Inuyasha came awake slowly. His body felt unusually heavy and drained. Like he hadn't slept all week. He groaned wearily and opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Kagome's peacefully sleeping face inches from his own. He was laying on his right side on the straw futon with his right arm cushioning his head and his left arm resting on her belly. He wasn't surprised. Her presence at his side in the real world had been a small blessing in the face of so much heartache.
As he stared down at her everything he'd seen crashed over him.
The game she'd played as a child that had gotten her bullied. Her teacher's betrayal and Kagome's attempts to cover it up from him. Her memories of her father and his death. last, Her sacrifice and his promise.
He felt his head spinning as he rested his cheek against her forehead.
Kagome was his now. Or at least she would be soon. But... She looked human enough. Was this supposed transformation going to be delayed? Or was it just going to change her healing ability?
What was she going to think of all this? He had made her inhuman, how was she going to handle that?
He was startled out of his thoughts when a hoarse and weak voice whispered from his chest.
"Inu... Yasha..?"
His heart lifted at the sound of her voice, pulling away a little to look down at her face. Her eyes were still mostly closed and she still seemed very out of it but it looked like she was awake.
"Kagome? A-Are you okay?" he asked in a deeply worried and tired voice.
"Where am... I?" Her eyes opened a little wider, looking dazedly up towards his face.
He felt his body go rigid and his chest ache with guilt as he looked back. Her sky blue eyes seemed to glow in the dark of the room and were slitted just like his were.
He could already see the people throwing rocks at her her in his mind's eye. He could already hear their curses in his ears. What would their friends say when they saw? Would they pity her? Would they treat her differently?
She gazed up at him with bleary eyes. So blatantly unaware of what he'd done to her. So innocent and trusting of him. "What's wrong?" she whispered weakly.
He automatically erased the alarm from his face and slowly lowered himself at her side. Now was NOT the time to lose it.
"Nothing's wrong," he murmured as calmly as he could. He rested his chin on the crown of her head, his heart pounding in his chest with his guilt. "I was just surprised you woke up so soon."
She was either too worn out to notice his blatant lie, or to worn out to call it. Because she simply let it go to bury her face into his shoulder wearily. The action sent a shot of protectiveness through him.
He didn't say anything else. He couldn't. The reality of everything was hitting him hard. Would she change even more? It had only been a one night and she already had slitted eyes. They had to become mates soon. That was supposed to stop the transformation. But if she kept changing before they recovered... Even just a little more physically and she would never be treated as a human again. She'd be treated with hatred, disgust, fear...
And what killed him was that from the very start he had KNOWN what his decision would be. There was no way he was capable of killing Kagome even if the act could be considered merciful. That woman in the mask was right about him. He was greedy. He couldn't have killed her any more than he could throw away Tetseiga, Or cut off his right arm. Just the thought of having to endure her absence for a few weeks made him feel sick to his core.
And the most twisted part about the situation was that secretly an overwhelming part of him felt pleased with what he had done. Despite all the pain she was going to have to face because of the change, she wouldn't die before he did now.
He would never have to fear her mortality ever again. She would live just as long as he did, age the same way he did.
Kagome was going to be his. Forever. Just thinking about it made him ache with longing. Gods how he had wanted Kagome. Even when he believed it was an impossible wish. Still, a part of him had clung to the idea that maybe someday it would happen... If only it didn't feel like he had cursed her to do it. And if she kept changing, he essentially would have.
Kagome had admitted as much in her memories that she had loved him. She had to have loved him to have been so unshakably faithful to him. And then she'd said in her last moments before she'd broken that she wished she could have stayed with him longer. But... If she'd known the price for that wish, would she still have made it?
She'd have to watch her family and friends grow old and die now. Someday she'd have to live ostracized by other humans with only him and maybe Shippo for companionship. People would curse her, laugh at her, and flinch away in fear at her mere approach. Just like they did with him. And Kagome wasn't like him. Kagome loved people. When they did lash out at her it was going to break her heart.
He remembered the way she had cried and screamed for him as she'd been tortured. The way she'd gone so still when she'd almost died. Inuyasha squeezed the girl in his arms gently. 'I wish I could lock you up with me,' he thought miserably. It suddenly felt like there was so much more in the world that could hurt her. The humans in the village, The people of her world, Naraku and his incarnations...
Here in his arms, she was finally safe. But it seemed like every time he looked away she just got hurt again.
"Kagome go back to sleep okay? We'll talk about everything later."
"...Are you... Going to stay with me like this?" she whispered back sounding hopeful and confused.
He nodded into her hair, tucking her a little closer to him.
"After everything that's happened, you'll be lucky if I ever let go of you again," he admitted to her softly.
She gave him a worried look and sighed then buried her face against him. "I'm sorry I worried you Inuyasha."
Hearing her say that familiar phrase to him now almost made him laugh out loud In stress. He'd been so far past worried yesterday that he was certain he was going to have panic attacks every time she walked even five feet from him for the next year. She was going to really be in for it the moment she started walking around again.
"Don't apologize to me. None of this is your fault. It's my fault Naraku hurt you so bad. For now, just focus on getting better."
"You're not hurt too are you?" she asked dazedly
"Thanks to you I'm not. Now sleep."
She went silent and he started to relax against her, ready for a dose of needed peace and quiet.
"For some reason..." she whispered. "I'm scared to go to sleep."
A chill ran through his heart at that quiet statement. The last time she had gone to sleep she had woken up in that clearing and been tortured. Maybe a part of her remembered that even if the rest of her memories of the last twenty-four hours seemed to be suppressed. He pushed himself upright and looked down at her frightened and pleading face. Her new demonic eyes shining back at him like twin jewels in the dark.
"Don't be," he whispered back. "Miroku and Kaede put seals all over this hut. The demon who hurt you is dead and I'll be right here with you all night."
"You promise?" she asked.
"I SWEAR you're safe. If anyone so much as looks at you funny after all this I'll rip their damned faces off," he growled menacingly.
That made her smile a little. "Thanks Inuyasha, I feel a little better."
He gave her a weak smile in return and leaned down, pressing his lips to her forehead in a gentle kiss.
He heard her breath catch in surprise.
"Sleep already," he commanded softly.
"O-Okay," she murmured back a little hesitantly.
As she relaxed, he nuzzled her subtly. After everything that he'd seen and heard... All the pain they'd gone through... He needed this. There was a deep-seated feeling that if he was parted from her for one solitary second he would go crazy trying to get back to her.
The man In him felt rattled by the entire experience and just wanted to collapse in relief beside her. But another part of him was still on guard as if expecting something else to come along and tear her away from him at any second.
He sighed, pressing his nose into her hair and laying his head down beside her.
Slowly, her racing heartbeat eased and her breaths deepened as she fell into a true sleep.
He wished he could follow her there but his head was buzzing with his thoughts.
Kagome had been shattered protecting him and he hadn't deserved it in the slightest. From the very beginning, he had torn Kagome down every chance he'd gotten. The image of his own mocking words carved into her flesh came to mind and made his chest ache. "Bitch, shard detector, copy..." The image of himself glaring at her suspiciously came. The words "See? She wants her wolf boy already," echoed in his head maliciously. Images Of the times he had abandoned her sprang up. "I'm sorry Kagome... You're just a human... Go home..." Just how deeply had he hurt her?
But despite all of it, She had sacrificed EVERYTHING she had for him. Her honor, her education, her world, her body, her soul...
And now it had all been put in his hands to do with as he pleased and it was intimidating.
Things would have to change. He HAD to find a way to show her it hadn't all been for nothing. That her sacrifices hadn't been in vain. He'd find a way to make her happy even if it killed him.
When it came down to it, his choice had been to go with Kikyo and let Kagome die, or save Kagome and abandon Kikyo. He honestly felt ashamed of just how easy the decision had been to make. He hadn't agonized over it at all. If it was just a question of who he wanted to be with most he would have chosen Kagome ages ago. He'd never really wanted to leave her. He'd always felt like he had to. He'd thought that Kikyo needed him more than Kagome did.
He'd always thought Kagome had a home, a family, and a bright future to go to. Kikyo didn't. Kagome could forget about him one day and marry someone better for her. Kikyou couldn't. Kagome might need his protection in his time but in the future she was... Safe.
All things he had once believed in wholeheartedly and now couldn't.
Her memories destroyed his naive ideas of her time. She wasn't safe there. Not from violence or rape or discrimination. Her father had died in a train accident. A risk Kagome took with her own life every time she needed to go somewhere in that world. Her teacher had tried to force himself on her in his classroom. Children had bullied her because of her powers. There, she had to live a life hiding that part of herself from everyone just the way she hid his ears with that hat. He'd understood it to a degree. People in her time didn't believe in demons. He could imagine how troublesome it would be if one just popped up out of nowhere. The people there certainly wouldn't keep treating him like a normal person anymore. But It hadn't occurred to him before watching those kids circle Kagome and kick dirt on her that if they didn't believe in demons then they might not believe in miko's either.
He'd been stupid to think her time was so much better than his, to think that once the quest was over he could just send her back to her time where she'd live some kind of perfect happy life in the lap of luxury. It seemed he couldn't send her home and he couldn't Leave her here alone either. All he could do was stay by her side.
"Hn..." the girl at his side murmured in her sleep, nuzzling her face against his shoulder wearily.
He couldn't help but smile at the action.
All he wanted to do... was stay by her side.
(-)
For a little while, he just laid there with Kagome relaxing. But slowly more and more sun crept in through the window. However, he stayed still. He couldn't exactly get up and leave the hut with all the ofuda in place anyway.
About a half an hour later his left ear flicked to attention as he heard footsteps and the soft clink of metal rings on Miroku's staff as he approached the hut. Inuyasha opened his eyes and glanced down at Kagome's sleeping face. She still had one hand curled in his haori and her face was utterly relaxed. The image tugged on his heart strings ferociously.
He really wanted to stay right where he was until she woke up on her own. But he still had to explain what had happened before someone barged in and woke her up, and he had to get the hut stocked for a slightly longer stay.
He sighed, starting to gently unwind her hand from his clothes and noticed something odd. Her nails were longer than usual. narrowing his eyes suspiciously at her hand he carefully extended her fingers and examined them closer. On each finger was a pointed claw that matched his perfectly. He exhaled heavily at the sight. She wasn't done with her transformation yet by the look of things. He laid her hand down and silently pulled himself away from her sliding from the futon. She only made a small noise of protest and then thankfully seemed to resettle herself.
Turning away from her, he straightened out his clothes and waited at the doorway for their visitor to arrive. He didn't have to wait for long. As soon as the sutra on the outside of the door had been unsealed, Inuyasha slid the wooden door open slipped out and shut it quietly behind himself.
"Inuyasha!" Miroku exclaimed, obviously taking his friends now calmed demeanor to heart. "How is she? Did everything go smoothly?"
"Not so damn loud," Inuyasha muttered quietly. "You'll wake her up."
At this Miroku smiled brightly. "Wonderful my friend," he whispered back, ignoring the half demon's glare.
Inuyasha snorted and plopped down at the wall of the hut with Miroku following suit.
"So how is she? Miroku repeated more quietly now.
"Looks like she's going to be okay. But she's weak."
"Did she wake up?"
"Yeah, this morning. Right after I did."
"Wonderful. The others were worried that the preparations might have cost us too much time, but I had faith in you both," Miroku praised, slapping his friend on the back as if in congratulations.
Inuyasha grunted at the playful hit and gave his friend a serious look.
Miroku's expression slowly sobered. "Did something go wrong?" he asked.
"Could have been worse," Inuyasha replied.
The color drained from Miroku's face. "What happened?" he asked, glancing back at the hut behind them.
"Well first off a big part of my soul is still fused with Kagome's."
Miroku's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Big?" he parroted back. "This spell is only meant to fill in the spaces of a broken soul and pull it back together."
"Her soul was incomplete. Remember?"
Miroku's eyes widened. "Kikyo," he breathed.
Inuyasha nodded. "You and Kaede didn't even think about it, did you?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
Miroku flinched as if pained. "I'm sorry. It was all we could think of to do..."
"She's alive isn't she?" Inuyasha snorted. "You guys did everything you could for her. I ain't gonna get mad at you for that."
"...What side effects did you see?"
Inuyasha rearranged himself uneasily. "Well... It looks like she's becoming hanyou."
Miroku's eyebrows raised still higher in skepticism and Inuyasha gave him an entirely serious look in return.
"When she woke up her eyes were slitted and glowing like a demon's, and earlier I noticed she grew claws," he revealed seriously.
"I- But that's unheard of!" Miroku argued in a shocked voice.
"I've never heard of it happening this way before either," Inuyasha admitted gruffly. Honestly, he felt like he wasn't giving a very good explanation compared to the woman he had met in Kagome's soul. Although not many people could have beaten the broken cup trick she'd shown him.
"Just trust me, You won't be able to argue that she's still human after you see her."
"But shouldn't her level of reiki make that impossible?"
"Obviously that's not how it works because reiki or no reiki she has claws," Inuyasha growled.
"I am not doubting your word Inuyasha, it's just that... I never even fathomed that becoming hanyou could be the outcome of all this," The monk replied, looking out over the village with a puzzled and worried expression. "This has truly been a bizarre turn of events."
Inuyasha sighed. "We had no other options. It was this or letting her die. Nothing we can do about it now. Kagome and I'll just have to work it out even if she has to sit me to the center of the earth before she can forgive me."
"Why wouldn't she forgive you? Keade and I are the ones who miscalculated. She should only have us to blame."
Inuyasha shook his head. "I figured out what was happening before the spell took full effect and I still kept going. I made the final choice."
"We were still the ones who put you in that position my friend."
Inuyasha gave Miroku a grunt of indifference and there was a long moment of silence.
"Look," Inuyasha started roughly, drawing the monk's attention back to him. "She's doing better than she was, but she needs rest."
Miroku nodded. "And I assume you don't want any villagers or passerby to see her yet," he stated with a knowing and sympathetic look.
"That should go without sayin," he muttered in return.
Miroku nodded faintly. He understood how unforgiving this world was for stray half demons.
"We will send up some more supplies for the two of you but Kaede will still need to check her injuries. Even if she is hanyou now they were still quite serious. The rest of us will wait to visit until you and Kaede are comfortable with it, "
The half demon nodded wearily.
For a little while, neither man said anything else. They just sat thoughtfully, watching the village stir while the sun inched higher In the sky. It was Miroku that broke the silence.
"Did Kagome seem alright with the transformation? Or has she yet to notice?"
Inuyasha sighed. "She hasn't figured it out yet. She was only awake for a few minutes."
"Then she's in for quite a surprise today I suppose," Miroku mused neutrally.
"Yeah... I give it less than two days before she snaps over something stupid and starts sitting me like crazy."
"Well in some cases getting angry can still be a far better reaction than becoming depressed or losing hope..."
Inuyasha snorted and turned his gaze to the ground. "Maybe if she did sit me a few hundred times I wouldn't feel like such a bastard," he murmured.
Miroku chuckled and patted his friend on the back.
"I think everything will work out. Lady Kagome is a very resilient person."
"That's true," Inuyasha replied unenthusiastically. He stood up. "Look, I wanna be there when she wakes up again."
"That's fine. We all just needed to know how things turned out. We'll have some breakfast for you both up in a little while."
"Thanks. And when you guys DO come visit her... Don't any of you dare start joking about the way she looks."
"A joke like that after everything she's been through would be in extremely poor taste."
Authors note:
Thank you guys so much for the reviews! They really inspire me and put me in a writing mood.
I actually have a lot done for this story I just haven't gotten around to finalizing the chapters. In the meantime tell me what you thought!
