What Once Was

A/N: Thanks for the few reviews I got, they were great. I got a question that had to do with… uh… well, story knowledge… stuff… Anyways, the question was basically asking when the story took place. Well, the manga/anime was placed in the 1990's, more specifically 1999. And, depending if I want Grace to have a birthday to turn 16 or have her already turned 16, this story is going to take place in 2014/2015ish. Just thought I'd answer that. Also, I meant to say this in the a/n last chapter, but forgot. I realize 15 or so years probably isn't really enough time to have London put back together after all the war chaos, but I wanted Integra to still be young and unwrinkly. Thus, the voided last chapter of the manga. But enough rambling, you want to read the story, otherwise you wouldn't be here.

Warning: language

Disclaimer: *waves mockingly*

Chapter Eight:

It was bright, abnormally bright… or at least on one side it was. The other side looked into a blackness that could only be taken as an abyss. I was standing in the middle, balancing on a small ledge that on either side looked into the gloom of a bottomless void, bright and dark. In reality, I wouldn't be able to stand there for hours on in, so I figured out after a while that it was just a dream. So, I had been walking on said ledge, wondering along and contemplating on where it led. I stopped when a mist rolled in from the light side, and shade started coating the murky area. Reminding myself it was just a dream, and that I should be thankful the nightmares had not yet come, I walked on, continuing through the haze. I (literally) looked over on the bright side and whispers became audible though incomprehensible, too faint to make any sense out of. They started rising in volume before it just became a gentle hum of voices, like you would hear in a school cafeteria without the clattering of silverware or breaking out of fights. When I turned my head to the right, to the shadows, I could hear crying and screams of agony and torture. I quickly faced forward telling myself to never do that again. Dream or not, screaming could never be a good sign.

Continuing on, I found that is was silent when I kept my head forward; there wasn't any noise to remind me of friendly conversation or tormented suffering. It was just silent, and before long I couldn't stand it, so I turned back to the left to be surrounded by soothing chatter, and this way I stayed, to comfort myself and ease my mind. My thoughts couldn't help but look at the irony of the situation; the two sides somewhat looked and sounded like the two sides heaven and hell. I stopped and turned my whole body to face the light side, and figures appeared, human figures walking effortlessly on the mist. I reached out to see if I could join them, but I was blocked by an unseen force.

A figure started fading in right in front of me, and I almost staggered backwards at who it was. To my surprise, I was caught by a similar unseen force on the dark side, so I just looked like I was leaning on an invisible wall.

"Mom?" I finally asked, eyes wide. She nodded, and gave a sad smile.

"This is a dream, right?" I asked, and she shrugged.

I'll take that as a yes, I thought. Her lips pulled into a gentle, sad smile as another figure dissolved beside her.

"Dad," I said in acknowledgment. I was weary, Dad never appeared in a dream he wasn't killed in, and this made me cautious.

"Hey, Grace," he said lovingly. I turned looked away.

"I'm glad to see the two of you are together and happy," I stated bluntly.

"Grace, you know if love were enough, we'd still be with you, right?" mom asked.

"Ohh, how original," I said with a hint of bitterness.

"It's true, though, I never would have left you if I had a choice," she retaliated, and Dad nodded in agreement.

"That doesn't really matter now, does it?" I spat.

"Why are you acting like this? It's normal to miss loved ones, but you act like you hate us," dad chimed in.

"That's because you left me! Both of you, damn it! I wasn't even over you when mom went and got herself burnt up!" I yelled near tears. They looked at me with hurt in their eyes.

"I don't think that's all of it," dad said, a trace of understanding cross his face. Mom looked at him then back to me when she understood what he meant, a bit horror stricken.

"You know, don't you?" she asked.

"About what?" I said innocently. There were too many lies in my life right now that she could be talking about anyone of them.

"Hellsing's secret. You found out didn't you?" Dad said, determination written all over his face, for what I didn't know.

"Oh." I started thinking about what happened before I fell asleep, but I couldn't remember going to bed. I remembered going through mom's storage stuff… Then the photos… then the book… then I had gone to Sir Hellsing's office and…

"Oh," I said again, completely caught up. I couldn't remember going to bed because I had fainted from pure shock. Then I began getting really angry, and I lashed out from realizing my shock.

"HELLSING IS HOUSING A VAMPIRE? WHAT THE HELL?!" I started screaming at them, but a little more towards dad.

"Don't say that Grace, especially not here," mom tried to calm me down.

"What? Hell?" I asked.

"Yes, now stop saying it," Dad finished for her.

"So… you're mad at us because Hellsing is using a vampire?" mom asked.

"Well, no."

"That we left you?"

"No!" I was getting irritated, now.

"Then what?"

"I'm sick and tired of everything! Okay?! I'm tired of people being taken away from me! I'm tired of not knowing what will happen! But most of all, I'm tired of all these… these… GOD DAMNED LIES! And there's nothing you can say about that because God really does damn lies!

"Yesterday I was a normal high school girl. Today I just found out the supernatural actually exist and that the stories are probably mostly true. Tomorrow… who knows? That's why I'm so pissed. I hate being lied to, especially by those that harnessed all of my trust. And then, only then, you have to add that to your deaths."

They were silent for a moment before mom spoke up.

"I'm sorry, Grace. And it wasn't your fault, we should have told you sooner."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't matter much now, does it? Now your both gone, and thanks to those pictures of yours, I don't know who you are anymore, or who I am for that matter." I said. Mom's eyes widened and Dad's held a look of apprehension.

"Muhahaha… Muhahahahaha! Just the way it needs to be…" I looked to my left at the direction I had been walking from, and my eyes met a figure shrouded in darkness, accompanied by red eyes and white fangs that were in a smile. The smile looked familiar, but only so that I thought I could only have seen it once."

"Grace?" Dad said, distrustful of the figure.

"I think I've seen him before," I said, furrowing my brows.

The figure's smile expanded and took a step forward. The shrouds started separating from him and glowing eyes appeared within them, all the while advancing, though too slow for me to notice. My parents however, did. When the shroud started sprouting multiple fang filled mouths, that was the end of the line for my parents.

"Grace," Dad said, and I turned to him. He swallowed, and continued, "He can't get to us, just like you can't. He can't hurt us. You-"

"Grace, just run!" Mom shouted at me and the shroud broke into a run.

They… grew legs… I thought. Then I broke out laughing, and I almost fell from laughing so hard; I had to hold my sides.

"Grace?! What are you doing? Run!" Dad yelled, anxiously looking from me to the fast approaching red eyed shadows.

I just continued laughing and said, "Why? It's not like they can hurt me in my dreams, I'll wake up sooner or lat- OW!" I looked at my arm and the large gash that a dagger they had just thrown left behind.

"Ow… that actually hurts…"

"Grace, RUN!" my parents shouted, and they didn't have to tell me again; I booked it out of there so fast I could have sworn I was flying.

"It's just a dream. It's just a dream. It's just a dream. It's just a dream."

"You keep telling yourself that." I glanced behind me for a second and that cost me more pain; a knife whizzed by my face and skimmed across my cheek.

"God damn it! Stop doing that!" I yelled at them, and laughter broke out through the swarm. Now I was getting annoyed; being lied to and being laughed at were huge pet peeves of mine. My fear vanished and I was about to turn around to face them (after all, it was just a dream) but my foot caught on the narrow ledge we had been running on and I fell face first into yet another invisible wall: one that was in front of me.

I'm boxed in… I thought, feeling all three invisible walls and looking at the approaching monsters.

They all stopped in front of me, 5 yards away. They were all fully clothed now; they also had all their limbs, though they didn't look human. They had a human outline, but they radiated shadows and they had no facial or body features. I decided to speak.

"Why are you here?"

"I don't think I need reason to invade dreams." The crowd parted and revealed the first figure.

"No, I meant why are you here and not over there?" I asked, pointing to the hell side.

He chuckled, "Perhaps it's because I have not yet truly 'died'. Therefore, I am the same as you. Except, when I finally die, I'll have a place. I know where I'm going. You however, don't. You're trapped for all time, just as you are now." He smiled at my confusion, and I remember where I had seen him. It was on that night that my whole life started changing.

"You were the one outside Dad's hospital window…" I whispered. I laughed then; I had been recognizing people in my dreams a lot, lately.

He laughed as well, "Well, aren't you a smart one?" He raised his hand and put them in a snapping condition, "Ciao." And he snapped. A few of the shrouds started tossing shadows at me. It wasn't until they were mere inches away the objects shed their shadows and revealed the daggers they had been throwing at me. The first pierced my arm, another my leg, the third my side. It stung, bad. More than regular knives, this felt like burning. I cried out.

"See you soon," and with that, they all threw the daggers.

"AHH!" I woke with a start, my eyes still closed, and something trying to suppress my hands. I screamed again, and jammed my knee into their ribs. Whoever it was let go of my wrists and stumbled back.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" I opened my eyes at a familiar voice.

"What the hell, Grace?" Dan said, gasping for air. Apparently I had knocked the air out of him.

I was back in my room, in my bed. I gulped, and my hands went to my abdomen, because that's where all the daggers were about to strike. I sighed in relieve at two things: one, I didn't look or feel like Swiss cheese. Two, I was still in the cloths I fainted in.

I looked back up to Dan who was no longer doubled over.

"What were you restraining me for?" I asked, though I was sure I already knew the answer.

"You were screaming bloody murder and tried hitting anyone who touched you. But what I want to know is, what the hell did you knee me for!?" He coughed.

"Because you were restraining me," I replied, as if it were obvious. He shook his head and went back to trying to catch his breath.

I laid back on the bed and said, "It's a vicious cycle." He laughed, and then coughed.

"Damn it…" he muttered.

"Sorry, I wouldn't have done it if I knew it was you… well I probably would have but I wouldn't have done it as hard." I apologized with a sheepish smile.

He chuckled a bit and only winced slightly.

"How long have I been out?" I asked.

"Not too long, twenty or so hours. What was happening that caused you to do that, anyway? Alucard wasn't scaring the crap outta you again, was he?"

"Alucard? Who's… Wait, you mean that wasn't a dream? That was real!?" I said, seeing if he would take the bait. He did. His eyes widened sort of like a kid does when they accidentally rat themselves out.

"Relax, I'm only kidding. No, Alucard wasn't even in my dream, surprisingly. Something weirder was, and they had a thing for sharp objects and confusion," I said, propping myself up on my elbows. His face had changed from 'Omigod, she thought it was a dream!' to 'Omigod, I'm going to strangle you for mocking me!' in two seconds flat. That was hilarious, and I showed it.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, getting frustrated.

"The look on your face is priceless!" I said, rolling back and clutching my sides.

He was silent for a second before he asked, "You're sleep deprived and slap-happy, aren't you?" I burst out laughing again.

"Yup, or I'm just in some sort of shock, hasn't really registered yet." I was rocking on the bed now, knees curled up to my chest.

He shook his head in a way that clearly said 'Ugh, teenagers…'

"So watcha need vampy for? Terrorists too tough for ya?" I asked, breaking the silence. I sounded way too happy for my depressed state. I felt like I was high on happy crack.

"The 'terrorists' themselves are vampires, since you asked." I turned around to the voice of Sir Integra; she had somehow opened the door and had been standing in the threshold for god knows how long. I erupted with laughter. Again.

"She seems to be taking this fairly well," Walter said as he came in and set some dishes on a tray.

"I am, aren't I? So what am I on?" I turned my head to Dan at the last part. He sat there dumbstruck.

"What?"

"Oh please, I'm not as stupid as my academics show, I'm fully aware that I'm on some kind of anti-depressant-drug-type-thing. I actually feel like I just had 20 Pixie Sticks candy. Let me tell you, last time I did that I could have sworn I had a hangover without a drop of alcohol," I declared, and I added a few giggles in between.

Sir Hellsing raised an eyebrow at Dan and his mouth gaped open like a fish.

"I swear I don't know what she's taking about!" he exclaimed, though it was clear he did.

She sighed, "To change the subject, I came down here because I couldn't hear myself think with all the screaming, and I was on the other side of the mansion for Pete's sake. And when I get here what do I find? A soldier on the ground and a laughing child talking about nightmares. And how anyone laughs while discussing Alucard is beyond me." She got irritated looks from both me and Dan, him because she pointed out what I had done and me for being called a child.

"Just try to keep it down. And no more anti-depressants, understood?" She looked at Dan.

"Yes Sir…"

"Good."

She started to walk away with Walter trailing behind when I realized how lightly she went over the 'terrorist' vampire thing, and how that's why they needed Mr. Big and Scary.

"Uh, Sir?" She and Walter both paused and glanced over their shoulders.

"Can I talk to you about the 'vampire' thing? In the past I usually came out of shock when I understood the situation better, so…?"

"Fine then, hurry up." She waited patiently as I got out of the bed and scurried to the door.

I walked along side Integra and Walter until he turned down a separate hall. Dan had already wondered off to go train some more, though how someone trains to kill things that were already dead was a subject I didn't understand.

We arrived at the familiar double doors soon enough. We walked in, and I sat when she motioned me to do so.

"Are you capable of carrying out serious conversation, because what I am about to tell you is no laughing matter."

"Perfectly capable, you'll just have to dismiss the occasional giggle," I replied, but try as I might, I couldn't keep a straight face.

"Very well. As you already found out in what I must say record timing, we hunt vampires, and ironically enough our trump card himself is a vampire. We've been doing so for generations through the Hellsing bloodline, and we rely on secrecy. We are the Holy Order of Protestant Knights, originally led by Abraham Van Helsing, my grandfather. Our mission is to protect the Queen and our country by ridding it of the undead race, thus, 'We Are On a Mission From God.'"

I waited for her to continue, when she didn't I decided to ask, "What are you doing with vampy on your side?" She raised her brow at the nickname.

"I trust you are familiar with the novel 'Dracula', are you not?"

"I am."

"Everything in the book is true, save for the count himself being killed, and a few exaggerated points. However, Abraham enslaved the count, and ever since he has either been locked away, or on a leash held by an heir of Abraham. Which, of course, landed him with me."

"Vampy was locked up?" I couldn't help but give a smug smile.

"Yes, but he isn't now, and he's known to drift through walls and floors." I caught the meaning behind her words, 'If he catches you mocking his imprisonment I won't be able to hold him back,' but I smiled on, ignoring the entailed meaning. I scratched at my arm.

"I was going to ask you before, so I'll ask now. You don't normally take in orphans do you? Or is that just me?" I said, remembering Dan's and mines chat on the way to her office the day before.

"No, this would be the first time that both parents have died where they had a child. And, it's the first time they've both died and didn't have any family or friends to send you to."

"So are you going to send me to an orphanage?" I asked warily.

"No."

"Why not?" I asked curiously.

"You know too much, you've been informed of classified information that ninety percent of the world will go a life time without knowing. We can't just let you go with knowledge only the highest of our government should know."

I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me… I almost said this, but thought better of it. "So I wouldn't even be able to go if I wanted to?"

"No."

"Is this a permanent thing?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On if you suddenly get a severe case of amnesia." I just looked at her blankly.

"How do you know if I'm faking?"

"I wouldn't but thanks for the heads up." My right eye twitched. She was filling out paper work, which made her look unfocused on the conversation, but it was quite obvious that she was. If I wasn't able to leave, it was like this was my own not-so-little prison. Not that I didn't want to stay here, I had nowhere else to go. But it was the sheer fact that I felt I was being deprived of freedom that made my stomach upset. Then I cheered up; if I had gone to an orphanage, it would have been the exact same, aside from the fact that this is a mansion and orphanages are, well… not.

"Okay, then, I'm assuming that you don't just want me being a couch potato here, so…?"

"You will be our new errand boy, and will help Walter out with his chores. Unless of course, you'd rather train with the mercenaries?" Her lips turned up in a teasing smile, and I laughed, hard.

"Dan's a mercenary? Oh that's just… wow, he's never going to live that one down. A mercenary pretending to be a teacher," I chuckled. "But no, I'll stick with errand girl." I put extra emphasis on the word girl because I didn't like being called a guy.

"Alright, then. Now onto different matters… your mother's funeral." My smile disappeared.

"It doesn't have to be a real funeral, no one would come, no one knew her," I said somberly.

"Then should I just schedule a private burial?"

"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

One Month Later

It had been a month since I basically moved into Hellsing Mansion, a month since I had been their errand girl. And about three weeks since moms 'funeral'. Sir Integra got a private pastor, and Dan went with me to the private setting at the cemetery.

Even though I was only 15, Walter started teaching me to drive in his spare time because part of running errands meant going into London, and that's well over an hour's walk. So, from then till now, I had been learning to drive when Walter had the time, and sometimes on my own. Today was the first day I was to drive to London and pick up the groceries, which used to be Walter's job until I showed up.

"Here, Miss Grace." Walter had stopped calling me Miss Rockwell after the first week when I asked him to please drop the last name, but I couldn't get him to drop the Miss, so I just gave up and went with it. He handed me two plastic cards.

"Is this a fake driver's license and ID? A little illegal isn't it?" I asked.

"Well, technically if you just told a police officer you were with Hellsing, regardless if they knew what it means, they are required to let you go. It just seems easier this way, though." I nodded in agreement.

"You'll also be needing these," he handed me a credit card and the folded grocery list that was probably a mile long. Hey, gotta feed a miniature army, right? "Now remember to follow all traffic laws and for god's sake put on your seat belt."

"Sorry, old habits die hard." I said, getting in the new car we had been practicing in and strapping in.

"It only takes 21 times to break or make habits," he said with a smile.

"Yeah, and 72.5% of all statistics are made up," I smiled back, and he chuckled.

"Don't forget there's a back to the list, and try to be quick, I'm going to need help with fixing supper."

"Will do."

He really is a good guy, I thought. And with that, I drove out through the big, black, iron gates, and for the first time in what felt like years, I was heading to London.

About twenty minutes later, I drove past a museum that I never got to go to but had been wanting to for a while and made a mental note to see if I could go sometime.

I didn't notice the tall blond guy with a scarred face that was leading a group of kids eyeing my license plate.

A/N: Yay, I'm done :D I didn't like the ending of the chapter, but I didn't know where I'd stop if not there, you know?

Do I have you guys confused from the dream? I hope I do, that's what I was going for :D. Sorry Alucard fans, no vampy for you this chapter, but if I get my way I'm hoping for him to make a grand appearance next chapter, but my brain has a mind of its own (confusing, I know…) and it will do as it pleases. Also, I realized this is fanfiction, and I can do whatever the hell I want without it making sense whatsoever, so I'm most likely going to have my Iscariot buddies to have a part in my story as well. I like Anderson, I do. He's funneh, and I believe that he's the third person who can put Alucard in his place. And sorry if the beginning of this story sounds unoriginal, I do have my own twist to it though so bare with me.

I'm not getting enough votes from the pole, I realize that most of my readers/reviewers don't have fanfiction accounts, but it really doesn't take that long to make one. This account wasn't originally made for writing stories, it was so I could review and vote and it led up to this. So seriously, I need more votes guys, and if it come right down to it I won't update till there are enough votes. Same goes for reviews (more details later):

I 3 Hellsing: I'm glad you think it's original, cuz I was starting to have my doubts :3 And your question was answered in the earlier a/n if you didn't catch it. Thanks for reviewing :D

Anonamous - Who Me?: Thanks for the review! I didn't make you wait long this time because… SPRING BREAK! *does a happy dance* And I'll try to make Alucard 'creepy', but what I'm aiming for is for him to be in character and not one of those happy-go-lucky people I see in other stories, they scare me. Also if I did that I'm afraid Alucard would be pissed if I made him look like a guy version Seras, and he'd come out of the story books and kill me in my sleep. Anyways, I digress, I'll see what I can do. And thanks for the complement! :D

Xireana- I'll keep writing, thanks for the review! :D

So… details on reviewing… I hate to be sounding like a nagging bitch but when I get four reviews on one chapter and then three on the next, it makes me feel that my story is getting worse (psh, as ridiculous as that sounds *sarcasm*). So I need to get the reviews to maintain confidence, k? I know, I sound like a broken record. But I think it's really messed up when someone can't take five seconds out of their lives to write a quick review, you know? Other authors should know what I mean . :D
Also, need votes in the poll that's on my profile. The titles changing cuz the current one sucks, so you might as well get a say in it.

So anyways, thanks to the readers who have come this far in the story, and I hope you stick with it just like I am. Also, thanks bunches to my great reviewers: you get a cookie. Go to the grocery store to pick it up :D Get me one too, please :3 See ya!

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