It was Anakin who came to tell her about the dramatic events that had unfolded the night before.
Even as he spoke about the near assassination, Obi-Wan's jump from a building, and the killing of the rogue agent that had attempted to kill Padmé, he seemed more excited than usual. Frowning at the revelation of a Kaminoan dart being used in the murder, she interrupted his excited flow. He was pacing in front of her, arms waving, blue eyes sparkling.
"Okay – that's all… horrible – so why are you so… happy?" she asked suspiciously, probing his emotions to confirm that it was joyful excitement she was detecting.
"Because – and don't get jealous-" she rolled her eyes at him, even as he poked his tongue out at her. "I've just received my first solo mission."
Raiko did in fact, feel a stab of trepidation – but it wasn't born out of any envy of her friend. "Okay…" she said slowly.
"I'm taking Padmé to Naboo." Anakin finished, and the flush of triumph, hope and hopeless consuming attraction and love that suddenly came through their bond made her dizzy for a second. Anakin felt everything so completely and strongly, it was one of his failures.
The trepidation grew. "Oh, Anakin…" she began, watching as his smile turned dreamy. This little crush that she had amusedly and foolishly fostered wasn't just puppy-dog adoration. This was a lot heavier than she had thought. And she had encouraged it.
"-it'll be perfect, just me and Padmé. We can get to know each other better – I'll show her how much I've grown, and I'll-"
"Anakin!" she shouted to get his attention, and he stopped moving, turning to look at her, still looking slightly wild-eyed. "Is this… I mean – are you sure that this is a good idea?" She asked tentatively.
"What do you mean?" he asked, coming to sit beside her on her bed. She picked up his hand, and held it with both of her own, willing him to understand.
"Ani – your feelings, they've always been so… intense – and I'm not saying that's bad because, I am the same way – but in this context, I don't know if it's safe. You swore an oath-" Anakin laughed suddenly, and she frowned.
Gently, he interlaced their fingers, squeezing gently. "I know that you've been told all your life that feelings are inappropriate, Rai – but you're wrong. Our feelings are strong for a reason. I believe they allow us to access the Force, to build compassion, to bring justice with surety. Raiko – I've never been so sure about anything. I know that my feelings for Padmé are right." Anakin met her eyes with the same strength he did everything. "But I don't know if anyone else will understand, so I can't tell anyone else. Just you." Raiko had never seen him fail before – he'd been her champion time after time, defending her from others, picking her up when she fell, letting her cry her fears out into his shoulder. She couldn't turn away from him now. And she couldn't even be sure herself – that feelings were so wrong.
Attachments were forbidden – but what she and Anakin, and even what she and Obi-Wan had, surely that classified as attachment, and yet that wasn't discouraged. How was romantic love different?
"Okay." She whispered, and pressed her forehead to his, drinking in the comfort that his closeness offered her, strengthening her decision. "Just please be safe."
Anakin leant into as well, closing his eyes. "I will be. I'll see you soon, okay? Try not to worry."
Raiko laughed lightly. "I always worry about you, Ani – that's my job."
Obi-Wan left not long after Anakin, Raiko watching his ship disappear into the atmosphere until it was out of sight. She felt another surge of worry – and as she made no effort to hide it, received comfort pinging back at her from the three men – her Master also sending a gentle summons which she followed obediently, letting herself into his quarters quietly.
"Your emotions are rampant, young one." Plo said from his seated position on his meditation mat. "Bring some tea." The kettle must have boiled a mere second before she entered, and she half-smiled at his timing, pouring the steaming water over the dried leaves. The fragrance of the tea was almost bitingly floral, but she knew that the sun-jasmine tea tasted smooth and a little minty. It was a favourite of them both just for the taste, not to mention the calming properties it possessed. In another life, Raiko thought her Master might have been a botanist, a healer of some kind – with all his enthusiasm and knowledge of flora and their medicinal properties.
She knelt with the tea set, pouring her own cup first before it got too strong. Her Master preferred his tea strong to the point of bitterness.
She sipped at the hot liquid as her Master unfolded himself from his meditation position, crossing his legs comfortably instead. "What troubles you? Is it the departure of your friends?"
Raiko made sure she wasn't projecting any emotion as her thoughts went briefly to Anakin's admission of his feelings. "I suppose, Master."
Plo hummed at her, the drinking tube of his mask extended. When she had been years younger, the sight of it had always amused her – as it reminded her a little of a butterfly's proboscis. Now though, the atmosphere felt a little heavy for her to smile. In truth, she was worried about Anakin's feelings – though that was tempered with her own confusion about Jedi code, which she'd have to examine privately, as to not alarm her Master. She was also worried about the looming danger of it all – the star-systems joining the Separatists, the elusiveness and mystery of Dooku's involvement, and the over-shadowing darkness she couldn't quite place. "What else?"
"Just- all of it." She said, gesturing with her cup and spilling a few drops of scalding tea. Before they could fall on her, they froze in mid-air, shaping themselves into little perfect spheres. Plo guided them back into her cup as she watched. "We're ticking forwards to conflict, and I don't know what we'll do because we can't fight a war by ourselves."
"I know. I feel the same worry." Plo sighed heavily, and his shoulders sagged. Raiko considered her Master to be one of the best Jedi to ever exist – perhaps slightly biased by her association with him – but it was the times when he showed he was still touchable, not infallible – did she consider him strongest. She herself struggled to adhere to code, to think with her head, and it brought her to her darkest place when she compared herself to others. Her Master exposing his own very real worries just made her respect him more. "The Force will guide us in turn. You must keep your faith within the Force, Raiko, remember that."
"I know. It's just difficult when the Force feels so far away."
Plo nodded, echoing Yoda's voice from a few days ago. "The dark side clouds everything." He reached out and patted her hand. "Have faith, Raiko, and try to worry not – there is no emotion,"
"There is peace." Raiko finished with a sigh. "Yes, Master." They finished their tea calmly – eating their supper together as well. There was a faint domesticity to the scene, a comfort that came with years of being together. Raiko didn't have any family – at least, no family that she knew – and she liked think of Plo as family, made easier in the quiet moments that they enjoyed the peace together.
Raiko didn't hear Obi-Wan's transmission herself – but by lunchtime, she and the rest of the Temple were buzzing with the knowledge of the clones on Kamino.
Cloning an army.
She was troubled, deeply – but seemed to be one of the only ones to be so. Even Barriss seemed more excited that trepid, babbling through lunch to the other group of elder Padawans about what a blessing it was.
Faceless soldiers fighting a war that wasn't theirs. It seemed cruel – they were sentient, all reports seemed to confirm that – and yet they were being bred straight into war. It made for more sleepless nights.
It wasn't the only thing weighing on her mind. Obi-Wan's extended absence since his transmission – plus Anakin's nightmares. If she slept, she could see them, they were so intense. He didn't seem to know he was transmitting them – flashes of pain and screams, a woman calling his name. She couldn't even contact him to talk to him; to confront him, or comfort him, she wasn't sure – but their connection had never reached past emotions, and Anakin was deliberately out of physical contact in order to protect the Senator. Plo was tied up in constant meetings with the council – requiring him to go to and from the Temple and the Senate multiple times a day; and he had instructed her to simply continue training with the other Padawan.
So she was, effectively, alone.
She kept to her room mostly – her holopad turned onto the live feed of the Senate proceedings, and waited. Every hour, she checked back. But there had been no talk of the army. She waited and read, waited and trained, waited and napped – but never fully relaxing.
The thing that woke her from her restless sleep wasn't an alarm, or an emergency meeting, nor anything with her. It was the sudden flare of red, hot rage from Anakin – burning her awake with its intensity. She gasped awake, clawing at her throat, feeling the sensation of choking as tumultuous sorrow and fury came barrelling through her. Obi-Wan was silent – nothing coming from his connection, and so she was alone again, drowning in the emotions coursing from Anakin.
She fell to her knees as a deep pain filled her – a loss, so terrible it was filling her eyes with tears. Crying out, she stumbled upright – sobbing uncontrollably. "Anakin…" she said hoarsely, trying to reach him, pushing all her concern, all her love through to him. It was like trying to swim up a waterfall.
He was inconsolable, unreachable.
"Please." She whimpered, curling in on herself. It was hurting her, burning her up inside with the thick darkness of it all. She'd never experienced such hate before. She was frightened, she wanted it to stop, to go away, please, please, please, please, PLEASE!
She didn't realise she had been screaming until a hand fell over her mouth, and a cool hand touched her temple.
With an internal feeling pop, like the pressure dropping, the sensations stopped – and Raiko fell limply forwards, unconscious in an instant.
Raiko awoke to her Master's face mask, hovering over her. Of course, she couldn't see his actual expression, but the concern he was radiating was pretty telling. "Master, what-?" her head was aching, but as she spoke, the recollection of the turmoil of Anakin's emotions came flooding back. It was only after she had sat up, helped by Plo's hand under her head, did she realise she couldn't feel them anymore. And more than that – she couldn't feel him. "What happened to Anakin?" she asked, dread filling her gut.
Plo tilted his head. "So that was who were connected with."
Raiko tried to backtrack. "What? Oh – yes, I guess."
"You guess?"
"Well, I think so. I was having a nightmare… I must have really spooked him, hah." She tried for laughter, but at her Master's unimpressed silence, shrunk a little. "Why can't I feel him?"
"I had to put a blocker up." Plo said shortly. "Raiko – what did you feel? What happened?"
"I told you – I was having a nightmare." She had never lied to her Master before. Omitted truths, certainly, but never lied. They stared at each other, Raiko willing him to look away, to just accept it. She needed to know Anakin was okay.
"A nightmare." He did not sound convinced – but as her holopad began to beep behind them, signalling the beginning of a Senate meeting, and his comm device went off on his wrist. He looked away distracted. Raiko took the momentary lapse in focus to try and feel out the blocker he'd erected. She found it – a thick, crude emotional shield she used herself to block her own emotions from projecting. It was clearly hastily erected – but her Master's brute strength in his Force ability had been able to make it strong enough in a little time. He turned back to her, "Don't think we're finished this conversation. I have to go – there's been a distress call."
"From who?" she asked, getting clumsily to her feet as he stood fluidly.
His Force signature panged with sympathy, and warning. "Master Kenobi." He said shortly. Raiko blanched, sitting back down heavily as nausea roiled in her stomach. "I'll return when I can. Don't do anything foolish, and follow orders."
"Yes, Master." She said faintly, and Plo swept from her room. It was barely dawn outside, the sky still grey. She pulled her holopad closer, watching the scrawl of Basic down the bottom; EMERGENCY MEETING REGARDING THE ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC.
Her lightsaber was resting on her bedside table, well within reach, and she grasped it – taking comfort in the thrumming of the pearl inside, its energy always active.
There is no emotion, there is peace.
She closed her eyes, whispering to herself.
"There is no emotion, there is peace."
