A/N: Definitely give "Blank Page" a listen...I can't stop listening to it, I cannot press that song anymore than humanly possible! It's so beautiful...and Christina's song "Just a Fool" with the fabulous Blake Shelton! And also, to tell the difference between Sam Devine and Sam Evans, they're not Thing 1 and Thing 2. Sam Devine is Samantha and Sam Evans is Sam in Finn's POV.
I, I had my heart set on you
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel, yeah, yeah, yeah
And I waited and waited so long
For someone who'll never come home
It's my fault to think you'll be true, yeah, yeah
I'm just a fool for holding on to something that
Is never, ever gonna come back
I can't accept that it's lost
I should have let it go
Held my tongue, kept my big mouth shut
'Cause now everything is just wrong, wrong, wrong
Christina Aguilera ft. Blake Shelton — Just A Fool
Finn lost count of how many times he watched that clip of The Wendi Show with Samantha on it. She was out of her element, that much was clear. For one, Samantha hated pink, yet she sat in an overstuffed white armchair wearing a tiny pink dress with black lace and sky-high stilettos. Then Wendi began asking all sorts of personal questions, like questions about the shooting. If looks could kill, then the blonde would have dropped dead right then.
He checked his Facebook to see Samantha's name pop up on his news feed. She had a lengthy status, which had four 'likes' and Santana commenting on it. It wasn't anything uplifting, of course. Anyone with eyes knew it was about him and Santana had never rooted for them.
He wanted to find his calling and he wanted to go to LA. At least he could hide under the pretense that he wanted to help Puck with his pool-cleaning business like he had wanted to originally. Casually and awkwardly be the hanger-on when Puck or Mercedes saw her.
"You miss her, don't you?" Sam's voice came from behind Finn. He looked up and saw his friend chew on the inside of his lip. "Thing 1. You miss her."
He logged out of Facebook and closed his laptop. "Yeah, I do," he admitted. Finn knew he shouldn't talk about his personal life while he was taking over Glee, but Sam knew about her. He forced his mind to not use her name, like it did with Rachel. For now, he called Devine her. It would work for now.
He needed to focus on his set-list. That annoying first competition was rapidly approaching and he still didn't have any idea what he was doing. His Foreigner idea had been quickly shot down and he was coming up empty.
"Well, no shit it got shot down. A for effort and a B for creativity, but really? Having the kids dress up in international flag costumes and sing Foreigner songs in foreign languages? That's like begging someone to come and beat them up for racism. Do you want that on your head, Finn Hudson? I think not!"
He could hear her criticism now. Her terribly blunt, but usually right on the mark criticism.
"Look, I know it's not really any of my business, but if you're still seriously into her...why don't you tell her?" Sam suggested.
"I did. She feels the same way I do, but she doesn't have room for me in her life. She's got her music career that she wants to focus on and I haven't exactly given her a reason to trust me," Finn replied. He found himself once again dancing around her name.
The only place he wanted to be was where she was. That cute, frustrating, stubborn, elusive little elf who conquered his subconscious with her sweet smile, larger-than-life personality, and spunk, as Burt often called it. Nothing could touch her that she didn't let it.
Without him in her life, Finn knew Samantha could make it.
Dammit, he let himself think her name. Now he could see her pretty face, her big blue eyes, that grin that never ceased to make his day...
"And you're gonna let that stop you? I mean...come on. Ever since I met you, you've always done exactly what you want. If you want, well, her, what's stopping you besides distance?"
Sam was confident she was going insane again. Everyone went nuts over Collide and everyone wanted a piece of the action. People were talking music videos, award nominations, talk show spots, even the possibility of touring.
All she wanted to do was go back to Lima. She felt homesick after one day.
And then there was New York. She had New freaking York to go to and get her picture taken. wanted to do an interview with her and Isabelle Wright wanted to take a bunch of pictures for the fashion spread.
Between playing the guitar to record Collide and pretending to care about current events with the dramatic maniacs also on the label, she was spent.
The fact that she hadn't slept in two days probably contributed to that.
She finally collapsed on her bed in her pajamas and gave herself over to sleep.
Just as easily as it began to sting her eyelids, it danced away from her again. Sam stared at the ceiling and moaned in frustration. Her iPhone chimed on the nightstand and she picked it up, turning on the screen. A text from one of the producers on the label.
Get your head in the game, kid. We need you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at nine am sharp! Dress nice xx
Sam rolled her eyes and shut the screen off. She couldn't sleep. Still.
It was a vicious cycle. Why couldn't she sleep? She had long since gotten over jet-lag.
Her phone rang again in her hand and she sat up when she saw Thing 2's name on the screen, along with a picture of the two of them together.
"Hello?" she said hesitantly. She squeezed her eyes shut, raking her hand through her dark hair.
"Hey, listen, I know it's really late there," he started to say.
"It's even later there," she murmured.
"But I just wanted to see how you were," he said finally. Sam arched her eyebrow and scooting herself farther back against her pillow. At one o'clock in the morning, she seriously doubted this was a social call. She shot her alarm clock another glance before stroking Skye's silver tabby fur on the bed.
Are you asking or is Finn? she wanted to ask.
"Tired as hell. I'm a singer/songwriter, remember?" she said instead. She felt crazy. And jittery. What she needed was sleep, but it eluded her. She couldn't focus. "How's everyone there?" Sam purposefully left his name in the air, unspoken. Her mind couldn't form his name. She didn't want it to. If she let her mind think his name, then she wouldn't get any sleep for the next two weeks. "I-I heard that you guys had a pretty successful Glee rehearsal?"
"It was alright. Finn suggested a Foreigner theme for Sectionals...it didn't go over well with the rest of us. Get this, he suggested that we dress up in other countries' national flags and sing Foreigner songs in their languages."
She felt a twinge in her gut at the sound of his name and forced an amused snort. "That's actually a very interesting idea. Not in a way that he should actually do it, but way to think outside the box, huh?"
Who was she kidding? She missed him. Oh, how she missed him.
"How's Finn?" she whispered. Hot tears stung her eyes as she forced her lips to say what her mind wouldn't let her. She blinked them back.
"You want the real answer or what he wants me to tell you?"
"Let's hear his answer first."
"He says he's fine. The real answer is no. He misses you."
"I miss him, too." She couldn't wait to get Collide on track. Once that happened, she had a few more talk show engagements (she kept her fingers crossed for Ellen DeGeneres, simply because she adored the show) and then they cut her loose for the holidays. "I miss him a lot."
"Here's Finn."
"No, Sam, don't!" she practically cried, bolting up to standing on her knees. She clapped her hand over her mouth and turned the phone on speaker, wringing her hands. For a moment, she actually considered hanging up the phone on them.
Then she heard his voice.
"Hey."
"Hi." Shasta's head lifted from the bed and she stared at the phone.
Awkward silence. Emotional roller-coaster, random fatigue, heart palpitations, her fight or flight instincts raging war in her mind that flight was quickly winning.
"How are you?"
Emotionally messed up, desperately in love, incredibly exhausted both physically and mentally.
"Fine," she lied, forcing a smile. He couldn't see the faked grin, but he could certainly hear the tears in her voice. "I, uh, heard about your hit assignment. Dynamic Duets? Nice." She could do this. Samantha Devine was the daughter of an actress, dammit, and she could fake it with the best. "Though, I think you could have covered Kryptonite by Three Doors Down. Just saying."
"I didn't even think of that song. And it fit in so well with the theme of the lesson," he said blankly. She could hear the same tone in his voice, the one that choked back tears. Could they pretend to be civil to each other? Could they pull it off? "How's LA?"
"Um...it's the City of Angels. I'm surprised Puck hasn't burst into flames yet," she tried to joke. Tears trickled down her cheeks and she sniffled. "Damn the pollen here. It's supposed to be November, but I just went to the store in shorts. Now it's screwing with my head."
"Pollen...yeah, same here," he agreed. "Do the people at the label like your song?"
"Yeah. They think it's some of the most honest work I've ever done. When it gets released, Mikey thinks the public's gonna go nuts over it," she couldn't help but boast.
"I'm really proud of you, Sammie. This is something you're meant to do."
Now she couldn't stop crying. "It doesn't feel right, though. There's this huge hole missing in my life and I don't know what it is," she confessed. She lied about the latter; she knew damn well what that hole was. Or who, rather. There was a Finn Hudson-shaped hole in her life, a hole only he could fill.
"Do you know when you're able to come back?" he asked. She swallowed hard and sniffled again, wiping her eyes.
"We shouldn't even be talking right now," she reminded him. Sam coughed and looked over at Shasta, who cocked her head to the side. The husky recognized Finn's voice. "But me seeing you is inevitable when I come home sometime soon, though."
Three years passed since meeting Finn. People changed and came and went as they pleased, but there were things that would never change. Sam's feelings for Finn were one of them. No matter how many times they broke each other's hearts, they were each other's safe harbors.
"I know we shouldn't be talking but Other Sam sort of sprang this on me," he said. Then he sighed over the other line. "I miss you, Sammie. I can't stop thinking about you."
"I miss you, too and I can't stop thinking about you, either," she admitted. She bit her lip hard and made herself lay back down. "Look, I've got a really long day. Can we call this a night?"
"Yeah, we can. I guess I'll see you when I see you?"
She sighed deeply and ran her hands over her tired face. "Yeah, see you then."
