Part I, Chapter VIII: Off the Rails
[In which Kylo Ren hears the call of the light, and Rey hears the roar of the darkness.]

~o0o~

Rey did not immediately open her eyes. She had felt him come, knew tonight's game had begun, but wanted one moment to collect herself. She still felt exhausted, and it was not because of today's activities. These force dreams were robbing her of rest she direly needed, especially after having taken the reins last night.

"I did warn you it would take a toll on you," Kylo Ren remarked.

Realising she could not ignore him forever, Rey forced her eyes open. This was the gloomy, spacious room he had conjured up before during their sparring - unsurprisingly, he was already towering over her. What was surprising that instead of his usual force wraith regalia of billowing robes, hood and his helmet, he was wearing just a simple black tunic and trousers and - bizarrely - no shoes, as if he was at home here. Rey was surprised to find that when he was not intentionally trying to intimidate his peers, Kylo Ren looked like a normal person. Relatable.

"If you are so concerned, you could let me sleep through a night for once," Rey remarked a little sourly, staying right on the ground and closing her eyes again. She would not allow his mere presence to set her on edge any longer. I'm training to be a Jedi. I can see through his tricks.

"I considered it, actually," Kylo Ren said casually. "But I thought you might be interested in what I found out about your family."

He smirked inwardly as Rey pulled herself up immediately at his words, looking at him expectantly. Snoke was right. Find leverage, and you could have people dance to your whims without a single threatening word.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Are you going to tell me?" Rey said impatiently.

"If you earn it." He suggested. His own lightsaber, and the saberstaff he had given her last time appeared in each their hands.

Rey considered it. As expected, he was trying to goad her into another sparring session. Why was he so obsessed with teaching her? Did he really think it would lead her away from Luke? Did he really think she would be swayed so easily?

I do want to know about my family.

That is never safe to dwell on, especially not for a Jedi. If it is meant to be, you will find out one day. Luke's words reverberated in her ears.

It had been silly to contact Kylo Ren about this in the first place, Rey decided, and dropped the staff unceremoniously. "Nevermind. Not interested after all."

The force blow hit her completely without warning.

"It's unfortunate that we have to keep coming back to this point," Kylo Ren said, annoyed at how easily she had turned him down. "But you will pick up your staff one way or the other."

"No," Rey repeated. The force punch hit her so hard this time that she stumbled to the ground. She got up again, wincing, but resolute, squaring her jaw.

"You may think that after all these nights of bullying, of scaring me, you can just order me around as you please. But I'm calling your bluff. For whatever reason, you or Snoke want something from me, and until you get it, you won't kill me." Rey squared her shoulders. "So, no, Kylo Ren, I'm not going to pick up the staff. And I'd appreciate it if you left me alone from now on."

As she said it, she expected him to throw one of his tantrums now, but none came. The only sound she heard as he watched her impassively was that of the red lightsaber igniting, humming angrily. Possibly, that was worse. Rey refused to let it intimidate her, though.

"I've been completely truthful with you up until this point and I am not going to start lying now," he stated. "You are correct. Supreme Leader Snoke has indeed forbidden me from killing you or otherwise inflicting long-term damage; he wants you alive. However-"

He swung his saber, and even though the blade did not get anywhere close to her, the accompanying force punch hit her light a freight train. Rey felt herself lifted several meters into the air and thrown onto the ground. A terrible weight bore down on her, it was as if gravity had increased exponentially.

"I am free to choose my teaching methods, and I assure you they will be unpleasant if you are not willing to defend yourself," Kylo Ren said as he circled her, the tip of his lightsaber always trained on her.

Rey wheezed under the enormous pressure, but fought down her panic with an iron will. You're training to be a Jedi. Act like one. There is no emotion, there is peace.

Kylo Ren's eyes lit up as she called the saberstaff to her. It snapped into her hand, and he felt her power surge as she slowly lifted his own power from off of her and crawled to her feet. It was all deliberate and controlled, though. That was no use to him.

"This would not be necessary if you had just done as I asked," Kylo Ren almost complained as he let the force pressure drop and instead struck out with his saber. "I was genuinely going to tell you something about the name you gave me. Why do you make this so hard on yourself?"

Rey gritted her teeth, wishing she could simply smack him as she blocked his blows. That man clearly had his head screwed on the wrong way - she wasn't the one making things hard on herself. He was the one bullying her, and Rey still couldn't figure out what he actually hoped to accomplish, if it wasn't for the map.

Evidently Kylo Ren had decided that warm-up time was over. His attacks were becoming more serious now. Rey answered them, highly concentrated, all the while listening within herself like Luke had said. There was an ocean of power there, just awaiting her command. She drew on some of that power, and used it to bolster the speed of her arms. Kylo Ren found himself forced to do likewise to execute a series of parries as she struck him.

"It's ridiculous how you still won't admit that I have already taught you more about the force than your supposed actual teacher," he remarked.

Rey would not rise to this comment, either. She knew better. Perhaps she was taking the actual techniques from Kylo Ren, but her basis - control, serenity, peace - that was all Luke. If he didn't see that, that was his problem.

It appeared Kylo Ren did see it, though, because he grew increasingly irritated. Once more, Rey was hit squarely by a force punch, was torn off her feet and skidded across the room to hit the opposite wall - but as she did so, she felt she had gotten a sense of how it worked. She could see it now. Next time, she would try to neutralise the attack as it came.

Rey got to her feet with measured movements, walked a few steps towards him and assumed a defensive position. She had her gaze fixed on his face, fearlessly, determined, daring him to come.

Kylo Ren was not sure what to make of this strange transformation that had come over her. Clearly something had happened in the course of this one day that had opened her eyes. She had fully awoken to the force now, had a sense of her own power - and she used it like a Jedi would, with calm, measured deliberateness.

I will destroy your peace. I haven't even started yet.

Rey waited calmly. Her opponent had not moved for a long few moments, he seemed to measure her up.

Surprised? I'm done being scared, she could not help but think at the way he searched her expression for an opening, and it seemed her words were transferred to him even without speaking them aloud.

"Let's see about that," he muttered and was before her so quickly it almost seemed as if he had warped there. His hand was on her saberstaff, and with just one arm he twisted it around. Rey, unwilling to let go, was flipped around and own on her back, and saw his own saber descend to impale her. She had no choice to let go of the staff and roll out of the way.

Using the force to flip herself up, she retreated, out of his range. Kylo Ren did not give her time to come up with a smart plan, though, but immediately followed. Rey ducked, dodged and jumped backwards helplessly. He clearly had pulled out all the stops, and she had no weapon anymore - instead of having the decency to throw it aside so she could summon it back to her, he was still holding on to it. Slowly but surely, he was backing her into a corner of the room.

Serenity. Control. As he propelled himself at her, she locked him in a force grip which hindered him just long enough for her to grab both his arms with her hands and grapple with him for her staff, just like they had done before on Starkiller Base. But she had seriously misjudged how much stronger he was now that he wasn't bleeding out from a gaping hole in his side.

Realizing her mistake she briefly turned to him, their faces suddenly just a hair's width apart, and as their eyes locked he kicked her legs out from under her and caused them both to crash to the ground. She had briefly gotten a hold on the staff, but now he had taken both her wrists in his hands and pressed down so hard she automatically let go of it again. As he buried her under him, both weapons skidded out of reach.

Rey closed his eyes, momentarily forgetting to breathe, and fought hard to stay calm. This was the closest he had ever been to her. She was averse to having her space invaded on the best of days, but whenever he did it, the sensation threatened to overwhelm her. From the very first time he had come close, she had felt it - his presence, his energy made her hair stand on end, there seemed to be a kind of static energy sizzling between them. It repelled them and drew them together at the same time.

Rey called on the force to help remove his weight off her. He did the same to keep her pinned down, and so they remained locked into their position, with Kylo Ren at the advantage due to his superior strength and body weight.

"And that's as far the light side can get you," he said. "Are you scared yet? You should be. Of your own weakness."

With satisfaction Kylo Ren did notice a gleam of fear in her eyes. Here was a primeval terror starting to blossom that he could draw on and disturb her newfound, irritating tranquility with.

At the same time, he could not deny this situation was having an effect on him, too. He covered her entire body and was acutely aware of every one of her curves under him. He wasn't blind, he had long ago taken notice of the fact that she was beautiful, it just had never figured in any equation he had made in regards to her. And then there was her power. He was so close he thought he could feel it hum around her, as if she herself was a kind of living lightsaber. There was undeniably something like friction, a charge of energy between them. How odd. Did that commonly happen between users of opposite aspects of the force?

Rey found she had trouble breathing, she had completely frozen up. Kylo Ren had paused; his face hovered just inches above hers, she acutely felt his warmth, his essence. Then, very gently, he lowered his forehead to hers. The contact sent a jolt of energy through Rey, and by the looks of it, also through him.

"How strange," he murmured. "You feel it too, don't you?" He shifted on top of her to increase their contact. Rey shuddered.

"Get off," she clipped. His weight, his presence, his dark force that engulfed her - she felt like her senses were going into overdrive. Too many emotions were bubbling under the surface of her newfound ocean of tranquility, and above all, terror slowly raised its head like a sea monster.

There is no emotion, there is peace. Rey held on tight to this thought as Kylo Ren caught her eyes in his, tried to hold on desperately to the serene, steady light within her, to the place without fear. Drawing on that place, she called on the force to repel him, but wavered under the onslaught of her senses, emotions, and most of all his overwhelming presence. And as he stared into her eyes, to the bottom of her soul, she felt he saw it all.

"How easily my uncle's teachings come undone," he said softly.

What are you doing? A part of him protested. Proving a point, another tried to rationalise, but it was almost as if that argument was taking place somewhere else. In reality, he was flying blindly, was simply being pulled forward by the spur of the moment, and it pulled him right towards her. She was a sun, and he was hurtling towards her like a doomed starship whose shields had broken down.

You have compassion for her. Snoke had accused him once. But the truth was far worse than that. I want her. Not only as my student. I want her whole.

Rey was watching the myriad of expressions flicker across his face - he was still pinning her down, but something visibly affected him. There was triumphant malice in his face, yes, but predominantly a fascination, a preoccupation - childlike wonder, admiration, affection in his eyes. Rey was mind-blown to perceive it. Peace, peace, peace, there is only peace. She closed her eyes and repeated it like a mantra, drawing on that ocean of power in her.

But it all came undone when she felt his lips on hers, his tongue slipping past, infinitely gently, slowly, searching. The sensation overwhelmed her; she felt his energy flow into her and hers into him. And deep down, like the faintest echo of a radio wave, she felt a flicker of light within him answer hers.

That's my first kiss, some part of her registered dimly, and then, Force, preserve me. She felt that last thought as clearly in her mind as clearly as she knew it wasn't her own.

"Ben?"

Immediately she knew it had been a mistake. Kylo Ren jerked violently, gripped her wrists even more tightly, and where their souls had touched earlier in mutual wonder, a wall seemed to go up. His presence and force influence on her did not let up, but it grew considerably darker.

"Ah. Now I know what the Supreme Leader meant." He closed his eyes, his lids fluttering with barely contained anger, and when he opened them again his eyes were hard and cold. "You will not succeed, though."

"What are you talking about?" Rey said weakly. Kylo Ren laughed darkly, almost madly.

"Act innocent all you want. But I know what's going on. My uncle probably hoped for something like this to happen - though he'd never admit it - some romantic notion of having you turn me back to the light side. He's thrown you to the wolves then. How cruel of him to sacrifice you for such a hopeless effort."

Kylo Ren leaned down to her ear and whispered with barely suppressed rage. "When you wake up, tell him he can bury that dream. I imagine he must be quite good at digging graves by now."

"You're insane," Rey said, her face white as death. The feeling of terror that had momentarily subsided was back, and worse than before. "Let me go."

"Make me, if you can," he said, and kissed her again, angry and forceful this time. Rey recoiled. There was no holding on to any enlightened peace now. He was flooding her with malicious intent, his hands roaming her body as he held her arms up in an overwhelming force grip, leaving her with no doubt about what he meant to do.

"No!" She screamed. She reached out to the force grip on her arms, looking for an opening to unravel it just as she knew she could, she had trained for exactly this- but she slipped, there was no time, he was ripping her clothes apart and touching her-

See how useless the light side is. See how weak you are. If you weren't so weak, you could stop me.

Help me, help me. Rey cried inwardly. Luke! Help me! She didn't know if he could even hear hear, and even if so, what he could possibly do to help. This isn't even really happening, she tried to rationalise. It's just in my mind, it's just some kind of dream, he is not really touching you. But what good was knowing that, when it all felt so real?

She felt his hands undo her belt, and terror welled up like a dark tide. Whatever idea she might have held about holding on to any peace and serenity was drowned out.

Rey screamed. She grasped at the darkness, embraced it, drowned herself in it and, instead of skillfully unravelling his force grip, broke out through sheer power. She hurled him off her in one fell punch, distinctly heard him crash into the wall on the far side of the room. She saw it all now, saw it through a storm of red. The force, his force, hers, how he tried to hold on to the scenery around them. She reached out and smashed it, shattering it into tiny fragments around them and leaving them in the strange void in which they had first met. Pure rage was rushing through her, rolling off her in waves. The beast was sniffing the air, and it smelled blood.

I will tear you limb from limb. I will shatter your mind until nothing is left.

Kylo Ren was still on the ground, disoriented from the blow and trying to cope with how she was wrecking his scenario around him. Blinding pain was searing through his head, his very mind. Yes, it had been his dream, but when Rey called on it, his own, fiery-red lightsaber materialised in her hand. She marched towards him filled to the brim with fury, dark energy crackling around her like a storm. How dare he, how dare he, he's going to diediedie-

Kylo Ren, paralyzed, tried to sever the connection, willed the dream to end. To his astonishment, he found he could not wake up. He slumped back. She had taken over completely, and now she was standing before him like an angel of death. Helpless laughter broke out of him.

"Now, don't you see?" He whispered. Dimly, through the red haze, Rey saw the expression on his face, a mixture of awe and satisfaction, all wrapped up in a chuckle. Blood was flowing freely from his nose. "That's the power I'm talking about. Just look at yourself."

Once more, time appeared to stand still as Rey towered over Kylo Ren, saber raised. He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

Look at yourself.

The darkness fell away from Rey, the lightsaber disintegrated. Kylo Ren opened his eyes as, with a sigh, Rey folded up and limply fell into his arms. He pulled her up into his lap, with her slumped against his chest, and there they sat for a long moment, both exhausted beyond enmity.

That was wrong. I had no right. I apologize. The thought rose up in his mind, genuine and unchecked by any other control instances. As if she had heard it - perhaps she had - Rey stirred and opened her eyes. The red haze was gone, and that tranquility, that thrice-damned expression of peace was back. Now it was her staring into his soul, searching, searing.

Kylo Ren, finding it impossible to hold her gaze, turned away, but Rey touched his face and gently turned it back towards her.

See him for what he is.

"I forgive you."

Then everything went dark.

~o0o~

Kylo Ren's eyes snapped open, gasping for air. The nausea was overwhelming, and he stumbled to the bathroom, reaching the toilet just in time to rid himself of the bile in his stomach. The world spun worse than ever before.

What had just happened? What had he done? Had he lost his mind? And the girl, she-

I forgive you.

Another bout of nausea overcame him, and Kylo Ren heaved over the toilet bowl. The pain in his head was unbearable.

He had been laid bare before her. She had seen him, had seen his weakness, the link to the light which he was so desperately trying to stamp out. And she had reached out to it, had seared a trail of light across his soul just as she had marked his face with a scar. Now that light in him yearned for her, called for her. And in his horror, he had tried to stomp down on it in the most brutal way imaginable. That was a low he'd never wanted to descend to. The feeling of shame burned on his soul, along the trail of light she had marked him with.

Guidance. I need guidance.

Wiping his face down with a cloth next to his sink, Kylo Ren half rushed, half fell outside into the dimly lit corridor, making his way to where he kept the molten helmet of Darth Vader.

Grandfather. Help me, he thought feverishly. You passed on this weakness to me, help me overcome it. It's still calling me. She's calling me.

He had arrived at the stand that held the helmet, and clutched it like a lifesaver. And then it came again, that rare whisper of Darth Vader, and all his attention was focussed on the helmet.

Do not ask for help, grandson. You already have all the power in your hands. Believe just in my vision and carry on my legacy. Let your mentor guide you on your path to greatness.

He felt it rush through him, a darkness, cruel but comforting, strengthening him. Kylo Ren sagged onto his knees almost gratefully, falling forward.

The last thing he saw before the darkness took him was the shade of a young man in the room, ghostly flickering, calling out to him urgently. But Kylo Ren could not hear him through the increasing noise that filled his head.

Who are you?

~o0o~

[to be continued]