Chapter 8
Edward's Point of View:
From the moment Alice shared what she saw with everyone, Jasper was on the phone planning a search grid for all of us to follow to find Bella quicker. We pulled the car over at the nearest shoulder and left it by the roadside. We would arrive there faster if we ran. Jasper barked directions to all of us and I didn't need his gift to understand the fear and worry that drove us all to race off in frantic blurs.
I saw a few glimpses of the areas surrounding Bella from Alice's visions. I think I recognized some of the places. I turned northeastward and took off at my top speed.
Rain began to fall lightly around me, but I didn't slow. I could sense the muddy prints I was leaving behind. "Bella!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
I could no longer hear the mental voices of my siblings as I ran further toward the places I thought I recognized from a few of Alice's visions.
Alice's Point of View:
Jazz ran beside me, never letting go of my hand. I could feel his love and concern for me. He tried to calm me with his gift. I couldn't calm myself in spite of his best efforts.
I glanced in his eyes and without saying a word, I knew Jazz knew my deepest fears.
"We'll find her," he promised. "We won't let anything happen to her.
I squeezed his hand. I wanted to believe him, but my visions kept flickering between Bella's immolation and some of us finding her. The only encouraging sign was that I was seeing more images of Bella with Edward. I only hoped those images would be what truly happened. We had to find her. We just had to.
Carlisle's Point of View:
"Yes, I'm sure, Edward, I said to my son as his cell signal began to break apart. He was already dead by the time he crashed. He has too many breaks and his ribs were broken so badly his lungs and heart were punctured in several places."
"I…..she …believes me."
"Edward, find her," I said urgently, but it was too late. The signal was gone.
Bella's point of view:
I sat high in a tree branch that loomed above its neighbors as the storm clouds rolled in. I saw the lightning in the distance. I waited after each boom of thunder, calculating with my new brain how soon the bolts of electricity would near my perch I only hoped if I followed the storm I could find a naturally created fire so I could end myself.
I sighed. I wished I'd learned that boys scout trick about how to create fire by rubbing two sticks together. When I'd tried it, I only managed to break the sticks.
I had long since passed the point of crying. My dry sobs and heaves wracked my body as I ran to this deserted place, but now that I was here, I had no cries left. All I had was a deep sense that I needed to stop existing.
The wind and drops of rain flowed around me as I looked out into the distant storm. "Soon," I whispered to myself. Surely soon this nightmare had to end.
Edward's Point of view
I raced up the incline that, even for my speed. was taking too much time for me to crest. I raced into the assault of rain pelting me being annoyed not a bit by the wet, but with the limited traction each of my strides was having in the soaked earth.
I topped the mountainside and saw the low valley midst a trio of mountain tops. I paused for a split second as I saw the tree. The dead spindly tree standing apart from a nearby stand of pines that I saw Bella turn into her pyre in Alice's nightmareish visioin.
I let out a shaky breath and scanned the nearby area. I smelled a trace of Bella's citrus, freesia scent and the ball of lead in the center of my dead heart lightened just a bit.
I stood for a moment as a streak of lightning raced across the sky, briefly turning darkness into the light of dawn.
In the flash of light I saw her—a small huddle in the top of the tallest pine. I thought for a moment that I would try to sneak up on her, but my mud filled shoes and soaked overcoat would smack and slap wetly as I approached.
I threw my coat and shoes aside and crouched low to the ground and moved silently, using the noise of the storm to hide my approach, hoping my scent would remain downwind of Bella's high perch.
I was twenty feet away from the root of the tree when Bella noticed me. She jumped free of the tree, but I chased after at my top speed and was only a few feet from her when she landed. She made to leave me.
"Bella!" I shouted, throwing myself at her.
"Oof! Let me go!" she snarled.
"Please, Bella, don't fight me. We will be miserable without you,"
"What about that pilot? His family?" Bella wailed, trying to throw me off of her. "How many other people will lose their father or husband?" Bella spat, "Because I'm thirsty! Why didn't you just kill me?" she screeched.
Bella continued to fight my hold, and without some kind of distraction she would break free. I had to throw her off of her destructible tirade. I looked into her pain-filled eyes and I wanted to do something, anything to ease her pain. I'm not sure I even remember fully forming the idea to kiss her as I looked into her tortured eyes until I felt my lips meet hers.
For a timeless moment she and I lay wrapped in a strange embrace that was once wrestling hold and now was a needy clinging.
A moment after my lips met hers, Bella, joined in the gentle kiss I hadn't intended to give, our lips moving slowly. My hands drifted up through her soaked and mud caked locks as I cradled her head close to mine.
Alice's point of View:
"Are you sure we should interrupt them darling?" Jasper asked me as we looked down on Bella and Edward's deepening kiss.
"It's too soon," I said focusing on the myriad of visions floating before my eyes. "Bella's in too much turmoil, and Edward is still so caught up in his grief." I shook my head.
"I can understand Bella's confusion," Jasper groused as he took off beside me down toward our fallen family members. "But Edward should know what this is…"
"Jazz. He will. We just have to make sure he…both of them…has time to overcome everything else that will get in the way."
"You saw this from the beginning," Jazz accused me, a wry smile on the corner of his lips.
"No," I said, grabbing his hand as we closed in on my brother and our newest sister. "It took a half a day to be clear to me."
Jazz pulled me closed to his side and slowed us to a walk as we approached the otherwise occupied couple.
Edward's Point of View:
Somewhere in the corner of my mind I heard others approaching. But Bella's insistent tug on my hair, pulling me back into our kiss, made that awareness flee. When her tongue flicked out to trace my lower lip, I was aware only of her.
Until a clump of mud slammed into the back of my head—Bella and I pulled apart with a gasp.
Alice was right there beside us. "Thank heavens you found her," Alice said, bumping me away from my Bella.
My Bella? I thought wildly sitting up and raking the mud from my hair. I kiss her and start thinking of her as mine? After she's endured such a horrific experience of taking another's life? What is the matter with me?
Bella looked as though she was hyperventilating as Alice reached to pull her into a hug. "Shhh, Bella. I saw it. I saw it and it wasn't your fault. The pilot was already dead. You didn't kill him."
"But if you saw it," Bella hiccupped, "Why couldn't you have warned me?"
"I was too far away," Alice whispered smoothing Bella's knotted, muddy locks with her fingers. "And you didn't have a phone. But I promise Bella, you didn't kill him. Think back. Did you feel a heartbeat as you fed?"
"No," Bella moaned sadly. "But he tasted so good, Alice. What if that had been Charlie or Renee? I would have killed them and…." Bella broke once again to dry sobs.
"It won't always be like that Bella. It just takes time. But remember, you didn't kill anyone. He was already dead."
Jasper clapped a hand on my shoulder and jerked his head away toward the rise. I stood and followed him up as Alice continued to comfort Bella in a way I had not been able to.
"Enough with the guilt, Edward," Jasper warned gently. "You found her. You kept her from running away again. You kept her from hurting herself."
I shook my head to try to clear it. "Maybe….she wanted to die Jasper. Maybe I…"
Jasper took me firmly by the shoulders. "She is still a newborn. She is confused and has taken her first taste of human blood. We all had moments after turning when we longed for death. All of us. But now we have each other, and we protect each other."
I took an unsteady breath. I looked behind me to see Alice helping Bella to her feet in the far distance and walking her slowly towards us. I raked my hands through my hair. "I don't know what happened…" I muttered softly, hoping Bella couldn't hear me.
"You don't?" Jasper thought at me wryly as he sensed my confusion and embarrassment. He sent a wave of calm my way, and focused on memories of how he saw Alice, looks shared between Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie.
"Wait, that's not…" I began
"Possible?" Jasper completed my thought mentally.
"I thought I was the mind reader," I grumped quietly, thought to all but Jasper's ears it would have been drowned out by the howling winds. Jasper replayed his brief conversation with Alice as they first saw us. I stared, shocked at him.
"It's one of the reason's Alice is so eager to have Bella join us before the end of summer. She knows. She's known from the beginning."
"But it seems so im…" I said, my voice trailing off in a whisper. Impossible I thought. But then I shook my head. I was racked with guilt for my turning the girl, but from the moment she was turned I've been unable to stop thinking about her. Yes there was the guilt, but for the first time in my existence, I've felt the stirring of desire as truly my own, not a reaction of Jasper's mood control or an attempt to stir a feeling for Tanya that wasn't there to ease Esmes' concerns about me.
Carlisle and Esme were drawn to each other from the start, in spite of the lingering sorrow she felt for her lost son. In spite of the awkward situation in which Carlisle, a consummate gentleman found himself, as he longed for the caramel haired beauty he'd brought into his coven, and even in the space he'd allowed her for her adjustment to this life, he'd taken her as his mate before six months had passed. Somehow she'd held her breath during a wedding ceremony enough to marry first, but I remembered how relieved I was when they'd finally admitted and surrendered to their connection.
Then later with Emmett and Rosalie-He'd always seen her as his rescuing angel, and she'd seen him as somehow her own without truly understanding what the connection she felt truly was. Emmett's newborn struggles were a blessing in a way. They allowed Rosalie the time to admit to herself exactly in what way she longed for him. And when he finally understood that his feeling of love and admiration for Rose were deeper and richer than he first thought, Emmett had been able to ease Rosalie into a loving physical relationship that healed her heart of the violation and destruction of her innocence on that cold street in Rochester so long ago.
Could Bella be my mate? Alice had seen it, so it had to be. Mate bonds were permanent and mutual. She wouldn't have been able to see this between us if….. But what if I only thought it was a mate bond—what if it were just a relationship to Bella. No. I shook my head. It couldn't be.
Alice walked up beside us holding Bella to her side gently.
A brilliant light flashed behind us as a rope of lightning splintered the dead tree that stood singly in the distance. Fire burst forth on the long dead branches like rich fall leaves and soon the blaze from Alice's vision was in front of us. Bella turned back, a haunted look in her eyes as she looked at the burning tree.
"Please Bella," Alice whispered. "Come home with us." A gentle tug and Bella walked down the hillside—away from her pyre.
I stood transfixed by the blazing tree that would have ended Bella's life, and I was no longer unsure. If Bella had died I would have followed her. I had no doubt of that. The thought of losing her sent a crippling pain into whatever passed for my soul.
Jasper shook me gently. I felt his calming influence at the fringes of my mind. "You wouldn't be feeling this way, he said, his face reflecting my pain, if this weren't exactly what Alice saw."
I nodded allowed Jasper to calm me. Soon I was running alongside Alice, Jasper, and my mate. My mate!
I looked over to her and allowed my adoration flow toward the woman that now held my entire existence in her small hands. I heard Alice promise her a warm bath as soon they made it to the Denali house. Alice even promised to lay out her most comfy sweats and t shirt.
I felt myself bristling inside. I should be caring for Bella. I should be washing the blood and mud from her hair. I should be wrapping her in soft blankets and holding her till her misery had passed.
"Calm down, Edward," I felt Jasper warn me mentally. "There'll be time for jealousy and passiveness later. Now Bella needs care without complications. She's confused enough as it is."
I nodded, though I could not entirely tamp down my jealousy. Now that I knew that Bella was my everything, I wanted nothing more than to care for her. Not out of duty or penance, but because I loved her entirely.
Jasper's Point of View:
As soon as we drew near to the house, we contacted the others. Everyone gathered near enough the house to see Alice, joined by Rosalie and Esme as they escorted Bella into the house.
Before she entered the front door, Alice gave me a look and then jerked her head toward Edward. I understood without a word her request. I placed a hand on Edward's shoulder and motioned for Emmett, Eleazar, and Carlise to join me in the wooded area away from the house.
Bella's Pont of View:
I was vaguely aware of Alice helping me out of my blood-stained clothes and easing me into a robe. I heard the hot bath Esme was drawing in the next room and sensed rather than saw Rose taking my ruined clothes away.
I allowed Alice to lead me to the bathroom door and took the brief moment's privacy to lower myself into the soaker tub heaped high with a blanket of bubbles.
I heard a light rap on the door.
"Come in, Alice," I whispered.
Alice glided over and knelt beside me. "Lean forward, Bella," she directed gently.
I leaned wrapped my arms around my knees and allowed Alice to lean my head back. She gently poured soapy water over my hair and began to massage the muck and blood from my knotted locks.
I kept my eyes shut and allowed Alice to first clean and then gently brush my hair as I soaked beneath the soapy water.
"I'm sorry I didn't see this happen in time to warn you, Bella," Alice whispered as she laid the brush to the side and turned to face me.
I shook my head. "I know you did what you could," I said, still looking forward. Alice took a towel from the stack on the nearby sink and began to gently dry my hair.
Every so often I noticed Alice looking as though she wanted to say something, but she seemed to think better of it—maybe she saw how I'd react—and continued her silent company.
Once my hair was cleansed, brushed, and dried to Alice's approval she clipped it up on top of my head. "I've put a change of clothes out on the bed for you," she said, as she stood and turned toward the door. Esme, Rose, and I want to spend time with you after you've finished here.
I nodded, feeling numb. The events of the day overwhelmed me. I didn't understand what purpose meeting with Esme and Rose would help matters, but I didn't know what else to do, and I was so emotionally exhausted, that I chose not to fight it.
I was mildly surprised to notice comfortable clothing waiting for me on the bed. Sweats and a T Shirt were not usually Alice's choice for me. I suppose she was humoring the dangerous newborn—the crazy woman—whatever I was.
I took my time getting dressed. I wasn't looking forward to being with everyone else, but it seemed inevitable.
I sat down on the bed. I couldn't make myself go down and mingle with the others. In spite of the bath and the deep cleansing wash Alice gave my hair, I felt soiled—tainted.
I suppose the others realized I wasn't coming down because I heard them approaching. Five distinct scents with each with their own graceful gait. A gentle tap on the door rang out.
"Come in," I whispered.
Esme, Alice, Rose, Kate, and Tanya, glided in sitting beside me or in chairs facing me.
"We know you may not want to talk about what happened for some time Bella, but we are here to ask you to stay. We all love you," began Kate. "We also need you to know that all of us have had moments when we've failed. And if you ever want to talk about this with any of us, we wanted you to know we are here for you."
I nodded, but said nothing.
Tanya and Kate left the room but Rose, Esme, and Alice remained. "You don't have to talk now. But we'd like to stay with you.
I nodded not so much in agreement but in acceptance. Esme was soon holding me and rubbing circles on my back. I was statue-still as I ran all of the events through my head again. The crash and the feeding…Alice was right there was no heartbeat when I fed. Still, the taste! I could never be around humans. I couldn't be like the Cullens. I couldn't walk out on the street every day knowing everyone smelled that good. I couldn't take the chance that someone would smell to tasty for me to resist like I had smelled to Edward. Everyone had promised me that finding such people was rare for us, but I could not take that chance. Not ever.
I promised myself that I would never intentionally put myself in the path of humans again—not for the rest of eternity.
Edward's Point of view:
"I really don't want to talk about this," I protested weakly as the group of mated males surrounded me. We had run together out of earshot of the house. The only reason I had not simply avoided this encounter entirely was because I saw Jasper's plan to press-gang the others into dragging me out here if I refused.
"I know you don't, Jasper conceded. "But we have a touchy situation here and neither you nor Bella need any more trauma in your lives."
"Trauma?" questioned Emmett.
"What happened?" asked Carlisle, concern evident in his voice.
"It's nothing bad," assured Jasper, both with his gift and his words. "But what should be a simple and natural process has been complicated by circumstances."
All eyes turned on me. I fought the urge to still completely, and took a deep breath. I looked at my brothers, mentor, and friend and confessed the truth I barely believed myself. "I think…" I stopped and took another unnecessary breath. "I think Bella's my mate."
Everyone's thoughts assaulted me at once. I saw amusement, shock, joy, and disbelieving thoughts flit through my friend's minds.
"Oh man!" Emmett finally said, breaking the silence. "And I thought Rosie and I had a rocky road to mated bliss."
I grimaced miserably.
"Alice has seen Bella's truck being discovered by early next week. We could move away from Forks in the weeks following." Jasper suggested.
"And what good will that do," I snapped.
"Edward," Carlisle said, laying a hand on my shoulder, "you won't want to be away from her, and even if she doesn't know it yet, she will feel the same. But this will be easier for her if it isn't just you and her alone yet."
"Besides," Emmett interjected. "I'm sure between all of us we can put together a list of 'things not to do when first finding your mate.' Maybe we can help you avoid some of the pitfalls we fell into." Emmett stopped for a moment, then a wicked glint flickered in his eyes. "And after that, we can all get together and give you 'the talk'"
"Stop!" I snarled, as images that made me wish for brain bleach battered my already overwrought mind.
Jasper had mercy on me and sent a wave of emotions at Emmett that was the equivalent of an icy cold shower.
I slumped with relief as Emmett's mental version of the Kama Sutra ended.
Bella's Point of View:
Esme still held me long after Alice and Rosalie returned downstairs to join the other Denali's
"I won't pretend I know what you're going through," Esme whispered into my hair. "But after my change I failed too. An injured hunter came to the door of our cabin meant to keep me from humans when Carlisle was away at work and Edward at classes."
I shuddered in Esme's arms.
"I don't need to tell you what happened."
I nodded.
"I'm not trying to diminish what you experienced," Esme continued soothingly. "But I want you to know why I continued on."
I looked up at Esme. I knew what she was going to say. Love and Carlisle, and all of the things I would never have. My anger must have shown in my face because Esme rushed her explanation so quickly it almost came out as a single word.
"It wasn't for Carlisle or Edward as you might think. I grieved my failure and the life of the man I'd taken. However, I realized I could never help those I hurt if I shut down and ceased to exist. With Carlisle's help I found the man's family and was able to make provision for them in ways that did not raise suspicion. I provided scholarships for his two sons.
It did not absolve me of the murder I committed, but it brought some hope and healing to a tragedy I created. If you give up now, all the good you can do in this man's memory ends."
I shook my head, as if to clear the cobwebs gathering in my mind. "But what if I snap again? I don't think I could stand it."
"Let us help you. We can ease your interactions with humans or teach you how to live apart from them, but it means you must allow us the opportunity to guide you through your first year or two."
"I'll think about it," I whispered and surrendered to the comfort Esme offered as she gently held me in her arms.
