Hello, children. How are you on this fine Friday?
I had nothing to do, so I thought I'd finish this chapter today. Thank OTP days, I guess; they serve no practical function for students, but they still rock because we get the day off.
Oh, and No More Heroes rocks. If you can get it, get it; you won't regret it. Some things about it are hard as hell, but otherwise it's the best action game on the planet. Comedy, action, and great characters! I think Suda51's on to something...
And now, I give you this. Enjoy!
Okay. I seriously don't get something.
Nobody's gotten what they want at all yet, and yet it's now been three weeks since I last saw the warden. Link's been protesting at every turn, and yet he keeps on getting beaten for what he does and whatnot.
He's got a lot of courage, though; I wouldn't be able to do half of that stuff that Link has managed to do. Of course, now he's been darting his head this way and that, but really, it got me his respect.
In fact, I kind of feel guilty for playing around with him when we first met. Now that I look back on it, I can't believe how fucking stupid I was to tell him off the way I did. I would like to apologize, but Link's probably put it somewhere else for the moment.
And in other news, I still haven't thought of a good excuse. Oh, shit, I hope that something saves me from having to face that motherfucker again.
And if it's Link, even better; it will give him my utmost respect. It's already general knowledge that Link is trying to help out here, but fuck, it makes life here all the more bearable. I mean, if it does ultimately succeed, then perhaps we haven't suffered for nothing at all. And actually, it makes us all realize one thing; we're all in this together.
Which is why I've decided to climb into Snake's bed more often. I don't like what he does to me in there, but these days, I grin and bear it. After all, if the sounds we make in that bed annoy the hell out of the staff, why not? It's time that push turned to shove.
Motherfuckers.
And it's even better, because tomorrow we get an inspection agent to make sure the prison is running smoothly. If it so happens that they select somebody to get beaten (which I don't think will happen, but hey, the chance is still there), then it's even better; it's just one step closer to getting our rights back. After all, once the people find out, the outrage is going to force Dedede to give us our rights that we've been needing for so long.
Wow. I think I just sounded eloquent there.
That is so unlike me.
But really, it's all true. I really do feel like that, and in all actuality, even if it is out of my character I still feel it's the only fucking way I can put it.
So, there's hope for all of us.
Let's just hope that things go as I hope they will…
So, the inspector comes around today, eh?
This is the time that we're supposed to pretend everything is normal, and that we're receiving good treatment. Is that it?
Pretend that everything is normal, my ass. Normal in this place is fucked up, and there is no way in hell that I am going to pretend that everything's fine.
Actually, I'm going to use the guard's own weapons of intellect against them; if they don't like it when we don't do things for kicks, I'll let their anger take control. Provided the inspector walks in at the right time, it will work like a dream.
The tactics are incredibly dirty, but if it will do anything to get our rights back, it'll work.
We were all gathered into the mess hall so that things would look normal. At least, whatever their definition of normal was. We all had food in front of us, but I refused to eat. Everybody else ate, but I remained steadfast.
Everybody else was just playing along; Ike and Snake are playing along because they know what my game plan is, and everybody else playing along hoping that I can help them out.
At least this time the food is somewhat better than it normally is. I took maybe one or two bites of it to make it look like I had eaten something, but really, I didn't feel like going on because of what my game plan involved.
Man, I can hardly wait for this to play out.
The guards finally filed into the room, signaling that the inspector was close. At first, they did nothing, and apparently they didn't notice that I was sitting there doing absolutely nothing with my food.
Oh well. Stay still, Link. They'll notice eventually. After all, they always do.
And sure enough, the guards looked at me and began walking towards me, all of them disappearing from my sight as they neared me. I was able to hear their footsteps, though, and I inwardly smiled as they came close.
At first, I felt a light prodding sensation in my ribs. Probably them trying to get me to eat.
I didn't budge at all. I'm not going to fall to you bitches anytime soon.
Then, I flinched a little as I felt a security guard's breath on my face.
Jesus Christ, dude! What did you drink last night? Your breath is full of alcohol! Or something!
"Hey," said the guard politely. "We want you to eat. Is that too much to ask?"
I just sat there. Keep going…
"Will you please eat?" asked the guard after clearing his throat.
I think that the guards are beginning to gesture wildly at each other from behind my back. I think they might get to the point soon…
The guard sighed and knelt next to my seat. Come on, give me the fucking good stuff!
"Listen," said the guard. "We do not want to beat you up today. The inspectors are here, and we do not want bad impressions. So eat."
Oh, dear. They're really playing their safe cards now. At this point, I have to act now or nothing will be accomplished.
"Give me one fucking good reason why you want to look so good to them," I said.
"Because we have families to feed?" asked the guard.
It took all of my willpower to keep myself from laughing.
Because you have families to feed? Come on!
"You do realize that that is a weak argument," I countered. "Right?"
"But sir, I—" began the guard.
"Why the fuck should I give a shit about you and your family that you need to feed?" I asked him.
He paused, not sure what to say. One thing is that the other guards were clearly beginning to be annoyed. I think I'm getting there. Now, I just need to push them the right amount…
I can tell that the guy that's talking to me has the most collected demeanor of all of the guards; this one rarely gets in the fights. He's actually sort of a mama's boy-type person; he does only what he's supposed to do. But he takes orders without question, so obviously they ordered him around.
"Sir, please don't swear at me," said the guard.
"What makes you think I shouldn't?" I asked the guard. "Everybody's sworn at some point in their lives."
"That's not the point!" said the guard. "The point is that I have a family to feed and I can't do anything else around here."
"Do you think I actually care about your family?" I asked him.
"Well, yes," said the guard. "After all, a family is very dear to anybody. Right?"
There was a short silence, and afterwards I couldn't hold it back any longer.
Without prompting, I began to laugh wildly. I got stares from every direction wondering what I was laughing at, but I don't fucking care. Anything that will get these guards annoyed is enough.
They waited for me to stop laughing. And I did after a few seconds.
"You actually think I care for your family?" I asked, still laughing. "Because you hang around us more than you hang around them, and what do we get? Beatings for things we have no control over."
At this point, I figured one of the guards was beginning to get fed up with my behavior, for then I felt somebody grab my arm roughly. I then felt whoever had grabbed me shake me very roughly and with an intent to kill.
"Listen, mister!" said the other guard threateningly. (I think it was the 'bitch' guard. She is a real bitch, too…) "You will act normally in this situation, or so help me God I am going to tear your fucking throat out!"
"May as well tear it out then," I said, not flinching after the physical contact. "Face it; this is a world where a person disobeying orders is normal. I don't know what you're fussing about, because this is normal for people in a world where you don't care what 'normal' constitutes for us. So fuck you. I don't have to follow—."
I think that did it, because then I felt the first blow connect with my cheekbone.
And after that, all hell broke loose. When the fist connected with my cheekbone, I think I fell onto the guy next to me, and before I knew it I had been pulled down to the floor where the punches began raining on me. I think I heard fellow prisoners trying to get the angry guards off of me, because I heard yelling all over me.
And then, after a few seconds it was over. Everybody had frozen where they stood, and they all looked in the same direction. After the guards let go of me, I twisted around and stood up to see what was going on.
Sure enough, Dedede was standing next to the inspector, both of them just having entered the room. Behind his little glasses and his nerd-type look, a look of shock and anger beyond anything else played on his face. The penguin looked in kind, though inside I'll bet he's ready to kill someone. Probably the guards, but that's beside the point.
After a long silence, the inspector looked at Dedede, the shock having worn off.
"I am afraid this is serious, Mr. Dedede," said the inspector. "I believe this set of guards will have to be fired. Now is there anything else that is wrong in here?"
Dedede was at a loss of words. Oh, yeah! I gotcha there, bitch!
"No, sir," responded the warden.
"Good," said the inspector. "This is your first warning about corruption in the prison. If anybody has to warn you again, you can say goodbye to this job."
The warden nodded, and the two of them disappeared behind the door that they had come in through.
The guards looked back at me, all of them with anger in their faces.
One of them raised a club against me, but really, it's redundant.
"You know, you did just prove his point."
All eyes reverted to Ike, who was standing just a few feet away from where I was.
(Since when was he close to the action? He wasn't even sitting next to me when all that happened…)
"I mean, you beat us whenever we don't eat," said Ike. "That is a clear statement of your hatred towards us. So if you can't behave like civilized men and realize that we were also once civilized men, get out."
The guards looked at each other, and then they all got up and left.
I win.
Bitches.
I sat on a bench in the gym, Link sitting next to me on the bench.
The guards were fired, as directed by the inspector.
It's worked like a miracle, actually; right now, we're actually being better behaved than we normally are. I'm not just talking about Link; everybody is behaving better. Nobody is swearing right now (which is good, since I'm getting tired of everybody swearing their heads off…), and we're all just going around doing absolutely nothing.
It's refreshing; you'd think that this is when all hell would break loose, but really, we're just sitting here being normal civilians for once.
And apparently, it's going to be like this until they hire new guards. I can hardly wait for it at all.
Neither of us said much, the two of us just doing whatever we felt like doing with the weights. The gym was pretty much empty today, since we're the only people in here. It's kind of nice, actually, because now I don't deal with all the noise that goes on around here.
Man, if only prison was like this every day.
Finally, Link grunted and set the dumbbells he had been working with on the rack and turned to face me.
"Well, we did it," he told me. "We might get something done about that hole in the ceiling finally."
"Yeah," I said, continuing what I was doing with my own set of dumbbells. "It's crazy. It's been around two months since you've come in, and already you've done so much for all of us here. I don't like how you managed to reveal their fraud, though. I mean, you did provoke them into beating you, right?"
"That's true," said Link. "But really, under normal circumstances? They got provoked into beating us if we didn't fit in. Plus, they let this place go into neglect. So relatively speaking, those motherfuckers got what they had coming. And hopefully, they'll do something right with the next set they hire."
"But that's not enough to ensure our rights," I countered. "Hiring a new set of guards? Not my idea of getting our rights back."
"Yes, but what about the public?" asked Link. "Snake told me that yesterday's beating made it on headline news."
"Wait, Snake reads the news?" I asked.
This is new. Last I checked I couldn't find anybody in this place that was into the news. And really, Snake seems like the most unlikely candidate for reading the news.
"Well, not really," responded Link as I laid my set of dumbbells on the floor. "He reads it because of a love advice column that's in the paper. I think it's by an EgavasNad or somebody like that. But anyways, when he got the paper, he couldn't help but notice that there was something on the front page about a prison. When he read further, he realized that it was us the paper was talking about."
"So the public is going to get pissed off about it," I said.
"Yes," said my companion, who began pacing around the room with a smile on his face. "And they'll have to do something when the mob starts protesting around the city hall. And if they go in the right direction, we could get our rights."
"Ah!" I exclaimed.
"Good, you got it," said Link.
"I think you going on that rampage was the best thing that happened to this place, eh?" I asked.
Link's expression dropped suddenly.
Oh, no. I don't think I should have worded it like that…
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said abruptly.
"No, don't worry about it," said my companion, sitting next to me on the bench. "In a sickeningly fucked up way, you're right."
"Yeah," I said. "I… I think you deserve our thanks here… So thank you. For everything you've done."
The Hylian winked at me as my face turned to greet his.
"Hey, nothing to it," he responded. "I'm just doing what I should have done earlier."
I chuckled, and the conversation continued for a long time. We talked about quite a bit of stuff, actually I think we talked a lot about ourselves, and our friendships and acquaintances outside of the prison, about our friends in the prison, and a whole lot of other things. I couldn't recall the conversation now because it all flowed by like a dream.
And when we went to the cell later, I think Link actually went to sleep for the first time in weeks. I know this because when I woke up the next morning, he was snoring on the bed beneath me.
I'm sitting here in the unusual calm of what happened after the guards got fired. I can barely wait to see what happens next. Snake's off in the weight room and there's nothing to do, so I figured I'd sit and think a little
Shit, I'm shaking. I have to come up with an excuse for Dedede by tonight, or else my ass is done for. Okay, I might have my rights, but what good will it do if the warden is intimidating?
Ah, shit. I'm fucked.
This is just about the worst place ever.
I can remember back when I took those shots of whiskey or whatever I drank that night. We were all partying and shit, and we were all happy with each other.
Why, oh why, did it have to lead to this hell-hole? I fucking hate them! They tricked me!
I heard a set of footsteps, and then I saw guards.
They weren't new, though. I recognized them as the guards of the visitors rooms.
"Sonic, yes?" asked one of the guards.
"That's me," I responded. "Why are you guys here?"
"You have a visitor," said the other guard. "I've been asked to keep the identity of your visitor a surprise."
"You're not shitting me, are you?" I asked. "I mean, this is odd and stuff, and—"
"Don't worry about that," responded apparently what was the older of the two guards.
I sighed, knowing where this was going.
"Come in," I said.
They went into my cell, put my hands into the familiar cuffs, and escorted me to the visitors room.
The walk was rather boring, too. Damn it!
But it was when I had my cuffs removed and was put in the visitor's room when I got the shock of my life. Sitting on the other side of the bars was somebody all too familiar.
Damn pink fur. Why'd that have to give it away?
"Ames?" I asked as I entered the room, the shock slowly showing on my face as I advanced towards the bars.
"Sonic," said my ex-girlfriend simply.
She was sitting on the other side of the bars with that trademark pink dress of hers. Her head hung limp for I don't know what reason
Yep. It's Ames all right.
The fuck? When she dumped me, she had resolved not to speak to me ever again.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. "I thought you were never going to talk to me again after that."
"I did, yes," said Ames. "But then, I got the paper in the mailbox yesterday morning saying that somebody had gotten beaten here."
"Link, right?" I asked, taking a seat in the chair.
"Yes," said my ex. "But that's not the point. The point is that I did all that to you because I was angry."
"Right," I said. "Go on."
"And then, when I got the paper yesterday, I was shocked," said Amy. "I… I wasn't able to believe what I read. I had actually left you in a place where you could get hurt. And… And I felt I had wronged you. I'm sorry…"
You're not crying, but your voice is rather… sincere. If I was on the other side of the bars, I would have hugged her.
Wow. Sincere.
That's the first big word to come to mind in a while.
"It's okay, Ames," I said, reaching my hand through the bars and laying it there.
Upon noticing my hand sneaking in there, she clutched it with all she had. I think she would have brought it up to her face, but the fact that the table was there kept it from happening. I know Ames like a book; that's what she would do in a case like this.
"So, what else are you here to tell me?" I asked as tenderly as possible as Amy held on to my hand.
She looked at me, seeming like she was mustering all of the courage in the world to say something.
"You're free…" she said.
"Yeah," I said. "I don't know about that, though, because I'm still behind bars."
"No," she stated. "Think. You're free."
Wait, what?
Okay, Sonic. Think. What could she mean by free?
Well by your original interpretation of the context, you figured that you were free from the problems that not having a constant companion outside of the prison would free my soul a little, but apparently I was wrong. So what else would be new?
(Holy shit, that felt like something from debate class. I'm not normally THAT fancy!)
Unless…
"You mean you payed?" I asked. "All of it?"
"I couldn't get your driver's license reinstated," she said. "But otherwise, yes. I paid it. You're free, Sonic. You don't have to stay in this place anymore."
"Are you serious?" I asked, the excitement in me beginning to build.
"Yes," said Amy, her eyes lighting up.
It took all of the willpower vested in me to keep me from jumping into the air and doing a victory pose, but I still wrapped my fingers around Ames with a crushing force, the tears of joy beginning to seep out of my eyes.
Finally! No more Snake to do things in bed! No more annoying spring that's there! No more Dedede to intimidate the shit out of me! No more of that stuff that I hated about this place!
I'm free!
I didn't say anything for a while, and I looked at Ames, unsure of what to say next.
Finally, I figured out what I should say next, and I opened my mouth.
"So, when do I get out of here?" I asked.
"Right now, sir."
I turned around to see a guard standing there.
"What?" I asked. "Are you serious?"
"Very," said the guard. "I'll escort you to the restrooms so you can get out of that uniform and into something more comfortable, eh?"
I looked at Amy, and she nodded at me. I know I can trust her to wait on me, but the extra confirmation helps.
So I followed the guard to a restroom, and he gave me a white shirt and some jeans. After finally getting out of that annoying prison uniform, I pulled the jeans onto me and realized just how great it felt to have them on. The shirt felt even better, actually, since it doesn't actually wrinkle around my body. He also left a jacket in there for me to change into, so I went ahead and put that on too, finally glad that I had something normal on for once.
I walked out, and the guard escorted me to a doorway where I would be free once and for all.
I stopped at the door, though, and realized that I hadn't said goodbye to Link or Ike or any of the guys I had come to know in my time here.
Ah, shit! I can't believe this! Damn it!
How could I leave and not tell them?
"Something the matter?" asked the guard.
Or maybe I can get the guard to tell them.
"You know who Link is, right?" I asked.
"Of course," he said.
"Would you go to him and tell him that I'm sorry for what I did to him when we met and that he has my gratitude for getting me out of here?" I asked.
It's true, actually; now that I think about it, the guy I used to make fun of saved my life deserves some kind of apology. It's not in person, but it will do. I hope.
"I shall," said the guard.
"Thank you," I stated.
Then, without another moment's hesitation, I opened the door, and upon finding Amy there I let out the excitement that had built up in me out in the form of leaping into her equally excited form.
In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., I'm free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last.
Damn it! This isn't how it's supposed to go!
My guards aren't supposed to be fired! That annoying hedgehog isn't supposed to get away! What the hell is this?
Damn that Link! Damn him to fucking hell!
'Give us our rights.' Pah. You prisoners violated the rights of others; what makes you think that you deserve rights? You scumbags are good for nothing but rotting in hell! Those bastards that killed my entire family in front of my eyes got no mercy, so why should these other criminals that did things to people get mercy?
Screw them! They're not getting their rights!
And that Link… What shall I do with him?
I know! I'll make his life miserable. No more mercy for him!
Now he's really going to know what it is to defy the law, and especially me!
For I, Dedede, am the law, and anything I do is fact whether they like it or not. And for that, I am going to make your life miserable, Link!
You will rue the day you dared to defy me, Hylian! You will rue the day you stayed up all night!
