CHAPTER 7
Leah had just stepped out of the shower when her cell phone rang. Wrapping her long hair in a towel and tucking the corner of the extra-large towel wrapped around her underneath her armpit, she grabbed the phone by the last ring. "Hello?"
"You sound breathless. Is everything ok?" It was Cuddy.
"Fine. I just stepped out of the shower. What's up? Are you calling about today's itinerary, Madame Tour Guide?"
"I'm…I'm afraid it's Jaymie."
Leah started at this. "Jaymie?!?! My Jaymie?? Is she ok?"
"We think so but she came to see me about a rash."
"A rash?! Did she get bit by an insect or something?" Cuddy's hesitation was enough to deny her hypothesis. "It's something more, isn't it?"
"It looks like purpura."
This alarmed Leah. Purpura didn't spring up everyday in ordinary people. It was a sign of something much worse. "It's not meningitis, is it?"
"Nope. No fever, no neck pain, no headache."
Leah breathed a sigh of relief. "Is she ok? Will she be ok?"
"Yes she is but we obviously won't know until everything is done. But don't worry: I've put Dr. House and his team on this. We just want…"
"You only give House the complicated cases. It's worse than you're letting on, isn't it?"
"How'd you…?"
"Dr. House is a legend in the medical community, mostly for being a selfish son-of-a-b!tch. He's also world-renowned for solving the cases no one else could solve. Is it really that serious?"
"No Leah it's not." And she proceeded to explain running into House in Exam Room 3 and bribing him with a month off clinic if he'd stick to the case. "The bstard has the worst worth ethic of anyone I've ever known, seen or heard of. I'm trying to get him off his lazy ss and do something that doesn't involve naked women, malt liquor or trucks with 10-foot tires. Of course that was before we realized it was purpura; it's the purpura only that's keeping him interested. But don't worry; we'll find out what it is, if it even is anything. I think you should come in though."
Leah sighed. "Fine. I'll cancel my appearance at the convention so I can stay with Jaymie."
"I don't think that's really necessary."
"I do. I wasn't there when Helen died; I need to be there for Jaymie now. I would never forgive myself if I wasn't. Besides, I might have to run interference between them. Jaymie's a sensitive girl and she certainly doesn't need a certain SOB giving her trouble."
"Fine. But I would try to stay out of House's way; it could only get ugly if you don't."
"Not a chance. Like I said, I'll run interference. But what if he gets in my way, Lise?"
"Steamroll the bstard."
*****
"Ok children…" House boomed as he waltzed into his office, startling the fellowship doctors who worked for him. "…we've got a nasty case of purpura on a beautiful 27-year-old female. Go."
The two men and lone woman looked at each other in confusion. They hadn't had a patient in a couple of days and were starting to get antsy. "Go…what?" The younger male, Dr. Kutner, asked in confusion.
"Go detail my bike." House rolled his eyes, sat in a chair at the doctor's conference table, threw the patient's chart on the glass top and slammed his cane on top of it. The younger doctors jumped at the boom of the hardwood on the glass tabletop. "Ok, I'll start from the beginning. What is purpura?"
"Purpura are red or purple discolorations of the skin due to hemorrhaging underneath the skin," the female, known as '13', recited. "It's not that unusual and is usually disease unspecific but the causes of purpura aren't pretty. Have you examined her further?"
House nodded and, standing up, walked to the whiteboard. Grabbing the whiteboard eraser, he smiled when he found yet another rude caricature of himself staring back at everyone. "Aw…isn't that pretty? Who did this one?" He tapped the eraser against his chin and waved a hand in the air like an art critic. "My eyes are blue not red; I had my cloven hoof removed last summer; and I shed my horns every fall. If you're gonna draw me I prefer still life to abstract." The eraser flew across the board in a flourish as the younger doctors smirked. "Ok…" He wrote PURPURA at the top, then 'NOT MENINGITIS' underneath. "No headache, neck pain or fever."
"Where was the purpura??" The older of the ducklings, Taub, asked as he flipped through the chart House had thrown on the table.
"Her right outside thigh. She cried ever so sweetly on her husband's shoulder when we examined her. Better luck next time, 13." House ignored her irritated reaction. "Ok, kiddies, name all the causes of Purpura."
Cuddy opened the door and leaned inside. "13, would you pick up my friend from my house? She's the patient's mother and she needs to be here." 13 nodded, grabbed her jacket and keys, took the directions Cuddy held in her hand and left.
Taub studied House. "Purpura could be caused by vitamin C deficiency, a hypertensive state…"
House ignored Taub as he glared at Cuddy. "You lied to me! You said she was staying at the Marriott!"
"I very well couldn't tell you she was staying at my house; you'd show up and crash our sleepover."
"Of course I would."
"Shut up and let Taub finish."
"But…"
"Shut. Up. Taub, continue." Cuddy stepped inside, pulling out a chair at the conference room table to join in the differentials. She sat with a sigh, crossed her legs and her arms, and looked interested in what Taub had to say.
Taub smirked as he continued rattling off possible causes of purpura. "…deficient vascular support system, coagulation disorder, vasculitis…"
House scratched the back of his head. "Don't forget pregnancy. I had that one a couple years ago. You aren't going to know anything until you get a complete history and a workup. She's down the hall. Swing a left at the nurse's coven. If you don't see a cowboy with a 10-gallon you've gone too far." The juniors got up to leave when House said, "When 13 and the mother show up, call me." All the doctors raised their eyebrows at House. "I need to talk to her."
"You never talk to the patient's family." Kutner paused. "Is she pretty?"
"She's my hooker for the night. I need to negotiate terms. Now go."
The male doctors shook their heads then left. House knew Cuddy was still in the room but pretended she had left. Cuddy wasn't taking the hint. "Don't pretend like I'm not here. I need you to take this case seriously."
"Why? So they can pack up and move back to the sticks? You're about to deprive me of all my fun."
"It's obvious you still like Leah. Why don't you just say something to her instead of being even more unbearable?"
"I have a severe aversion for anybody, especially women, who are your friends. They're probably all 'sisters' in your circle of terror."
"That hasn't kept the drool off your chin. Listen, a word of advice…" Cuddy stepped further into the room and laid a hand on his arm. "…if you want any chance with this woman I'd start by not calling her Dr. Rogaine."
"If I wanted your advice I'd have given it to you." He turned from her and headed toward the door, if only to escape Cuddy. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have a date with a handheld."
"This is no time for video games."
"What makes you think I meant a video game? Her name is Bambi. Of course, I really shouldn't say 'handheld' as it takes more than one set of hands to hold her enormous breasts."
Cuddy held her hands up. "I don't want to know."
"Of course, you could come too and help with the holding. Three's never a crowd when it comes to…"
"I get it. Have fun playing your video game."
House shrugged. "Now that I know where Rogaine is staying I might swing by and play country doctor makin' a house call. Get it? House…call…" Cuddy sighed and he smirked. "I may need to give her a very thorough, complete and embarrassing physical." Cuddy narrowed her eyes and House smiled. "Oh!" He pointed to her, his grin wide. "You're jealous!! That's it! I had no idea this would be hard for you." He stepped closer. "Would you care to step into my private office, little girl? My desk turns into a fairly uncomfortable but manageable futon. I could comfort you in your lonely time."
Cuddy's look suggested disgust mixed with horror. "Did you just proposition me??"
"No, you're just hearing things in your sad, lonely, old age. Look, I don't want this woman. She's an irritating, confounding, loud, rude and IRRITATING country bumpkin. Oh, did I mention…she's IRRITATING!!"
Cuddy saw right through his apprehension. "You've got it bad, ever since college I bet. Was she 'the one that got away'? Lucky for her she was. I wouldn't recognize her if she hadn't."
"She'd be a lot sexier if she'd doll-up for a change."
"She's a knockout and you know it. Stop deflecting House. Why don't you just say something??"
House, knowing he'd heard enough, turned away from her once again and limped to his office. Certainly the last thing he wanted was to justify whatever he felt for Leah to Cuddy. House smiled when he thought of Leah: as he settled in his chair, facing away from the door and to the window that overlooked the Princeton skyline. When he was a young, stupid pup all those years before, he'd loved her name: the sound of her name…the sound of her name on his tongue…the sound of her name on her own tongue.
But he didn't want to think of that last day of class, when it was obvious he'd simply made a fool of himself…of course, at the time, it felt as anything but.
Cuddy could see from the way he was brooding in his office that there was something much more going on; she just didn't know what it was.
*****
