Chapter 8: That's What You Get (Paramore)


Ian had always deserved better than he got...even from me.


The moment we pulled onto the road my phone rang.

"TT?"

"Hey babe...are you okay?"

"Can I just meet you guys at your house? I really don't want to be alone right now."

"Of course."

"Gladys won't mind?"

"Of course not! Mami will probably find some chore for you to do. She never passes up male assistance. You know that!"

"Yea. Well I'm already sitting in the driveway so I guess I'll go in and get started on whatever she needs."

"Okay. See you soon."

I ended the call and then rested against the seat. Quinn hadn't really said anything to me after leading me to the car. She seemed to be deep in thought, but what was new?

"You okay Q?"

"Um...yeah."

"What is it?"

"I don't think now is the appropriate time."

"Does it have to do with Ian?"

"No."

"Britt or Rachel?"

"No and no."

"Then tell me. I could really use a break from everything else!"

"It's about your sister."

"Which one? I have four."

"Celia."

"Okay. What about her?"

"Do you think she'd be interested in me?" she whispered so low that I had to lean in to hear her.

"Uh...like romantically?" I was dumbstruck. Quinn shot me a look and then looked back at the road. Her whole face was flushed pink.

"Yea."

"Um...yea...I don't see why not. She's single. You're single...you're both gay. I don't see why you can't be gay for each other...right?" I stuttered out. Talk about changing the subject! I was so not expecting that. Were you? I didn't think so!

"Last night after putting Izzy to bed for the sixth time...I had stumbled into the kitchen to get coffee or something. She was sitting there crying. We ended up talking some. She kept me company through Izzy's breathing treatment and then we kind of fell asleep in your bed."

"What?"

"It was on top of the covers, fully clothed."

"I think you should go for it Q."

"You think? I mean it's been like three days."

"So what."

"And she lives in Chicago."

"And Texas but she spends most of her time in New York with Sandra."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Her galleries are in Texas and Chicago...random I know...but she isn't really tied down or anything."

"Okay...that's not so bad."

"If she is interested in you then she will make time. I mean that's how she ended up in Chicago. She was down at Texas A&M and followed her college girlfriend there. So I don't see why you two couldn't work out the New York thing."

"Okay."

"But before we get ahead of ourselves...why don't you talk to her first."

"Okay." I watched as she gripped the steering wheel tightly and gulped down air. She was nervous. It was entirely amusing and just what I needed! God I love her!


When we walked into my mothers house I saw that Noah was cutting the grass. It was only seven and it would be dark soon so he was totally focused. He didnt' even seem to notice me walk right by him. I was glad that Mami was distracting him. He was taking this pretty hard. When we entered the house, Quinn went off to find my sister, who was probably painting by the pool and I headed straight for the kitchen knowing that I would find Mami in there as usual.

I felt the smile take over my face when I saw my mother and my son together. Something tugged my heartstrings seeing that she was so attentive with him. She sat reading a book (as usual) while Isaac sat in his bouncy chair shaking a maraca. She was looking up at him every few seconds, as I just stood there watching before walking completely into the room.

"It's creepy when you stare Santana." Mami said as she wiped drool off Isaac's chin.

I chuckled to myself and walked over to her. She looked up at me and brushed my hair out of my face.

"Noah told me what happened."

"Yea."

"I'm proud of you, mija."

I smiled and then leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"Bendicion."

"Dios te bendiga."

After our customary greeting I climbed onto the barstool that was next to her that was directly in front Isaac and called his name. The moment that my son heard my voice his baby blue eyes sparkled and he reached his arms out.

"Look how spoiled you have him already. Not good." Mami said as she turned a page in her book.

"Better to spoil him than to ignore him." I muttered. She snapped her face towards me and gave me a long gaze. I had hit a nerve and I didn't mean to.

"I'm sorry Mami, I didn't mean it like that." I said as I played with Isaac's feet. He was still reaching for me.

"No...I'm sorry. I should have been here for you more. I regret that. I'm here now though and if you need me to come to New York...I'll be there too. I promise."

"I'd like that."

"Mmm. Have you talked to Brittany?"

"No."

"Do you plan to?"

"I'm not calling her. She can call me. She left...not me."

"What happened to you girls?"

"Life happened."

"Bendito."


"So do you think I'm strong enough to hold him, yet?" I asked Mami as I watched him reaching for me still except now he was beginning to whine.

"Yes and I would do it soon. You know what his crying does to him when his lungs are acting up."

I unstrapped my adorable mini me and picked him up. He made the cutest gurgle laugh thing and then stared at me in awe. It always made me feel so important when he looked at me that way.

His eyes would get big and he would stare at me as if I am the most amazing thing in the world. Who could be depressed around this kid? Maybe if I had stayed and kept him near Ian...I can't start down that track...I just can't!

I showered his little face in kisses. I had missed him so much. It had been almost a full two days since I had last seen him and I had been feeling like a piece of me was missing.

When we had gotten back from the hospital and I saw him for the first time, it was hard to leave him but I knew that I had to. I had wanted to take him with me but Dr. Quinn medicine woman suggested that I not take him into that atmosphere. I agreed but still gave her shit about it. Picking with her just takes the edge off sometimes.


I laid in the guest room after dinner sandwiched between Celia, Quinn and Puck as we watched Liar Liar. I love Jim Carey. When I had my miscarriage, I had ended up spending a whole weekend at Quinn's house recouping with ice cream and Jim Carey. So it was no surprise to her when Quinn asked what I wanted to watch.

"Santana?" Mami poked her head in the room and looked at me for a moment before actually speaking. I poked my head up from between my two big comfy pillow friends and looked at her.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" I nodded and climbed out the bed. Quinn went to pause the movie but I just shook my head.

"Is everything okay?" I asked Mami as I stepped out into the hallway. She nodded and then put her hands on my shoulders. She was looking in my eyes as if she was trying to see something.

"Mami...you're scaring me. What's wrong?" I had given Isaac to her to put to sleep, because she wanted to spend the last few hours that he was here with him close to her.

"You have a visitor." she said cryptically.

"Its not um...Mrs. Perkins is it?" My heart sank. I really didn't want to deal with that old bat anymore than I had to.

"No. She's up in your room."

"Um...okay."

I hadn't been expecting company especially at almost ten at night, add to that, the fact that Mami was being weird. Like seriously strange, she even followed me up the stairs and to my bedroom door. When I went to open it she stilled my hand and grasped my chin until my eyes were lined up with hers.

"No matter what happens, Santana...I love you. I know you are hurting right now...your marriage has gone to shit and your health leaves something to be desired but regardless of it all, I love you. Okay?"

"Okay, Mami, thanks?" I looked at her with a cocked eyebrow and she just stared in my eyes another moment before pulling me in for a hug. I patted her back awkwardly and then stepped back.

"Are you headed to bed?"

"Yes. Make sure you set your alarm. I want to be out of here at six."

"Okay. Night Mami."

I watched Mami as she went across the hall and shut the door. She had me anxious. My hand was sweaty as it gripped the door knob. There were few people that got under her skin and made her act so strangely. I just couldn't imagine who it could be.


A million faces went through my head as I pushed the door open but none of them had looked like her. My heart squeezed so tight that I thought I was having a heart attack. I stood there looking at her with so many emotions flooding my body that I couldn't even formulate a greeting. This was definitely not what I expected.

When my mom went back to work I was four. I was too young to stay home alone so I spent a lot of time in Lima Heights with mi Abuela. She wasn't very nice to me and called me all sorts of names...it's what made me tough. She had never really approved of my mother marrying my father for a million reasons. He was her professor. He was divorced. He had four children. I mean you name it she probably accused him of it and she never spared my feelings when she ranted either.

Abuela and Mami had been at odds for years because my mom supported my Tio Gene being gay. Abuela took a lot of that anger out on me and even attempted to sell me when I was pestering her too much. At some point I gained her respect and we formed a bond that was special and unique. I was her angel...she loved me even though I was the spawn of an adulterer. Her words not mine.

When I was seven I begged my parents to let me take my first communion classes. Of course with my mother being a lawyer and my father being a doctor...they just didn't have the time. So I turned to Abuela and she immediately said yes. She delighted in my enjoyment of church and began to foster a deep sense of pride in me. She taught me to be God fearing and hard. She is the reason that I was able to deal with Sue Sylvester. A big part of who I am comes from her. She was like a mother to me. So it was no surprise that I began to prefer her house to my own home.

In my very first communion class I met Ariana, she was tough, witty and incredibly pretty. Her family had just moved from the Dominican Republic and she already spoke English flawlessly. She had olive skin, almond hazel eyes and a smile that could light up a town. I was secretly obsessed with her but did everything that I could to keep that to myself and with practice I hid it well.

We became fast friends and were inseparable, she was my first best friend and my first crush. We stayed friends all the way until I took confirmation at twelve. Unfortunately for us, after my confirmation my Abuela convinced my parents that I showing signs if gayness and that I was now old enough to be home alone. So my weekend and evening visits to Lima Heights abruptly ended and I was forbidden from seeing Ariana.

It's no coincidence that soon after that Marco was thrust back into my life and I got pregnant. I tried to keep in touch with Ariana but Abuela had covered her bases and told her parents too. So even when I called, I was hung up on. My parents allowed her to come to my quincenera but she only came to the church service, with her parents flanking her. She looked sad and heartbroken. I had waved and she had smiled. I hadn't seen her since.

Until now.


"Hey Anita, I'm sorry to bother you-" she said as she looked at me from my window seat. I snapped my eyes to her and then shook my head.

"You aren't bothering me."

"You're sure?"

"Want to go into the Magick Treehouse?" I asked gesturing out the window towards the big oak tree. I couldn't help the laugh that left my lips as I watched Ari's face lit up as she stood to her feet. I let her climb out of the window first and then I followed closely behind her.

This was probably the last time that I would be able to do this while pregnant. It suddenly hit me that I would love to bring Isaac up here someday. Maybe during summers once he and the baby were old enough. Maybe I would even move back to Lima someday...crazy right?

I watched Ari closely as she pushed open the door to the treehouse and went straight to the little lamp that hadn't moved since the last time that she had been up here. It was like she had just been there...I hadn't changed a thing.

The treehouse smelled like cherries and smoke. As I got older it had gone from a place to play to a place to get high and hide away. So much had happened in my life since I had last seen Ari. I couldn't help the excitement that vibrated through me as I stood there and watched her move around.

She finally just sat against the far wall, cross legged with her hands in her lap. I set up the pillows along the floor and then sat down against them. We sat down across from each other for the first time in almost seven years and it didn't even feel awkward, it felt right.


"So tell me how have you been Ari?"

"I'm great. I'm about to move to New York on Friday. I'm going to NYU. I had been wondering about you a lot lately and then tonight I went to that funeral with my friends from the neighborhood. I didn't know Ian but my friends did. They know that I'm leaving Lima and that I'm probably not coming back so they asked me to tag along. When Father Newman called out your name, I couldn't believe it and then you walked up there...I just don't know, everything just stopped. My attention was suddenly on you and nothing else mattered. What you said up there was so poignant and just so...right! So Santana! It was hot. I knew then, that you hadn't changed so much, you were still every bit a rebel as you have always been. I just had to see you."

"Wow."

"Yeah...sorry if that was a little forward, but you know me. I always go for what I want."

"Well you may have just come at the right time for me."

"Wow...seriously? That's crazy." She said, suddenly looking flushed.

I chuckled as I rested my head against the wall and just looked at her. Her lips still had that pout to them and a crease just in the center of her bottom lip. I used to fantasize about kissing her just there. I shook myself from my thoughts and smiled really big.

"Everything on some level is crazy. Like the fact that while you always get what you want...I always just take it...whenever I want it."

"Are you flirting with me Anita?"

"Do you want me to be?"

"Um..."

"So tell me, Arita," I rolled her nickname around my mouth and winked at her, "What did you come here to get exactly?" I cocked an eyebrow and looked sideways at her...waiting for her to realize that I was severely fucking with her.

"My best friend back."

"I never left."

"Hmmm...I guess not."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. Like crazy!" she said as she scooted closer to me. "Shame its too late for us, huh?"

"What do you mean? We can be best friends again. We're adults now."

"Yeah but I'm off to New York."

"I'm only in Lima for the funeral...I live in New York."

"Nah...really? Are you still fucking with me?"

"No... I'm serious. It's me, my best friend and my uh...w-wife."


I watched Ari's face go pale, drop into a grimace and then she flush red as she tried to hide her reaction but she had always sucked at it. I smiled and then winked at her again. We had always casually flirted but from what I knew, she was straight just like she probably assumed I was until a few seconds ago.

"Wow I've missed a lot. So you are married to a woman? Not Ian."

"Yea...he and I just made babies together. I am definitely married to a woman. Her name is Brittany. She's a dancer."

"Like me."

"Yes...I have always had a thing for dancers."

"So you've always had a thing for me?"

"I guess I have. That's what Abuela had seen all those years ago. I was falling for you and she put a stop to it the best way she could."

"It didn't stop me from falling for you. I mean when I saw you at church on your quincenera mass...I still got all nervous and sweaty...kind of like now."

"And just like then...you can't have me."

"Yeah. I know..."

"Sorry."

"It's no big deal. I didn't come here to molest you or anything."

"Could have fooled me."

"So...the babies? How did that happen?" she abruptly changed the subject and averted her eyes.

"Oh yeah...that's an insanely long story."


I spent the next twenty minutes updating her on the crazy year that I had just had and she listened intently. She was very cautious with her actions as she rubbed my knee in comfort as I sat there replaying the bad times. I felt so broken inside as I sat against the wall with my hands in my lap and I told her how Britt and I were taking a break from each other.

"Wow, Anita, that's a lot to deal with."

"Yeah but what can I do but suck it up."

"Just don't continue to suck it up you deserve better than that."

"Now you sound like Ian."

"You know what it's good to see that you still have that bad ass courage from when we were kids...it took some serious balls to go up in front of that church and basically tell off the Priest and Ian's mother"

"Yeah well...she totally didn't understand him and abused him. I couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't allow her to spend another moment cutting him down."

"She was a bit extreme with the way she was acting. I'm surprised that you didn't deck her."

"Oh I wanted to...but that would have been pointless. Plus I'm really high risk in this pregnancy. I mean I was just discharged from the hospital this morning. I didn't want to start anything that would have put this little nugget in jeopardy." I rubbed my little baby bump and looked up at Ari. She was watching me and squinting.

"What are you thinking? You have that constipated look...which means you have to take a shit or you want to ask me something...please don't shit on my floor." I smirked when her ears turned bright red.

"Um...so can we see each other more in the city?"

"I would really like that. I've missed you."

"I missed you too."

"So what are you studying?"

"What else? Dance."

"Wow...that's a tough program."

"Yeah well...what can I say, I'm all sorts of awesome!" she smirked and it floored me. I had seen her dance as kids and even back then she was an indomitable force. I will never admit this out loud but Ari could probably out dance my wife by leaps and bounds. Literally.

After I walked Ari out to her car and we exchanged phone numbers, I couldn't help but smile on my face. It was the first time in days that someone other than those immediately surrounding me made me happy. It was the first time that I didn't miss Britt.

As I closed the door I could feel Quinn's presence before I saw her. I didn't even act like I was shocked or anything because I didn't care.

"Geez...why are you such a creeper, Q?" I turned around abruptly and could see her leaning against the wall.

"Wow...she was hot. Who was that?"

"That was Ariana...remember her?"

"No...you're fucking kidding, that hot chick was Ari? Wow! Britt would faint!"

"Stop right there, Quinnie, it's not like that!"

"Not yet! It's really such a shame that we have a flight first thing in the morning."

"That's not a problem because she starts at NYU next week."

"Oh boy."

"What?"

"You already don't see that as a problem."

"Stop it, Q."

"Oh...San...this is so not going to end up well."

"I'm not going to sleep with her." I said as I pushed my hair back from my face in frustration.

"Who are you trying to convince?"

"Fuck you, I'm going to bed. See you in the morning. Tell Noah, I said good night."


The flight back to the city was long and rough. I was so frustrated with Isaac and his crying. He cried like he was in severe pain and it was scaring the shit out of me. I kept rubbing his back and trying to soothe him the best that I could but nothing seemed to be working.

I was so happy when we finally touched down at La Guardia and so was he it seemed because the moment we stepped into the terminal he was fine again. I actually felt really bad when people were giving me rude looks as we headed to find our luggage. Isaac was still wheezing as he breathed against my neck. I felt the tears pooling in my eyes when a few women looked at me with pity.

We went straight from the airport to the hospital. Isaac looked a bit pale and was sweating profusely. I had Quinn check us in and was thankful when she took over and finally asked to see anyone that was available.

It took awhile but finally we ended up in the NICU, just where I didn't want to be.

He had pneumonia again.

I cried hard into my hands as I watched them stick my little baby with needles and attached wires to him. It took both Quinn and Sandra, who had shown up the moment Quinn called her, to get me to leave the room and head down to my own doctor's appointment. I had been so wrapped up in Isaac and what he needed that I didn't really give much attention to the fatigue that was rocking me.


Dr. Cabot may not have Doc's sense of humor but she was quick and efficient. She had me laying on the table and my feet up in minutes. She seemed stressed as she finally patted my legs and asked me to sit up.

"How bad is it?" I asked as I looked into her face. She looked at me with stern expression as she tapped her pen against the clipboard in her lap.

"I'm putting you on bed rest. Your stitches are strained and you are in danger of bleeding out again. You are moving way too much and you are way too skinny. So I want you to spend this week off your feet and then come in and see me on Saturday, got it?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Any questions?"

"Yes...is the baby okay?"

"Well, other than the stitches, everything looks good. The baby is still hanging in there even though his Mami isn't taking proper care of herself."

"I'm trying."

"Try harder."

"I will."

"I talked to you doctor an Lima and I agree that you need to put on some weight, he says ten pounds and I say fifteen. So eat whatever you want while you are on bed rest. Doctor's orders. Also I think we need to up your prenatal vitamins and calcium."

"Okay, whatever you think is best."

The doctors wanted to keep Isaac for a few days to rehabilitate his lungs. Apparently, we had caught the pneumonia early this time, which was a good sign. I was so angry at the world and at myself for being such an idiot. He was suffering because of me and it made me feel pitiful. I wanted so badly to stay with him but Sandra urged me to go home and get some rest.


Walking into my house without B and without Isaac made me feel dead inside. Sandra dropped me off and then went to pick up her husband from the airport. Quinn had gone off for a meet and greet at Columbia and then planned on going to see Rachel. I told her that she was stupid but she insisted that it was just to talk and that she would be home later. I sat in bed feeling lonely so I called the one person that is supposed to help with all of that but who had better things to do.

I was angry that it had come down to this...I shouldn't have been the first to call but it had been two days and I hadn't heard a peep. She knew that I had to go to that funeral and that I would be upset so I thought for sure that she would call and check on me but apparently I have too much faith in my wife.

"Hey Ana!" she said all excited like, as if we were on good terms.

"Hey B. How are things in LA?"

"Good, really busy. I stopped by the hospital yesterday to see you before I left but you were knocked out."

"Yeah? It's okay."

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to check on you. I'm home now just so you know."

"Oh okay. Well I'm good."

"Great...um...I'll let you go...have a good time." I felt the tears choking me into submission and so I tried to rush her off the phone.

"Whoa! Santana! Wait!" I heard her yell as I took the phone from my ear. I hate when she calls me that. Get it together Lopez. She is just your wife...even if she doesn't act like it.

"Yes?"

"So...how is Isaac?"

"Um...he's in the hospital. Pneumonia again."

"Shit. Oh no! It's really bad?"

"No, its not as bad as last time but they are going to keep him for a few days."

"Wow. I wish I was there with him. Are you there?"

"I told you already, I'm home."

"Uh...why? Its like noon there. I'm surprised you aren't with him."

"It's no big deal. Don't worry. Go back to you're busy schedule. Have fun!" I hung up before she could respond and almost immediately got a text.

Y r u shutting me out?-B

Tired. Taking a nap. I'll talk to you later.-S

I put the phone on the nightstand and stripped down to my panties and my undershirt. I felt exhausted and sticky. So I turned on the air and then my phone buzzed again. I crawled under the covers and curled up on my side before picking the phone back up.

Ur on bed rst?-B

Q told you?-S

Yes. Y didn't u tll me?-B

Pointless. You can't do anything from there. No worries I'm fine, Isaac will be fine. Just dance.-S

Do u wnt me 2 cum hme?-B

No.-S

R U sure?-B

Yes. I'm going to bed now.-S

K. Luv u!-B

Night.-S


I put the phone on silent and climbed back out of the bed. I needed to clear my head so I decided that I would just take a shower. I had never been in the house completely alone and was totally freaked out by how hollow it felt. I was tired and strained as I locked the bathroom door and then attempted a quick shower.

I began to get that woozy feeling again and immediately stepped out the shower feeling like if I passed out that I should be in bed and not on any hard surfaces.

I didn't feel any pain but I immediately began to vomit as I leaned over the toilet. I hadn't even had time to kneel so it was splattering on the seat.

Great!

I was so tired as I pulled myself up and brushed my teeth. Thankfully after getting sick, my body felt semi normal and I was able to make it back to my bedroom without any problems. I pulled my huge t shirt back on and then collapsed onto the bed feeling heavy and gross still. I felt exhausted.

I woke up a little while later in a room that was filled with darkness, lit only by the street lights. I was still tired but this time, I felt like my body was made of led and I couldn't move. I was dazing off and then just before I fell asleep again, I realized that I was lying in a pool of my own vomit and sweat. The sheets were drenched.

The sight of the vomit made me nauseous but I had to get up. I had to clean it up, I couldn't just lie in my own vomit like an animal.

So I laid there trying to get my heavy limbs to work.


"San?"

I was filled with relief when I heard Q as she climbed up the steps. I finally managed to stumbled from the bed but when I attempted to stand up I felt sick again. I sat there on the edge of the bed, feeling the tears drip down my face. I was gripping the edge of the bed so hard that my knuckles were turning white. I felt dizzy as I tried to raise up my head and felt like maybe I just needed to lie back down. I was debating my next move as the door creaked open and when I felt her eyes on me, I immediately began sobbing.

"San, sweetie, what happened?"

I looked up at her and shook my head. I had no words. What was I supposed to say? She turned the light on and walked over to me and rested the back of her hand against my forehead.

"I'm here now okay?" I nodded my head but kept my eyes towards the floor. "Can you stand?"

I shrugged my shoulders as I reached a hand out and clasped onto hers. She slowly helped me to my feet but then a pain shot up my back and my knees buckled. I hung onto her hand so that I didn't crash into the floor. I thanked God and Sue for making Quinn strong enough to hoist me back to my feet and hold me there.

"Okay...let's stay calm...okay? We need to get you to a hospital." I shook my head as I cried harder against her.

"No. I just haven't eaten. I need to eat and I'll be fine."

"Sweetie you're bleeding again. Let me get you to the hospital."

"I-I-I..." I dissolved into tears again.

"Sweetie you have to calm down." I nodded and allowed her to help me to my feet. "When did you last eat?"

"After the funeral back in Lima."

"San that was over 24 hours ago!"

"I know. I forgot."


Quinn helped me down the stairs and then covered the backseat of my car with towels. She was doing everything that she could to maintain her composure but I could tell that she was freaking out inside. She seemed to be a little more calm than she had before because the bleeding wasn't as bad as last time but she was still being incredibly cautious. I got dizzy and I knew that I was going to pass out.

"Q?" I whispered as the car started moving.

"Yes, San?"

"Don't call Britt." I whispered and then everything went black.


I suck at being pregnant.

I am just horrible at taking care of myself.

I'm destructive and careless.

I'm a bad mother.

I'm a bad friend.

I'm a horrible wife.

I should be dead instead of Ian.

These are the things that were circulating in my mind as I was stuck in the darkness. I felt lower than I had ever felt before and despite being so sure that most of those things weren't true, I still allowed my negative thoughts to surround me. I just needed one thing.

Its what I always needed.

Not to be alone.


I expected to wake up in the hospital but crazy the thing about the city is that this kind of thing is common and therefore I wasn't admitted. They sewed me back up and then I was sent on my way and even though I was unconscious they didn't bother to wait for me to wake up. So, when I woke up, it startled me to be face to face with my older sister who looked insanely worried and kind of pissed.

"Good you're awake!" she said bitterly.

"Hey Sandra."

"Enough is enough. I'm putting my foot down...you are staying here until Brittany comes back home." It was then that I realized that I wasn't in my own bedroom but in a bedroom at my sister's house in Westchester, New York.

"And if she doesn't come back?"

"That's not an option. Screw the break she will come back."

"Whatever San, you don't know Britt like I do, she is going to do what's best her first, before anyone else. So just take me home."

"Fuck that. Listen to me Santana, you are staying here. You and Isaac. I'm going to personally make sure you eat every meal, everyday and I'm going to make sure that you rest. I don't like seeing you like this. Isaac has already lost Ian don't you leave him too."

"Alright...okay. I'll do whatever you want. As long as you stop staring at me like that." she broke out in a smile and slapped my shoulder.

"Good. Your common sense is back. Now I have someone that wants to talk to you."

I nodded and tried to get up out of the bed but Sandra pushed my shoulders backwards until I was sitting up against the headboard.

"Stay here!"

I sat back and simply nodded. Sandra's anger was less humorous when I was sober and I really didn't want to piss her off.


The door opened and I heard a bunch of laughter and then Britt entered carrying a tray of food. Sandra closed the door behind her and I just sat there and looked at my wife. Feelings of anger and bitterness coursed through my veins as I looked at her coupled with a sense of joy that I hadn't felt in a while.

Damn my conflicting emotions.

I was really starting to resent her timing!

I missed her.

She was smiling at me but I couldn't bring myself to smile back.

She was the last person I wanted to see but that was becoming for us because her smile didn't fade this time, instead she walked closer to me and dropped a kiss on my head. She wasn't going to let my walls get in her way...she was going to dismantle them piece by piece whether I liked it or not.


A/N: Wow...that took way too long to get through. Thank you for the reviews and adds and faves. I appreciate every comment and critique. Tell me what you think!