For the second night in a row, Jay found himself pacing outside Erin's door. This time, he knew she was home. He had seen her car down in the lot, and noted lights on in the windows that he knew belonged to her apartment. The only reason she probably hadn't opened the door was that he hadn't yet found the courage to knock on it. So many different thoughts tumbled through his mind, and he didn't have a clear idea of exactly how he was feeling. Seeing her so vulnerable last night, had confused him even more. Yet at the same time, he was irritated at her openness with Burgess. After all Erin's insistence of professionalism at work, the fact that Erin was sharing all with their colleagues was annoying. Letting his irritation control his emotions, he strode to the door and gave it a few sharp knocks.

Just a few moments passed before he heard footsteps approaching the other side of the door. A slightly longer pause than he would have thought occurred before the door lock was unsecured. He realized that Erin must have hesitated after noticing it was him through the peephole. Slowly though, the door opened. Sure enough the uncertainty was evident all over her face.

"Hey," she cautiously greeted him.

Although he was filled with frustration and irritation, he tried to push the emotions down. He wanted to try and at least make it through the door, and if Erin thought he was here to give her a piece of his mind, she'd probably slam the door in his face.

"Hey," he returned the greeting casually. "We didn't get to, ah, talk, yesterday. You were kind of… um…"

"-wasted," Erin supplied him. Her eyes were narrowed slightly, as she contemplated why exactly Jay was here. They'd avoided each other most of the day. After her outburst last night, their subsequent fight, and his revelation that he was involved with someone new, Erin had no idea how to even be around Jay. A part of her had hoped maybe he was missing her, like she was missing him. Seeing him with his new fling put an end to all those fantasies. Erin had spent a good part of today trying to come to terms with that. She knew things were over between them, but there'd been a lingering part of her that thought somehow they'd find a way to work things out, find their way back to each other. She'd realized that she was going to have to move past this all. Yet, here Jay was, at her doorstep for the second night in a row. It was kind of hard to move on from someone that showed up at your door every night.

Erin opened her door wide enough for Jay to enter, and then closed it behind him. Not really sure where their conversation was going to lead, Jay didn't feel quite comfortable just plopping down on the couch. It wasn't like he was here to watch a game and drink a beer. So instead he perched himself on the arm of the couch, and he surveyed Erin. She had her arms wrapped around her body in what he recognized as her defensive posture, and she eyed him with a questioning look.

"Listen, I wanted to apolo-"

"Last night I was upset abou-"

They both began to talk at the same time, and both stopped after only a few words. Jay laughed slightly, and motioned for Erin to speak first.

"I wanted to apologize for what I accused you and Burgess of last night." She shrugged slightly. "I saw a moment and jumped to an obviously erroneous conclusion. Then I attacked both of you." She met his eyes, "I'm sorry. I already apologized to Kim."

Jay nodded but couldn't keep the irritation out of his voice when he spoke, "That's part of what I want to talk to you about. I'd appreciate if you keep our personal life away from our professional life." Erin's eyes widened in surprise at his tone. "I didn't enjoy getting nothing but attitude from my partner today after you two gossiped about me all morning."

Erin let out a frustrated gasp, "I had breakfast with Kim to apologize for being a jerk yesterday, not to gossip about you."

"Well, somehow she knew I spent the night here last night." Both their eyes darted towards the couch were Jay had slept the night before. "Plus, she seemed privy to an awful lot of information about our break up."

Erin gave Jay a sheepish look, "I am sorry! I just had to apologize to Kim, and we got to talking and some stuff came out."

Jay's irritation flared, "She's my partner, Erin! I need to know that she has my back, not that she's taking sides in some sort of lover's quarrel."

"That wasn't my intention, Jay!"

"Well, keep our personal life away from work and our colleagues."

Erin narrowed her eyes, "Do you mean to tell me that Mouse is out of the loop on what went down between me and you?"

She saw guilt flash across Jay's face, "That's different…" he protested.

"No," Erin shook her head adamantly. "I have to work with Mouse. We are colleagues. I'm sure you've shared all sort of things with him that'd I'd rather he didn't know-"

Jay interrupted, "You don't count on Mouse to watch your back in gunfight. It's not the same."

Both were frustrated and irritated. Erin took a step away from Jay and ran her hands through her hair emotionally. "It was just nice to have a friend. Somebody, anybody, to talk to." She looked at Jay in desperation, "Don't you get it? I lost my boyfriend, partner, and best friend all in one fell swoop. It was just nice, you know. Someone who listened, understood, what I was going through."

Jay felt his anger leave him in one instant at Erin's words. Once again, he was reminded that he hadn't tried to view their break up from her point of view. He could tell she'd been feeling lost. As much as he knew Erin liked to go it alone in all things, to prove that she was Miss Independent, Jay realized, as he had always suspected, that Erin really did need her friends to lean on. With no biological family to support her in her daily life, her work family was her family.

He tried to keep his tone calm before speaking, "I get it, Erin. I know you and Kim are friends, and I want that, encourage it, but Kim and I are trying to develop our partnership. It's still new and I need to trust her. I need to know that she trusts me. Filling her head with…whatever…just …" Jay didn't know how to continue. He looked to Erin, hoping that she was understanding what he was trying to say.

She gave him a sharp nod, but didn't meet his eyes. "I get it." Her gaze was fixed to the side, looking toward the darkened window, She was biting her lip, a habit he knew she had when she was thinking hard about something. Whatever was on her mind she held back though and silence filled the room.

The quiet stretched out awkwardly, and Jay contemplated if Erin wanted him to just leave. He had said what he came to say, and maybe there really was nothing more to say between them. Quietly he straightened and took two steps toward the door.

Suddenly, her quiet voice broke through the silence behind him, "Why were you here last night?" He paused his steps and dropped his head as he thought about the night before. He remembered Erin revealing how much she missed him, that she dreamed of him, that she wanted him back. He remembered her head resting against his shoulders as he carried her. His lips could still feel where hers had brushed softly and searchingly against his. He swallowed thickly before turning slowly back around to face Erin. She was looking at him with soft, questioning eyes. "I don't remember much about last night, but I do remember asking why you were here. You said that I know why, but I don't. I don't get it."

Jay let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. His lips were pressed together in a grim line. "Erin," he began, "I don't want to fight anymore." He knew if he started talking about what had been on his mind, it would just start an argument.

"Neither do I," she quickly interjected.

Jay sighed, "We have to move past this."

Erin nodded sadly, "I know. I just… miss you. I miss us."

Despite his resolve not to get angry, he could feel it bubbling in him at her words. His voice was tight as he replied, "Erin, you pushed me away. You ended our relationship. I get that you miss me, but this is what you wanted. What did you think would happen when you broke up with me?"

Erin's eyes widened a bit and felt her own frustration rise, "You wanted out, Jay. Don't put it all on me!"

"I never said that!"

Erin shook her head, "What am I supposed to think when you say that I do nothing but hurt you?"

Jay threw up his hands in frustration, "I was being honest, Erin! You acted like you didn't want to be with me. You didn't want to spend time with me. We never went out, we didn't talk."

"We talked," Erin muttered.

"Not about the things that were important. Not about what was really bothering you." Jay gave her a pointed look. They talked about work and their friends, but anytime Jay ever tried to get Erin to talk about what was really on her mind, she always shut him down.

Erin didn't like hearing what Jay was saying. She shrugged lightly and ducked her head, "What was the point? It wasn't anything new." Erin felt everyone just wanted her to get over what happened in the last year. That she wasn't supposed to still be upset about Nadia's death. That she should have just moved on by this point. Bringing it up repeatedly seemed like a waste of everyone's time.

Jay reached out and laid his hand on her arm, "I would have listened anyways, Erin."

Erin glanced up and saw his caring eyes. Seeing that caring now, just upset her. He wasn't hers anymore. He had moved on, "You seemed to walk away easy enough."

Jay let his hand drop from her arm in shock. "Seriously, Erin? You are the queen of walking away when it comes to this relationship."

Erin was instantly defensive, "I told you I was trying to work on some things. You just weren't willing wait for me to get to that place I needed to be. I was trying, Jay."

Jay let out a derisive laugh, "Wait for you, Erin? You think I wasn't willing to wait for you?" His voice raised in anger, "I've been waiting for you for two years! I've been waiting or fighting for this relationship since I met you. Waiting for you to realize that I might be worth it. Worth fighting for!"

Erin took a step back, surprised at the anger in Jay's voice, her voice was small when she replied, "I've always known you were worth it."

"Then why didn't you fight for me. For us?" Jay's eyes were pleading. It was all he had ever wanted from Erin. "Why has it always been so easy for you to walk away from me?" Erin had always been able to walk away from him. From the moment they had first realized there was a connection between them, Erin had been able to walk away from him with nary a look back. Time after time, she had claimed professionalism, Voight, the job, but ultimately, it came down to the fact that Erin was able to walk away from him.

Her eyes were wide as she took in his words. She knew it was the truth. She hadn't fought for him, for them. "I didn't know you felt that way. I'm sorry," She looked down in sadness. She'd always known that their break up was her fault. Now she realized just how much he had been hiding from her. No wonder he had wanted out. The apology felt useless to Erin. It was like trying to put a band aid on a bullet hole. The gaping wound of their relationship had caused them to bleed out long ago. Erin realized there really was nothing she could do to bring them back to life.

She met his eyes, and she could see the heart break there, "I'm glad you've moved on. You deserve more."

Jay let out a frustrated groan, "Erin, that's not-"

"No, I mean it. I… I… I love you, but it's not enough. I realize that now!"

"Stop it, Erin! Don't say that. You don't get to say you love me, after all this time." Jay shook his head emotionally. He would have given anything to hear those words from her anytime over the last few months. "You can't play the victim in this relationship."

"I'm not trying to! I'm just trying to say that I understand why you moved on. Why you have someone new. I don't blame you. It was all my fault. It was me. It is me." She wrapped her arms around her body tightly, almost as if she was trying to hold on to the blame.

Jay took a deep steadying breath. "This is going nowhere. We have to move past this. Truthfully, it doesn't matter anymore. We both walked away. We tried, and it didn't work. Arguing about it, talking around in circles is pointless. I don't want to play the blame game anymore."

Erin felt deflated, she didn't know where to go from here. Everything in her life seemed so unsteady. Jay had always been her anchor, and without him, she had seemed to spend the last few weeks floundering. She walked towards the couch and slowly dropped into it. She held her head in her hands and despite her vow not to cry in front of Jay, she felt the tears start to roll down her cheeks. She knew she had to move on from Jay, but he had been a part of her life for so long, that she just couldn't imagine how to get back to normal without him.

Jay watched in sadness as he saw Erin's shoulders shake in silent sobs. Despite their angry history, he could never let Erin suffer. He loved her, no matter the state of their relationship. He shuffled over to the couch, and eased in next to her. He wrapped his arm around her back, and sighed in relief when she leaned into him and buried her head in his chest, letting him offer her comfort. It was so rare for Erin to let anyone see her in such a vulnerable state. Always so strong, with her walls firmly up. He allowed Erin a few minutes to gather her emotions back under control. He gently stroked her back, and pressed a few light kisses to her hair. "I miss you, too," he whispered.

Finally, she pulled away and looked up at him with tear stained cheeks, "Where do we go from here?"

Jay shrugged and leaned back on the couch, "I don't know. We are a mess, Erin."

Slightly embarrassed over her outpouring of emotion, Erin moved away a bit from Jay, and tucked her legs up under her chin. She wiped at her cheeks, trying to remove the evidence of her tears.

"We are unhappy together, but…" He looked back over at her. Instantly the pull was there, he already wanted to take her back into his arms. "We are miserable apart." Their eyes met solemnly. "We have to find a middle ground."

Erin looked over at Jay, "It's hard to avoid you all day long."

He nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I constantly have to stop myself from wanting to tell you something, or share some dumbass thing Ruzek just did."

Erin let out a laugh, "That's like every twenty minutes."

Jay smiled back at her, "I know, right? I don't know how he makes it though the day without getting bitch slapped or shot by everyone he meets. The guy has no filter."

Erin smiled back at him. The smile actually reaching her eyes. Jay's heart warmed at the look. "Friends." He stated simply. "We have to get back to being friends."

A little doubt creeped back into her eyes, "Can we?"

Jay reached out to Erin, and placed his hand along her back. "I think we can. It's where we started. Throughout this whole mess, we were always friends until now. I think that is why it's been so difficult the last few weeks."

Erin eyed him thoughtfully, "So what does that look like. Us as friends?"

Jay rolled his eyes, "I don't know, what it always has looked like. Us hanging out. Grabbing a beer, watching a game," he gave her a nudge with his shoulder, "working out."

Erin gave him a startled look, "What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying I need to work out?"

Jay raised his eyebrows and gave her a teasing look, "I'm not saying that, buuutttt you were kind of in the back the other day when we were chasing down that burglary suspect."

Erin laughed and looked at Jay indignantly, "He had thrown a chair at me!"

Jay shrugged, but smiled, "I don't know about that, but I know I did see Olinksy pass you by, and that guy hasn't broken a sweat since the 90's."

Erin rolled her eyes and gave Jay a punch in the shoulder. He lifted his hand to tap the place where she had hit him. "Is there a fly in here? I think I felt something."

"Whatever. Maybe I've skipped a few workouts."

Jay shifted in his seat to face her more fully. "How about a run? Tomorrow down at the River Walk. We can pound out all this emotional crap with a workout." He raised his eyebrows at her, "Chances are you will be so beat, you won't have the energy to gripe at me about anything. If you can even keep up."

Her competitive spirit took over, "Oh, I can keep up."

"Dare we put a wager on this hidden athletic ability that you claim to have?"

Erin gave him an arrogant look, "I can run. I have no doubt I will be able to keep up. Twenty bucks?"

Jay felt happiness spreading throughout his body. He was right. Their friendship had been a constant over the last two years, and without it, both of them had been sent into a tailspin. Maybe they couldn't get it together as a couple, but maybe somehow they could find their way back to that place where they first started. Friends.

Thanks to all who have been reading and reviewing. Several people seem to not really get why Jay and Erin broke up. I thought I'd been making it clear, but I guess it's still confusing to a few people. I tried to explain it again in this section. I guess I need to work on writing the character motivation more clearly. Still it seems as though a few people are reading still and enjoying it. I had planned to continue into the second half of the story, but with quite a few negative comments, I am rethinking that. If I'm writing them too out of character, I might go back to the drawing board, and just start a different story with a different plot. Please continue with the feedback. Positive or negative, it actually does still help me as a writer and will let me know if I'm headed in the right direction or if I just went to far off on a implausible plot.