A/N: This story is rated M for adult themes. The opinions of the characters do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author.
Thank you to all those who have read (and reviewed) this story!
I do not own Hunter X Hunter or any other mentioned literature/books in this story.
Hisoka, Cowboys and Facial Hair
The call, when it came, came at the most inopportune of moments.
Pepeka Timbal had been sitting in the collectively-appointed shared space in the abandoned building brooding. At the moment, the shared space was empty because Midoya-sensei was in the bath (there was a shower at the local gym two blocks away) while Kuroro Lucifer was out doing evil, spidery things (there was a lovely diner near the local gym that sold the most delicious steak). That suited Pepeka Timbal perfectly; he had a lot on his mind, and didn't need anybody disturbing him while he thought.
It is an open secret that Pepeka had a serious crush on Midoya. He knew that everyone knew; everyone but Midoya-sensei. As sharp and as smart as she was at some things (like murdering and hunting bounties and… and philosophy), she could be absolutely blind to others (like his feelings). Some people have made it a point of letting him know that they thought his crush on Midoya-sensei was just that – a crush. It was nothing more than puppy-love, a little boy's infatuation with an older woman (she was only five years older!). Pepeka had to admit that it was, in part, true. He was aware that he idolized Midoya-sensei. In his eyes, she was perfect in ways he knew she wasn't. At the same time, Pepeka refused to believe that his feelings for her were just that.
That was the reason for Pepeka's brooding fit. He simply wished he knew what was going on between Midoya-sensei and that Kuroro person. The first time he saw Kuroro, he had felt that there had been… something between them. It wasn't because they were being all lovey-dovey and crap like that; it was simply because Kuroro was really quite like Midoya-sensei. They just seemed to fit so well together (Pepeka fumed at that and broke the stick in his hands in half). Then Kuroro had disappeared and Midoya-sensei said they had "been kind of together and were now kind of not together", which didn't make no sense to Pepeka. Following that, Midoya-sensei turns up with that Kuroro at his doorstep, and they seemed to be just friends. Then they fought and had sex (Pepeka broke one half of the stick into another half). And now they seemed to be just friends again. Seriously, what the hell was going on? Were they in love or not? Pepeka just couldn't make sense out of it (the stick was now powder in his hands).
Besides, Pepeka didn't think Kuroro was good enough for Midoya-sensei. (Yes, he was aware people had said the same of him.) He had to admit that the man had a lot of merits. Kuroro Lucifer was smart, good-looking and rich (and, as rumour goes, could knit). However, he was also an evil, fiendish, scheming, bloody bastard of a criminal mastermind. If they let their guard down, he would stick them in the back.
In situations like this, Pepeka couldn't help wishing that Midoya-sensei had some sense not to associate with the people who came crawling in through her windows. They were usually not nice people.
A sudden ringing interrupted his thoughts. Startled, Pepeka sat up straight and looked around. It wasn't his phone, so it had to be… oh. After a brief search through the rubble on the ground, he held up the offending object. Kuroro Lucifer's phone. Eew.
Pepeka looked around hopefully but the evil criminal mastermind dude was still missing. Good lord, what the hell was he supposed to do now? Lucifer did mention that a call might be coming in, which might be important and… fuck. Hesitantly, he pressed the answer button. "Hello?" he mumbled.
"Hello, my beautiful Kuroro," a high-pitched but definitely male voice purred. Pepeka shuddered violently. Oh god… that voice…
"Erm… this isn't…"
"Hello? The connection must be bad. Awwww, I was looking forward to telling you how much I miss you. You cannot believe how much I am looking forward to meeting you again. Our last meeting was so unsatisfying, but this time…" the voice dropped suddenly to a sensual, seductive growl, "but this time… we will make it good. We will make it last… forever… until I am drenched totally… absolutely in your life's essence."
Pepeka's jaw dropped and he almost dropped the phone. Did this…? Did he…? Did…? He tried to speak, but his voice wouldn't come out.
"Ah, my delicious fruit! You will not believe how much I long to pluck you! You, who are at the pinnacle of your power, you are the one I desire! Yes, we shall dance together soon, a hot, sweaty, passionate dance that will climax at the very peak of pleasure! The red string of fate draws us together, Kuroro, until we are so close… so… ahhhhh…" The voice ended with a high, reedy moan.
That was enough to jolt Pepeka out of his horrified shock. "Who the fuck are you?" he roared. "What the… what the… fuck? I mean, what the FUCK?"
"Huh? Who is this?" the voice asked, sounding mystified.
"I asked you first, fucker!" Pepeka screamed. Damn, he never knew his ear canals could feel molested. "Who the fuck are you?"
"This is odd. I am certain I dialed the number… This is definitely Kuroro Lucifer's phone and you are definitely not Kuroro Lucifer. How curious."
"Shut the fuck up!" Pepeka shrieked. Was Kuroro cheating on Midoya-sensei with a man? Worse, was Kuroro cheating on Midoya-sensei with this man? "Now you better answer me, or I'm gonna… gonna…"
"Gonna what? Continue shouting at me?" the voice asked, sounding maliciously amused. "Ah, I see. You must be Kuroro's new help. Ahhhh, you have no idea how jealous I am of you, to be able to be so close to Kuroro. Don't you wish you could just rip him open and… claim him as your own?"
"Moth..." Pepeka's mouth clamped shut in mid curse as the phone was plucked out of his hand. He blinked, stared at his empty hand then stared up at the man looking down on him with a look of immense pity in his eyes.
"Kuroro," Kuroro said into the phone, ignoring Pepeka's wide-eyed, accusing stare. "Yes," he went on, in response to whoever was on the phone. "Yes. The 'Cowboy's Bar', at eight pm tonight. Very well. I shall see you there." He paused suddenly and looked at Pepeka calculatingly. "Yes," he finally said, "my new help will be there." Kuroro hung up and looked at Pepeka.
A shudder ran through Pepeka suddenly and he jumped to his feet. "What the fuck!" he screamed. "You're cheating on Midoya-sensei with a man? And a fucking pervert like that! I mean… my ears… my ears…"
"Sit down," Kuroro said firmly, putting one hand on Pepeka and guiding him back down onto a rotting bench. "Take deep breaths. That's right. Just take deep breaths…" Pepeka obeyed, breathing slowly until he stopped shaking.
"Who…?" he whimpered.
"That's Hisoka," Kuroro said sympathetically. "Don't worry; it's quite normal to feel this way after talking to him."
"But… but he… he said… he said…" Pepeka stammered and then was forced to stop before he started screaming.
"Yes, I know," Kuroro said soothingly. "Have a chocolate bar." Pepeka took the offered candy automatically and started eating. It did make him feel better.
"So, Hisoka called," a female voice said. Pepeka belatedly realized it was Midoya-sensei.
"Indeed," Kuroro was saying, "he wants to meet at the Cowboy's Bar at eight pm tonight. He wishes to meet Pepeka too."
The candy dropped from his hands. "What the fuck?" Pepeka screeched, shooting to his feet. "Why does he want to meet me? And why the hell does he want to be covered in your life's essence?"
"Life's essence?" Midoya-sensei repeated. An odd look came over her face. Strangely enough to Pepeka, it looked like she was either about to burst into laughter or had bitten into a slice of lemon.
"That's Hisoka for you," Kuroro said dismissively. "And you, unfortunately, spiked his interest during the brief conversation with him. I would have liked to have spared you the horror, but the fates have conspired against us. You'll have to be there tonight."
"But…" Pepeka whimpered. Then he remembered that Midoya-sensei was watching, so he sucked it up and pretended it never happened.
"Fortunately," Kuroro went on, "Hisoka is unaware of your involvement in this, Midoya. That is good. The last time he saw you, he wanted to kill you. It would be ah… better for his concentration if he isn't made aware of your role in our mission… until it becomes necessary."
"Good idea," Midoya agreed. "Is anyone here familiar with this ah… Cowboy's Bar?" No one was, so Midoya said, "Well then, we should start getting ready early then. We wouldn't want to get lost in York Shin traffic."
"Indeed," Kuroro agreed.
Pepeka remained sitting down as they wandered off. Damn it, he did not want to meet the owner of that revolting voice. If he could make Pepeka feel this way over the phone, how would he be like in person? It was too horrible to comprehend. But wait! All might not be lost! What that… that… that… thing said… about him and Kuroro… eew… But what he said! If Kuroro was cheating on Midoya-sensei… this was the time to find out.
So, with his mind set, Pepeka finally got up to prepare for the arduous task ahead of him. As he did, there was only one thought in his mind:
What the hell do you wear to a Cowboy's Bar?
In the end, both Kuroro and Pepeka went with plain black. It was simpler and less likely to give out strange vibes that might give Hisoka the wrong impression. Turns out, it was just as well that they made that choice.
At precisely a quarter to eight, Kuroro waltzed towards the entrance of the bar, senses already on the alert. That was why he noticed when Pepeka fell back behind him. "Pepeka?" he questioned without looking back.
"Kuroro! This bar is a…"
"I know," Kuroro replied dryly. "It's just as well Hisoka found out about you and not Midoya. Hurry."
Grumpily, Pepeka followed after him. "How is sensei supposed to infiltrate the bar anyway?" he whispered. "She would stand out in this crowd."
Subtly, Kuroro gestured towards a group with his head. "The people there look like women but are not," he said and walked into the bar. Pepeka stared at the group with his mouth opened for a while before one of the 'women' turned around and winked at him. The lovely lady would be quite attractive too, if she didn't have a beard. Horrified, Pepeka quickly scuttled into the bar after Kuroro, making sure to stay close this time. They were more 'women' in the bar. Midoya wouldn't stand out too much.
Pepeka took a good look around the bar. In truth, he realized, this was more of a club than a bar. The entire area was furnished like a stylized western saloon, but less dusty and grimy, and… raunchier. The 'cowboy' behind the bar was wearing a lot less clothes than Pepeka was comfortable seeing on a man and there were all sorts of long, pointy phallic objects around. It was all very playful and cheeky, and all very jarring for Pepeka's stubbornly asserted heterosexuality.
Kuroro strode around the dance floor covered with gyrating, mostly-nude bodies, looking absolutely calm and unflappable. Pepeka followed, gaping at everything. Finally, Kuroro stopped by the bar and sat down. Immediately, Pepeka joined him, glancing nervously around. People kept looking in their direction and then looking away. "Do people think that we are…?" Pepeka's voice trailed off miserably.
"Yes, Pepeka," Kuroro said patiently. "It's better this way. Now no one's going to bother us. Now, focus. Watch out for Hisoka. Oh. Never mind. I see him."
Pepeka turned to look and then let out an undignified squeak of horrified disbelief.
Hisoka looked different from the last time Kuroro had seen him. His hair was still a bright, hideous orange, but instead of defying gravity as it usually did, it hung down over his face, giving him the illusion of normalcy. This illusion was then promptly destroyed by the cowboy costume he was wearing. Kuroro was certain real cowboys never wore pants that tight. He was also certain real cowboys did not dance around metal poles, rolling their hips in very suggestive manners.
Spinning around the pole with an organic, animalistic grace, Hisoka's eyes suddenly flickered towards them. He smiled widely and licked his lips before bending in a manner that suggested he had joints in areas normal humans didn't. Finally, Hisoka made one last twirl before he hopped off the stage and made straight for them, eyes glittering with anticipation and lust.
"Hisoka," Kuroro greeted coolly, with the briefest nod of his head.
"Kuroro," Hisoka replied and then reached out and grabbed Kuroro in between the legs.
Kuroro froze immediately, face turning into a blank, cold glacier while Pepeka squeaked out something loud and coarse. Hisoka's face split into a wide smile.
"Oh good," Hisoka said, purring happily. "The rumours are false."
"Rumours?" Kuroro questioned, his voice calm and bored.
"That Blacklist Hunter Midoya had torn out your family jewels with her teeth, boiled them in the blood drained from the wound and forced you to consume the concoction," Hisoka replied, giggling. "I'm so happy this turned out to be false. I would be devastated if someone else did that to you before I do. No indeed, I insist that I be the one to rip out your delicious manhood with my own teeth."
"Charming," Kuroro said coolly. "Now, let go of me."
Giggling, Hisoka complied and Pepeka stopped squeaking enough to say, "Manhood' in a voice filled with trauma and anguish.
"And who is the lovely fruit behind you?" Hisoka went on, ignoring Kuroro's frosty stare. "Ah, you must be the startling loud man who was shouting at me over Kuroro's phone. You are…?"
"Pepeka," Pepeka managed to say without cringing.
"Pleasure," Hisoka purred, making the word sound like a threat and a promise. "You look delicious."
"What?" Pepeka asked, startled.
"It's a compliment," Hisoka informed him, tongue flicking out between his teeth. "You look absolutely delicious. I would love to pluck you out and feast on you until you are nothing but a pile of beautiful, white bones."
"What the…!"
"But really now, it is only polite to return a compliment. How do you think I look?" Hisoka asked, turning a full circle so they could get a good look at his outfit.
"You look fucked up," Pepeka grounded out bravely.
That caused Hisoka to break out into laughter. Holding a hand to his mouth, he leaned against the bar counter, eyes gleaming with malicious delight. "Oh, this is wonderful. The energy and passion of youth is always so endearing," he sighed happily. "But now, we deviate from our purpose here. Tell me Kuroro, what do you need from me?"
At that, Kuroro held his finger to his lips. "I can't say," he said mockingly, deliberately imitating Hisoka's words when he had pretended to be under the chain-person's control.
Hisoka's face split in a wide grin. "I see that a little guess work is needed on my part. What could you need from me that you could not speak about? Perhaps you wish me to check up on how my sweetest Machi has been faring," he drawled. "Ah, dear Machi, how I've missed her. So beautiful, so strong, so… icy." His smile widened at the wary look on Kuroro's face. "Ah, you have such little faith in me," he said mournfully. "All I want to do is take her out to dinner."
Kuroro remained silent while Pepeka sat absolutely still though his eyes darted rapidly between the two men. "On an entirely separate note," Kuroro finally said, "do you like video games, Hisoka?"
For the briefest second, Hisoka looked puzzled. Then cautiously, he replied, "No. I am not very good at them."
"Oh?" Kuroro murmured.
"Too little human contact," Hisoka explained, looking devastated. "And blood, and guts and all the things that I like about killing people. I honestly do not see the fun in pressing a button repeatedly to see a series of pixels exploding in a series of more pixels."
"Ah, then I have the perfect game for you," Kuroro said, smiling faintly. "Have you heard of Greed Island?"
"Perhaps I have, from some ah… mutual friends."
"It is a game for nen-users," Kuroro explained. "I have heard that the player enters the game fully and is transported onto an island directly east of York Shin that has been isolated from the rest of the world by powerful Nen-users to create the world of Greed Island. It is, I have heard, an absolutely fascinating game – with plenty of human contact. I also happen to have one of the game consoles."
"Ho?" Hisoka drawled. "Interesting."
"Unfortunately," Kuroro continued, "in my ah… current state, my possession of this game is absolutely pointless. Perhaps I should just give it away."
"Hmm," Hisoka purred. "Wouldn't the stunning young stud next to you be able to use it? Or perhaps, the other person sitting in the far corner of the bar?"
Time froze. Then Pepeka leapt to his feet, alarmed, ready to tackle Hisoka, no matter the price his soul would pay for it later. Kuroro glanced at him with a slight frown and Pepeka suddenly realized he had screwed up. "So," Hisoka said, amused, "there is another follower of yours in this bar. I thought so. Tsk tsk, Kuroro. If we're going to be partners, you should let me meet the dream team, all of the dream team, especially if they are as fascinating as dear little Pepeka here."
"Shit," Pepeka cursed, looking horrified. "I'm sorry! I…"
"I'm not," Hisoka said, laughing gleefully, looking around. "Where is this person? I must meet him. Normally, I would be able to sense a tail, but this person must be using the crowd to hide from me – like a wolf in sheep's skin hiding in the herd. Absolutely delicious! Tell him to come out now, Kuroro." Kuroro tried not to worry too much about how accurate Hisoka was in his assessment. He knew Midoya was in the crowd and he hadn't been able to sense her either. This man, Hisoka, was truly dangerous.
Whipping out his phone, he dialed Midoya's number and waited. Three rings later, he hung up. Two seconds later, Midoya dropped from the ceiling behind Hisoka, landing neatly behind the bar counter, a glass of wine in hand. "Hi," she said, smiling widely. Kuroro tried not to stare. She was wearing a very pretty black dress – and a fake moustache.
Hisoka's head whipped around and stared. Instantly, his aura swelled, blazing with an odd, pulsating glare as he started to breathe hard. "You," he whispered, eyes wide, tongue practically hanging out. "I remember you. Ying. Yang. The laundry room. The facial hair is new."
"Yes, and I remember you," Midoya replied calmly. "The hair, the eyes, the… drool."
Shifting slowly, Hisoka leaned over the counter with a disturbingly organic, fluid movement until his face was but an inch from Midoya's. "I want to rip your throat out so bad," he panted, body quivering with unreleased tension. "I want to rip your throat out with my teeth so bad…"
"Hisoka," Kuroro interrupted, his voice low and urgent, "you have two choices now."
"I'm listening," Hisoka hissed, eyes still fixed on Midoya, who simply smiled back at him like they were having a pleasant conversation in a cafe.
"Choice number one," Kuroro said, lifting one finger. "You can fight Midoya now, break your promise to help me and thus forever lose the chance to fight me."
Hisoka's eyes flicked towards him, glowing heatedly with uncontrollable lust and rage. "Or?" he breathed, tongue wetting his lips.
"Or," Kuroro continued, raising another finger, "you can back off for now. Assist me in breaking the chain-person's curse and thus earn your chance to fight me first. After that you will have more than enough opportunities to fight both Midoya and me as well."
Hisoka made an angry sound, a cross between a serpent's hiss and a tiger's growl. His aura intensified unbearably and Pepeka turned his head away, trying to breathe through the hot energy pouring over them like boiling lava.
"Your choice, Hisoka," Kuroro said coolly, appearing unconcerned with the murderous aura that was threatening to suffocate him in his defenseless state.
Finally, with a deep, regretful sigh, Hisoka pushed himself off the counter and arched his back in a long, leonine stretch. His aura dimmed until it became a thin layer, shimmering restlessly around his body. "Of course," he said finally, his breathing controlled though his eyes still glowed eerily. "Of course. Help first, fight later. Yes. That's good. The pleasure must reach the peak for it to be… good."
"Excellent," Kuroro said cheerfully as Pepeka finally breathed out a deep sigh of relief from behind him. "So you are in, Hisoka?"
"Yes," Hisoka replied, face still tilted towards the ceiling. His eyes suddenly focused, and he stared hard at the three of them. "Yes, I am in, on one condition, other than the promised fight with you, Kuroro."
"What's that?"
Smirking, Hisoka leaned back over the counter and looked Midoya in the eye, "That Miss Midoya here goes on a date with me."
There was a long silence as Pepeka gaped in shock and Kuroro stood frozen to the spot. It was Midoya, who finally said, with a great deal of good cheer in her voice, "Sure. Deal. Welcome to the club."
All things considered, Kuroro mused, the meeting with Hisoka went as well as it could. Hisoka had agreed to help them with only the barest of molestation, no one got killed, and no one other than Pepeka got traumatized too badly. It was, he felt, as big a success as one could expect when engaging with a man as unpredictable and as disturbing as Hisoka.
"Don't you think so?" he said aloud to Pepeka, who was walking beside him.
"Think what?" Pepeka asked distractedly, glaring daggers at something in front of them. A quick glance confirmed that Pepeka was currently glaring at Hisoka and Midoya, who were engaged in an animated discussion about the merits of using gel eyeliner as opposed to pencil eyeliners when it came to face art.
"I was merely saying that so far, our operation has experienced success after success, other than the rather unnecessary attack on the Hunter Association HQ," Kuroro said patiently.
"Yeah, yeah," Pepeka said sullenly. "Can you imagine the nerve of that man?"
"Man? I presume you mean Hisoka?"
"Yeah, I mean, first that dude was all over you then he was all over Midoya-sensei and talking about ripping her throat out. And now, he's talking to her like they're best friends and going on a date with her," Pepeka growled.
"You sound upset," Kuroro noted. "I, on the other hand, am very pleased that they are getting along. It is much easier to work together when Hisoka isn't trying to kill anybody. I would know that. When Hisoka first joined the Ryodan, it was hell trying to get him to stop trying to kill people. In the end, it was Machi who threw down with him, tied him up and left him dangling from our base for three days straight. He stopped after that, but only because, I suspect, he developed a huge crush on Machi. At any rate, I am glad we didn't have to tie Hisoka up just to convince him to play nice. Things are fine the way they are now."
"Are you fucking serious?" Pepeka hissed. "Look at them!" Both men turned to look. Midoya's face was tiled back and she was pointing towards her eyelashes. Hisoka's face was inches from hers, looking into her eyes and leering. "That dude is practically kissing her!"
"And yet Midoya looks so calm," Kuroro said, bemused. That woman must have nerves of steel to be able to stand so close to Hisoka without having a nervous breakdown. Such courage in the face of adversity was truly to be admired.
"That's not the point," Pepeka grumbled. "The point is, that dude's making the move on Midoya-sensei! He's practically molesting her!"
"Is he?" Kuroro asked curiously. As far as he could tell, Hisoka seemed mostly interested in Midoya's eyelashes. Well, they were the one conventionally beautiful thing about her generally plain, scarred face, given how long and dark they were. He wouldn't put it past Hisoka to want to tear them out of Midoya's eyelids just so he could have them. "I think they are talking about mascaras, Pepeka."
"That's what they're talking about," Pepeka argued. "Look at how close he is to her! Look at the way he keeps leaning towards her! Dude, he's totally putting the moves on her!"
"Well," Kuroro said, unconvinced, "even if he is, there's no need to get so upset. It's not personal. It is simply Hisoka's nature to make everything he does seem pornographic. Besides, Midoya did agree to go on a date with him."
"Dude!" Pepeka protested, looking annoyed. "Are you her boyfriend or not? How can you not be upset when another man's trying to suck her face?"
"I have always detested the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'," Kuroro said dismissively. "It sounds so inappropriately juvenile for the kind of relationship that involves a fair bit of mature activity. And really now, Pepeka, if Midoya feels uncomfortable with Hisoka, she wouldn't let him be so close to her. Since she isn't protesting, she's probably fine with the way things are."
"What the fuck?" Pepeka exploded. "You mean you're fine with Hisoka messing around with Midoya-sensei? You'll be fine with it if Midoya-sensei decides to… to… to have… sex with that… freak?"
"She wouldn't," Kuroro said confidently.
"How do you know that? Hisoka's being a freaky pervert," Pepeka insisted. "Seriously! Look!"
Both men turned again to regard the pair. Hisoka had one hand on Midoya's shoulder, and he was leaning over to whisper in her ear. Suddenly, Hisoka's eyes darted towards them. A malicious smile spread over his face and he deliberately pressed his nose closer to Midoya's hair and, with a dramatic gesture, inhaled deeply. Pepeka growled, but Hisoka ignored him, his eyes fixed on Kuroro. Instantly, Kuroro realized that Hisoka was trying to figure out the relationship between him and Midoya. Somehow or other, Hisoka had sensed that there was more to their relationship than client and bodyguard and he was trying to provoke a reaction out of Kuroro. Kuroro smiled faintly at Hisoka then ignored him. It was startling how observant Hisoka was. He could not let his guard down in that man's presence.
"I should pound that freak's face into powder," Pepeka growled, hands clenching and unclenching.
"Relax, Pepeka," Kuroro said calmly. "Hisoka's just trying to get under your nerves."
"And he's using Midoya-sensei to do that!" Pepeka snarled. "That bastard! Dude, we seriously need to get rid of him! We can't let him use Midoya-sensei like that! What if he has sex with her just to…"
"Midoya is a grown woman, Pepeka," Kuroro said sternly. "You should trust her to do what is best for her. Have you forgotten the little disagreement Midoya and I had recently, and how much she hates being doubted? Look at Hisoka, Pepeka." Pepeka looked. "Do you see any person with a good amount of commonsense and a well-honed sense of self-preservation, like dear Midoya, having sex with a man who might potentially rip your head off in the midst of rough, bloody, painful intercourse?"
Pepeka stared a while longer then his shoulders sagged. "You're right," he admitted grudgingly. "Midoya-sensei isn't that dumb."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Midoya said dryly from behind Pepeka and the young man shrieked in terror.
"Sensei! How did you get behind…" Pepeka spluttered, looking mortified.
"I walked behind you," Midoya told him and Pepeka flushed a deep red. "Anyway," Midoya went on, "Hisoka and I are heading that way." She pointed towards across the road. "We're going out for dinner."
"Where?" Pepeka asked immediately, his tone suspicious and wary.
"Why do you want to know?" Hisoka purred from behind Midoya. "Are you interested in joining us? I've always felt that while three's a party, four's a marvelously decadent orgy."
"What the…!" Pepeka spluttered.
"Let's go," Kuroro told Pepeka, ignoring Hisoka who was snickering. "Enjoy your date," he added nicely to the other two.
"Of course," Midoya said pleasantly. "We'll see the both of you back at the base later."
"Later," Kuroro agreed and started to walk off. To his surprise, Pepeka followed him obediently.
They walked in silence for about ten minutes before Pepeka grabbed Kuroro's arm roughly, forcing him to a stop. "We should follow them," Pepeka said quietly. "We're far away enough now that they wouldn't notice if we start tailing them. Come on."
"Follow them?" Kuroro repeated. "Whatever for?"
"Don't you want to know what Hisoka is doing to Midoya-sensei now?" Pepeka asked wretchedly. "I mean, why the hell does he want to date Midoya-sensei anyway? He's only just met her! I mean… uh… why are you frowning like that, Lucifer?"
Kuroro pressed his fingers to his lips. "You are right, Pepeka," he said. "Rather, why didn't I think of it before? Why does Hisoka want to date Midoya? I sometimes get fooled by that crazy pervert persona Hisoka wears at times. As insane as that man comes across, he is also a very logical, rational, sane… person. As odd as it sounds when I put it that way. Why does he want to date Midoya? There can only be one reason, Pepeka. He wishes to get Midoya alone, away from us. Why?"
"Why?" Pepeka repeated, looking confused. "Because he wants to have sex with her?"
"No. Well, perhaps, but that would not be his primary goal," Kuroro said. "No. He wants something more. A fight? No, he would not risk losing the chance to fight me. It has to be information."
"About what?" Pepeka asked, still confused.
"I do not know," Kuroro said, eyes cold and focused. "That is the problem. You are right, Pepeka, we need to follow them. Unfortunately, in the state I am in now, I cannot do that."
"Oh right. I forgot. So?"
"You follow them, Pepeka," Kuroro said. "But stay a good distance away. Hisoka has the sixth sense of a wild beast. He will sense you if you get too close, regardless of whether you are using Zetsu or not. Stay at least fifty feet from them. I will be another hundred feet behind you. That should be a far enough distance that Hisoka wouldn't sense me. Keep me informed of their movements by phone."
"Okay," Pepeka said, obviously excited. "I'm on it."
"Go," Kuroro ordered and Pepeka took off, sliding into Zetsu as he did.
Grimly, Kuroro followed at a much slower pace. He had been too naïve to think getting Hisoka's help would be that easy. What was Hisoka up to now? Just what did he want with Midoya? It was alarming how he had chosen Midoya as his target. If Hisoka had been a less experienced predator, he would have chosen Pepeka, given how Pepeka was obviously the least experienced fighter present. Yet, he had noticed that despite Midoya's superior power to Pepeka she was also the one who was most likely to accidentally leak information to Hisoka because she was the one who was the least on guard around strange people like Hisoka. Somehow, Hisoko had caught on to that, and right now, without his Nen, Kuroro was helpless to do anything about the situation. He could only hope that whatever Hisoka was after, it was something harmless.
And how likely was that?
A/N: One day, I will wear a fake moustache to school and walk around like it's not there. Hope you enjoyed this story!
Trivia: This wasn't the first time had Pepeka decided to follow Midoya when she went on a date. For a period of time, a couple of years before she first met Kuroro, Midoya had dated a rather dashing Hunter by the name of Nickel. From Pepeka's perspective, he never understood why Midoya-sensei would date a guy like that. Yes, Nickel was a fairly intelligent man, and he was very good-looking, but he was also obviously a sleaze-bag and a cheat. The Hunter's Association was always flying with rumours, and one of the rumours Pepeka had picked up, was how Nickel had once seduced the lonely wife of a very rich Hunter and then made off with all her savings. The lady, as the rumour goes, was so ashamed she hung herself. Knowing that, Pepeka felt it was his duty to protect Midoya-sensei from a crook like Nickel. In his defense, the Pepeka of later years would muse, at that point of time, he had been a young, inexperienced disciple with an appalling ignorance of how fucking powerful his sensei was.
So, one day, he had followed Midoya-sensei when she and Nickel had gone on a date. He had followed them through an amusement park, a movie theatre, a brief pause in a dark and isolated alley (during which Pepeka had stared stonily into the distance with his fingers in his ears), and finally into the York Shin Goddess park. To his surprise, Midoya-sensei had then told Nickel that she was breaking up with him because she felt they didn't have much in common (it turns out she did not like amusement parks, did not like movie theatres, and did not like quickies in a dark and isolated alley; Pepeka, still full of hope then, had made sure to take very clear notes). Midoya-sensei had then told Nickel she was glad they had met, but she really felt they should move on and find people they were more compatible with. Pepeka was then further surprised, when Nickel, with a horrible scowl on his face, had grabbed Midoya-sensei's arm, declared only he could decide when a relationship would end and threatened to do violent things to her of a sexual manner. Given that this was what he had been anticipating all day long, Pepeka had braced himself to jump in and save the day.
Just as Pepeka was about to pounce on Nickel and show him the consequences of picking on Pepeka's Midoya-sensei, Midoya's arms blurred. One moment, Pepeka had been about to pounce on a man. The next moment, Pepeka found himself jumping on what could, with some imagination, some of squinting and a lot of glue, be considered a man-shaped object.
Pepeka had stared down at the thing beneath him then stared up at Midoya. Midoya had, in return, smiled kindly at him then produced a shovel out of her messenger bag and told him that since he was here, he was obviously skipping training and thus he might as well practice Shu now while the park was still quiet.
Later, after Pepeka had patted the ground flat and brushed dirt off the seats of his pants, he had followed Midoya-sensei back to her penthouse for more training. On the way there, he had pondered about his arrogance in assuming she needed him to protect her. Now that Nickel was dead and Pepeka's brain was no longer crowded with thoughts of homicide, Pepeka realized that Midoya-sensei obviously had not become a One Star Hunter by sitting around and collecting body fluids. That didn't mean he was going to stop following her on dates though; Midoya-sensei might need him to practice his Shu again.
Triva Within a Trivial: When Midoya told Kahn that she collected body fluids, she had only told a half-lie. In truth, Midoya had, for a brief period during her younger and more impressionable days, collected the body fluids of famous people (who may or may not be dead). She very quickly grew tired of it though once she realized that no matter the colour of the liquid, the viscosity of the liquid, or who the person who donated the liquid was, a bottle of bile was still a bottle of bile and it was so boring to look at.
