A:N/ Another trigger warning on this chapter, but I promise this is the last one. Tomorrow's chapter is gonna get down and dirty with some real shit so I apologize for those who don't like a little fluff today. I'm enjoying the interest! It's been so long since I've written so every view is a boost! Hope everyone enjoys this chapter. It hits a little close to home for me so I enjoyed the catharsis in writing it.

Chrystalline awoke after what felt like days finding herself alone in Kylo's bed. There was already a breakfast spread sat out for her on the desk which told her she'd slept far later than she normally does. She shrugged to herself, thankful for the rest after the last few days of torment. Not only had she been forced to come to terms with the fact that her beloved fiance had been brutally murdered, but she also said aloud for the first time the truth about her father and his open disdain he held towards her. Without the fog of the crav clouding her brain the realization sunk in like it hadn't last night. A wave of sorrow washed over her, but she refused to let it through, she physically couldn't take another moment of crying, not today. She knew her father didn't even deserve her tears, but despite remaining emotionless she felt her chest grow full and hot with pain. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she sat up, her face red now and trembling in effort to maintain.

Once again, thoughtlessly she stood and made eyes at the carving knife that had been set out next to some kind of breakfast meat. Grabbing it and turning away from her reflection she pulled up her skirts to reveal the opposite hip. Making a silent promise to herself that this would be the last time she would allow herself to act out this way she slowly etched five deep matching gashes into her skin. She went deeper this time, causing herself to yelp and bite her own lip in order to silence it. When she finished the relief flew over her again for just a moment as the crimson, even darker this time, fell down her leg and pooled onto the floor. She didn't even have time to enjoy the sense of calm as she realized this was much more blood than she'd ever drawn from herself and it wasn't showing any signs of slowing. She used her skirt to mop up the puddle but the more she tried, the more frantic she became. This time she'd gone too deep, lest she risk bleeding out here on the floor she made her way, dripping, to the door. There was an intercom droid from which Kylo had said she could contact him or chamber droids. She pressed it, praying he was busy and wouldn't be the one to find her like this.

"I need help! Please!" She said breathlessly, tightening her own skirt around the wounds, trying to restrict the blood flow. "Someone, hurry!"

Kylo was mid training session when he heard her, the first time being unsure but then struck with terror as the second call came in. His mind raced with what in the Gods name's could be happening in his chamber. Halting the training bots and sheathing his saber in one motion he ran out of the room without even his cloak. Surely no one else knew that she was in there? He'd been so careful as to conceal them on their tour, knowing full well the dangers that could be raised if any of the physically deprived troopers had any inkling that there was a woman alone, everyday, in his room.

As he turned the corner of the hallway to his room he forced the door to open as soon as his eyes hit it.

"Chrystalline!" He shouted, sprinting now to get in the doorway to her.

He was almost knocked off his feet when he found a trail of blood leading from his door to where she sat. She was curled sheepishly in dark puddle, the skirts of her dress soaked to her waist. The color had all but drained from her face as she used the last of her strength to look up at him, still uselessly attempting to stop the blood.

"Oh Gods! What... who?!" He sunk to his knees, unsure of where to start. "What happened Chrystalline, who did this?" He couldn't even see where the blood was coming from he just held his hands over hers, tight to her waist and upper thigh.

Chrystalline's eyes rolled back in her head as she tried to gather to strength to tell him what she'd done to herself. But the words escaped her and her head fell slack against him.

Kylo didn't ask another word, but gathered her in his arms, wrapping the skirt tightly around where he assumed the wound was and made for the medbay. He didn't even think to conceal them, moving to quickly to put in the effort he saw heads turning out of the corners of his eyes as he rushed down the corridors. They would all know soon enough, but that wasn't his concern right now.

The medbay door slid open and he placed her on the closest bed. Droids rushed to his side and started mechanically jostling her body looking for the wound. He couldn't stand the sight of them moving her around that way and pushed half of them aside. Placing his hands on her skirt and pulling the soaked fabric away from her skin he closed his eyes.

'Forgive me.' He thought as he ripped the last of it from around her waist revealing five perfectly even deep slices stacked one on top of the other around her hip. His eyes widened as the blood continued to pulse out of her, slowly now, but steadily.

"Get the doctor!" He bellowed startling a BB unit so much it's top hit the floor.

Kylo had never seen something like this, he couldn't wrap his head around what would have caused it. As he looked over her he quickly realized on her other hip were five identical cuts, already scabbing and not nearly as deep but it was all quickly becoming unmistakably obvious that she had made these marks herself. A gasp escaped his lips and his hand came up to cover his mouth. This poor creature. How much unrelenting anguish must a being feel inside to do this to themselves? He couldn't even fathom. Throughout all his years of what he thought was incomparable mental torment the thought had never even crossed his mind to release it in such a way. He gazed on, completely perplexed as the doctor, without asking, moved him aside to start stitching the cuts.

"Do you know how this happened, Supreme Leader?" He asked, his hand moving precisely, threading the needle in and out without pausing.

"I'm not fully certain, but I think... I think she did this to herself. Look at the other side."

"I noticed. I haven't seen someone able to cut themselves so deeply so many times in all of my life. That takes some serious ability to dissociate from one's self." He shook his head in pity. The droids worked behind him, cauterizing the seams of the stitches. "She's going to need to talk to someone, this kind of behavior isn't normal, obviously. She shouldn't be left alone."

Kylo watched as the droids hooked up a bag of blood to an I.V.

"Is that really necessary?" He gestured.

"She lost a lot of fluid, thank Gods you found her when you did."

Kylo shuddered at the thought of getting to his room any later than he had and possibly finding her too far gone on the floor.

Chrystalline let out a cough unexpectedly and suddenly sputtered back to life, gasping gently as her eyes shot open. When she finally caught her breath and let the bright sterile lights of the room around her settle in her vision she caught sight of Kylo, his face full of worry, perking up in his chair at her movement. And then her eyes met the doctor's who gave a small smile but continued working on her hip. Before she could even ask what was happening she remembered exactly what she had done. Shame overtook her like an avalanche and she moved her eyes away again, wishing the floor would open up and swallow her. Despite herself she felt Kylo moving to her side as his form blocked out the harsh medbay lights.

"You scared me." He couldn't think of anything else to say. Now wasn't the right time to ask her what kind of thoughts had consumed her so wholly she was able to do this to herself.

Chrystalline couldn't bring herself to look at him. This isn't how she wanted him to find out about this habit, if at all. Only once before had she done it so badly that she had to be brought to the doctor and then her father had chided her relentlessly. Telling her how much shame she had brought to herself and to their family, repeating over and over how disgusted he was with her. And even then she hadn't done it this badly. She could only imagine the mess she'd surely left all over his room.

"You're lucky he found you when he did. You really did a number on yourself." The doctor said flatly. Kylo winced at the carelessness of his words, he could easily see the discomfort in Chrystalline's face. Surely this wasn't an easy subject to discuss especially like this.

The doctor finished his sutures and stepped away, leaving them alone, both searching somewhere, anywhere but at one another to fix their eyes upon.

"You must think I'm insane." She mumbled, tears forming in her eyes. If he hadn't wanted to be rid of her before he surely would now.

"No... no, of course not." He pulled himself closer to her side in the wheeled stool he perched on. "I'll be honest in that I can't say I fully understand, but you've been through so much in the last few days it's only natural to act out in one way or another. You've never seen me in one of my moods, I've been known to tear apart a room like an unchained animal." He smiled, trying ever so gently to lighten the mood. His hand moved to her forehead and smoothed the loose hairs back from her face, wordlessly urging her to look at him.

She gulped lightly at his touch as the tears breached and fell down her cheeks.

"No one understands. It's so stupid. Why would anyone do something like this to themselves? I've... I've never done it this bad before. I don't know what came over me. I just felt so alone, it's become entirely clear that I don't really have anything to go back to anymore and without Abel... I never really did."

"Who said you had to go back?" Kylo blurted, surprising himself.

Chrystalline furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and finally looked at him.

"You don't mean that Kylo. Look at me." She gestured towards her bloodied and bandaged body. "I'm a mess. You, Supreme Leader, have so much to accomplish lying ahead of you. You don't need me hanging around, holding you back... no one does."

Kylo couldn't believe his ears, he'd never in his life heard anyone speak of themselves so disparagingly. He had spent so much of his life feeling sorry for himself and sure in the fact that no one had suffered the way he did, but this, this was something else entirely. How could someone so beautiful think so little of themselves? Had her father really ingrained the sense of worthlessness within her that deeply that she believed she needed to suffer in such a way? The thought of it made him ache.

"Don't talk like that. I couldn't bring myself to give you back to your father, not after everything you've told me. I want you here... with me. You're so strong Chrystalline, you have to see that. I'll make you see that."

"How can you say that? Strong people don't break like this, they don't scar their bodies with their anger!"

"Only a strong person would be able to do that Chrystalline, don't you see? I'm not saying it's the right way to handle things, but one can only take so much. It's obvious you endured until you just couldn't any more, everyone had a breaking point."

Chrystalline couldn't believe the way he was speaking of what she'd done. Any other person to find out only reacted with disgust or disdain. Even her sweet Abel had threatened on the last time she'd done it to leave her if she did it again. Again she found the only words coming to mind for Kylo at that moment to be...

"You're so good." She let one tiny sob escape her and grabbed his hand to her chest. "Thank you..."

"For what?"

"For not treating me like a lunatic. I'm not proud of myself for what I've done. I never am. It's just... sometimes the emotions, they're just too much," She tapped her chest. "Inside. And when I do this just for a second it ceases and the pain becomes comprehensible and I'm able to endure it."

In that Kylo easily understood. When he found himself swinging on inanimate objects when rage overtook him he delighted in the pain he felt in his knuckles and hands as the metal beat him back. He nodded at her knowingly.

"You continue to surprise me Chrystalline, you're more full of depth than I could have imagined. I won't ask you not to do this again, because no one can ask that of someone but themselves, but I will say, please tell me if you're feeling the urge. We can work through it together. I know that's a lot, trust me I do, but know that I will never look down on you for asking. I owe you that."

The doctor walked back around the corner.

"I'm going to put a little something in your I.V for the pain."

"No, don't please." She said sheepishly only looking at Kylo. A coy smile crept across her lips "Kind of defeats the purpose doesn't it?"

Kylo chuckled heartily at her morbidity and shook his head. The doctor grimaced and walked away again, obviously to perplexed to even answer.

"I have to say, you're unlike anyone I've ever met before, and I can't get enough of it." He squeezed her hand sweetly. "I'm not letting you get away anytime soon."

Chrystalline sighed, suddenly relieved in knowing she no longer had to keep her secret from him. She looked over his features, taking in the sincerity, she wasn't going to say it now, but he wasn't like anyone she'd ever come across either. Her hand came up to his cheek and her fingertips lightly tangled in his hair and she smiled knowing he was reading her thoughts anyway. They sat like that for what felt like hours, consciously content in the silence, gazing at each other while the machines blipped around them.

"I won't go anywhere." She breathed, now filling with the unfamiliar feeling of being understood.