Cuddy sat in darkness on the couch in her office with her bare feet propped up on the coffee table. Tears streamed down her face as a storm began to brew. Heavy rain pelted against the windows partially muffling the sound of the party next door. She had been alone and undisturbed for at least twenty minutes until a knock sounded at the door.
"Go away," she barked.
The door cracked open. A stream of light poked through the side of the door along with a hand, waving a white cloth napkin in the air from side to side. The disembodied hand belonged to Gregory House.
"I'm fine."
"No you're not," House shouted back. "You're forgetting that I can read you like a book." He walked in the office and couldn't help but add, "Any chance it's in Braille too?"
She didn't even crack a smile.
He protectively stood beside her. "Okay, first of all, you should be thanking me for saving your ass all night from that loser Kevin. Within thirty seconds of meeting him I could tell that he was a pompous, self-satisfied jerk."
Cuddy muttered, "Takes one to know one."
"Okay. I deserved that. But you have to admit I was right in getting rid of that guy. He was annoying you, everybody at the table and everybody within a thirty mile radius."
"House, there are other ways you could have handled him. But no, you had to go make a scene. I've never been more upset or humiliated in my entire life. What you did was mean and low, even for you."
House remained on the defensive. "There was no scene to be seen. The music was loud. The lighting was poor. People were dancing. All the guests were oblivious to what was going on. And the majority of them were already shitfaced because of the open bar—which is great by the way. If I had known these parties were like this, I would attend them more often."
She rolled her eyes.
"Cuddy." House tried to control himself and repress his laughter. "Cuddy. I have a confession to make." A smile crept up on his face. "Melanie is a hooker."
"I knew it!" She smacked him hard on the side of his leg.
"Ouch." He winced. "Next time try hitting the good leg."
"Next time I'll…"
"She's also an actress. I saw her do this act once with a donkey. But I won't bore you with the details. It's a long story."
Cuddy folded her arms. "Well, I have all night because I'm not leaving this office until the reception is over."
He put his hands up in the air. "Wait. You're sending me mixed signals. First you want me to go then you want me to stay. So, which is it?"
She wiped her tear-stained cheeks with the palms of her hands and remained quiet, slumping deeper into the couch cushions.
"Okay. Melanie portrayed the role of the Virgin Mary in a church Nativity play and rode on a donkey. I guess you dragged it out of me." He was being sarcastic.
"You're an atheist. Isn't that contradictory? I didn't even know atheists go to church."
"They don't."
"Then how do you know Melanie?"
"Believe it or not I met her four months ago while I was doing my penance or what you call 'Clinic Duty'. She invited me to see her play and since I thought she was interesting, I went."
"And she was part of your elaborate scheme to get back at me for assigning you more clinic hours?"
"Yes. And I gave her the most important job: tormenting you at the table. Speaking of jobs…I also had to enlist the help of some other people for my plan to work besides Melanie, Blue the janitor…"
"I think I've told you this many times before, but his name is Lou."
"Huh?" He began to laugh. "No. I think you may have misunderstood me. I'm pretty sure Melanie blew the janitor." He scratched a stubbled cheek. "She had to find a way to convince Lou to help me tack up all those flyers in the bathroom but didn't disclose the details of their arrangement. I'm only speculating, of course, but I wouldn't put it past her."
"You can't be serious!"
Housed laughed heartily. "I'm joking. You used to have a sense of humor, you know."
"Yeah, I guess I lost it along with my dignity tonight."
"Cuddy, you needn't worry because I can assure you that Lou guarded the men's restroom all night. No one even saw those photocopies except for you and me. And…well…Lou of course."
Cuddy exhaled loudly. She was relieved beyond belief.
House sat on the coffee table directly across from her. "So, what gave it away?"
Cuddy looked confused.
"I'm talking about Melanie. What was it? Her cheap shoes?
She didn't answer.
"Figured as much. I imagine she has a closet full of nothing but Do Me Pumps." He stared for a moment at Cuddy's manicured toes resting beside him. "But, then you probably do too."
She kicked him in his side.
"Again with the hitting?"
House moved beside her on the couch and gently stroked her cheek. "Hey, come back to the reception with me."
Cuddy shook her head no.
"At least let me buy you a drink."
She half-smiled. "House, it's an open bar. The drinks are for free."
"I know. I just wanted to make a dumb joke and see your beautiful smile."
Cuddy's face grew more relaxed and she smiled again.
"Oh, look at that. There it is. " House removed his hand from her face and held it out to her. He placed his other arm around his back and crossed his fingers. "Come on, I'm trying to apologize here. Truce?"
She grasped his hand in front of her and shook it. "Truce."
Cuddy walked over to her desk and retrieved a compact mirror from her black clutch. She needed to check her makeup. "I need a few minutes."
"Sure." House looked down and began dragging his left foot back and forth along the carpeted floor. "So, were you really talking about me all night?"
"Huh?" Cuddy finished powdering her face.
"Kevin said you were chirping in his ear all night about me."
She placed her compact back in her purse then crossed her fingers behind her back. "Nope. Your name never came up."
