Author's Note: So...I wrote another thing.
In which Ivan Braginskij has a heart attack.
His wall.
Germany's. Kitchen. Wall.
What about it?
Well there was a problem with it.
Oh, it wasn't dirty or anything.
It was just that a Russian had driven his fist through it in a fit of rage during their argument.
As if that were not enough of a reason for Germany to be upset, that hole in the wall caused by the enraged Russian was uncomfortably close to his head. He'd been standing there, right in front of that wall, yelling back at Russia, when the older nation had turned around and swung. Germany had not moved; somewhere thinking that surely Russia was not about to do what it looked like he was going to do. They were not that couple. Domestic violence rates in Russia be damned, Germany would not be a battered anything.
Anyone else, everyone else would have been terrified of Russia with his hand plunged into the wall next to their head. The look on his face wasn't much better either. He was close enough that Germany could hear 'kol kol kol kol kol' emanating from the Russian and that was just the last straw.
" Get out of my house."
Russia blinked. " ...Chto."
" I said, get out of my house. Remove your arm," hands previously in oven mitts grabbed onto Ivan's arm and roughly pulled it from his damaged wall, " from my wall. Run, don't walk, out of my kitchen and don't let the door hit you on the way out. Get out of my house."
Ludwig couldn't recall ever speaking like this to Ivan before. But then again, this particular situation had never come up before either. His rage had frozen over inside him before coming out as sharp and cold as an icicle. Hopefully as jagged as his words hit him.
They appeared to have the desired effect, as Ivan stood there rather dumbfounded for a moment. Then his anger came back full force. For a moment, Ludwig thought he would swing again. But instead of preparing himself for the blow, he defiantly folded his arms. " Aus."
Russia sneered, then turned his back on him to leave and put this house, this kitchen and that German far behind him. " The next time I enter this house, it will not be to spare you, Germaniya."
Germany snorted and turned his back to the departing Russian. Let him have the last word, as long as he was gone. He still had things he had to do. Like wash dishes. Put away the steak dinner for two he was making. Walk his dogs. Clean up after his brother. See about repairing the hole in the wall and so many other things that had absolutely nothing to do with Ivan Braginskij and missing him.
He'd just finished making this mental list and drying off a plate when he turned around to decide whether or not to mop his floor. What he saw made him frown. There were little red spots throughout his kitchen. Like a little trail leading from there to the foyer. It looked like blood. A thrill of danger rushed through his stomach, and Ludwig immediately checked himself over. No, no wounds. Russia hadn't hurt him. Did he drop a steak on the ground on his way in? But Ivan would have brought that to his attention. So then where the hell was this blood coming from?
Ludwig followed the trail almost to the living room, and what he found there caused his hands to release the plate he'd been holding. It shattered to the ground, but it didn't matter. It didn't reach his ears. Nothing else in the world mattered because Gott in Himmel there was a human heart squishing and pumping and squirting on his carpet.
Germany didn't think, didn't know how to react, didn't breathe. All his body could do was fall backwards and let out a horrified shout. " AAHH! RUSSLAND!"
He didn't even know what he was screaming. Just that he was screaming and panicking and why was there a beating heart on his floor and where the hell did it come from and why was this happening please Gott don't let it be Gilbert's oh Gott I'm gonna be sick, sick, sick-
CRASH!
Wood exploded from his left, and this time Ludwig had sense enough to raise his arm to shield himself. When he lowered it, there was a ferocious looking Russia right in front of him. " Russ...Russland..."
The older nation stood at his full intimidating height between him and whatever threat he thought was in the German's living room. Yet, there was no one in there. Maybe they had gotten away in the time it had taken him to run back down the street and break the door down. " What is it, Germaniya? Who has invaded you?"
" I—there's—I can't—blood—!" After that eloquent speech, all he could do was point to where the heart was now beating furiously; making even more of a mess on his once-beige carpet. " Heart!"
" Heart...?" Russia blinked, then looked where the German was pointing. As soon as he saw it, his shoulders slumped and he rolled his eyes with a sigh. " Is that all? You scared years off my life screaming like that, Ludwig. Never do such a thing again unless you are actually under attack or you will be when I get my hands on you."
It must have been the Russian's tone that snapped some sense and anger back into Germany. " What do you mean 'is that all'?! There's a human heart in the middle of my living room without a human for it to go in! How are you so calm about this?! You can't tell me this happens all the time in Russia!"
" You are so excitable sometimes, Germaniya..." Russia dropped his arms and turned to face him. " Of course it happens all the time," one of his hands pointed to the gaping hole in his chest. " That is my heart."
Ivan realized entirely too late that perhaps that wasn't the best thing to say, or show Ludwig at the time. Because the German let out another cry of distress and his nerves promptly gave out.
Ludwig awoke to the feeling of cold on his cheek and forehead.
At first he thought Russia was trying to wake him up for sex. It seemed to amuse the Russian to go outside in the morning when it was cold, doing God knows what in his wooded property, then come back and expend the rest of his energy on his German boyfriend. So Germany did what he always did, bat away the coldness on his skin and roll over. " Nein Ivan...is too early."
There was chuckling somewhere above and to his right. " Silly German. It is not morning and I have not been hunting. Open your eyes."
" Nng..." When Germany opened his eyes as he was told, there was the amused visage of Russia. And just a little bit lower, was the still gaping hole in his chest.
It must have shown on his face that he was about to freak out again, because Ivan quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. " Nyet. No more yelling, Germaniya. You have a very powerful voice and I do not enjoy this type of screaming from you. You must calm down."
Ludwig made muffled noise and pressed both his hands to the bloody hole in an attempt to keep pressure on his 'wound.'
Ivan looked down, then sighed and looked up with a little smile on his face. " You truly are a silly German, trying to care for me in this way. It is quite cute. But I assure you, Germaniya, it is not as bad as you think. My life is in no danger, lyubov. I am still here talking to you, da? I have not fainted, like you, or fallen over in convulsions and the like. Look," he gestured with his free hand to where his heart was resting on a bed of washcloths on the coffee table. " It still beats. It just fell out."
Ludwig looked up at him, then where his hands rested. One hand removed itself, then the other.
" If I take my hand away, and you scream another time, I'm going to knock you right back out, da?"
Germany nodded. The hand fell away and he sat up quietly. He kept looking between Ivan's chest and the heart beating steadily on his table. Hesitantly, his fingers flexed, then reached out to gently poke the muscle.
" AAH!" Russia clutched at his chest and fell over; writhing on the floor in agony.
" Oh mein Gott, Russland!" Ludwig dropped from the couch to come to the Russian's side immediately. But he had absolutely no idea what to do that could help. Other than panic. " Es tut mir led! Bist du okay?!" Ivan rolled away from his hands, onto his side and began to tremble. Ludwig feared the worst, until he recognized the sound he was making. Laughter. This was probably the second most angry he'd ever been in his life. " BASTARD! BASTARD RUSSIAN! I'LL KILL YOU!"
Russia continued to laugh. Even as Germany tried to make good on his threat using a couch cushion. " I am not sorry! Your face—You should have seen your face!" He raised his arms to shield himself from the blows. " That is for scaring me!"
Ludwig scowled and hit him one more good hard time. Then sat back on his rear and held his face in his hands. " Gott...You make my nerves bad."
" You make my hair gray."
" It was that color when I met you and you know it." Sighing, the German let his hands slide down and looked to the table. There Russia's heart continued to beat undisturbed. As if it was sitting safely in his ribcage. " Ivan..."
No longer under attack, Russia laced his fingers behind his head and looked up at him curiously. " Da?"
" Why does your heart fall out of your chest, Ivan?"
Violet eyes went to the ceiling, then and the Russian sighed. " I'm not altogether sure, Germaniya. Sometimes it happens when I am sad, sometimes I am upset. Sometimes extremely happy. Sometimes for no reason at all. It just...," Ivan made a 'pop' sound and shrugged, " pops out."
Ludwig ran a hand through his hair, then shifted to get closer to the table. With oh-so-careful hands, he scooped up the beating heart resting on the towels. Still moving slowly, he came over to put it back where it belonged. It fell in with a wet noise that he tried not to let disgust him. Both hands went back to pressing down over the open area with the towel. As if that would keep the organ from rebelling and falling back out.
Russia watched him do this placidly. The care and caution with which Germany replaced his heart had it swelling up once it was back in his chest. So much so, he thought if not for the gentle pressure from Ludwig's hands it might just pop right back out again. " Germaniya..."
" Just...let me do this, ja?" He didn't take his eyes off his chest.
" Mm." Cloud cover settled over the Russian's face. " ...You threw me out."
Thankfully, Germany was not afraid of Russian weather. " You put a hole in my wall with your fist."
" Why did you call out for me when you were afraid?"
" Why did you break down my door when I did?"
Ivan grunted in annoyance. But still pulled the younger nation down into his arms. " Your mouth is more useful to me around my dick, not smarting off."
" Auch, stop saying such things." Ludwig went willingly, but still kept a hand resting over the compress on his chest. Even as his face turned scarlet, he managed to keep from stuttering. " Well, you won't have to worry about that for a long time."
" Chto?"
" ...That is for scaring me."
" … Chert poberi."
German
Bist du okay - Are you okay?
Aus - Out.
Russian
Chto - What?
Chert poberi - Dammit/God dammit.
