My Cousin's Roommate
By Silas C.
Faithful Series
Chapter Eight: Faithful vs. Business
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Summary: Michiru is having problems with her life and seeks comfort at her cousin's apartment. But it's only a matter of time before she realizes that her problems don't go away, they follow her.
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Disclaimer: Sailor Moon, of course, doesn't belong to me. I'm simply borrowing. Also, Haruka is not a man in this story. She wasn't a man in the anime/manga, she won't be here either.
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Author's Note: The much anticipated and awaited… Michiru's POV. Okay so it's a short piece on her behalf but as the tides change, you'll see that we see more of her POV than Haruka's. I'm tired, gomen. I haven't slept in at least two days. My train of thought isn't quite focused so if you see any mistakes, contradictions, etc… feel free to point them out.
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((( Michiru's POV )))
Someone once told me: " Dreams are the seeds of change. " The resounding, raspy, voice of my father echoed in my thoughts as I pondered the events two days ago. That's what it was, nothing but a dream. The park had been cold that night, windy to say in the least. And while it had been chilly, the fervent practicing on my violin and the music that was produced as a result, dissolved the world in which I had resided in. In essence, I fell into a dream like state, as I always have. Coldness was nothing to me. If anyone had ever known me they would say that once I drifted off into my own little world it's hard for me to come back on the account of something or someone else.
However, with little effort there was someone that was able to bring me out of my music. I severely underestimated her power over me. Even though my eyes had been closed for the duration of the piece I had been playing, I felt her the moment she laid eyes on me. It was if we had this special connection. Never in my life have I felt so close to someone without knowing all that much about them. I think that's one of the best things about Haruka. I never need to say much or even do much; she simply understands without me having to explain myself. I guess that's why when I was playing I directed my music towards her; I knew that she would understand, I knew that it didn't matter what I played as long as I played as faithfully to my heart as possible.
Why was Haruka so great?
I lost my breath when I opened my eyes. I did everything possible to keep her from knowing this; I didn't want my secret exposed, nor did I want to feel vulnerable in the hands of another. She was absolutely gorgeous. You should have seen the way she had been dressed. Well, it was like she would have dressed when she went to work but somehow it was different. Her tie was hanging loosely from her neck. Her collared shirt had been unbuttoned revealing a portion of her collar bone. I can't recall a time in my life that I've ever wanted to trace my lips upon someone's neck as bad as I had wanted to do to Haruka. Her suit jacket was open, revealing a neatly tucking in dress shirt. I could tell, under all of those layers, was hiding a beautiful body ready to be consumed by lustful kisses. Believe me, I wanted Haruka more than anything in this world, even more than I wanted a career as a musician.
Why did I want her so bad?
All of this seemed like a dream. I can't believe we kissed. What's even more memorable is the way she traced my lips with her finger. No one, not even Daisuke-san, could make my skin tingle the way Haruka had. Shivers ran up and down my spine several times when she touched my cheek. And this warm feeling surged through my body when I placed my hand on top of hers. I wanted her, I won't lie. There's no point in lying to myself because Haruka isn't an easy topic to lie about.
Can I blame myself for thinking of her constantly? Can I blame myself for missing her even if it's only been ten minutes that she's not in my presence? The day I called in sick was the day I needed time away from her. I was experimenting, you could say. I wanted to know what it would be like without Haruka. We had been spending so much time together that I hadn't realized how much the blonde had grown to mean to me. I wanted to confirm my fears. And I quickly found out the answers to the questions I hadn't verbalized. Both my heart and body ached to be near Haruka. Thoughts of her would pass my mind, images of her smiling or laughing, and the void inside of me would only intensify ten-fold.
Even though I've been attracted to her from the morning I met her, I never wanted to admit that my heart had taken me this far. I know now that my feelings for her are not solely based on lust. This realization, no matter how good it sounds, is not at all as pleasant as I thought it would be. I feared this much, in fact, I silently hoped that I hadn't developed feelings for her. And now that I've confirmed these feelings, there's no part of me that doesn't feel remorseful for my actions. Every moment that I see Sachiko, that she smiles in my direction or attempts in any way, shape or form, to help me, the burden of my guilt only seems to double. I can see in my cousin's eyes the immeasurable amount of love that she holds for Haruka. I've never seen Sachiko hold anyone else to this esteem. It's as if she puts Haruka on a pedestal, though she's reluctant to show it. I think she's afraid, just as I am, of admitting her true feelings. I think it would be hard to offer your heart to another person. Fear of rejection, betrayal, pain… all of those things could be the possible consequences of your actions. If that were so, which it is, then I would be just as afraid as Sachiko is when it comes to giving her heart, fully and completely, to Haruka.
My heart plunged to the depths of my stomach. My feelings for Haruka were unbelievably strong. I would give anything in the world to be able to kiss her freely, hug her tightly and soak in the warm embrace that her strong arms could provide. I would give anything. But it wasn't me that would have to make a sacrifice to have this. It would be Sachiko that would have to give up everything for my happiness. And, as much as I would love to fall in love with Haruka, I simply can't. Not at the expense of my cousin. She has done more things for me than any normal family member. She opened her heart to me, heard me out when I needed someone to listen and allowed me to stay with her in her apartment with no catches included. I consider her more like a sister than anything else. How could I betray her?
Besides, what about Daisuke-san? Whatever his intentions were when we first started dating, didn't matter now. I have seen a side of him that no one else has the luxury of seeing. I could be wrong but I think he has strong feelings for me. I can't say that I don't return those feelings though. Daisuke is sweet. A little rough around the edges but sweet nonetheless. Being with him is the best distraction from Haruka, though a meager one at that. I still think of her constantly. I can't bring myself to go a day without thinking of her, but just because she has this power over me, doesn't mean I'll submit to her. There's too much to lose in loving Haruka. And if I brought myself to love Daisuke-san? I would lose nothing. You tell me, if you weighed the circumstances, would you make the same decision that I am making now? It's settled then. My decision is final.
I, Michiru Kaioh, refuse to fall in love with Haruka Tenoh.
I refuse to allow her that luxury. I refuse to hurt both Daisuke-san and Sachiko-san just so I can satiate my desires and lust. Things between us wouldn't work out anyways, our kiss was nothing more than a dream. Besides, I never told you the other half of what my father told me:
" It is the passion to challenge the unrealism hidden within a dream, that allows you to go as far as you want, not the dream itself. " In other words…
Dreams will get you nowhere.
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((( Haruka's POV )))
I'm a genius. Everyone should applaud me for my brilliant ideas and schemes. They should dub me the mastermind of the world and resort to me for every intelligent plan that they need produced. Okay, I'm in denial. I'm a screw up. Everyone should applaud me for being the world's biggest jerk. They should dub me the idiot of the world and resort to me for every plan that needs to screw up something important. Yeah, I'm good at that. I was a nothing before. Am I still nothing now?
I thought that Michiru had changed all of that but with one simple conversation, she turned my world upside down. Now, any moment is a fragile one for me. If I hear a love song, I break. If I see Inoue-san reach for Michiru's hand, my heart is single-handedly crushed by a ten ton anvil. I could cry for anything that reminded me of Michiru or how much I've probably messed up our friendship. She is the single best and worst thing to ever happen to me. She put me together, she made me think straight, she forced me to see a part of life I didn't know existed. She also tore me down, affects what little concentration I have left, and she's introduced me to the darkest, most dangerous parts of myself that I have no desire sulking in.
Sachiko is little comfort, if any at all. Her words are sometimes meaningless. When she says "I love you" - I return the expression without any value behind it. I could say "you stink like my old gym socks" and the expression would possess just as much emotion behind it as the former did. With Sachiko everything was black and white. I did as she said only to keep her from being displeased, for when she was displeased, I was displeased. Michiru used to bring color to my world and now, all I have is this faint image of what used to be a good friendship. She's long gone now. She's been avoiding me for the past two days. Apparently, her and Daisuke-san have been needing some well required time alone. I suppose that's what Sachiko and I should be doing. Well, it is what we've been doing… I guess I'm simply not observant when it comes to her. Perhaps it's because of Michiru's and Daisuke's increase of affection for each other that has spurred Sachiko's desire to be more affectionate as well. If you ask me, it's annoying. I don't mind when she clings to my arm like a child, it's when she starts demanding me to be something I'm not. I think she has this image in her mind that I'm her prince charming. I'm supposed to carry her up the steps, open doors for her, compliment her every twenty seconds… which is fine, I suppose. I already do all of those things anyways; like I said before, if she's displeased so am I. That's why I simply submit to her will. No point in fighting when there's nothing to fight for.
Great, first I'm a screw up, not I'm a pessimist. What's next? I'm a jerk? Wait, already am. Okay world, throw something else at me, I'm sure I can take it.
To be honest, I would be content with Michiru's decision of not wanting me, so long as we could go back to being good friends. Even though I can't contain my desire very well… the thought of losing Michiru's friendship permanently is enough to keep my lust sealed and controlled. I just want her back, one way or the other. Michiru was the best friend anyone could ask for. Why can't we go back?
I know, it's because I'm a screw up. But, still.
" Haruka-san? "
I bit my lip when I heard my name flow off the tip of Michiru's tongue. Haruka-san. She might as well drive a knife through my heart, hell I would like it better if she did. My eyes remained on the television screen, though the blank expression they were emitting probably gave Michiru the incentive to continue on in what she was saying.
" Haruka-san, we need to talk. "
Two days and she needs to talk? That's flippin' fantastic. What's with girls 'needing to talk.' I swear they use that expression to intimidate whoever they are talking about. Plus, it's a good introduction to the 'we can't be together anymore' discussion. She should just leave it at that. I don't want to hear her lame excuse as to why she's breaking up with me. Baka. I chided myself. You're not even dating her. Whatever. It didn't matter if she was with me or not, she was still breaking up with me.
" Can we talk? "
" Hai. " I replied with a distant tone. Would she like an invitation to break up with me, is that it? " What did you want to talk about? " We were alone. Sachiko was out on a business meeting and Daisuke was at her own place. You would think being alone was a good thing but it wasn't… no, not anymore.
" We… we shouldn't have. "
" Look, if this about what happened in the park, it doesn't matter now. If you want me to forget about, then consider it done. " I kept my eyes on the television to prevent my tears from showing themselves.
" You know I love Daisuke-san. " She sounded more or less like she was trying to convince me. " And, Sachiko-san loves you. That kiss shouldn't have happened and I'm terribly sorry that it did. "
" Michiru, is this what you want? " I asked without looking at her.
" Michiru-san, please. " She corrected me, almost regretfully. The way she said it. The words in themselves. Was she taking back our friendship? Did our happiness not matter? Could she really forget everything that we were? Probably. The tone in her voice was unwavering. I could tell this was the strong side that I was not so familiar with - I didn't like it when it was used against me. It made me feel like I was somehow not worth the time of day to her. It made me feel like I was nothing.
Nothing.
" Kaioh-san. " I corrected myself. " I apologize, my formalities must have slipped. How terrible of me. You don't have to worry about what happened in the park, it never happened. If you have feelings for Daisuke-san, those feelings are yours and yours alone. And you're right about Sachiko-san. I should be lucky to have someone love me the way she does. Forgive my behavior. It was reckless. " I stood up, bowing to her respectfully. Michiru stared at me questioningly.
And this was me politely being a jerk. I could easily plaster on the formal Haruka Tenoh, the one that I used for charity events, big ballroom parties or any other place where I should be expected to act formally. Michiru would soon become business in my eyes. Business and nothing more.
