The talk
Ron walked over to Harry's bed in the morning, thinking about the day before. Harry heard Ron's covered feet hit the floor as he walked closer to his bed. He subconsciously lifted a hand and rubbed his aching muscles in his neck. Harry figured he must have been thrashing around in his sleep. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to remember his dream. This was in vain. All he could remember was he was in a black room.
As Harry was trying to remember his dream, Ron opened his curtains with a low creaking sound. Harry opened his eyes and looked up at Ron, whose eyes were bloodshot. He turned away quickly, not wanting to embarrass Ron, though he didn't seem ashamed about it at all.
"Are you hungry today?" He said it with a pleading tone. Harry could tell he wanted him to say yes. Truth be told, his stomach was begging for something to fill it. But he was afraid that if he answered to the plea, he would be sick, and Harry hated throwing up.
Harry looked up to tell Ron no, but saw the pleading look in his eyes. He nodded. "Okay, sure."
Ron looked as if a boulder ad been lifted from his shoulders. Harry didn't know why it was so important to Ron that he eat, but he figured he just wanted him back into his regular routine.
Harry stood up and shook his hair back. Slowly, he sauntered over to his bureau and took out a clean pair of pants, a shirt, and, since he was going to go to class today, a black robe. He got dressed quickly, but his fingers faltered a bit while buttoning up his shirt. Make that attempting to button up his shirt. He was still a bit shaky. "No big deal," he thought, "I'm probably coming down with the flue."
In the back of his mind he knew why he was shivery. He was still dreading talking to Sirius. He didn't know how to explain his actions. He knew he disappointed him. While everyone was running around trying to protect the "Boy Who Lived" he was sitting in the Griffindor common room, slashing his arm up. Harry was even disappointed in himself.
After finally getting his shirt buttoned up, he made his way down to eat breakfast with Ron.
Right when he got down to the Great Hall, Professor Macgonagal signaled him over. Harry held his breath as he walked over to her, thinking about what he did, or more, if she knew what he did.
"Mr. Potter," she started with a stern look on her face, " You are not to go to your classes today. Dumbledore told me this morning that you are to stay in your common room." The stern Professor's lips formed into a thin, tight line. "He said someone wanted to talk to you about what you did." Apparently she knew. "Wouldn't even tell me who…" she mumbled bitterly as she turned away and walked back to the teachers' table.
Suddenly Harry wasn't hungry anymore. He felt like he swallowed an ice cube, and felt his face go pale. Slowly he walked to the table Ron and Hermione were sitting at. They took one look at his face and knew what Macgonagal had told him. Sirius was going to talk to him today.
Harry walked to the common room. More like jogged. He didn't know why he was moving so fast. He certainly wasn't eager to get to the room, seeing as he felt like he'd rather die than talk to him. That may be an exaggeration, but he felt like it at the time. As he was walking thoughts raced through his brain, and racked his nerves. He wished he never did what he did. It was stupid, he realized, but getting a lecture couldn't turn back the time now would it.
He slowed his pace, along with his thoughts. He could she the picture of the fat lady already, but wasn't ready to approach it. He had a gut feeling that Sirius was already in the room. So close to where Harry himself stood. Part of him grew excited at the thought of seeing his godfather again, but the nervous part dominated his thoughts. He felt sweat forming on his brow, and quickly wiped it away with a sweaty palm. Then he started toward to picture.
When he got to the picture he said the password, stepped on the stairway leading to the common room, and started towards the shadowy light from the fire. It seemed like forever before he saw the figure of a big, shaggy black dog. It turned to look at him and it's ears lifted up slightly. The dog whined and trotted over to Harry. A few moments after the dog approached him, the dog known as Snuffles transformed into the man known as Sirius Black.
Sirius gave a stern, but sorrowful look at Harry and quietly told him to sit. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Sirius spoke in a voice that broke Harry's heart.
"Why did you do this, Harry?" he said in a depressed whisper. Harry turned his sight way form Sirius, and placed it the floor. He lifted his hand up and rubbed his neck, as if he thought if he massaged it enough the answer would pop up in his brain. An intelligent answer. One that would make them both feel better. It's not like Harry could say "Oh, well I was going to kill myself, but then at the last minute decided I was to scared and decided to just cut instead." Harry just shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't find the words. He felt the strong urge to run away, but thought better of it, realizing it would only hurt Sirius more.
Sirius sighed and spoke again in a soft and what would normally be a comforting voice. It just made Harry feel even more guilty. "You can tell me. I'll understand."
"Would you really?" Harry thought with a hint of anger. What he said, though was completely different.
"I don't want to bother you, but I guess you won't give up until I tell you something." Sirius smirked at this comment as if to say 'you're right'. "Do you know what I really want in life? To have a normal life. Sometimes to pressure is just too much to bear. I can't stand anymore of it." Harry paused and looked over at Sirius. He nodded with a frown etched on his face, and told Harry to continue. "To tell you the truth I don't know why I did what I did." Harry looked down at his hands.
"Harry, do you realize you hurt people other than yourself?" Sirius stared straight into Harry's bright green eyes. "It kills me when you get hurt. But then when you're the one hurting yourself, all I can do is watch. I can't stop the person hurting you. I can't help you! And it rips me apart."
Harry looked down at his hands and felt tears coming. He wanted to jump up and hug Sirius like a little kid. Tell him everything would be okay. He couldn't though. He had learned over the tortuous years with the Dursleys to hide his emotion deep inside. Hidden. Him and his damn pride.
Suddenly Harry felt a pair of thin arms around him. He realized that Sirius was giving him a hug. And crying. The Sirius that was strong enough to deal with Azcaban, and never cry infront of Harry, broke.
Harry felt the tears he was struggling to hold back finally fall, and he was ashamed of it. He tried to hold them back, but his efforts were proven worthless. The tears kept falling. To Harry's disappointment the tears started coming faster and his chest grew tighter.
Sirius pulled away form Harry. " We'll get through this together." All Harry could do was nod his head, with tears streaming down his face.
Disclaimer- I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. If I did I would be rolling around in my money pool.
I know, I know. I haven't updated. I've had mono and strep throat and have been extremely tired lately. This chapter was actually long!! I know, it's amazing. Anywho, please review. I will feel soooo much better if you do. THANKS!!! Oh yeah, and thank you sooooo extremely much to all the people who have already reviewed. I've tried my best to make this story enjoyable. I should be updating soon. THANKS!!
