Disclaimer: ... I can't think of anything witty to write anymore... At least I think their witty...?

100th Secretary

- "Weirdo."-

Chapter Eight: Insects and Fishes

Still August 2, Thursday

"Call a bug exterminator right now," Itachi said as he saw Tobi jumped up and down as he tried to get off the insects that tried to get inside his mask (A/N: yes he's still wearing a mask.)

"AHHHHH! Get them out! Get them out!" Tobi shrieked like a child.

Kisame was furious as he tried to get rid of the insects that invaded his beloved aquarium but then a bunch of maggots fell down on him.

Pein and Konan also had their office door open they were unharmed and watched the scene. Pein seemed amusedIt seemed that the others' offices except for Pein's and Itachi's had been infested with different varieties of bugs.

Sakura was trying hard not to laugh out loud. And said without breaking her act, "but that one is an endangered spider…"

"Why are you pointing here?" Asked Deidara, who just finished stomping some cockroaches, saw Sakura pointing at his direction. He followed the direction of her fingers and looked above him, then screamed, loud enough for the whole floor to hear.

A huge tarantula found its way to Deidara's face, he froze and was about to slap it way when he heard Sakura yell stop.

"Stay still! It might sting you at the slightest movement." She said.

Deidara had an urge to roll his eyes, scream at her, and tell her 'Are you freaking serious! Yeah!'

Knowing that he can't, Deidara gathered up courage to stare at the creature that dared to invade his personal space, at his face no less.

It was in the tip of his nose. Deidara could feel the tiny hairs of the creature. It creepily walked over his face, as its main body rubs on his node and its legs on his cheeks. Then stopped when it reached the bridge of its nose. For the first time Deidara could see two small spiky fangs that peeked out from its mouth.

He wished he didn't.

'Yeah, this is just turned out to be the top five worst day of my life.' He thought, trying to calm himself down. He then saw the spider's beady eyes stared at his.

'Make that top three, yeah'

Sasori took a peek at the commotion outside and saw Deidara at a peculiar pose, his knees slightly bended, his hands moved frantically up and down, and his face pointed upward with a huge black and hairy spider moving lazily at his face. He snickered then out of the corner of his eye the termites that have invaded his office tried once again to devour his precious collection of handmade puppets.

'Oh no you don't!' Sasori proceeded to grab the latest newspaper and whack the hordes of termites not bothering to help Deidara.

Hidan was busy as he tried to keep a variety of huge flying insects, praying mantis, and moths even butterflies from touching his religious relics. He opened his door wide open to scare them and let them fly out but they seem to be attracted to his relics. But as soon as he shooed them away, they somehow manage to evade by leaving the relics then return to it at once when he focused on the others.

It was an unending cycle.

Kakuzu shooed away a bunch of beetles and caterpillars away from 'his' (the company's) money but then he accidentally toppled upon what seems like a rock. When he took a better look he realized that it was a hive

'Oh, no!' Kakuzu ran for his life.

Kisame smiled, he finally had gotten rid of the maggots that fell on him from who knows where. He also had saved his fishes and placed them in a bucket because some insects fell on the aquarium and his fishes, out of curiosity, tried to eat them. Kisame knew they were bad for them so he quickly removed his them and transferred them to a bucket of salt water that he kept in his office in case of emergency.

'Never thought I'll use it for this type of emergency,' Kisame thought as he shook his head. He picked up the bucket and hopefully get his fishes to safety but then placed it down when he saw Deidara's predicament.

"Dude, what happened!?" Kisame's jaw dropped, and he thought he had it bad.

Deidara's eyes turned to him, pleading evident in his eyes. Kisame started to make his way to Deidara when they heard Kakuzu scream. All heads turned, even Deidara's eyes tried to follow.

Kakuzu emerged from his office and saw that the others were filled with bugs as well. 'Gotta hide! What are bees afraid off?' His eyes flew around the room and landed on a bucket of water.

"Kakuzu, what the hell is your prob-" Kisame's eyes questioned but stopped when he saw Kakuzu grab his bucket and poured it over him.

"Bastard! What did you do that for!?" Kisame roared as he saw his fishes in floor gasping for air.

"Desperate times calls for desperate measures," Kakuzu plainly said.

Kisame was about to kill Kakuzu when he heard loud buzzing. "What was that?"

"I stepped over a bee hive that appeared in my office." Kakuzu answered.

"Er, is that why you drench yourself in water?" Sakura asked.

"Yes." He replied bluntly.

"I hate to break it to you Kakuzu-san," Sakura heard the buzzing get louder and she grabbed the handle of the door to Itachi's office and began closing it, Itachi didn't bother to stop her. Pein and Konan already locked their office.

When her head was the only thing visible, she continued, "But you're supposed to be SUBMERGED in water not drenched." With that she shut the door and locked it.

Kakuzu paled.

Kisame fumed that Kakuzu killed his fishes for nothing.

Sasori closed his office as well; he'd rather deal with a room full of termites than bees.

Hidan cursed as he accidentally knocked over one of his relics, unaware of what was happening outside and that his door was dangerously open.

Tobi was screaming as an ant found its way to his mask and ran around the lobby, stepped on a fished and hit his head on an armrest, fainting almost immediately.

Deidara was flailing his arms trying to get attention back to him.

Itachi closed his eyes as ear-splitting screams coming from Deidara, Kisame, Kakuzu and Hidan was heard.

He sat down on his chair and turned it to face the large window behind his desk. It showed him a clear view of the city and a bit of his reflection at the same time.

Itachi tried to assess the situation, this building was always clean of pests, for them to show up so suddenly and in hordes was not natural. Some of the insects were even rare and can only be found in areas far away from here.

'Someone's trying to pull a prank on us but who-' his eyes traveled to the reflection of his new secretary who just placed down the phone and announced cheerfully,

"Sir, the insect exterminator was on its way and I also called someone to collect the endangered insects... if there are any of them left." She took pity on the insect, 'Shino's gonna kill me if they all die.'

She got out of her musings when she felt uncomfortable.

Itachi faced Sakura and glared at her. With pure ice in his voice, "What are you planning."

Sakura's hair stood, Sasuke and Shisui warned her that Itachi could be scary when he wanted to, scary is an understatement. He was frightening.

It took Sakura a few seconds to recover.

"Well," Itachi was certainly displeased. With all this chaos, their work will certainly be affected.

Sakura was finally able to keep control on her facial expression, so if even if she was frightened, for Itachi she just looked intimidated.

"Sir!?" Sakura asked disbelievingly, "I would never bring insects to your office," making herself more dramatic as she placed a hand to her heart and the other up as a sign of a pledge, the screams were now dying down.

Itachi just stared at because she's the only one who has motives to pull a prank like this. Sakura crossed her hands to her chest and looked more offended, she's not lying SHE'LL never bring insects to the office but that doesn't mean she can't ask other people to.

"Then, sir, explain to me how could I possibly do such a stunt. As far as I can remember you were… criticizing my dress earlier, in front of EVERYONE." She finished with a huff.

Itachi's eyes furrowed, what she said was true, there was no way she could have done it herself… unless she had an accomplice but Itachi wanted to rule out that possibility.

No one would dare help her in this building, even if she bribed the employees here with money. She can't have outside help, the security of the building was tight, no intruders could have gotten in and only well known employees with years of service can go up the top floor excluding Itachi's secretary, who changes every month.

"Hn" Itachi nodded his head as acknowledgement.

'I'll need to investigate this further. But if she did pull it off,' Itachi thought and smirked as he once again faced the windows. What he didn't know is that he missed a similar smirk on his pink haired secretary's face.

Meanwhile…

Zetsu ignored the screams of his companions outside his office. He was in a life and death situation of the utmost important. He needed to think and after a while, got in an argument with his other self. They started bickering at each other but all their stock knowledge failed them, and the exact answers they needed for the current situation was out of reach. They can only resort to guessing…

If the scorpion in front of Zetsu was a male or female.

After several minutes the scorpion that was watching Zetsu the entire time deemed him or them non-threatening.

And if it could have said one word, it would say, "Weirdo."


Revised 6/13/2013

Grammar edit. I honestly forgot how my teenage mind made this up but I'm glad it did. I love Zetsu's split personality. Even though Onito/Madara whateve split him up then cloned him into his massive naked zombie army. Yup the drawings in the manga made them oh-so threatening without pants on.

I'm following the manga now so I'm up to date. I lost most of my respect to Sasuke a long time ago declaring "that" won't make me like him back. I miss Itachi, which bring me to my next point, I'm trying to correct his personality because before the revise he's to harsh, so yeah, hopefully I wrote him much better.

R&R please!