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A/N: This is the last chapter. Thank you to those who reviewed, commented and/or made this a favorite.

To Retire or Not to Retire

Chapter Eight

The next morning Dr. Taft arrived at eight o'clock with Jethro's discharge instructions. He made Jethro promise he would take it easy for at least a month. Then Jethro convinced him and Holly that he could manage crutches from the car to the couch and didn't need a wheelchair at home. Holly said okay because she already had a wheelchair in the trunk of the car.

When they finally pulled into the driveway Jethro almost cried he was so glad to be home. He just sat in the car and looked at their house. It still pleased and thrilled him to refer to it as 'their' house instead of 'his' house. He did manage with crutches, to get inside and to the couch. The sweet feeling of being home was overwhelming. Holly helped him get comfortable then brought him the mail that had accumulated while he was gone. She had gone through it already but there were some things in there just for him. She brought down some linens and Jethro's pillow so he could sleep comfortably on the couch. She was very glad they had brought that part of the sectional from the condo because it was wide and long and he could sleep there very comfortably. They had done it plenty of times in the past.

On Saturday Abby came for a visit and reminded Jethro how to Skype so they could stay in touch while he was in Florida. She was sad to find out Jethro was retiring but she had been expecting it for a while. She was just so glad he was alright and that he was happy that she could get used to the retirement idea. Abby told him they would have a proper farewell when he was officially retired and nothing Jethro said could dissuade her. When she left it hit Jethro that he wouldn't be seeing her again for months. That was something he hadn't experienced in almost fifteen years and it was going to be hard to get used to.

Holly noticed he was very quiet after Abby left. In the back of her mind she was a little worried about the emotional effects of the shooting, recovery and retirement all happening at the same time. She reminded herself to pay as much attention to Jethro's emotional state as his physical condition for the next few months.

By Monday Holly had everything organized in terms of the house for them to be gone. Ducky would be checking on the house regularly and Mrs. Richards next door would also keep an eye on things. The mail was being forwarded and she had set up the bank account so she could pay the bills online so that was all taken care of.

Jethro was moving around on the crutches more than Holly thought he should but she decided to pick her battles and that wasn't one she wanted to fight. He couldn't stay on the couch forever he said and he was right. Monday morning he made it to the backyard and sat on the deck for almost an hour. Being outside felt wonderful and did him a lot of good. He was about to come in when Tony appeared at the back door.

"Hey Bossman whatcha doin' out there."

Jethro turned around and smiled at his senior agent. He was very glad to see Tony after all this time.

"Just enjoying the day. Come join me."

Tony stepped out with two cups of coffee Holly had given him when he showed up in the kitchen.

"I'm glad to see you lookin' so good Boss. Much better than the last time I saw you."

"Thanks. You alright DiNozzo?"

"Yeah, I'm good. We got him, Boss. I should say Joanna got him. He pulled a gun on her and she shot him right in the heart. Or where one would be if he'd had one."

Jethro was relieved. He had known Budd's time was limited with Tony and Joanna Teague on his trail. He was glad Ned's mom had been able to avenge her son.

"Good job Tony. I knew you two would find him."

They were quiet for a while and then Tony said, "Vance says you're retiring for sure."

"Yeah. I was ninety-five percent already and this sealed the deal. It's time. You're more than ready to be the team leader. You'll do fine."

"Abby know?"

"Yeah, she came by on Saturday."

"I don't know what to say. You're more of a father to me than Senior ever was. I owe you everything I am as an agent."

"Tony, you were the best I ever trained. Most of what makes you a good agent you had inside you before we ever met. I was lucky to get you when I did and I've never been disappointed in you as an agent. Or a person. I'm very proud of you, Tony. Just keep up the good work and you'll be fine."

Tony grinned at him. "The best huh? Better than Jenny?"

Jethro laughed. "Let's not go there."

Holly announced lunch was ready and Tony helped Jethro back into the house. They talked and laughed over lunch and then Holly left to run some errands and Tony and Jethro talked all afternoon. Tony gave him a detailed account of the hunt for Daniel Budd and Jethro filled Tony in on what was done about Luke. Tony admitted he'd wanted to kill the kid himself after Jethro was shot but he was glad it had worked out as it did. Tony asked if he could call for advice for a while and Jethro said he could but he didn't think Tony would need much help. He told him to lean on Ducky and Tim and Abby and he'd be fine.

As Tony prepared to leave he turned serious. "It's gonna be pretty strange not to have you around, Boss. When I saw you lying in the street back there I was convinced it was all over and I didn't have a clue what I was going to do without you. Now you're here but I still don't know what I'm going to do."

"Tony, just go to work and work the cases you get. You will be so busy you won't miss me after a while and that's the way it should be. I felt the same way when Mike retired. I hadn't worked for anyone else and I didn't want to. But, you just show up and do the work and pretty soon that's what's normal. You'll be fine. Just be yourself, Tony. For god's sake don't try to be me. You're better than that. And don't take as long as I did to find the right woman. You can do the job and have a life at the same time. My only regret is that I didn't show you that sooner."

"I'll remember that. I'll remember it all. I love you Gibbs and I'm very, very glad you're okay."

"I love you too, Tony. We'll talk. Remember, just keep doing the work."

Tony left and Holly came home a few minutes later to find Jethro sound asleep on the couch.

On Tuesday morning Ducky arrived to take them to Andrews Air Force Base where a jet was waiting to take them to MacDill AFB in Tampa. The ride was mostly quiet with Ducky concentrating on the traffic and Jethro thinking about the fact he was never going to work another case for NCIS. The agency had saved him during a dark and scary time in his life and he was only now beginning to grasp the fact that he wasn't going back to it after he recovered. It was a sobering thought and Jethro wasn't prepared for the emotions he was experiencing.

Holly was pretty sure Jethro was having second thoughts about retiring. He had been very quiet after his visit with Tony and that had continued right up until now. Knowing this wasn't the right time to bring it up she kept her thoughts to herself. They would have plenty of time over the next few weeks to sort out what Jethro was feeling and what he wanted to do about those feelings.

Ducky also suspected his friend was having second thoughts. He was quite sure however those would dissipate as Jethro's recovery progressed and he could see past his current situation. Ducky had been supportive of Jethro retiring from the beginning and he certainly hadn't changed his opinion. He planned to have a few words with his best friend before Jethro and Holly flew off to the sunny Florida. They arrived at the Air Force Base in plenty of time and while Holly and an Airman loaded their bags Ducky helped Jethro out of the car.

"I wonder if I might have a quick word, Jethro."

"Sure, Duck, what's on your mind?"

"You actually. I have the feeling you are questioning your decision to retire. Am I right?"

"Oh hell Duck I don't know. My mind is a mess right now. I admit I'm having a hard time accepting that I'm done. I thought I was ready but now I'm not so sure."

"I'm not surprised. NCIS has been your life for such a long time it will hard to step away. But remember why you wanted to do so in the first place. You wanted to spend your time with Holly. Enjoying life and not worrying about exactly what you are now recovering from. You have been through hell in the past couple of weeks, Jethro. Give yourself time. Your emotions will be all over the place for a few more weeks as you regain your equilibrium. Be patient and above all, talk about what you're going through. Holly strikes me as a very strong person and she undoubtedly will be a huge support for you. Let her help you deal with what's going on in your head."

"I will Duck. Listen, I'm going to be calling you. I'm going to need your counsel going forward."

"We will talk regularly I'm sure. Between you and I, Jethro, I'm not far behind you when it comes to retiring. In fact this is my last year. Now, I see your lady is waiting. Take care my friend. I'll see you soon. I may need to escape our cold weather and pay you two a visit before long."

"I'm counting on it. Thanks for everything Duck. That doesn't begin to cover what I want to say but we'll save that for later."

"Yes, over a drink some day. Oh, I almost forgot; your letter to Holly."

Ducky pulled the envelope from his pocket and handed it to Jethro.

"I thought for a day or so I might have to give it to her. Thank God I didn't."

"Amen to that. You could have just thrown it away."

"I thought you might want to give it to her someday. Perhaps some day when she's particularly put out with you for some reason you don't understand."

Jethro laughed and the two men embraced. Ducky couldn't help the tears that formed in his eyes as he watched Jethro make his way slowly up the stairs into the plane. He knew that something very special that he had been part of for many years was over. It saddened him but also brought him joy because he had every confidence that his friend was going to have many wonderful years with a woman he loved very much.

The trip to MacDill was quick and uneventful. Jethro studied Holly as she sat reading in the seat across from him. She looked tired and he knew he was the cause of most of that. He also knew better than to say so. He hoped when they got settled she would be able to catch up on her rest and eventually go back to work. She enjoyed working and he didn't want her to feel like she had to be home with him all the time.

"What are you thinking about over there?"

Jethro lied a little and said, "How much I'm looking forward to sleeping in the same bed with you."

"Ah, yes that is a happy thought. Won't be long. I have missed that very much. What else are you looking forward to?"

"You mean besides the obvious?"

Holly smiled at him. "Yes besides that."

"The smell of the gulf. Watching the water. Sitting on the porch with you in the evening. Touching you all over. Waking up with you."

"Happily we are on the same page; as usual. I hope you're okay with us being in Florida for a few months. I realize I more or less planned this without asking you."

"It's what we were planning; just starting a little earlier. I'm fine with it, Holly. I want you to go back to work pretty soon."

"I will. Maybe a few days a week to start. Or half days. I know you won't want me hovering."

Jethro got a serious look on his face. "There are some things I need to sort out in my head. May take a while and I may not be very nice to be around sometimes. I apologize for that in advance. It will be good for you to have an escape."

"I understand and I forgive you in advance. I don't expect the next few months will be all peaches and cream, Jethro. You have a big adjustment to make and this ending of your career didn't exactly happen the way you planned it. You and I can work out anything that comes our way. You believe that don't you?"

"Yes, I do. There's just so much unknown ahead of us it worries me a little bit."

"Think of it as an adventure. An adventure you're going on with someone who loves you and trusts you and wants more than anything for you to be happy."

"Well when you put it that way I don't see anything to worry about."

Late that night Jethro was sitting on the porch listening to the surf and almost asleep in a very comfortable lounge chair. Holly came out and pulled a chair around to sit next to him. She had taken a shower and was wearing only some tiny shorts and a tank top. Jethro woke up when her delicious scent reached his nose.

"Umm you smell good."

"Thank you. Are you about ready to come in?"

"Yeah. Can you give me a hand?"

"Sure."

Getting up and down was very challenging still so Holly had to help him stand up. Once he was steady they made their way inside and to the bedroom. Jethro went to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. When he came back Holly was waiting with a pain pill and a glass of water.

"I want you to take this tonight. You've been moving around a lot today and you need to sleep better than you have been."

"I will with you beside me. But, you're right I do need the pill tonight."

As they settled in bed, sleeping together for the first time in much too long, neither one of them could keep their hands to themselves. Luckily, Holly slept on Jethro's right side so she wasn't against his injured leg. She rolled on her side and very carefully ran her hand over his chest. Jethro sighed and she could feel him relaxing. She continued to touch him, softly caressing his chest and face, kissing him and whispering her love to him. Jethro ran his hands up her back and pulled her tank top off. Then he returned the favor by cupping her breasts and kissing each one over and over. Holly's hand drifted down and rubbed him through his boxers. It seemed Dr. Taft's concern about Jethro's ability to get an erection might be warranted based on his reaction, or lack thereof, to her touch. Holly never missed a beat. She kept stroking him and kissing him and then she took his hand and moved it between her legs. Jethro took the hint and began stroking her while she continued to do the same for him.

Jethro pushed her shorts down and leaned over her, pushing her onto her back. He kissed her hard on the mouth, taking her breath away as he slid two fingers inside her. He swallowed her moans of pleasure as he continued to drive her to the edge.

"Oh god, Jethro. More please, don't stop."

Jethro pumped faster and curled his fingers inside her as his mouth dropped to her breast and he pulled a nipple into his mouth.

"Come for me baby. Just let go."

And she did just moments later. Jethro continued to gently stroke her as she came back to earth and her breathing slowed.

"You haven't lost your touch, babe."

Jethro rolled onto his back and Holly leaned over him and kissed him.

"That was beautiful. Thank you."

"You're very welcome. Hopefully there is more to come pretty soon."

"There will be. I have no doubt. You're not worried about that are you because it's perfectly normal considering what your body went through."

"I know. It's just never happened before. What if…?"

"Don't. You're exhausted Jethro. Your body has been through hell and this is the first time we've been together in months. You'll be fine in no time."

"Okay, I won't worry about it yet."

Holly snuggled into this side and they were both asleep in minutes.

The next few weeks went by without incident. Jethro had physical therapy twice a week for his leg and that was progressing nicely. He expected to be fnished with that after a month. He was taking very little in the way of pain medication and was able to eat most anything he wanted. Best of all, after two weeks he was able to make love to Holly just as he had before. Needless to say that was a welcome development for both of them. Jethro went for short walks on the beach by the third week using just one crutch for support. He found a rec center and gym just down the street and by the fourth week they were there he was swimming every morning and doing some light weight work. He promised Holly he wasn't overdoing it. His six week checkup was looming and Jethro was anxious to see if he would be released from medical leave and therefore, technically back on active duty. If so, he would have to request annual leave or submit his retirement papers to make his decision final. That was just about all Jethro thought about as he churned through his laps in the pool every morning.

About a week before the big checkup Holly began to sense a change in Jethro. He seemed a little withdrawn and even bad tempered on occasion. Of course she asked if anything was wrong and Jethro always said no. She didn't want to push him; experience in their early days told her that was never a good idea, but she was becoming concerned that he was keeping something from her. She carefully watched him for any signs he was having physical difficulties but he seemed fine in that area. In fact, with all walking on the beach, the swimming and working out he looked better than he had before he was shot. His appetite was good and their sex life was back to being very good. Still, she knew something was off. She just didn't know what or how far off "it" really was.

Holly wasn't the only one to notice Jethro was having a hard time. He knew it himself. He could feel himself shutting down whenever Holly tried to get him to talk about their future. He knew he was being a jerk at least once a day. Talking to Ducky seemed to help for a day or two but then he'd start to question his decision again and it would start all over. Jethro was beginning to think he was losing his mind. One day he wanted to retire and spend his days with Holly doing all the things they'd talked about and the next day he missed NCIS so much he knew he wanted to go back. But he couldn't go back could he? He'd told Leon he was retiring. He'd made sure Tony got the team. He didn't want to be away from Holly for weeks at a time. So what the hell was wrong with him? The frustration of not being able to put all this out of his head was driving him crazy. As often happened frustration was turning to anger and unfortunately, he was taking it out on Holly.

The day of the checkup finally arrived and because it was a Monday, Holly was at home. She had expected to go with Jethro but he was being such a bastard that morning she wasn't sure it was a good idea.

"Do you want me to come with you? I was thinking we could go out for late lunch when you're through."

"I can go by myself."

"I realize that. I just thought….oh never mind. Go by yourself."

Jethro wasn't the only one frustrated and Holly's response showed just how upset she was with him. She had been very patient for weeks while Jethro worked through pain and difficult days and now that he was feeling good she was getting tired of his bad attitude. Holly had never really seen Jethro's legendary "the-second-B-is-for-bastard" side but she'd heard stories and now she was beginning to understand what they were all about. After that brief exchange Holly walked out of the house and down to the beach. She sat down in the sand and stared out at the endless water. She thought she knew and understood Jethro so well but she really didn't know what was going on with him these days. As far as she knew he had come to grips with the idea of retiring and was past that crisis. The idea that he was now unhappy with that decision; a decision she had been a big part of, made her afraid for their future. If Jethro resented her for her part in his decision and he was unhappy with the decision then their future suddenly looked precarious.

Holly had every intention of going back to the house in time to go with Jethro in case he changed his mind but she didn't. The idea that they might be falling apart because now Jethro didn't want to be retired terrified her. The more she thought about it the more convinced she was that was the problem. Holly prided herself on her toughness and her ability to weather any difficulty but the idea of losing Jethro was too much for her to accept. She just didn't have the courage to confront him yet. Instead of going back to the house she walked down the beach until she knew he would be gone. Then she went home and waited.

As soon as Jethro heard Holly leave the house and saw her head to the beach he regretted what he'd said. In fact, he wanted her to go with him but for some stupid reason he'd snapped at her and obviously hurt her feelings. He waited as long as he could before leaving but when he didn't see her sitting on the sand anymore he knew she wasn't coming back so he left. He cussed himself all the way to the hospital and when he parked he pulled out his phone and called Holly. She didn't answer so he left a message.

"Holly, I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on with me. Please don't give up on me. I'll figure it out. I love you."

Holly listened to the message as soon as it appeared on her phone. The idea that Jethro thought she might give up on him or them, surprised her. Had she given him some reason to think she would do that? Holly understood there was still a lot she didn't know about Jethro and how he thought but she had been sure he understood how much she loved him and how committed she was them. She needed some guidance and she knew that she needed to talk to Ducky.

The phone rang in autopsy and Ducky answered, "Dr. Mallard here."

"Hi Ducky, it's Holly."

"Well, my dear what a pleasant surprise. How is Jethro? Alright I hope."

"Yes, he's alright. Or mostly I guess I'd say. He's actually at the hospital for his checkup right now. Ducky, I need your help. Do you have time to talk to me?"

Ducky heard the concern in her voice and wondered what had happened. "Yes, of course. What's happened?"

Holly wasn't sure where to start so she started at the beginning. She told Ducky about how well Jethro had done and how hard he'd worked to get back in shape. Of course, Ducky knew most of that having been in touch with Jethro several times a week since he'd been in Florida. When Holly got to recent weeks however and described Jethro's sullen and withdrawn attitude Ducky realized his friend had not been completely honest with him. Finally Holly voiced her fear that Jethro resented her because she had played a part in his decision to retire. Then she told him what Jethro had said about her giving up on him.

"Ducky, I have no intention whatsoever of giving up on Jethro. For heaven's sake that never entered my mind. My fear is he won't want to be with me if he resents me. Has he said anything to you about not wanting to retire?"

"No, he has not. First let me say I am disappointed that Jethro has reverted to his old manner of dealing with his emotions. I'm afraid you are now seeing what has so often been his method of dealing with or more accurately not dealing with his feelings. Holly, I do not believe Jethro resents you at all. He made the decision to retire entirely without pressure from you. He knew at the time it was the right decision and he felt good about it. The fact that he has changed his mind or is questioning himself is entirely on him. That issue will, I believe, sort itself out given enough time. Remember, my dear, he is only two months or so past being on the verge of a sudden and violent death. I doubt he has dealt with that entirely just yet.

The more likely souce of his bad behavior is fear. Fear of losing you first and fear of not knowing who he is second. The bulk of Jethro's adult life is tied up in being Special Agent Gibbs. He has known nothing else except being a Marine since he was eighteen years old. Unlike most of us, his job was his life. He immersed himself in it to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. Now, he will have to find out who he is besides being Agent Gibbs. Only time will give him those answers. The fear of losing you is simply based on his life experience. You know Jethro very well. Who in his life whom he has loved has not left him in one way or another?"

Holly gasped at the realization of what Ducky had asked her. "No one. They all left him. That's what he expects isn't it?"

This was not an entirely new revelation for Holly but she had not thought about it in a long time.

"Yes, my dear I'm afraid it is. It's not a reflection on you; it is simply what he has always experienced. It goes like this, he withdraws into himself, usually in the past, over a bad case, he won't talk about his feelings, he drinks too much and spends all his time in the basement and eventually whomever has been telling him they love him can't take it anymore and they leave. Or, in case of our late Director, a career choice and then a tragic death ends their relationship. I'm not judging these women; Jethro is difficult. Being his friend or lover or wife is challenging to say the least. But, as you well know, it has it's good side too."

"Yes, it most certainly does. How do I convince Jethro I'm not giving up on him or us? That I'm going to stay."

"Start by telling him understand why he doesn't expect you to. Confront him on his behaviors and then tell him you refuse to be the one to leave. If he wants out it will be his choice this time. I guarantee you he will not make that choice. He loves you too much. He wants desperately to spend his life with you. He just doesn't trust the fates will allow it."

"Well, if he thinks he can drive me away by being a bastard he's got another thought coming. Thank you Ducky. I knew I could count on you to help me understand our friend. Come see us soon. In fact why don't you come down for Thanksgiving?"

"That sounds like a very good idea. I'll make the arrangements. Thank you for the invitation and for loving Jethro. It means the world to me that you are willing to fight for him. Good luck, my dear."

"Thanks Ducky. See you soon."

When Jethro was called into the doctor's office he was pleasantly surpised to see Dr. Taft there as well as who he assumed was Dr. Franklin.

"Hello Jethro."

"Hey Doc. Didn't expect to see you. Anything wrong?"

"No, I had some time off and decided to visit an old colleague who's retired here. Then I thought I might as well drop in and see how you're doing. This is Dr. Franklin by the way. He graciously agreed to let me sit in today."

"Hello, Agent Gibbs. Good to meet you. I must say you look in good shape."

"Doctor. I feel good. Been swimming every day and doing some light weight work. Walking on the beach every day."

"Any pain anywhere?"

"No. Well sometimes if I'm tired I hurt but nothing I can't live with."

"How about the leg? Any stiffness or pain?"

"No. The leg is good."

"Okay, take off your shirt and let me have a listen."

Jethro pulled off his shirt and sat on the end of the examing table. He caught Dr. Taft studying him and wondered just how much his surgeon could read in his face. Dr. Franklin listened then prodded then listened again. He took Jethro's blood pressure and examined his leg.

During a lull in the exam, Dr. Taft asked, "How is Ms. Snow these days?"

"She's fine. Working four days a week. Still putting up with me for some reason."

"She's a strong woman to be able to do that."

Dr. Taft didn't fail to notice the way Jethro's face fell when he said that.

Dr. Franklin asked, "Any problems sexually, Agent Gibbs?"

"No. After about two weeks that was all good. So, what'd you hear in there?"

"Your lungs are clear, your heart is beating and your abdominal sounds are normal. If you are telling the truth about the pain then I'd say you're good. I will fill out the paperwork and send it to NCIS and you will be cleared for duty effective next Monday."

"Good. Thanks doc. Good to see you too Doc."

"Not so fast Jethro. You're buying me lunch."

"I am?"

"Yes. Thanks Paul. I appreciate your help. I'll call you tomorrow about golf on Sunday."

"No problem. Agent Gibbs, call me if you have any problems or questions."

"Thanks."

When the two men got outside, Dr. Taft directed Jethro to his car and he drove them to the Officer's Club for a late lunch. Once they were settled at a table away from anyone else Dr. Taft started his own examination of his patient.

"I was hoping to see Ms. Snow with you today, Jethro. She working?"

Instead of simply saying yes which would have closed off that area of inquiry, Jethro mumbled, "No."

A waiter appeared with menus and water. Jethro quickly ordered a cheeseburger and fries and Dr. Taft seconded that order. When the waiter had gone Dr. Taft went on.

"So, what's going on? And don't forget, I know you inside and out, old buddy."

Jethro smiled at him. That was their running joke and it always made Jethro smile for some reason. When he didn't answer Dr. Taft plowed ahead.

"You're cleared work but you are retiring aren't you?"

"Yeah. I just have to put in my papers. I'm actually going to be on leave for the next four weeks or so. Once that's all used up then my retirement will be official."

"You don't sound happy about it. Change your mind?"

"No. Yes. Depends on the day I guess."

"This is causing you a problem isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's like when I was on the ship. I can't get my head straight. I wanted to retire. Now I don't know if I should. But, really I already have. I've told my Director, my team, everyone that I'm retiring."

"So, what's the problem?"

The waiter brought lunch and Jethro took a moment to decide how much he wanted to tell Dr. Taft. He figured he might as well spill it all. He knew Dr. Taft was relentless when he wanted to know something.

"I don't know who I am if I'm not an NCIS Special Agent."

Dr. Taft sat back and grinned at him.

"Oh hell, Jethro that's easy. You're the lucky son-of-a-bitch that got Holly Snow to fall in love with him."

Jethro choked on the water he had just sipped. He didn't know whether to be insulted or proud.

"Listen my friend, you have a beautiful, intelligent, powerful woman in love with you. You survived an attack you had no business surviving. You got out of a very dangerous business practically unscathed even after two comas and I don't know how many other lesser injuries. You are not only a lucky man you are still young enough to enjoy the life you have left. And again, I say, with a woman who for some reason no one can explain, loves you. What the hell else do you want?"

Jethro studied the cheeseburger that had just been placed in front of him. He picked up a French fry and chewed thoughtfully. Dr. Taft was right. What else could he really, reasonably ask for?

"When you put it that way I guess there isn't anything else. Why am I making this so hard?"

"Hell if I know. Maybe you're just afraid to be happy. Lots of people are. Don't get down on yourself, Jethro. Two months ago you were practically dead. Now you're back in great shape and that takes a lot of hard work. Be as patient with yourself as you would be with Holly. Let her in. She can handle it. And you."

"Geez, doc you are smart. Thanks. Listen, is there anything I should worry about in terms of my injuries, you know, in the future?"

"No. Just don't get shot there again. That would probably undo all my good work and I doubt you'd survive again. Especially if I'm not there."

"I'll do my best."

The rest of lunch was more lighthearted and Jethro enjoyed himself immensely. When they got back to Jethro's car he didn't get out right away.

"You knew I'd need a pep talk didn't you?"

"I suspected. And, I wanted to play golf with Paul because I always win. Take care of yourself Jethro. It's been a pleasure."

"Thanks for everything Doc. I really appreciate your insight and your help."

"Go home and make up with that lovely woman you've got waiting for you."

"That's the plan."

When he got in his car Jethro checked his phone which had been on silent since he went into the hospital. There was a message from Holly.

"Jethro, I'm so sorry I walked out on you today. That was wrong of me and it will never happen again. I love you. I have no intention of giving up on you. Come home, please. I love you."

Jethro sat in the car and listened to the message three times. He thougth to himself, 'she understands. She knows what I've been thinking even though I barely knew myself.' He left the parking lot and drove home determined to put all his doubts and fears behind him. Dr. Taft was right, what else could he want in life that he didn't have. Jethro knew the answer to that was not one single thing.

Stepping in the house Jethro called Holly's name but there was no answer. He checked the back porch and saw her beach chair was gone so he looked toward the beach and saw her sitting near the water in the shade of her big umbrella. Jethro quickly changed into shorts and a tee shirt, grabbed an envelope from his underwear drawer, two beers from the fridge and his own beach chair and headed off to make things right with his very own beautiful, intelligent, powerful woman.

"Hey, beautiful, is this spot taken?"

"Well I've been saving it for just the right man and I think that is you so please join me."

Jethro set his chair and handed her a beer. Before she took a drink, Jethro held his out to her and clinked them together saying, "to us." Holly smiled at him and said, "I'll drink to that."

They sat in silence for a long time, holding hands and each working out exactly what they wanted to say when the time was right. When his beer was gone, Jethro raised her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. He pulled the wrinkled, smudged envelope from his pocket and handed it to Holly. She saw her name on the front in Jethro's neat handwriting and had no idea what she was holding.

"I know I've been a real bastard lately and I apologize for that. I've kind of reverted back to old ways of acting and I want you to know I recognize that and I'm going to change. You have been so patient with me through all this and you don't deserve the way I've been acting. What you said in your message today meant everything to me. I can't lose you Holly. Whatever I do from now on you need to know I can't lose you. Whatever I need to change or do or not do, please tell me so I don't screw us up."

"Oh Jethro, I don't want you to change. I love who you are. The bastard and the prince. I will not leave you. You must trust me on that. I know you've been told that before and it was never true but this time it is. Now, what is this you've given me?"

"It's the letter I wrote to you before I went to Iraq. I always wrote a letter to Shannon when I deployed in case I didn't come back. That's what that letter is for. Ducky had it just in case. Sometimes I don't say things very well but Shannon always said I wrote a good letter. I always burned the ones like this I wrote her before I got home I but I wrote lots of others that she said were good. Anyway, if you want to read it there it is. If you don't it's okay. I just thought it might help me if you knew how much you mean to me."

"I want to read it. Is it okay if I read it now?"

"Sure. I'll just go get us another beer."

Jethro took the empties and walked back to the house. Holly took a deep breath and opened the envelope. She thought for a moment how close she had come to having to read this letter in their living room two months ago. She shuddered at the thought and began reading knowing she was going to cry.

Dear Holly,

If you're reading this then something bad happened and I'm not coming home. I'm very sorry for that. You have to know that if I had time for a last thought it was of you and the life we were going to have together. I wanted that more than you can imagine. Being with you for the past couple of years has been magical for me. I never expected to find love so late in my life but with you I didn't stand a chance. You were a surprise and a delight in every way. We had some rough times getting our lives all sorted out but everything we went through together was worth it. Waking up with you, dancing with you, laughing with you, those things and so much more gave me more joy than I deserved.

I've screwed up pretty much every relationship I've had since Shannon died but I have a feeling you and I were going to make it. You matter more to me than I can explain. The trust you gave me meant everything to me, Holly. Thank you for blackmailing me into our first dinner together. And for calling me and not giving up on me when I wasn't brave enough to go after you on my own. To this day I don't understand why you kept after me but I have thanked God every day that you did.

I love you Holly Snow. Wherever I am now, I still love you. I love you so much that I want you to be happy again some day. I know it will take time but don't close yourself off. That's my specialty. Stay in the house or not, it's okay. Take care of yourself. Lean on Ducky and let him lean on you please.

All my love,

Jethro

Holly folded the paper carefully and covered her face with her hands. She didn't want people to see her crying and think she needed help or something. Jethro sat back down and handed her some tissues. When she could manage it she stood up and held her hand down for Jethro. He stood up and Holly fell into his arms. They stood together, holding onto each other for dear life. People walked around and past them but they didn't notice. After a few minutes, Holly stepped back and wiped her eyes again. Jethro handed her a beer and she took a drink. She sat down in the sand and Jethro sat behind her so she could lean back into his chest.

"That was the most beautiful letter I have ever read, Jethro. Shannon was right. Thank God I didn't have to read it two months ago."

"Amen to that."

"Jethro I know that everyone you have ever loved has left you one way or another. Except Ducky I guess. I know somewhere in your psyche you expect that to happen with us. It will not. You know the two reasons I'd leave you and since I know you will never cheat on me or hit me, you are stuck with me. I had a big long speech prepared in my head to convince you that I won't go. I don't think I'll use. There is one thing I can think of that might convince you I mean what I say. It might not mean as much to you as it will to me but I'm going with it instead of the long speech."

Holly turned around so she could look him in the eyes. She knelt in front of him, leaned in and kissed him until neither one of them had any breath left. Then she held his face in her hands and said,

"Jethro, will you marry me?"

The End.