I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

Disclaimer: Not mine.

As her plane taxied to a halt, Beckett's stomach was churning, and not just because of their swift descent through the cloudy skies.

Now that she was here, at Logan Airport in Boston, her earlier resolve had deserted her. Her first instinct was to turn around and go back, avoid all confrontation. But a voice in the back of her mind reminded her that if she did that, she would almost certainly lose Castle for good.

Gritting her teeth, Kate forged on to the rental stand, hiring herself a familiar black Crown Vic. She climbed into the driver's seat of the car and sat there for a few seconds, fingers tightly gripping the steering, struggling with herself.

'You can do this, Kate.'

Finally, with a short sigh, the detective released the wheel, entered the hotel address from the itinerary into the GPS, and set off from the airport.
Beckett forced herself to focus on the mechanical voice of the GPS, and the road, drowning out the thoughts in her head.

She drove quietly until she reached Castle's hotel. It was a fairly posh place with valets and the odd bellboy milling outside the entrance. Kate had changed her mind at the last minute, booking herself a room in his hotel just before she boarded her flight. It had cost her a pretty penny, but the money was the last thing on her mind right now.

Handing the keys of her rental to a young valet, she wheeled her single suitcase to the reception and completed the check-in formalities as quickly as possible, heart pounding, resisting the urge to look around her at the lobby. Castle could be among the people walking in and out, and she did not want to face him now, not drained physically and emotionally as she was.

Entering her room, Kate left her suitcase on the floor near the cupboards, took off her tan leather jacket and made a beeline for the bathroom.
She stood in front of the mirror, hands braced on the sink, and stared at her reflection. Tired, red eyes in a pale face devoid of its usual colour, stared back at her. The exhausted detective splashed water on her face, running her hands over her eyes.

The water was cool and refreshing, but it wasn't enough. If she had to talk to Castle today, then she had to pull herself together, clear her head. And she knew just the way to do that.

Five minutes later, Kate let herself out of the room, dressed in a grey t-shirt and black yoga pants. In her haste to get to the airport, she had tugged on the nearest footwear, her running shoes, something which she was now thankful for. Popping her earbuds in, she started running down the street, feet pounding the tarmac in sync with the beats blasting in her ears.

Kate kept running until the ominous gathering of clouds in the skies forced her to turn back towards the hotel. She felt a lot more in control as she turned onto the street on which her hotel was located. A hell of a lot more prepared to confront her partner, and her own feelings, in the process.
She knew from Gina's itinerary that Castle would have been done with his obligations for the day an hour ago and he was counting on him being back at the hotel by the time she took a quick shower.

As she neared the hotel building, the stray raindrops that had been making themselves known for a few minutes, suddenly gave way to a torrential downpour. Cursing, Beckett quickly ducked under the awning of the cafe she had been passing. Her eyes landed on the hotel, just two buildings away. A few seconds, that's all she needed the rain to let up for, to make it in without ending up like a drowned rat.

As she tried to teleport the distance through sheer willpower, her stare focused on two figures at the entrance of the hotel. The woman was of slim, about five five, and was laughing at something the man had said. The man was tall, about six two, sturdily built. There was nothing remarkable about them. They seemed like a normal couple, having a lighthearted conversation. But with a sinking feeling, Beckett realized why she'd registered the two figures out of all the people hurrying for cover.

After four years of being by his side, as a partner and as a friend, she would recognize Rick Castle anywhere.

As she looked on, her writer enveloped his companion in a long hug. Kate's stomach twisted and swooped as she saw Castle release the woman from the embrace, and bid her adieu with a kiss to her extended hands. The woman unfurled an umbrella and proceeded out into the rain, away from Beckett, trench coat flapping in the wind. After a pause, Castle turned away and walked into the hotel, unaware of his silent spectator.

The wind picked up, lashing Beckett with drops of rain. But she hardly felt the cold soaking through her thin clothes, too numbed by what she had just seen. A solitary tear ran down her face, intermingling with the raindrops.

She had missed her chance. She had waited too long, been to scared to tell Castle how she felt, and now it was too late. He had given up on her, he was moving on. The thought felt like a sledgehammer to her chest.
After all this time, she had found the man she wanted to spend her life with. And she had gathered the courage to accept that she wanted forever with him. But he wasn't hers, not anymore.

Suddenly, Beckett felt desperation seize her like never before. Like she was stranded in the ocean, watching the last ship fade into the horizon. She didn't just want Castle, she needed him. He had brought light into her dark life, supported her through thick and thin. He had thawed out her frigid heart, coaxed it out from behind its walls. They were Yin Yang, harmony. He completed her, and she him. She needed him.

Kate dashed out blindly from under her shelter, into the cold, driving rain. She barely slowed as she pushed past the double doors of the hotel, stopping at the reception desk. Pulling out her badge from the pouch strapped to her arm she flashed it at the startled receptionist.
"Police. I need Mr. Castle's room number immediately."

The receptionist, Rhonda, took in the soaked woman who stood in front of her. Her hair was wild and her eyes blazed with intensity, desperation. The badge she was showing her seemed legit. If there ever was a situation in which she wanted to say, 'Protocol be damned', this was it. But this was a prestigious hotel, and her wants did not matter. She had ironclad rules to follow.
"I'm sorry ma'am, you'll have to wait for me to check with my superior."

Beckett growled as the receptionist went into the office behind her. She didn't have time for this. So she did the only thing she could think of. Stalking to the stairwell, she pulled out her phone and called Paula. The publicist picked up on the second ring.
"This is Paula Haas."
"Paula. It's Beckett. Kate. I need Castle's room number. His Boston hotel."
"Detective, is everything okay? Is Rick in some kind of danger?" asked Paula, concern evident in her voice.
"No, nothing like that. I just need the number. Stat. Please, Paula.", pleaded Beckett, voice cracking slightly.

She winced, hating herself for sounding so weak, so desperate. But every minute she stood here felt like she was trapped in a bizarre hourglass, watching the love of her life slip away from her.
"302. He's in 302." came the nasal reply, after what seemed like an eternity.

Kate thanked Paula and hung up, already dashing up the first flight of stairs. In less than a minute, she stood before the door with 302 carved on it.

Her legs felt weak, her clothes were stuck to her body, and she was dripping rainwater on the pristine carpeted floor. This was not how she had planned to meet him, to tell him how she felt about him, about them.

Taking a deep breath, Kate squared her shoulders, raised her arm and knocked. A few seconds later, the door swung open, revealing her partner clad in a maroon shirt. His hair was slightly mussed, and his five o' clock shadow was evident. He looked tired; Beckett could see the dark rings under his eyes. But just the sight of his familiar, handsome features warmed her up from the inside.

Castle looked at the woman standing outside his room, surprise skittering across his features, quickly chased away by a hard, indifferent expression. Kate was almost able to hear the steel shutters of defense clanging down, as she watched his eyes darken to indigo from their usual crystal blue.

"Beckett, what do you want?"

To all those still reading this, I'm really, really sorry I haven't updated in so long. After watching Season 8, I felt like I couldn't connect with the characters anymore. It took a dream sequence, and a 1 am brainwave to get me back to writing this.
Still, not too sure how this chapter has come out. Do read and and review, let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading!

Rey