Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.

Author's Note: Thank you to all who continue to read and love this story as I do, it means so much to me to hear from you! Thanks to 'cahillfive', 'stilllovesgreys' and 'J' for your anonymous reviews!

Also, a quick note to 'A' who left an awesome anonymous review for "Eyes Wider than Before", THANK YOU for reading and leaving your note. Considering your interest in the Owen/Cris pairing, I thought you'd like to read another story of mine called "Business Time", a string of six connected one-shots from the male cast member POV, each with their own erotic interlude (of course Owen and Cris are paired together). A shameless plug on my part, but I do really think you would enjoy this story!

Now, on to this one ... please, please ... if you are reading, tell me what you think!

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Chapter 8 – Laugh

"I am your dinner; you are my chocolate cake."

Fatigue ebbs into my nerve endings now, though my eyes fight to stay awake. My heart pounds into my ears and even though I know I am safe and warm now, I feel distressed. I let my eyes dip shut, but the bright overcast day still infiltrates my lids. My nerve endings snap and their frayed edges begin to repair the damage done to those microscopic cells that serve and protect me so. I shudder and rub my wet eyes with the backs of my hands, my incessant shrill still echoing in my mind while I force myself to move on and forget the ordeal: the nurse, her wide smile and my unsuspecting thighs!

An uncontrolled whimper escapes from lips and I hear my daddy exhale sharply. I open my eyes and settle back and into my car seat. I push my feet against the seat back in front of me, fixing my eyes on the tiny mirror in front of me now … watching as my daddy repeatedly checks on me … his handsome smile as disarming and as genuine as it always is, though I must remember, he brought me to that nurse. I feel my brow twist. Where on earth did my nice Dr. Jeffries disappear to before the nurse came in? Where was he, my doctor … the one who took such good care of me?

My daddy finds my eyes inside his little mirror that's framed in perpetuity inside mine. He smiles and tilts his head and regards me, checks on me and in that instant, I feel my lips betray me as I smile in return. 'Traitor', I'd like to think … but I can't, because after all, he's my daddy … and he loves me and I love him, so much.

The car comes to a slow halt and I turn my head, waiting for my daddy to open my door and smother me with kisses like usual … and then he does … and he smells familiar … like aftershave and hair products and coffee. I nuzzle into his skin and reach up to pull him toward me, my wild giggle filling the small space between us now … my tears all gone too. And as he murmurs to me, he kisses the swell of my flushed cheek, unclips my straps and lifts me into his arms. I hold on tight, relaxing even more when I see our house and instantly set my sights upon the lake, my eyes sweeping over the water … still and calm and reassuring and therein, I find my peace of mind.

Daddy swiftly moves then, carrying me up the stairs, 'one, two, three', I count and before I know it, the key is inside the lock and we cross the threshold into the cabin. And then everything is quiet, much like it always is … quiet and still and peaceful and as tired as I am, I perk up and instinctively look for my Moira, but quickly realize she isn't waiting for me today. I yawn and drop my head upon my daddy's shoulder, listening to the baritone of his chuckle now as he holds me close and glides with me down to the solace of my room.

I succumb to my fatigue. My fight is over.

The peaceful sanctuary of my room instantly begins to fall far and away as I close my eyes and listen to my daddy's soothing voice, my soundtrack for the moment as he changes my diaper. I shiver, the fresh pajamas cool against my hot skin, but my eyes stay heavy and suddenly I any fear or misgivings I had … disappear. I feel safe and warm … for I am at home and nothing can harm me here and this I know is true as I relax under my daddy's touch and listen to his whispers and coos and praises with regards to my bravery at the doctor's office.

My body feels heavier now, beleaguered by its need to regenerate as he gently lifts my leg, bending my knee to situate my foot inside the pajamas and as he does, I feel a dull ache radiate on my thighs … my wail fills my world as I cry out and I open my eyes, my heart trumpeting until all I see is my daddy and his bright and blue and true eyes as he whispers to me … promising me that I will feel better soon.

'Sleep', he encourages softly. And trust him as I do … I listen to him and close my eyes only to find that sleep comes for me quickly … and then everything really is calm and quiet … and suddenly dark and made from the fluidity of my liquid dreams.

###

Derek's heartstrings pulled slightly as he set Ruby down in her crib, his tired eyes sweeping over her relaxed form as he did. He paused and listened to the sounds of their home then – watching the baby sleep, lulled and transfixed by her apparent tranquility – though he knew it would be short-lived, his mind already mulling over the list of side-effects from the immunizations she'd been given: fever, irritability, upset stomach. He watched her body shiver and fought the urge to scoop her up and let her sleep in his arms. Instead, he cupped his hand over the halo of her head and felt for the start of a fever. She shivered again and he smiled before he turned around and stealthily slipped out of the peaceful aura of her room.

He padded down the hallway now and his pager buzzed on his hip as he made his way. He snapped the device from his waistband and brought it up to view – it was Meredith – a reflexive smile crossed over his face as he read her name and then her text message: 'at the 80-hr. limit, will be home on the next ferry, xo'.

Glancing at his watch, he quickly calculated her ETA and promptly turned into the kitchen to root through freezer for something to heat up for dinner – something soothing, heavy and home-cooked – which happened to be a relatively easy concept now with Moira working on her assignments and tinkering in their kitchen whilst Ruby napped or slept. He smiled when he spotted precisely what he was looking for, Meredith's new favorite … Moira's roasted vegetable lasagna – the perfect balance of indulgent comfort – and the perfect meal to end this exhaustive day with.

Because he really was exhausted … and as much as he loved these days alone with Ruby he sometimes found himself feeling a lot like a fish out of water. Fatherhood was a tough nut to crack so far and admittedly, sometimes he felt a bit overwhelmed – because this was his child, his little miracle – and God forbid he did anything wrong. And so he often found himself shaking his head – he could do a routine craniotomy and quite frankly mitigate any and all of the possible complications that could arise – so how was it that fatherhood sometimes felt so disconcerting and unpredictable that it almost scared him?

He set the frozen lasagna down on the counter and read Moira's handwritten instructions. He turned the convection oven on, adjusting the temperature before he went about setting the table, making sure to grab a couple of wine glasses. The oven chimed and he crossed the small space, unwrapped the lasagna and positioned it on the top rack of the oven. Following Moira's instructions, he set the timer for one hour. Satisfied with his work, he dimmed the lights and headed to the hearth where he began to build a fire … a log here, a wad of newspaper there. He struck a long match and held it into the newspaper then, where he stood motionless and watched the flames devour the paper … blue, white, orange … untamed power and heat ignited over the logs … and it was beautiful.

Derek sighed and stood up, pausing now as he inhaled the woodsy aroma of the hearth for a moment, this distinctive essence that somehow breathed innate life into their home. The fire warmed him from the outside in and as it did, he felt the tension from the day wane in the form of an all-consuming wave of relief (one admittedly infused with a pang of despondency) as it swiftly covered him akin to a warm blanket while he tried once again to shake off Ruby's tumultuous doctor's visit.

He blinked and made an attempt at resetting his brain but he was still shaken for some reason and as such he still could hear the sound of Ruby's shrill and the unforgettable way her cherubic face contorted with worry as the nurse held her down … and of course, the look in her eyes when they flicked to his for a briefest instant – a look that questioned his role in all that was happening – a look that was dismantled as the nurse began to prick her thighs with her well shots, prick, prick, prick ... prick.

And inside that moment, he remembered coaching himself: 'it's a simple case of black and white … people needed to be immunized'. And logically, he got it (of course he did), but in reality, the truth was, he never wanted to see Ruby be distressed like that again. And yes, he was a wuss, he knew that much – but the truth often hurt and in this case – the truth simply meant that he wouldn't be taking Ruby to any more pediatrician visits alone … ever ... again.

Turning his back on the fire, he headed for the small laptop console off the side of the kitchen, pulling out the high stool there as he toggled the mouse and the small powerhouse came alive. He sat down and logged into his email, his mind working over the new messages: one from Mark with regards to the new developments of their 'Gentlemen's Fishing Trip', another from the editor of SEATTLE Magazine confirming his and Meredith's appointment for their interview on the topic of the 'Shepherd Method', and lastly, one from Peter's father's tax accountant, the final proposed budget for Meri House was attached and ready for review.

His face instantly turned into a smile then as he opened that last email and his mind drifted to Ketut and Wayan and the small package of photographs they recently received from them. Wayan, their boy – oh so handsome and healthy now – over a year later wherein he continually enriched their lives from afar, while simultaneously making the world a much smaller place, for more than ever before, they were still very much ensconced within the sun and sea and life upon Bali. He smiled into himself and approved the expenditures for the coming year.

Satisfied, he leaned back and listened to the quiet of his homestead for a brief moment –whimsical images of Bali floating through his mind as the leaves danced outside in the wind, the sun overhead somewhere – he breathed, in, out, in and then out again. Focusing, he began to feel grounded and at peace now as he practiced those proven methods of meditation they learned on the island. He breathed again and let the worries of fatherhood release their chokehold upon him wherein he felt a slight liberation from the stresses of the day as they began to alleviate. 'Slow, slow down', he breathed, opening his eyes as he exhaled and felt that sense of inner peace he was looking for.

Exhaling one last time, he came to and slowly pushed his chair back to check on the lasagna, but was jarred from his dreamlike state by Ruby's sudden wail as it moved through the cabin, echoing into the quiet from several strategically placed baby monitors. Derek reacted swiftly – his fight or flight instinct pushed into high gear as his heart raced and he quickly moved down the hallway to the baby's room – his fuzzy mind on auto-pilot as life resumed all around him, his heart thumping wildly by the time he pushed the door open to find Ruby sitting up in her crib.

"That wasn't much of a nap, pickle," he cooed, his own brow knitting when he saw the strange expression upon her baby face: one made from pure panic. "Oh God," he breathed as he reached for her, his nostrils suddenly struck with the rancid smell that surrounded her along with the appalling idea of the apparent explosion that happened in her diaper. "Wow," he said through his nose as he stared at her for a brief moment in time.

He scoured his brain for a workable solution then while Ruby's wail became more incessant and demanding as she pulled herself up using the crib slots and held his gaze … her cheeks red, her eyes red and puffy too. She cried out in frustration, her misery on full display along with the brown … no, more green … no more yellow and yes, all over the place … massive amount of poop!

And inside this slow-motion moment in time, Derek did no more than tilt his head and ponder the stain, his mind wrapping around its magnitude as it stretched from her chubby thighs and moved all the way up her spine, quite possibly in her hair as well! His stomach turned … the baby wailed … the room wreaked … but all he could do was stare at her and try to come up with a plan of attack!

"Da!" Ruby shrilled, once again garnering his attention as she held her hands out for him.

Derek half chuckled. "You're a mess, I know," he murmured as he quickly unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, 'it's just poop', he reminded himself as he pulled the garment over his head and tossed it onto the nearby rocker. "Come here, baby," he cooed, lifting the soaked baby from her crib, the stench encapsulating him as he did. "Oh, God! You … I can't put you down," he muttered to himself as he was about to lay her down on her changing table. "Okay, baby … just bear with me here, daddy has an idea," he conspired as he perched her onto his hip.

Ruby's cries died down as Derek spoke to her, breathing through his mouth as he opened the top drawer of her dresser, fishing from it a pair of surgical scissors, a new diaper pail liner and a fresh package of baby wipes.

"Okay, daddy's ready ... just stay still," he murmured as he set his little mess of a baby down on the changing table. "We're just going to throw everything out … but first, I'm going to have to cut you out of your clothing," he explained in a light, melodic voice.

The baby cocked her head then and began to squirm uncomfortably as Derek smiled tightly at her and worked quickly, first opening the wipes where he pulled a large quantity free from the holder, setting the small pile off and to the right. He then opened the diaper pail bag and hooked one of the plastic handles onto the top knob of her dresser. With everything in place, he quickly donned a pair of surgical gloves and began to unsnap her pajamas. She squirmed, shrugging her shoulders as he gently pulled her feet free, bringing with them a fresh waft of the stench.

Derek's stomach turned and his gag reflex gripped him, he looked at the ceiling and wondered for a brief flicker of time why this seemed so hard – it was just poop – his daughter's poop! Ruby cried out then, lodging what could have been any number of chief complaints at this point. Derek looked down to her and grasped a hold of the surgical scissors – for his plan was to cut her arms out of the top of her bodysuit – so he could just lift her out of the rest of the mess rather than pulling the whole stained garment over her head.

Ruby wailed again and he set his hand upon her chest to keep her still, but she protested, so he raised the scissors out of harm's way and that was when he heard a gasp come from behind him. And therein, he turned around and saw Meredith, where he silently thanked God for the eighty-hour workweek!

"There's poop everywhere," he announced, his nasally voice hanging in the foul air.

Meredith did no more than snort as she walked into the room and headed straight for the window. "You can put the scissors down now, Dr. Shepherd," she snickered as she unlocked the window and opened it. She turned around and raised her brow at her husband.

"Funny," he laughed as he stepped aside and let her come to the rescue. He watched her smile and put her hair into a messy bun as she did.

"Hi baby," she cooed at their angel, her green eyes puffy and red – four pink princess Band-Aids affixed to her chubby thighs – Meredith reflexively winced, prick, prick, ouch, ouch. She slipped a pair of surgical gloves on and got to work by taking Ruby's right arm and expertly bending it up and through the top of the lap shoulder of her bodysuit.

"Oh … so that's how that works," Derek muttered with a wry grin. Meredith giggled; she freed Ruby's left arm. "I never thought of pulling her arms through the top first," he chuckled.

"This is a really big poop," Meredith whispered to the baby as she gently lifted her upper body and slid the bodysuit down to her tiny waist. "Probably from your well shots," she conspired as she lay her back down. Ruby babbled animatedly now. "I know, baby … it's a common a side effect … lucky for you, you won't remember this," she giggled, briefly meeting Derek's eyes. "Too bad I can't say the same for your daddy," she snickered as she unsnapped the crotch of the bodysuit and pulled it down and off of the baby's legs. She tossed the garment into the trash bag.

Derek resisted the urge to gag again as he watched Meredith somehow move in slow motion and remove the soiled diaper. She tossed it into the trash bag and began to clean the baby up with the abundance of wipes he had pulled free. She worked flawlessly and confidently all the while chatting with Ruby, calming her, soothing her with her gentle touch and voice. Leaning down, she grabbed a flannel receiving blanket from the small stack there and covered the filthy changing table pad with it. She then lifted Ruby and turned her over, setting her on her belly for the briefest of moments while she used another wad of wipes to gently clean her back. When satisfied, she lifted the restless baby back up and turned to Derek.

"You need to toss that undershirt," she giggled, pointing to a large brownish stain just above his right hip. She removed her gloves and threw them into the trash bag.

"Oh …," he chuckled, quickly pulling the protective layer of latex from his hands before took the shirt off and tossed all of it into the trash bag.

"Here …," Meredith murmured with a soft smile as she came to stand next to him. "Why don't you take her into the shower with you and I'll handle this," she offered, recognizing now that he was just about at his limit.

"I can clean this up … you just walked in," he murmured as he took Ruby from her. The baby squealed, happier now than he'd seen her all day.

"I've got it," Meredith answered and then she smiled. Derek leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. He smiled weakly. "You both wreak," she giggled. "She needs to get washed … go," she reasoned softly.

"I know …," he answered with a small smile of his own. "Mommy's so cool under pressure, isn't she, Ruby?" he asked of the baby who suddenly began to chat excitedly about her amazing mother.

He kissed Meredith again. "Thank God you're home," he chuckled in all seriousness.

Ruby yawned big then. Meredith giggled and tapped her little button nose with her pointer finger. "You stink baby … make sure daddy washes your hair," she cooed. "Then you can finish your nap," she smiled widely eliciting a mimic from the smart baby.

Derek chuckled and Meredith watched them go, sauntering off and through the adjoining door en-route to the master bathroom. She listened as the shower came to life and got back to the messy task at hand, quickly, stripping the crib linens, leaving everything on the floor near the door before she decided with haste to just toss the changing table cover and the receiving blanket she had used right into the trash bag. All told, she tied the trash bag up and swiftly exited the room, the soiled linens in her arms, the trash bag looped onto her wrist. Rounding the corner, she opened the mudroom door and set the linens on top of the washing machine before she opened the back door and dropped the trash bag into the large trashcan there, clothing the lid tight.

When finished, she exhaled sharply, releasing a large breath of air she didn't know she was withholding. She inhaled now, allowing her lungs to recycle the fresh air in and out and therein, she let the stresses of the week ebb, just a little bit. She shivered against the damp cold air and turned back inside to check on whatever Derek had put in the oven … for the rest of the house smelled divine. She stepped back inside and closed the door behind her … and only then did she truly relax, for she was home and they had eighteen hours together before Derek was scheduled again, eighteen hours that could feel like a lifetime sometimes. Inhaling the delicious aroma, she peeked into the oven and saw the bubbling lasagna. Her face turned into a smile as she closed the oven and glanced at the timer where there was still thirty minutes left on the timer.

Swiftly, she headed back to the solace of Ruby's nursery – the sweet Balinese heirloom suspended above her crib there – just as deep and soulful and whimsical as it had been in her mind's eye during that magical hour they spent in the mountain village of Tenganan, the older boutique owner and her perfectly wide and gracious smile there now too as she thought about the 'gringsing' tapestry and how it came to hang in her daughter's room … what a story ... what a history.

A broad smile crossed over her features now as she changed both the crib linens and the changing table cover, her mind lingering on Wayan and Ketut and her beloved Bali. Her heart squeezing when she thought of her boy's handsome face and his aura of inner peace … and therein, she was able to find hers. All she had to do was think of Wayan or remember the liquid brown of his all-seeing eyes ... and she was connected, grounded … aligned and at peace.

She took a deep breath and realized the stench had dissipated enough. She closed the window almost all the way and listened to Derek's shallow voice and Ruby's responsive squeals as their chatter echoed through the house. Smiling, she returned to the present and grabbed some clothing for the baby and a fresh diaper before she headed into the bathroom to check on her family.

"So … does everyone feel better?" she asked when she peeked around the tempered glass door.

Ruby squealed. "Ma!" she exclaimed, her angelic face flushed, her fingers pressed into Derek's shoulders as she hung on tight.

"Ruby," Meredith cooed, locking her eyes on the baby's. She beamed at Derek.

"I think she's done," Derek laughed, holding the slick, squirming baby the best he could.

Meredith grabbed a fresh towel and opened the door. "I'll take her, she must be –"

"Don't even say it!" Derek challenged as he passed Ruby to his wife. Meredith snickered.

"Pooped!" she sassed, pursing her lips into a pout; she giggled and closed the door.

Using the teak bench inside the steamy room, Meredith worked quickly now to diaper and dress Ruby who babbled and yawned intermittently – her curious green eyes bright and cheery, despite the trials of her day – her well shots hopefully a distant memory now. "I know … mommy loves you too … let's see about the rest of your nap," she whispered, kissing her clean, soft baby cheeks, drawing her near as she scooped her up and peppered her neck with a series of quick, tickling kisses. "I'll be right back," she said to Derek as she turned the baby monitor on and headed to get the chatty baby into bed.

"And I'll be right here … waiting," Derek flirted with a devilish laugh causing Meredith to make some kind of wisecrack retort in conspiracy with the baby as she left the room.

Derek sighed and dipped his head back and into the hotter water now – having regulated the temperature for him and Meredith – he was once again thankful for his wife's foresight in wanting to have not one, but two hot water heaters. He began to shampoo his hair while he listened to his wife and baby 'chat' – their whispering voices echoing into the bathroom now through the baby monitor – 'night-night' Meredith cooed before he heard the floorboard just inside the nursery creak and everything became quiet.

He exhaled and began to lather his body with liquid soap, kneading his muscles while the baby's babble slowly faded away and Meredith appeared in the bathroom. Derek smiled and turned to watch her disrobe, dropping her clothing into the hamper there before she opened the door just enough to slip inside the hot, soothing shower with him.

Meredith smiled at her lover then and like so many times before, she let the stresses of the day slip away and down and into the drain while the world stopped spinning just long enough for her to connect with her husband … at home, something that had admittedly become a rarity as of late – but when those perfect moments arose – they were always a pleasure … a gift of time …time to remember how much they loved and revered one another.

"Eighteen hours … just the three of us," Derek murmured as he stepped out of the water and into his lover's space.

"Hmm, might feel like a dream," Meredith replied, tilting her head up where Derek ducked down and kissed her fully. She giggled into his mouth, her soapy hands already palming his ass. "You smell much better now," she husked, pulling away, her nose brushing against his as he cupped her face in his hands. "So does the house," she murmured as she pulled him closer, his warm body pressed against hers.

"Moira's lasagna," Derek smiled wickedly as he grabbed the shampoo. "Turn around," he ordered softly, adding an abundance of shampoo to his hands.

"So … rough day?" Meredith pondered as he massaged her scalp, her eyes almost closing in response. She reached for the small tiled ledge and held on – around and around he went – his hands moving from her head now to her shoulders where she released her endorphins, the stresses of the day falling away for good now.

"Yeah," he answered candidly. "I … it's hard to see her under so much distress," he intimated, smoothing his hands from her shoulders down to her breasts – cupping them gently, massaging her slick nipples with his thumbs before he steadied himself – pinning his fists to her hipbones where he pulled her back toward him and just held her there for a beat.

"I know," Meredith replied as she turned in his arms. "I can't stand it either," she whispered as she held his gaze and lost herself for a long, quiet, connective moment.

"You need to rinse," he chuckled after another minute, quite awestruck by her in that flicker of time; for it was true, she still took his breath away without even trying.

"I do," she giggled, trading places with him before she tilted her head into the hot spray of water, the slick soap bubbles both popping and massaging her as they flooded down the length of her body and into the drain … taking with them the last of her stresses.

She righted herself and opened her eyes to find Derek watching her, right where she left him. He smiled and reached behind her – pressing on the shower knob to turn the water off as he did – his heated body upon hers now as the room became quiet and he began kissing her as if it had been years since he'd done so. Yes, he kissed her, languidly, leaning into her where upon she felt him release his vulnerabilities and she accepted him with open arms.

All the while, he surely felt her do the same – yes, she lost and found herself just like so many times before – she kissed him back with everything she had in her … until they were one, hot, wet and connected … at home and so madly, deeply in love, even now, even still.

Yes, they kissed one another very much since the night they first met – for all it took was one kiss to let it all go – all of their stresses and insecurities (though now most definitely devoid of secrets). Derek inhaled sharply and pulled away; just barely away before he spoke in a hushed tone, his voice barely heard over the thunder clapping in her heart.

"I don't want to go alone to Dr. Jeffries again," he confessed. "It's … too much for me," he admitted, holding Meredith's gaze, their daughter's green, all-seeing eyes, so much like her mother's now that it often intensified how he felt about her, how much he truly loved her – it had taken on a new form a life in Ruby – like mother, like daughter and vice-versa.

"I know," Meredith acknowledged as she reached up and grabbed a towel for him where she leaned up and draped it over his board shoulders before she took one for herself. "I know … being a dad … being a mom … it's …," her voice trailing off as she smiled wistfully as she dried herself off.

"Harder than anything else … anything else … it's –"

"Horrifying," she ventured with a tight smile. "I'm always so scared that I'm gonna scar her for life," she giggled as Derek opened the shower door and she stepped out, immediately turning to face him, regarding him for a moment then – secretly loving that he didn't keep anything to himself anymore – for they really were a team. "You're an excellent father, Derek," she praised, bringing her hands up to flank his face – her eyes fixed on his while she waited for them to soften and sparkle – smiling brightly as they did.

"I love you," he declared then, so entrenched in all that she did to him and the way in which she understood him like no one else, the way she did so without judgment. "Thanks …," he whispered. "You take such good care of us … I'd be lost without you, you know?" he smiled as he stared at her. "You know what an amazing woman and mother you are … right?" he asked candidly, swallowing hard as his emotions tried to swallow him whole. Meredith nodded noncommittally, but Derek kissed her, trying his best to ease her insecurities, kiss, kiss … he kissed her on the truth. "You are," he insisted.

The lovers smiled at one another then, the steam in the bathroom rising to the ceiling as the dust from the day settled to the floor. They dried themselves and donned fresh pajamas, the night still young somewhere, but that didn't matter, because they were in for the night and quite possibly for the day tomorrow as well, for their eighteen hours together wouldn't be squandered. Derek opened the door and a gust of fresh air funneled into the bathroom. The lovers to turned to one another and smiled widely.

"Moira's lasagna!" Meredith giggled happily.

###

The next morning, Derek exhaled and smiled, the cabin in plain sight now as he walked out from under the canopy of the last cluster of Douglas firs, their branches creaking in the variable wind as they moved and jostled those brown leaves – those precious few that still hung on – that same wind propelling them now, setting them free falling, twirling, around and around they went, falling, falling to meet their fate or destiny … the forest floor.

Ruby squealed from her perch over Derek's shoulder where she sat ensconced in his baby backpack. He lifted the small mirror on the shoulder strap and looked at her, taking in her innocence as her eyes fell on something that mystified her. Tilting his head – he regarded her for a beat and came to stop – once again catching a glimpse of her bright green eyes as they surveyed the land in front of them … and then he wondered if she too, saw the cabin … or perhaps the tiny bit of the lake one could see from this vantage point.

The wind began to move again and the baby squealed with delight, her rosy cheeks kissed by the cold morning air. She kicked her covered feet, her tiny fingers pulsing through Derek's wool cap now where she held on tight and he could feel her surge of energy, her excitement …and as he followed her gaze, he knew she had indeed spotted the smoke stack rising from their chimney … she had seen her homestead.

"Almost home kiddo," he confirmed as he glanced at his watch and picked up his pace, his hands massaging her covered baby feet as he did. "Do you think mommy's awake?" he wondered aloud.

"Ma?" she questioned brightly, her feet moving excitedly as she looked around.

"Mommy's at home,"he chuckled, heading along the familiar terrain.

His mind wandering as he did, for he hoped Meredith slept in … because she was in a tough position. For it was no secret that he was amazed by her at this point, for he often wondered how she did it – surgical resident and a mother – two wonderfully complex and demanding jobs and as much as she would argue that she could do one or both of these jobs better, he disagreed, for it was his belief that she was made to do both and do them both with the fortitude he loved so very much about her. Smiling inside now, he chuckled aloud much like he usually did when he pondered the horrifying thought of being a father and a surgical resident, for unlike Meredith, he knew back then that he would have been ill-equipped to handle both.

And as he thought about just how wonderful she was, he found himself walking at a faster clip, moving along that invisible fishing line he loved so much – his heartstrings tugging as peered up and into the sky and followed the smoke stacks until they disappeared – his eyes fixed on the horizon now as he landed at the foot of the porch and ascended the steps, a broad smile on his face now as he slowly opened the door and stepped inside the warm solace of the cabin wherein Meredith looked up from her perch upon the sofa. He took her in: her legs folded beneath her, a steaming cup of coffee in her hands … her Dartmouth t-shirt laying along her neck in all the right places. He sighed and smirked at the same time.

"Hi," she beamed, her eyes instantly bouncing between her lover and their love-baby as she stood and crossed the room.

"Ma!" Ruby chimed in happily.

"Good morning," she whispered intimately, leaning up to kiss her lover's cold lips. "I missed you, waking up with you," she confessed softly as she held his chilled face in her hands, her long fingertips slipping beneath the damp wool of his cap.

"Hmm, me too … but I wanted you to sleep," he explained as he pulled his cap off, knowing she understood, but also knowing exactly how she felt. He smiled weakly as Meredith's eyes darted to Ruby over his shoulder.

"Hi, baby!" she giggled, running her finger along the smooth, cool flesh of her cheek. "Mommy missed you too," she praised as the baby squealed; she unbuttoned her baby cap and pulled it off and released her wild unruly locks, so much like her daddy's now.

"But … you slept and you needed it," Derek declared with a bright smile as he leaned back and against the dining table, pushing the easel into place to balance the backpack there before he unstrapped the harness.

"I did … thank you," she acquiesced as he turned around and they beamed at the baby together. "Such a good baby," she praised, loosening the interior straps of the backpack before she lifted the excited baby into her arms. "Good morning to you," she sung, locking her eyes with the baby's for a flicker before she peppered her sweet face and neck with kisses, all the while breathing her in … 'baby, baby'.

They turned then and headed into the living room, sitting down with the baby in front of the fire where they had a small collection of toys. Derek poked at the fire and Meredith stripped the baby of her outer fleece shell. Once freed, Ruby wasted no time and reached for her favorite 'teether', a small knobby alligator. She held the green, plastic ring-shaped toy in her hand and bit down again and again, drooling while she did. Meredith giggled and the baby looked up and cocked her head before she pulled herself up and towered above her mother. Meredith stared at her angel, cupping her angelic face in her hands.

Derek's eyes lingered on the pair for a beat longer, still awestruck by their connection. He sighed and stood. "Want to have a picnic over here?" he queried softly.

"Sure," Meredith grinned as she looked up to find him, Ruby holding on tight as she grounded herself using Meredith's shoulders before she plopped to the floor with a raucous giggle. "Silly baby," she cooed, lifting the little one onto her lap where she promptly pulled one arm from her t-shirt to situate Ruby to nurse.

The baby latched on and Meredith sat back and into the edge of the sofa, her legs crossed in front of her, her eyes following Derek in the kitchen while she watched him work. He looked over and smiled before he set the toaster and began to cut some fruit. She sighed happily and allowed herself to relax and just forget about everything for a little bit, cherishing these little moments of a reprieve from their busy lives – for days like this felt like being snowed in and having no where to go – those perfect rare moments when the snow was fresh and new and everything was bright and beautiful and untouched.

The toaster chimed and Ruby shifted in her arms, her curious mind following the noise until she pushed herself further away from Meredith's breast – suddenly watching Derek's every move as he walked to and fro in the kitchen, gathering their picnic – setting everything upon a tray before he approached them. Meredith felt her heartstrings pull, feeling the full weight of Ruby's distraction.

"She's losing interest in the boob …," Meredith surmised evenly as Derek set the tray of his wares upon the coffee table. "Ruby …," she whispered softly, the baby turned her face briefly, but instead of latching back on, she pushed herself up into a sitting position, shifting her tiny bottom on top of Meredith's legs. "She's weaning herself," she chuckled, looking up at Derek. Her cheeks heated and she shook her head in disbelief. "She's so smart she's weaning herself!" she exclaimed softly, evenly, though all she really wanted to do was cry. She slipped her arm back through the sleeve of her shirt and covered herself back up while her husband watched her carefully for a beat.

"Come here," he murmured, sitting down on the floor next to her, drawing her near where he held her steady. He found her eyes and lifted her chin up and set his palm along her flushed cheek, Ruby's intense eyes on them both now as she turned into their space. "It's okay …," he promised sincerely, trying his best to relate to her despondency … for their baby was growing up and there was nothing they could do to impede it. He smiled and then he kissed her pouty lips – soft and quick, he kissed her, pulse, pulse – his lips lingering on hers before he pulled back and whispered hotly into her ear. "You know … that's only the case for one of us," he smirked suggestively, his lips on her cheek now as her giggle floated through the cabin.

"Derek …," she sniffled, her wet, vacillating eyes pinned on his.

"I love your boobs …," he flirted, planting his lips upon her neck, he kissed her pulse. "I'll always love your boobs," he cackled wickedly into their heat, pulling back wherein her dancing eyes met his and her giggle wouldn't quit.

###

Meredith watched Ruby now in quiet awe as she sat across from her in her ergonomic baby seat, the little tray in front of her a mess with a collection of foods: toasted O's cereal, diced mango and a teething biscuit (thankfully ignored). She smiled and watched carefully as she mastered her pincer grasp, handling the slippery, island fruit with ease between her pointer finger and her thumb. A large smile gracing her messy face as she slammed her fingers against her open mouth, an excited smile gracing her face as she consumed the tasty treat.

Giggling with her, Meredith doted on the baby and found herself once again mulling over her statistics and milestones as of late: eighteen pounds, twenty-seven inches long, sitting up on her own, pulling herself up to stand, crawling when she really wanted something! She stilled her heart, fighting those urges of sadness … because nothing would change the fact that Ruby wasn't an infant anymore. She exhaled and smiled, quietly reminding herself what Jyothi had told her when they spoke last week: that it was 'perfectly natural for a woman to miss the baby her child once was, after all, without the 'missing', there would be no survival of the species, no will to procreate'.

Meredith's heart strings pulled, stretching now as Ruby found her eyes and tilted her head, bringing her fingers together in front of her – 'more, more' – she signed, 'more, more', she signed again before she grabbed her 'sippy' cup and took a big swill of her water. She giggled and slammed the cup down. Meredith sighed and blinked back her tears.

"More …," she whispered animatedly, mimicking the baby's sign with a grin. "Good girl!" she praised as she reached for the bowl of toasted O's, sprinkling another helping upon her small tray wherein the hungry baby wasted no time in picking one up.

Sighing, Meredith watched her growing baby for a beat longer before she turned her attention to Derek who smiled to himself before he looked up from his crossword puzzle to find her watching him. She smiled and so did he before he returned to his task at hand – the previous week's New York Times crossword puzzle – his brow immediately furrowed with concentration until he suddenly smiled brightly and filled in the missing letter blocks with satisfaction. He exhaled and looked up to find her again, this time, folding the paper and moving to sit closer to her.

Meredith smiled and ribbed him with her elbow. "If she poops it's your turn to change her," she murmured playfully, watching as the baby seemed to inhale the food upon her tray.

Derek snorted. "Yeah, well …I deserve that," he smirked, laughing now at yesterday's antics. He doted on Ruby, watching her stifle a yawn as she rubbed her eyes. "She'll be out soon," he ventured with a small smile.

"Maybe, maybe not," Meredith giggled, looking on as the baby reached over the side of her seat for the stacking cups, setting one on top of another before she purposefully knocked them down, squealing when they fell. "Seems to me, she wants to play," she teased as she handed the cups to the baby again.

Derek kissed Ruby's chubby cheek before he turned to his wife. "So, play …," he smirked. "Tire her out so … we can play," he flirted shamelessly, kissing her cheek now too before he stood and began to clear the dishes.

"Oh, well when you put it like that," Meredith sassed, batting her lashes at him as he towered above her. "I'll get right on it," she giggled as she held his gaze.

Derek chuckled, picked the tray up and glided toward the kitchen, silently marveling at his good fortune and what had become of his life. He set the tray down and listened to the sounds of his home, the crackle and hiss of the fire and the fits of giggles coming from the living room as Meredith sang, 'This Little Piggy' to their growing daughter.

###

"This little piggy went to the hospital,
This piggy stayed at home,
This piggy wanted … mama's milk,
This piggy said 'no',
And this piggy went: 'Wee! Wee! Wee!' and ran all the way home to her cabin in the woods … where no one else could page her!"

My mother smiles broadly at me and I wait with great anticipation for her to tug on my pinky toe again, and when she does all I feel is my heart burst as untamed laughter shakes my whole body again and again and again. I love these days, when both of my parents are home and with me, it feels an awful lot like it's supposed to feel all the time.

By now I know that my parents go to this place called the 'hospital' where they 'work' and from the looks upon their faces, I know this is the harder part of their lives, though through their shining faces and the fires ignited in their eyes when they talk about this place … I know they are accomplished and for this, I am happy and also rewarded.

For my reward is somehow theirs and this is especially true when we have stretches of time like this together – for we are reminded, that as much as life changes all around us – one thing remains the same … I truly belong to them and they, to me.

"I am your bedtime; you are my wide awake."

Chapter 9 to follow.