Elsa couldn't look away from the brightness of the North Star. It hung in the sky, taunting her with it's steady glimmer. She pulled her coat closer at the chill. If only...
"I wish," she whispered, pleading up to the beacon in prayer.
"I've wished more times than I can count," Gerda spoke from the stop of the stairs. The older woman was walking down, her steps careful on the light covering of snow and ice that blanketed the alcove just outside the servant's wing. "If wishes were horses..."
Elsa's exposed fingers could feel the numbing touch in the tips. Gerda approached and offered her an open tin of snuff. It surprised the former queen. While not outlawed, it was not a substance encouraged in Arendelle and certainly not something the Gerda she had known would use. For a moment, Elsa thought she caught a hint of apricots before she shook her head in answer.
Gerda didn't seem bothered one way or the other at the refusal and only took a pinch for herself, whiffing the tobacco with the skill of one who has done it many times before. She pocketed the tin beneath an overcoat she had thrown on when she had asked Elsa to meet her outside, away from the others.
"It's from Germany, you know," Gerda explained. "He supplies it for me as a...reward. For my loyal services." There was a sad bitterness in her words.
She took a seat next to Elsa at the bottom step and the pair sat there, side by side. Once, Elsa might have recounted the times this woman had offered her warm words and a gentleness through her childhood. But now, there was little more than distant camaraderie in a time when everything seemed bleak.
"Dinner was wonderful," Elsa offered. "Thank you."
Gerda nodded, "It was all of the girls. We all have to stick together here. He gives us that little bit at least and we all cling to it with all that we have left."
What happened? She wanted to ask. The old servant wouldn't even look at her though. Had she been wrong in thinking she would get an answer this night?
There was a sigh and without any pleasantries, Gerda began to tell the tale.
"There are always old stories of the ancient days. Some tell of children cursed with powers of the elements. At first, the late King Adgar and Queen Idun kept their daughter's plight secret from us all. There were always questions though, about why her hair was as white as snow. Just like yours," Gerda allowed a glance over at the woman by her side.
Elsa's fingers found their way up to her hair as though the action might make a difference in the result. There was no changing of the appearance, however and she settled with a response to the unasked question, "I don't have any powers."
The older woman considered over the answer in a pause that lingered just a little too long to be comfortable. "I suppose not Or else you wouldn't be down here with us."
Gerda looked away again and let her small, dark eyes lift to the exposed stars in the open sky above. "She was a very rambunctious, headstrong child. Always dramatic but with the biggest smiles you ever did see." A fleeting smile found its way to her lips. "It was at a mid-summer ball when Princess Anna first displayed her abilities in public. She must have been hardly even six at the time, hair all up in pigtails. The ceiling started to fall with fresh snow all through the great hall. The good King and Queen tried to conceal it but then she started tossing snowballs at the guests right out of her bare hands. She was only a little girl. There was no hiding it then."
Elsa could only imagine. A smile of her own tugged at the corner of her lips despite herself. It was so very Anna.
"There were so many guests and word spread quickly. Doctors were fascinated and wanted opportunities to study her. The church wanted to exorcize the demons. Others merely wanted to come to satisfy their curious nature."
There was an ache that was forming as the story went along, yet Elsa couldn't help but feel fascinated at the idea of it. At the prospect of seeing how her little sister handled the responsibilities that came with such a curse. Longing. The possibility, however limited, that there was a kinship in this knowledge. Pity. At what she could only imagine the girl had to experience at such a young age. It was only part of what she had feared for herself.
"She thrived with the attention," Gerda continued. "Taking each with a grain of salt in the years that followed even as her parents tried to shield her from the politics of it all. And then He came."
The woman's dark gaze shifted towards the closed doorway back inside the building and then it traveled slowly around the outskirts of the small alcove. It offered a view of several halls and the rising towers that framed them. Lights were on here and there, but it was quiet and still in the evening hours. She had exposed the small tin once more and began to twirl it between her fingers. There was no need to take another whiff. From her lack of interest in it, Elsa assumed it was more for an occupation of her hands than anything. She was...terrified.
Gerda continued to explain the events that followed, "There was nothing extraordinary about him. He was a Duke of...some fancy place I'd never heard of before. He said it was far to the East and would talk about great beauties and wealth from his lands. The King and Queen entertained him and the prospects from what he was making in promises. They had never kept me or...Kai, in the dark about such matters." It was the first time she had said his name and there was a catch in her throat. "I know we were only the hands, but we were always family to them. Until he came. Then the secrets started. There was a look about their eyes and they would keep inside the gates longer and longer until one day they just stopped going among the people all together."
It had begun to snow again and the white flecks caught on the dark cap that concealed the woman's hair.
"The Princess was at that time just entering her sixteenth year of age. It was clear that the Duke had his eyes set on her. He was old enough to be her father. Her parents announced her engagement without her consent. There were many days of winter following that announcement, and yet she remained within the locked gates of the castle."
Sixteen? And at nearly nineteen Elsa had been put off by the idea of a sudden marriage. But that meant...Elsa put the numbers together, and none of it added up. This was further in the future than she had left it at. Not that it would have made much of a difference in the large scheme of things. Would it? She prayed not, if it would have an affect on returning...
Elsa pulled her coat tighter as the chill stung just a little deeper.
"Two weeks later, they were married," Gerda continued, drawing Elsa back to the story. "The next day, the good King and Queen both took mysteriously ill. The Princess, her hair had taken on some color, pale as it might be, and her new husband put on a prominent display of the powers that he had taken on for himself. I don't know how he did it. Witchcraft, or some other trickery of the worst kind. The good King and Queen were both laid to rest by the end of that week. So, began the reign of the Ice King."
Gerda seemed to have stopped in her tale and they both fell into silence for the moment. It ended quicker than Elsa had expected. But what did she expect? Morbid details into the expansion of his frozen kingdom? She had asked on Anna and the King's powers. By the expression that had overtaken the kind servant, she knew even this much was hard on the woman. She shouldn't expect anything more.
So why did her words start forward without her permission? "No one stood up against him?"
"What could they have done? What would you have done?"
"I would have fought," Elsa stated sincerely. She would have fought for her parents. She would have fought for her sister. She would have fought for all the people he had pushed into suffering. Into fear.
"The ones who did never lasted long. They were the first to begin disappearing." Gerda got up from her seat and brushed off the snow that had clung to her overcoat. Elsa noted it was much thinner than she had first thought. "Those of us who remain? We stay, because we have nothing left."
The older woman started her way back up the stairs. There was a pulled arch in her posture from an ache perhaps. It was so unlike the cheerful, twirling nature of the woman who walked freely down her halls on feet as light as a child's.
The door closed with a creaking shuffle. It hadn't closed entirely and was most likely still letting in a frigid breeze through the cracks.
Elsa looked away, pulling her legs up until her knees reached her chin. Just her heel remained at the edge of the step and even that felt insecure. Her arms hugged her legs more for support than protection from the cold. It also felt good to hug something. Anything.
Who am I now?
For all her courageous words, who was she and what could she do?
Elsa looked back up at the star. The clouds had gathered in a mass of gray that threatened to dull even the brightest lights. And yet there it was. The North Star. Shining in all its brilliant glory. A warmth began to collect in her chest. It wasn't much but it was there. A steady flame in the coldest nights.
She was Elsa. Queen of Arendelle. She had been born with those powers, curse or other, for a reason. It was dangerous. She was dangerous. But she was stronger than all of this. She would get them back and she would go home. Her real home.
Elsa closed her eyes and breathed in the bitterly cold air. It was hard and it stung at her nose and down her throat, but she welcomed it.
Her eyes opened and Elsa stretched her legs out until her shoes curled under the nearest patch of snow. It was distant but there was the slightest touch of something familiar that tugged at her. It was so far away...but it was still there. Hidden deep beneath the layers of skin and bone and blood...it was there.
She stood, lifting her chin proudly and straightening her back.
"I will find the way back," she vowed. Then Elsa turned and made her way up the steps until she too disappeared beyond the door into the warmth of the wing.
The next morning started before the sun rose.
They had been hard at work crafting fresh platters of strudels, kolache, shnecken, and other pastries. The smells filled the air and made the women's stomachs grumble enough that most would grab one or two for themselves even as they worked. It was a small luxury that none felt guilt over.
The others had been pleasantly surprised to find that Elsa could pour a proper cup of tea with the grace of royalty and so she had been assigned the task of helping Gerda at the dining table for the King and his guests when they were to arrive. In the meantime, she had busied herself with the cutting of fruit and some other general organization of platters as they came ready.
One thing she was quickly learning was that the King did enjoy putting on a show. It was excessive and inappropriate given the situation just outside his gates. It would only be a matter of time before she could find the time to steal away and get to the library. That had to be her foremost task.
Elsa narrowly diverted spilling the sugar cup on herself as Dagny practically bumped into her. The girl had just rounded the corner into the kitchen and her eyes were wide as saucers as she met Elsa's. It was only then that Elsa realized the blond girl hadn't been in the kitchen with them all morning. But, if she was not...
Dagny looked away and tried to start making her way through the kitchens as quickly as she could, her feet gliding across the ground as if not to make a noise.
It was in vain, however, and Nedra was the first to speak up, "Where have you been, girl?"
The blond girl stopped in her tracks and blushed a shade of red that seemed to answer the question well enough to the others. The rest went about their business, ignoring any further questions and instead focusing on the work ahead of them all.
Only Nedra was left and even her voice softened, "Go...wash up and get back in here. We could use the extra hands."
She didn't need to be asked again and Dagny's eyes turned back to the ground as she quickly finished crossing the kitchens to make her way to the rooms.
Elsa's attention was pulled away as the first platters seemed ready to make an appearance. Gerda shuffled her along until the first tray of condiments, tea water, and coffee was in her hands and her feet were bringing her out of the kitchens to the awaiting guests. Gerda followed close behind with a basket of hot rolls and pastries that would placate them for a while at least.
It was surprising how few she recognized. All the more reminder about how far behind in experience she had with the surrounding countries despite her years of training. Still, she picked up on a few of the accents and even some of the conversations. There were some from Germany. Another from Finland from the symbol embroidered on his sleeve. One from Weselton, much to her disgust. It was in her nature to notice they were primarily men.
The King's gaze fell on her with a lingering appraisal but he said nothing, instead turning back to his conversations and holding his cup out for a morning's coffee.
She had moved onto a tea that she was pouring for a stout bearded dignitary when the doors to the dining hall opened and one of the armored guards strode in, heading confidently for the front of the table. He came to a halt and his armor clinked as his legs came together, arm sweeping under his torso as he dropped into a well-practiced bow, "Your Highness, the Duke of Liemiera has arrived."
"Two days late!" the King managed after nearly choking on a roll.
"A day and a half at the most!" was the correction as a bearded, darkly-clad man strode confidently into the dining hall. Despite her curiosity, Elsa turned away again after allowing herself a glance. She tried to keep her ears open, going to the next seat and dropping in two sugars at the man's request.
"Is this what you call hospitality? I was nearly accosted at the gates!"
The King laughed richly and stood from his seat with an outstretched arm, "Excuse my men. They are around so few nobility these days. Have a seat. The food is piping hot, only the best you remember, of course. You can entertain us with your tardy excuse, which I can only imagine is one of the most extraordinary detail. Who is this?"
There was another figure, standing tall at the heel of the first. Elsa glanced up just in time for the answer and she nearly fumbled the pot in her hand, narrowly escaping the hot liquid from falling into an accompanying Duchess' lap.
"Ah," the Duke seemed to remember himself and he spun on his heel with and introductory wave of his arm. "Might I introduce a very good friend of mine and my very reasoning for such a late appearance: Prince Hendrik Westergard of the Southern Isles."
Elsa didn't know how long she stood there but it was certain it was much longer than was ever appropriate for a servant to stare at a visiting royal. Her blue eyes widened with the flood of emotions that only gripped tighter at her every being when the man's hazel eyes met with her own. She had never been so confused, nor glad, nor terrified in all of her life. She didn't know how or why, but Hans had returned.
A.N. - Who? What? How? Answers coming soon. Until then, I'd love to hear your thoughts so please review!
