Jen had a quick tidy round the flat making it look presentable…she didn't want a thing out of place….she had just enough time to rushed into the bedroom to top up her make up and redo her hair…When the door knocked…

Taking a quick look in the mirror and a deep breath Jen opened the door…

Hey….Tilly smiled ..as she stood with a carton of milk in her hand…..I kinda thought its probably to early for wine…she giggled shaking the milk…

Jen laughed under her breath…..sensible….she said as she opened the door wide enough to let Tilly pass…

Yup…that's me…plus I have the hang over from hell. .so…Tilly shrugged as she took a seat at the table…

Coffee? Jen asked…

Yeah cool…Tilly replied…I um…thought id come over to see if your ok..?

You left pretty sharpish last night….

Oh yeah..sorry…I umm….Jen stuttered..

Oh its ok…Tilly smiled…Hayley said…why you left….

Jen raised her eye brows…

Yeah she said you felt a little ill…Tilly said lying to see what Jens reaction was…Hayley had said that Jen an early start yet it was 12pm and she was still home….

Oh yeah….Um….I came over all dizzy. .Jen explained…It was probably all them shots H plied me with….

Jen had her back to Tilly while she made the Coffees…

Mmmmmmm yeah…Tilly nodded watching Jens reaction when she said…..I thought maybe it was because your felt uncomfortable…

Jen stopped stirring…Uncomfortable? …..um…no….its…um…

Yeah…uncomfortable…Tilly interrupted as she walked over to stand by Jens side..

you know after what Zoe had said? ..Tilly added biting her bottom lip…..

Jen looked at Tilly out of the corner of her eye…..she was unsure what to say….She just handed Tilly the cup…

We need to talk Jen! Tilly told her….

Jen sat at the table…Look Tilly…

Can I go first? Tilly intupted…please…..

Jen just sat silently…Here we go ..She thought …

Ok so…..Tilly started….Zoe tried to kiss me last night…

Oh…Jen frowned…The thought of another persons lips on Tilly made her feel sick…

Yeah oh…I was slightly shocked. .I mean we are friends and that ..I didn't even know she had them kinda feeling towards me…But then you already knew that….Did you? She asked Jen..

Jen looked at Tilly then to the table….

I must admit I was a little shocked….

Jen nodded ..yeah well…if you wasn't expecting it then….

No I mean. I was a little shocked that you told her we were just friends…Tilly corrected her

Jens eyes shot up into the direction of those beautiful emerald eye that were staring straight back at her….

I…..Jen licked her lips…all of a sudden her throat went dry…Tilly…I ..Jen shook her head in defeat she had no words…..

Tilly nodded….Zoe was surprised when I explained who you really were….You know after you "told her to go for it" …Tilly frowned…

What? No…Jen gasped. .Tilly I didn't say that….I just…..well she asked…

Asked what?

Jen closed her eyes…She asked if anything was going on between us.,..

And you said? Tilly asked..

Jen stood up looking out of the window….What was I suppose to say? Nothing is going on with us because I made a mess of everything? Or nothing is going on because I constantly made mistakes and hurt her over and over again?

Jen folded her arms and looked to the floor…I didn't know how much she knew Tilly…About you….us…your life…

Tilly sat silent…She expected Jen to be closed ..she thought she would have to push Jen to talk.. When in fact Jen blurted it all out….

Jen expected Tilly to speak ..when she didn't she turnt to face her…..How can you even bare to look at me?

Because trying not to is harder…Tilly said with a little laugh…I don't know what's going on here Jen…

I don't know what im suppose to think or feel….

Well im glad its not just me then" Jen added…..

Tilly shook her head…Ever since H walked into my work I haven't been able to think of anything but our past…..So many nights I use to think of you…Wonder where you were? If you were ok? If you had moved on?

As time went on my days got better…Sometimes I could go for a whole day with out you crossing my mind…Now…

Now? Jen repeated….

Smmmmh….Now…its every second ..minute…hour…of my day…..And the worst thing is Jen….I don't even know how I feel….

About me? Jen asked turning away from Tilly…If Tilly was about to tell her she's over her she couldn't see her face….

You….Me…..the past…Now….Tilly explained…All I know is…We were horrible horrible people…Our lies effected so many lives….…I mean….Esther being one

Esther wasn't our fault Tilly…..Jen snapped…Look I know you blame us…and yes we could of prevented it…That night….But .Esther was going to take that over dose with or without our intervention…

Tilly nodded. I know…I know…Doesn't stop me from feeling guilty…..

Tilly held a lot of hate for herself and Jen over Esther….But it slowly changed when Esther explained that. She would have tried again had they stopped her…

Jen can you sit please..Tilly asked….

Jen does as she was asked but kept her head low ..this time fiddling with her hands….I know I can never make it right….I cant take back what happened Tilly..

I know….Tilly agreed. ".Your not meant to…..that's how life works….people are meant to have regrets….

Jen looked up…Am I one of yours? She asked. .Instantly wishing she hadn't …

Tilly took a few moments to answer…No…As bad as things got….Still no…..

Although I still hold a lot of anger …Im mad at you Jen….Im angry that you changed…..right at the end I barely recognised you…That Jen…..My Jen ..she whispered…she was gone….

I was scared Tilly…Jen answered wiping tears away….Even I didn't recognise myself….

Tilly could see Jen still struggled with her part in their past….As Jen sat their emotional all Tilly wanted to do was hole her and tell her things are ok…

But she couldn't ..because things weren't ok..they were far from ok…..

I don't know Whats happening…Jen sniffed…

Well im the last person to ask…Tilly laughed…All I do know is…has hard as it is seeing you ...its even harder not to..

What do you mean ? Jen asked finally looking at her…

I mean…one part of me thinks that my life was going ok before I saw you again…And the other part of me thinks if I let you go your own way now….I'll always kick myself about it….

What a mess…Jen muttered..

Ok look…Tilly said confidently moving chairs so she is closer to Jen…..The way I see it is…Neither of us are in the right frame of mind to even think about an Us…..Its to raw Jen…..But….I would like to try and be friends…..If that's what you would like…..?

Those words cut Jen deeply.."Friends"….I hate that word/Jen thought but she knew exactly what Tilly was saying…

Friends I can do..Jen said forcing a smile…

Tilly smiled back…Feels like déjà vu….I don't know if this will work Jen but….we will see…Im not saying we should live in each others pockets…But maybe A Coffee now and again…An Art show?…

Jen nodded….Ok…..Was all Jen could come up with

As Tilly left she lent on the door. With her eyes closed…That was the hardest conversation she ever had…

On the other side of the door..Jen slide down on to the floor…Tears lace her cheeks…."Friends?