I saw Tris pass through the door next to me in my peripheral vision; neither of us acknowledged the other.

"Hey, Tris!" Uriah called from across the room, "you can sit on my lap if you want." I turned just in time to see him slap his leg invitingly and shoot Tris his most persuasive smile.

I never knew what jealousy was before I met Tris, and I found that I really didn't like it. But recognizing the emotion wasn't enough to stop it, and I wondered - again - if maybe I'm wasn't the only one with a thing for her.

But I didn't hate it because it moves me to action, I hated it because it doesn't. I didn't want to be the one who wiped that smug smile of Uriah's face, I wanted Tris to be the one who did it. I wanted her to prove - even in that small instance - that I was her choice, as if every small instance where she interacted with other guys was some sort of fucked up loyalty test.

And as much as I hated myself for it, I still waited with nervous expectation to see what she would do.

"Tempting," she called back. "It's fine. I like to stand."

I felt like punching myself in the face for the sigh of relief that slipped past my lips.

I turned my attention back to the screens, watching as Marlene and Uriah completed their fear landscapes, and then the transfers did the same. I chuckled to myself as Christina started flailing her arms around wildly at one point; apparently the moths had made their appearance.

Tris looked like she was moving on auto-pilot when it was her turn. As soon as she was through the door I kept my eyes on the screen, as if by watching her I could will her to get through her landscape quickly. I knew she could do it, but I worried that her failure yesterday had hurt her self-confidence. I fleetingly wished I could have stolen a moment with her to tell her that instead of just planning kidnapping her as soon as this was all over.

It was strange not being able to see Tris' hallucination, only her reactions. I recognized the first two fears - the crows and the tank of water -, but not the third. It was easy enough to know when Peter showed up, I could hear her shouting about rain.

I didn't recognize anything about her fifth fear, though. She held her hands before her like she was holding a gun, but it didn't seem to be enough. When she screamed my nails dug painful crescents into my palms I was fisting my hands so tightly. I didn't breath until she calmed down enough to force the program to move on.

She stood up, dusting herself off before looking up at something I couldn't see. I watched as her face puckered in confusion and she looked over her shoulder and back to whatever was in front of her. But nothing made sense to me. She was unnerved by whatever was happening, but it wasn't a blind panic. She had long moments of standing still, looking outwardly relaxed, but her pulse spiked.

Finally she put her hands up as if she was pushing on something, said something I didn't catch that the leaders must have found hysterical, and started laughing. I ran through everything she'd ever experienced in the simulation training, trying to find a hallucination that fit and came up empty.

Before I could dwell on it too much I saw her go rigid and her face contort in pain. I knew immediately that she was confronted with a gun, her family, and the directive to shoot them. I wondered what Max and Eric would make of her refusal to do it. I wondered if I would ever stand next to them.

It was a tense minute before the lights came up in the simulation room. Shock and relief cascaded over me; she had seven fears. And I was suddenly grateful for Uriah. Having two Divergents throwing the curve protected her.

She was shaking, but pulled herself up from the floor when the leaders went in to congratulate her. She didn't look like she was taking much of it in, but as soon as Eric pulled out a syringe and explained about the new tracking serum she was alert. And wary. I was too, but there was nothing either of us could do; we certainly couldn't refuse to be injected.

I let Max and other others file out ahead of me, purposefully lingering so I could catch Tris' attention. "I heard a rumor you only had seven fears," I smiled at her. "Practically unheard of."

"You... you weren't watching the simulation?" She stuttered, rubbing distractedly at the injection site.

"Only on the screens. The Dauntless leaders are the only ones who see the whole thing. They seemed impressed."

"Well, seven fears isn't as impressive as four, but it will suffice." She said dryly, falling into step next to me.

"I would be surprised if you weren't ranked first."

The crowd was thinning as we walked, but there were still people there who cheered when they saw Tris, who slapped her on the back in congratulations. I could tell she hated it. She seemed to be trying to hide next to me, never drawing attention to herself.

She looked up at me nervously when we reached the floor of the Pit, lip trapped between her teeth. "I have a question. How much did they tell you about my fear landscape?"

"Nothing, really. Why?"

"No reason." She mumbled, kicking a pebble into the Chasm.

If she was trying to nonchalance she failed spectacularly, but badgering her about it in public isn't an option. "Do you have to go back to the dormitory? Because if you want some peace and quiet, you can stay with me before the banquet."

I had hoped she'd smile and say yes. She didn't. She didn't say anything. "What is it?" I finally prompted her.

She shook her head like she was trying to shake loose her thoughts. "Let's go."

The walk to my apartment was a quiet one, but that wasn't unusual or unexpected. Usually the atmosphere in the dormitories is subdued. After weeks of stress and worry everyone seemed to slip into a sort of exhausted fugue state.

At least that's what I told myself since it was better than the alternative: something happened, something big, and she hadn't told me.

"Want some water?" I offered once I closed the door behind us.

"No thanks." She stood awkwardly by the door. It wasn't her first time in my apartment, but the last time hardly counted. Since she was knocked out at the time she hadn't exactly come of her own free will.

"You okay?" I reached out, brushing my fingers across her cheek and into her hair. She nodded in a vague sort of way, and that was all the permission I needed to fit my lips to hers.

And for a moment, whatever was troubling her slipped away. We were just Tris and Tobias; a boy and a girl; two people who liked each other.

I pushed the jacket off her shoulders, and in the rushing sound of fabric falling to the floor I felt her stiffen and pull away. "What? What's wrong?"

She seemed to wilt on the spot, sinking into herself and hiding whatever was in her eyes behind her hands. She shook her head, as if she was trying to fight off tears.

"Don't tell me it's nothing." I grabbed her arm, trying to pull her hand away from her face. "Hey. Look at me."

When she finally looked at me there was undisguised pain in her eyes. "Sometimes I wonder," She said quietly, "what's in it for you. This... whatever it is."

"What's in it for me," I parroted back at her, my mind spinning until I finally figured out exactly what she was saying. "You're an idiot, Tris."

"I am not an idiot." She snapped, suddenly angry. "Which is why I know that it's a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you're just looking for... um, you know... that..."

"What? Sex? You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I would go to." I said honestly, but unthinkingly; I had rarely needed to take other people's feelings into consideration since I'd transfered. I knew immediately I'd gone too far, that my honesty read as cruelty.

I expected her to descend into hysterics, maybe slap me or call me Four again. It would have been better than what happened. She conceded defeat. "I'm going to leave now," she whispered, and turned for the door.

"No, Tris," I grabbed her wrist, desperate to make things right. She pushed me away, more forcefully than I would have thought possible, so I grabbed her other wrist to hold her in place. "I'm sorry I said that. What I meant was that you aren't like that. Which I knew when I met you."

"You were an obstacle in my fear landscape," she said shakily. "Did you know that?"

I let go of her immediately. "What?" My head swam with sickening images. Me walking out of the shadows with a belt like Marcus and telling her what I was doing was for her own good. Me groping her like Peter had as she dangled over the Chasm. "You're afraid of me?"

Everything that had happened between us in the last few weeks flipped, changed focus, because somewhere along the line I'd done something that turned me into her personal monster. I backed away from her, trying to put a comforting distance between us even as it felt like a vise was tightening around my chest, cutting off my air.

"Not you," she said hastily, "being with you... with anyone. I've never been involved with someone before, and... you're older, and I don't know what your expectations are, and..."

I took a deep breath. This I could deal with. "Tris, I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me, too."

"Delusion?" She breathed out, and I could see the wheels turning behind her eyes." You mean you haven't...?" She raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Oh, Oh. I just assumed..." She trailed off, finally getting it.

And every taunt I'd taken over the last two years about being a sexually repressed Stiff replayed in my head, in Tris voice. I wouldn't have minded if the war had broken out in that second because it would have saved me the humiliation I felt at this particular revelation.

"Well, you assumed wrong." I muttered, not daring to meet her eyes. "You can tell me anything, you know." Once I was sure my cheeks were their normal color I stepped forward, framing her face in my hands. "I am kinder than I seemed in training, I promise."

I kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, and then gently on the lips. I could still feel how tense she was though, her guard still up. I slid my hands down to her shoulders, and felt the puffed up patch of the bandage.

I pulled away. "Are you hurt?"

"No. It's another tattoo. It's healed, I just... wanted to keep it covered up."

"Can I see?" I asked, needing some sign that everything was okay between us.

She nodded silently, pulling down her sleeve and exposing her shoulder. I peeled the bandage back, revealing the Abnegation symbol on her shoulder. And just like always I didn't have the words to describe the way Tris made me feel. I laughed, because if I didn't I might have cried. "I have the same one. On my back."

"Really?" She asked eagerly. "Can I see it?"

I pressed the bandage back in place and covered her up again. "Are you asking me to undress, Tris?" I teased.

She laughed nervously. "Only... partially."

I felt the smile slip from my face. I wanted to show her, I wanted her to know me, but this was dangerous. She had no idea what she was asking me to do. This wasn't just me showing off the ink that decorated my skin. It was a statement about who I was; a bold one; a divisive one. But I couldn't hide it from Tris forever. I couldn't pretend to be something I wasn't so she'd love me.

I stared into her eyes the same way I had that day in the training room, throwing knives at her, not because I needed it, but because it made doing what I had to do easier. Before I could think about it anymore I pulled my shirt off in one swift motion, and stood bare before her.

"What is it?" She frowned.

"I don't invite many people to look at me. Any people, actually."

"I can't imagine why," she said softly, wonderingly. "I mean, look at you."

She walked around me slowly. I couldn't see her face to read her expression, but I didn't need to. "I think we've made a mistake. We've all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest. I continually struggle with kindness." Clearly.

"No, one's perfect," Tris whispered from behind me. "It doesn't work that way. One bad thing goes away, and another bad thing replaces it."

She brushed her fingers over the symbol of Abnegation, "we have to warn them, you know. Soon."

"I know. We will."

I turned to face her, but the curiosity burning in them was replaced with apprehension once again. "Is this scaring you, Tris?"

"No." She croaked, and then coughed. "Not really. I'm only... afraid of what I want."

"What do you want? Me?"

Please say yes, it sounded like a plea and prayer wrapped up in one even inside my head.

She nodded, slowly, and so did I, but there was still a distance between us. I wanted to close it. I reached out, taking her hands in mine, and placing them flush against my abdomen. Her hands were small, easily engulfed in mine, but her touch was powerful. I kept my eyes lowered, watching as our stacked hands slid up my chest, over my heart, and finally against my neck.

"Someday, if you still want me, we can..." I stalled, cleared my throat and hoped to come up with something that didn't make me sound like a total letch. "We can..."

But before I could finish she looped her arms around me and nuzzled against my chest. "Are you afraid of me too, Tobias?" I knew she could feel my heart thundering against my ribs.

"Terrified."

She planted a kiss in the hollow of my throat. "Maybe you won't be in my fear landscape anymore." I felt her lips form every word against me, felt her breath warm and humid condensing on my skin.

I leaned down, kissing her again, but there was still something in the way. "Then everyone can call you Six."

"Four and Six." Her voice was contented, like she liked the idea of people thinking of us as a matched pair. I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, and this time with my lips on hers it feels like it should.

Eventually I felt her sag against me, the mental exhaustion finally catching up and making her body tired. "Do you want to lay down, take a nap?"

She pressed another kiss against my throat, and without saying anything took my hand in hers and led us both to the bed. I laid flat on my stomach next to her as she propped herself up on one hand while the other traced the shapes inked into my flesh.

It took a while for my heart to beat normally; the combination of being bare from the waist up, and Tris, and being touched. But my bravery was rewarded by the sensation of her fingers, gentle and curious and almost pleasurable enough to make me moan. I had never been touched like this before. All I had known before this was pain.

"Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to." She added.

"Okay."

"Why haven't you done this before... with someone else?"

"I never wanted it before you." I told her truthfully. She had no idea how much she'd changed me, how many walls were crumbling at her touch. "I don't think Abnegation's wrong, you know, about only touching someone when it means something. It never meant anything until now."

Her fingers never faltered as they traced the branches of Amity's tree. I wanted to feel this forever. I wanted to feel the warmth of contentment spreading out from her fingers radiating through me; I wanted to feel connected to her.

When she ran out of designs to trace she splayed her hand on my back, and laid down so that we were eye-to-eye, light into dark. I had seen her eyes hold so many things - fierceness, and defiance, and anger, and pain -, but never so much tenderness. I didn't know what she was looking for, but I know what I found. I loved her, even if it was too soon to say so, I knew it, unequivocally.


A/N: one more chapter left!