubted that.
"Well it depends on the person" he replied eventually as he washed his hands, wanting to give Nikki his full attention. "Why do you ask?"
"Just something a couple of friends told me last night" was Nikki's reply as she chewed on her bottom lip nervously. She'd never had one of these conversations before, she'd never had the cause to. But hearing it from Leo calmed her somewhat. "How do you know you're in love with someone?"
"Nikki why all these questions?" Leo asked, but Nikki just shrugged. He felt like he was talking to a teenager, and had to wonder if Cassie would have talked to him about things like this, about her life. Leo knew he was getting a second chance, to prove himself by helping Nikki, the woman he thought of as his own daughter. "Again, it depends on the person"
"Thanks Leo" Nikki smiled at him, before pushing away from the bench behind her and motioning to the dead man. "Are you okay here?"
"Of course I am" Leo replied, knowing that Nikki needed to do something to get her questions off her chest. "But I want you in the layout room in an hour"
"Yes Leo" Nikki giggled, patting him on the shoulder as she passed him and walked out of the room to get changed.
----
'I must be desperate' Nikki thought as she sat down in front of her computer at her desk, the one that wasn't facing the whole of the lab. She clicked on a webpage and began to read what was on the screen. "Signs to show that someone loves you" she murmured to herself, glad that no-one else was around "God I'm definitely desperate" she continued to read. "No personal space. There tends to be less private distance between you than with other people. Whoever is interested in you will stand closer to you than other people". Nikki smiled when she thought about her and Harry. They always seemed to stand close, it just happened naturally, even if there was a whole room to stand in, they would find themselves standing very close, almost touching. "Calling you up for trivial reasons".
Nikki had to giggle, she and Harry both did that. When she didn't understand a film, the first person she called was Harry. There was also one time that Harry called her while she was at work on one of his days off, just to ask her what the weather was like before he got out of bed and opened the curtains. He had also called her to make sure of the time of their conference the next day, something that Nikki saw he had written down on his hand a few hours before. Nikki felt herself getting happier when she read this, but then realised that friends also did this. But when did Harry call up Leo just to ask about the weather, or when did she stand so close to Leo that their arms were touching. Never.
"Smiling" Nikki murmured as she read the next one on the list. Well they definitely did that when they were together, she even caught Harry trying to stifle a smile while they were in a meeting. She had asked him what the smile was for, considering there had been nothing to smile about in a two hour long meeting. He had just shaken his head and left her hanging, the smile returning to his face. "Damn it" Nikki hissed to herself, running one hand through her hair "Is he not allowed to smile now?". She wished that Kathy and Jen had never mentioned anything about Harry. She was content to live in her own oblivious world where she was in love with Harry but he wasn't in love with her. She was now left with too many questions that she wanted answers for, but knew that she wouldn't be able to get them. This didn't stop Nikki from keeping on reading the page in front of her. She got to the last one and sighed loudly. "They will always try and keep you in their line of sight, and will look around to see where you are". Harry did that, definitely. They always seemed to have eye contact as well, whenever and wherever they were, this normally made Nikki look away quickly, not wanting Harry to see the desire in her eyes. Despite wanting to turn the computer off and forget that she'd ever looked at that page, she clicked on another one.
"God Nikki you're so depraved" she said to herself as she started to read. "Love just don't happen overnight, in one day or in one week for that matter. I think what you feel for each other in the beginning is more attraction and curiosity and with time it can change into love, but in order for true love to happen there has to be trust, honesty, sincerity and compassion in the relationship. That is the only way you really get to know that person and to know if that person really loves you.".
In pure frustration, Nikki groaned and turned the computer off at the wall, leaning forward and pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes until she saw stars. She was suddenly conscious of the fact that she was trying not to cry and had to take a deep breath to stop herself letting out a sob. Nikki knew that there were other factors involved, of course she did, love wasn't really as simple as telling people definite ways to tell if someone loves you, but all of the signs that she had read were there. She just understood that they were lying to her.
I'm feeling really mean for making Nikki all depressed and upset, but don't worry, I let up soon.
xxx
