xx Story so far . . .
Kinomoto Kaho, wife of Kinomoto Touya, has been diagnosed with an incurable heart condition and given less than a years prognosis by her pessimistic doctors. She encourages Touya to make a list of 'things to do before I die' and makes her own list of just one desire: to see Touya happy. He out right refuses, and in an underhanded move, Kaho starts searching for Touya's future wife and finds Nakuru who she brings into their lives. There is an immediate attraction (that is immediately buried), but Touya finds himself getting closer to this strange intrusion . . .


"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow." ~ James Dean

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS.

Live Forever, Die Tomorrow - No Practical Purpose

Two weeks later, Nakuru was dragging Touya through the Tokyo University campus, pointing out all her favourite hangouts and various other notable facts. She was so excited. It reminded her of parents night when she was in primary school in England, and dragging her parents around the class room to show them the most mundane things.

She anxiously hoped that he liked it. The university was important to her, and – as guilty as it made her feel to admit it – so was Touya.

She liked him, and it had only taken her four weeks to admit that. She liked him more than she should. He was a married man, and more importantly, he was married to Kaho, a woman who she considered a close friend.

Thus the guilt that hit her every time she so much as looked at him. It just wasn't right to have these feelings for a dying woman's husband.

But she couldn't keep herself away from him. Sure she could walk away from the tenuous friendship they had formed, along with Kaho and Yukito, but the thought of it made her ache. She knew he was off-limits, but that didn't mean they couldn't be friends, right?

Regardless, she just wasn't ready yet to give him up.

So for the time being, she would do as Kaho had instructed her, and she would help Touya work through his list, learning a little more about the man she had come to care for with every item that was completed.

"When are you ever going to show me that list of yours?" Nakuru asked suddenly, turning on Touya with a stern look. She pouted when he laughed at her expression, telling her that it was wrong for her to look so sullen.

"Toou-yaaa," she whined, pouting playfully at him. She thrust her lip out dramatically, and opened her eyes widely, knowing he wasn't able to resist that particular look – she suspected that Touya's little sister made good use of it, seeing as Kaho was far too kind to use it against him.

Touya grunted with frustration as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

"You carry this around with you?" she asked, a smirk resting on her lips.

"Just read the damn thing and stop pestering me, Akizuki-san," he replied, blushing at her teasing. He wasn't really sure what had compelled him to bring his list with him today, but something told him he wouldn't regret it.

She did as she was told, commenting on each individually.

"My god, Touya, I never would have picked you as the rock star type. I would have picked you more of a piano type. You've got the fingers for it," she told him after the first.

"Uh, thanks," he offered awkwardly.

"No, seriously. I think you would be really good at piano. I've got quite a talent for matching people to instruments, you know."

He just rolled his eyes, but he would keep her suggestion in mind.

"Oh, Touya-kun, that's so sweet," she cooed as she read his intentions towards Sakura. "I never guessed you were such a softie. If I ever meet your sister, I'm going to tell her straight away what a sweetheart you really are, and that you secretly like this 'Syaoran' guy, whoever he is."

"Nakuru," he groaned, a warning tone to his voice. He always seemed to forget himself when she got him flustered like this, and she just smiled sweetly at his lapse.

"Ah, so that's why we're here today," she commented, coming to his point about wanting to continue his studies. "But why astrophysics?" she asked, giving him a cute, curious look.

Touya shrugged in response. "I guess all that molecular physical stuff always sort of interested me. In the end, its where we all came from."

"That's very philosophical of you to say so," she replied. "Did you ever think of going that direction?"

He shook his head. "I've always been more into science than the humanities. I like solid facts, not unsubstantiated theories."

Nakuru laughed, her voice trilling like the sound of bells. "Guess somebody is a number snob. I bet you did calculus in high school and looked down on those feeble little statisticians," she teased, nudging her shoulder.

"Of course," he responded, her smile and enthusiasm catching on. "We can't let those impure mathematicians get too big for their boots," he added with a tone of aristocracy in his voice that made her giggle.

"You're so mean, Tou-kun," she whined, wrapping her arm around his as she began dragging him along once again. "And I don't think there's nearly enough on your list."

"Oh really?" he asked with a bemused smirk. "And what exactly would be on your list?" he asked moodily, trying to hide the fact that he was at least mildly interested in what her answer would be.

"Everything," she replied without even giving the question a moments thought. She smiled broadly as she added, "I wouldn't want to leave anything out."

"Name ten," he suggested, narrowing the scope of her criteria.

Nakuru looked genuinely thoughtful for a moment before replying enthusiastically.

"I'd start by spending a year in Antarctica," she began, smiling almost dreamily. "And then . . . then I'd want to bowl a perfect game. I'd want to leave behind a million dollars to be dispersed between various charities of my choice – really random ones too, like a charity for felines with narcolepsy.

"I'd want to be a part of some huge cause," she continued, her pace slowing. Touya slowed down to match her, watching her with intrigue. "Just to be a part of a massive group of people all brought together for the same thing. I'd wanted to swim with something really big like a shark or a whale or like a really big turtle – doesn't really matter which as long as it didn't kill me. I'd want to go to Madagascar and see and Aye-aye up close – I'll probably scream in its face but I bet it gets that a lot."

She laughed at the thought, her absolute genuineness making something pull in his chest. "I want to build a house with my bare hands," she suggested, "although obviously I'll need some sort of help. I want to watch the sun set in ten different time zones. I want to say 'I love you' and mean it more than I've ever met anything in my life.

"And I want to commit one truly selfless act," she finished, her voice quietly confident.

"There's no such thing as a selfless act," Touya told her, his own voice quiet. "Humans are prone to self-interest."

She laughed at his use of the word 'human', immediately teasing him for talking about people like they were a wholly separate species from him. "There are selfless acts," she told him, poking the scowling Touya in the arm to emphasise her point. "What is love if not the very contemplation of selflessness?"

"Stop talking like a philosopher and start thinking like a scientist," Touya commanded, making a face at her.

Nakuru immediately returned it by poking out her tongue at him. "Science can't explain love," she said simply, her tone almost reverent, "but it can't explain it away."


Touya sat quietly in the moonlight glancing at his list with a look of consternation. Nakuru's words were ringing in his head, repeating her desire to commit one selfless act.

He was struck by the nobility of her statement and the passion in her defence: what is love if no the very contemplation of selflessness?

Had he been selfless? he couldn't help but wonder. He had made sacrifices for their love, but somehow it didn't seem the same. He had given up his dream of going to medical school and become a banker instead because that was what was needed at the time. It was never intended to be a permanent thing, and while it was a sacrifice, Touya would hardly call it selfless.

He had lost his fair share of friends along the way. Some had turned their backs on him, disapproving of him marrying the teacher that had broken his heart (even his own father had felt that way at first), while others he had simply lost touch with as they disappeared off to college, or across the world to follow their dreams. He had a few close friends and the fact that they remained said a lot about the quality of those left. Perhaps that too was a sacrifice, but once again, was it selfless?

Kaho had never asked him anything in their marriage. He had always pushed. He had always demanded. Kaho had always been the perfect doting wife, and in their years together, she had only asked him one thing.

"Touya, when I'm gone, I want you to be happy . . . with her . . ."

"Hey," Kaho's voice rang softly as she stepped outside, handing him a warm cup of tea as she settled himself next to him. "How was today?"

"It was good," Touya replied with a shrug. "Akizuki-san showed me around, and I had a chat with people in a few of the departments I was interested in."

Kaho nodded, urging him on non-verbally. "Which ones?" she asked when no response was forthcoming.

"I . . . uh . . . I checked out the school of Health Science and some of the other Science departments," he admitted, feeling somewhat guilty about his revelation. He knew there was something wrong when was seriously considering keeping things from his wife.

"Are you going to enrol next semester?" she asked. He nodded.

They sat together in silence for a few moments, both seemingly lost in their thoughts, until Touya suddenly spoke up.

"I'll do it," he said quietly, his eyes trained straight ahead on some distant object.

"Do what?" Kaho asked, giving him a concerned glance.

"I'll . . . I'll do what you ask," he replied, still not glancing her way. "I'll find someone . . . but not now. I promise that I will find someone to make me happy, and I promise I'm not just saying that by way of appeasing you.

"I do mean it, Kaho," he told her, finally facing her so she could read the sincerity in her gaze. "But I can't do it now, not while the time we have left together is limited."

"I understand, Touya, but what if-?"

"No," he answered before she could finish, cutting her off mid-question. "Aren't you the one who's always on about destiny? If it's meant to be, then she can wait."

Kaho gave him a long glance, as though she was studying him for some clue to a mystery. "And if you've already found her?" she finally asked, her eyes watching for the slightest change in his countenance.

And there it was – an almost unperceivable twitch at the corner of his lips, and a clouding of his dark eyes for the briefest instant. It was what she had been hoping and dreading for since the start. And then his answer came as though he already had her image locked in his mind. Short and simple, and straight to the point.

"Then I'm sure she'll wait."

~ to be continued ~

As you can probably tell, the main purpose of this chapter was to show how different Nakuru and Kaho's reactions to Touya's list were, and maybe do some future foreshadowing . . . Sorry about the long wait for an update. The fact that this was close to expiration in my document manager tells me I've intended to update this story for at least two months, and I was actually intending to put the next chapter up when I found this. I have currently reached a bit of a block on this story, but I will try my best to get through it seeing as I've already come up with a really good ending for it, which I intend to reach at some point.

Review.


Notes:

Yes I do realize that according to canon (I think it's anime rather than manga, but don't hold me to that) Touya already knows how to play piano, but for the purpose of this story he doesn't. Just a plot device, so of no real relevance.


Next chapter: Moving Forward