Dreaming was an odd thing. It was one of the few times my mind let me remember. Remember happiness. Remember the old me. Did it bother me? Yes, of course. But I would much rather remember, build up motivation, than to be left with nothing, a blank. My memories bit me hard, I held them as reminders though. Reminders that I had something to fight for. There was no more hopelessness not now, not anymore.
I remembered a time when I did not want to know. When I thought I was better off. What a fool I had been. But then again I could not be so hard on myself. Back then I had not known better. Life was all about killing and doing as told. It took a while for me to see it but it had not been my fault. My life, our lives had been ripped away from us.
The person I use to be while with Victor was not someone I ever wanted to be again. Did I still get angry? Of course. Would I rip someone's head off if they fucked me over? Without a thought. Those were things that I don't think had changed though, things I believed the Rose from before Victor would have done. I still saw some of the old Rose in me, the Rose before Victor. Well maybe slightly but even back then I fought, I fought for the things I wanted and I was feisty. A memory of me arguing with Mason was enough to back this up.
My dreams may have torn at my fragile emotions but they also worked to make me stronger. They gave me a purpose. I had to do the impossible, because if I didn't try I would not be me. I tried and tried. Giving up was not part of who I use to be, and it sure as hell was not who I was now. I had broken down a few times, but could you blame me? Not only that sometimes I did feel out of control. Whether it was the pregnancy or the angry within me I did not know. But I was waging on it being the anger. I was angry and had had enough of all the bullshit. Of course the memories the reminders did hurt as well. I was feeling new emotions, and sometimes did not know how to handle them.
I was a new Rose, that much I was sure of. Though I saw a lot of the old me. It had taken a while, but now I saw it. The passion, the fire, the need to do bigger and better things. I hated being held back then, and I hated it even more now. My patience was shorter, my body toner, my thoughts darker, but I was still Rose. And I would continue to fight until the very end. No one was going to stop me. much less that bastard Victor.
That was why I was going to find Dimitri and I was going to save his stupid Russian ass. Well as soon as I could find a way to get out of this stupid hospital. I groaned as I hid behind another corner as security ran by. The last thing I needed was to get caught during my great escape.
Don't get me wrong I understand why Robert and Spiradon brought me here, I was in what they believed to be dire need of medical assistance. It brought more problems than solved them. I was happy they worried enough about the baby and I, but my admittance here had caught Adrian's and Christian's attention. Something I had worked very hard to avoid.
The security guards running around aimlessly were sent by Abe, to make sure I stayed put. I honestly didn't have time for this bullshit. So the moment they had left me alone I had bolted. Robert and Spiradon would find me. Or so I hoped. Though they seemed to have disappeared around the same time the security guards showed up. I just hoped those two had not bailed.
I had left the room I was in a rush but not before grabbing the black and white image that had been sitting on the side table. My baby was alive and well. And by the looks of it going to get its height from its father. I was only about 9 weeks but the baby was longer than most at this point. I had been happy to know it was alive and well. I had been in fear. But now that I was sure the baby was well I knew I had to hurry up and save its daddy.
Stealing another look at the picture I smiled knowing there was still a chance at a happy future. I still had a part of Dimitri with me. And together with Ivan we would soon, hopefully become a family. I was thankful that someone had listened to my frantic prayers, prayers I was certain were sent up to nothing. Apparently someone or something was looking out for us.
With stealthy steps I grabbed a lab coat hanging off a hook and put it on and buttoned it in hopes to blend in. I hoped no one would notice my socks. My luck again was strengthened as I made it out of the hospital without anyone noticing. It seemed it had been extremely busy and no one even looked my way.
My steps sped up as I got further and further away. My breath calmed knowing no one was going to find me now. Well hopefully those two jackasses, Robert and Spiradon not Adrian or Christian, would find me. I sighed as I could no longer see the hospital, that was until a car stopped in front of me blocking my way. Shit.
The window rolled down and I tensed well knowing my mission would be shot to hell. I could already picture Christian's cocky smile, Adrian starting on a fucking lecture before the window even made it all the way down. I stopped as my mouth opened to cuss them out when I saw Lissa.
"Are you just going to stand there looking like a fish out of water?" It was then that I noticed my mouth was opening and closing. My words had been swallowed down and for a second I did not know what to say.
"I'm not going back!" I started to walk around her car when she revved the engine. I looked at her my eyes hard, but she stared back through the windshield.
"Stop being so stubborn and get in the car." She was now leaning out of her lowered window pinning me with her stare.
"I don't think you understand blondie I am not going back I got shit to do." I tried to walk again but she revved her engine again this time inching the car closer to me.
"And I don't think you understand. Geez stop being a bitch and get in the car, I'm trying to help your stupid ass."
My eyes narrowed. I had to give it to her, the slim blonde had some fucking balls on her. First shooting at Dimitri then talking to me like this. But I didn't have time to listen I needed to get as far away from here as possible she was holding me back and probably trying to buy asshat 3 and 4 some time. With that I turned and continued walking.
"You've got to be kidding me." I heard her door open and close and her foot falls come closer to me. " I am going to help you. I got those assholes to bring me cause I knew they would stop you. I am here for you. I want to help you get him back Rose."
I froze taking in a deep breath. I was certain I could not trust her, would she really lie to get me to go back. Slowly I turned towards her intent on giving her a few select words, when I did I was met with something strange. She was being truthful. Her eyes glowed and begged me. I knew why, this time she wanted to be a step ahead. She had not been able to help the first time and she feared losing me again.
"Awe fuck. Fine lets go. I swear if you're lying I'll fucking kill you." I pointed at her trying to make sure she knew I wasn't lying but she had the balls to smile widely at me.
I felt slightly younger as I slammed the passenger door shut. Lissa looked over at me as I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. This was not part of the plan. Even if she said she was helping she would just get in the way. I did not need anything more to worry about. I sighed and looked around, why the hell wasn't she driving.
"What the hell are you waiting for?" Her jade eyes snapped to the seat belt next to me and I stared at her slightly peeved. "You're kidding right."
"Safety first." I rolled my eyes but still buckled myself in.
"You know if you truly wanted to follow that motto you would have left me." She laughed loudly the sound sparking something inside of me, and it wasn't a bad thing. She lightened the tension around me and I could feel myself relaxing unwillingly.
"Now that would have been boring. Why go back to the boys when you and I can go on an epic adventure. Just two gals out to have fun and save the day." She turned the knob the the radio a catchy pop song playing that I had never heard before.
"You're seriously going to help me?" I had to admit I had my doubts. She had been trying to get on good terms with Christian, surely this would set her back.
"Did you know those assholes wanted to leave me behind? They wanted to go find you alone." She looked over at me a frustrated look on her face. "So said dumbasses allowed me to go to Paris with them and then fucking left me there! Can you believe them!"
"Ha. Yes I believe that. Sounds like something I would do." She let out a sound between a huff and a groan.
"Never you mind Rose. Anyways I made it back to the states and I had Sydney tell me what was going on that you had been hospitalized. So boom I came here without them. I figured they would force you back. And honestly I think it would be counter productive." Her voice had gotten bitter towards the end, it seems my boys messed with the wrong girl.
"You got that right."
"So am I to assume you've done something, I mean you've been gone over a month." I groaned hating that I had not gotten as far as I hoped to.
"So far I have Spiradon and Robert helping me. But..." I didn't get to finished as she slammed on the brakes. "What the fuck Liss?"
"You were the one to get him out of prison? Oh my god that was epic. I mean it pissed off the boys and they figured it was you but there still is not proof. Damn I wish I could have helped!" All I could do was laugh, maybe I didn't mind her so much.
"I probably could have used the help. It wasn't easy by any means." I sighed remember the mess we had caused.
"But you did it. So where to?" She waved her hand across the dashboard a small smile on her pink lips.
"New York."
"Hmm alright. Flying or driving?" She looked cute when she was serious. Lissa was a badass but by no means did the girl look it. She was cute and blonde. Everything I wasn't.
"We will have to drive. Next state we will have to get another car. It won't take the boys long to track this one down." She nodded taking in my orders.
After that silence fell between us. I was thankful for it. I honestly did not know what to say to her. I was thankful though. I never would have thought Lissa would be the one to help me out of this mess, or any mess for that matter. There was something about her though. More than met the eye. Her love for us for me fueled her to do anything even the impossible.
I didn't remember too much about her, but I could piece a lot together by how she acted around me. Even at Victor's mansion she watched me a certain way. I could never piece it together until now. She looked at me like she knew me, like she hurt for me. Now I knew why. She did know me, probably better than I knew myself."
"So I heard from the rumor mill something." Lissa broke the silence, but seemed a lot more hesitant this time when she spoke and I knew why. I knew they would eventually figure it out. It was probably why they pushed their efforts to find me sooner.
"Oh really. And since when did you listen to gossip." I couldn't help it a small smile worked its way onto my lips as I teased her.
"I suppose rumor and gossip are not the right words." She scrunched up her nose and her grip on the wheel tightened.
She was tense that much was obvious. I was confused at first. Why would she be so scared to ask me about something that was now clearly obvious. But then it hit me she was still walking on eggshells around me. She may have known me but she also knew I had a lot hidden as well. Anger. Madness. I tried to think like her, imagine what she was feeling. And for the first time I felt bad for her.
"Yea well." I reached into the lab coat and pulled out the picture. Without thinking I handed it to her.
She grabbed it cautiously. And took a moment to adjust her hands so she could drive one handed. Little by little she brought the picture up and then stared at it. Something in those jade eyes made me happy. I was happy because even with everything happening Lissa was happy for me. And I was not going to lie I was happy too. I had hope. A future.
"Wow that's awesome." She looked at the picture for a few more moments before handing it back to me. "So what's the plan?"
The rest of the drive to the next state I spent catching her up on my time spent with Robert and Spiradon. I told her what I had to do. I told her what I had learned. She spent the whole time listening, absorbing. Our plan was barely a plan at all but at least it was something. I was actually glad to have Liss here. I felt a lot better than I had since this all happened. I no longer felt so alone and isolated. Spiradon and Robert had been nice enough, but they had not been what I had needed.
When the next state line came up we switched cars. A car we borrowed from a very giving stranger. My gun may have helped and also my skills to convince someone to shut the fuck up. But we had a car, at least until we got to the next state. That's what we did the days that came and went.
There was a calm inside of me that I had not felt in a long time. It took about two days for me to realize why that was. I knew I had a bond with Dimitri, it had always been there even back in the beginning. But there was also a bond between Lissa and I. We shared a different kind of bond, one I suppose sisters would share. Were just her presence would calm me. Being with Lissa was truly what I had needed. She did not judge. She excepted. And she helped.
"Can I ask you a question?" Days later Lissa and I found ourselves in a cafe in Virginia.
"Ask away." Lissa shifted in her seat and fixed her eyes upon me, dragging them slowly from my toes to my messy bun.
"Do you think we can do this?" I sighed well knowing what she was thinking. The question had crossed my mind numerous occasions.
"It's not going to be easy. And we may hit some major road blocks." I looked up to meet her eyes. "This is life or death Lissa. There's a high chance we may not make it out alive."
If my words scared her she did not show it. She sat back in her seat and looked at me again. This time her eyes were more calculating. She took everything in about me, her eyes lingering long on my stomach. She sighed in some sort of defeat and leaned forward to pick at her salad.
"We have to do what we have to. If not now it will have to be done sooner or later. I think the sooner it's done the better. The guys want to plan for so long, but I know we don't have time. I can feel it in my bones. Victor has something big planned and he's going to do it soon."
I nodded at her well knowing what she was talking about. Something about this time with Dimitri was different. Victor was taking out his big guns and I knew it was a matter of time before he used them. Not only that I knew he was sick of waiting. This whole time he had known what he wanted and he had still to get it. I was sure his patience were running out.
"Are Spiradon and Robert going to meet us?" I groaned at the question.
"I hope so. But I have no idea. If anything this was their chance to get away. I wouldn't hold it against them if they wanted nothing to do with this." I stuffed an apple slice in my mouth though it made me feel sick.
"True but it is also their chance to get some pay back. You said so yourself they were unhappy being used." I sat up straight and nodded.
"I'm trying to hold up hope but you know how that goes." Lissa gave me a small sad smile.
"I know. But I'll hope enough for the both of us. Stuff has to work out. You're right it won't be easy but I refuse to believe that someone like Victor will win." With a firm nod of her head Lissa went back to eating like nothing was bothering her.
Hours later I was in the drivers seat again with Lissa asleep beside me. Against my better judgement I let my mind wonder. I thought about my past, my present and my future. And I could not help but start to feel some hope welling up inside of me. I refused to be hopeless. I had been there and I had hated the feeling. I needed some of the hard Rose to come back. This was not the time to go soft.
In order for all of this to work out I had to stay positive. I had to believe that no matter what everything would be ok. I would get Dimitri back. We would defeat Victor. And best of all we would get our happy ending. It would be no story tale that was for sure but it would be happiness. True and powerful happiness.
As I crossed the state line to New York I knew things were going to get worse before they got better. But I had to look beyond that. I had to find what Robert needed to save my Dimitri. And I was going to. With Lissa by my side now I felt stronger, safer. The small blonde radiated something I had never seen before. With a smile on my face I hit the accelerator and readied myself for what was to come. No matter what happened I would get my happy ending.
First off I want to say thank you to everyone who supports me. I know it takes me a while to update, but it is not easy. I had a guest reviewer (LUCY) ask me to update more, and tell me I was losing people and it was not fair. Don't get me wrong I get it. I hate reading a story I love and not getting updates, or them taking too long. It sucks. But I have life outside of FF. I have a baby, a husband, dogs, and a house to take care of. Some day I forget to shower. Some days I forget to eat. And if I forget those things sadly I forget to write. I have put my other story on hold, Fairy Tales arent real, in order to take some of the stress away. I hope to be able to focus solely on this story for now. It was too much to do both.
I apologize if updates are irregular. But I am only human. I have problems, a life, and many things going on. I want to thank everyone who had stuck by me though. People who understand. I won't ever give up on my stories though. I will finish this no matter what, it just may take some time. So thank you all for the support, the love, and the encouragement! I am going to try and update once a week. But again don't hold me completely to it. Sometimes I will fail.
SO what did you think? DO you like that Lissa is now helping Rose? Will they find what they need in New York? Will Spiradon and Robert come back?
Again thank you!
Luka update... He's now 8 months! and he loves the winnie the pooh character Tigger!
