A/N it was a fun weekend, i still wrote 2 full chapters. i am working on the 9th chapter right now so it should be up by the end of the day. PLEASE let me know what you think.. especially about the edward and bella part. do you think i made bella to mean? should she run back to edward just like that and forget everything. or did you like how i made it. she loves him, and wants him but she cant trust him, not yet. or was that still to easy for edward? i love the new moon. but i still think she took him back way to easily.. but i also didnt want to make bella a complete bitch lol.. but still LEMME KNOW WHAT YA THINK! also if you have any ideas or oppinions or where you want or think the storie should go and what should happen.

PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!

Chapter 8: Untrustworthy

BELLAS POV

"As a vampire!" I blurted out, I couldn't hold it in any more, he had to know what I wanted, I not only wanted him but I wanted eternity, eternal damnation. If you could even call any kind of life with Edward in it damned. Or hell for that matter, it was the complete opposite. It was heaven, hear on earth. I felt him tense up, and his face wiped of all emotion. His mouth curved into a tight line. I thought I saw his lip twitch but I couldn't be sure. Everything was silent for, what felt like hours. I couldn't hold it in anymore. The pent up anger and bitterness overcame all other emotions I had at the moment. "Why is hat so hard to understand? Instead of leaving me, you could have changed me! Why didn't you change me! Do you not want me for eternity? Do you think your going to get bored of me? Is that why you left? I know, I know it was for my own good, but Edward I loved you, you knew how I felt! And if it was about danger, and my well being, then why not change me! Then no one could touch me!" I was sobbing again. It was all just to overwhelming. I wanted to strike out and hit him, but I held the urge, I had hurt my hand enough for one day.

"Bella, I, you know why, I couldn't, I cant change you, I will not do that to you. Its so much pain. And I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. I wont force you to choose, you can have me the way it is. Or not it is up to you."

"Your not forcing me! I want this! I want you!" I was shouting, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. "Edward please. I'm going to get old, your going to stay seventeen forever. All the while I'm just going to be getting older and older each day. How is that going to look in 10 years?" why couldn't he see this was the best idea, no one could hurt me, victoria would no longer be after me, jasper wouldn't have the urge to take a bite out of me. And Edward wouldn't have to fight the urge to drain me dry. "Please, Victoria will no longer want me dead, Jasper wont accidental take a snap at me if I cut myself, because I wont cut myself. And you will no longer be tortured every minute to not drain me dr.. dry. Pl.. please Edward, Please." I was begging, pleading. "Just think about it, at least do me that." I didn't know if he was going to listen to me or if he even agreed with what I was saying, all I knew was this was the best thing. If he couldn't see that then I might have to go over him and talk to the others. He was still, silent for long while until he finally just nodded. I could see the sadness in his eyes.

"Bella, never think that its because I don't want you. I could never get bored of you. In a million years you wouldn't bore me. I want you, forever, eternity. Its just, this isn't what I would have wanted. We didn't have a choice. This is your soul were talking about Bella, I will not take that away from you, I will not take your only chance at heaven away from you." The sadness in his eyes was overwhelming. He did want me, for eternity. But he didn't want to take my chance at heaven. The thought boggled my mind, he was my heaven.

"You just did." I said sorrow all the way through my voice. He was my heaven, without him I was in hell.

"What, what do you mean?" he was confused.

"Edward, without you, there is no such thing as heaven. Its just hell. You left I was in hell. And now your dooming me to an eternity in hell." he flinched at my words, they had hurt him.

"Bella, I, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Bella, you cant honestly want this life?"

"I want this life, I want you in my life. This is the only way to keep you in my life, forever and eternity."

"No, I want you to have a normal human life, live out your life, grow old, ha…"

"NO!" I shouted and cut him off, how could he want me to grow old, and be an ugly old woman when he was still seventeen! "Edward no! I don't want to grow old without you, you cant grow old. There for I don't want to either. Please Edward. Please"

"Ugh Bella you don't know what your asking!"

"Yes I do, I'm just asking for you to think about it, realize that I'm right, it's the only way."

"Fine, I'll think about it, but I am not promising anything. I already know I don't want to do that to you. But for you I will think about what you said, that is the best I can do for now."

"Fine." I said glumly. He saw the hurt in my eyes and placed his arms around my waist and pulled me in close. I laid my head on his shoulder. I felt him lower his head to my hair, he breathed in deep. His chin rested on my forehead. We were like statues frozen in time for a long time. Neither one of us daring to move. And then he slowly lifted my head up to face his. And leaned down I didn't have a moment to think, the next second his cold, marble, lips gently on mine. I pulled away a few second later and shook my head. I couldn't do this, not now, not yet. I still didn't want to go through the pain of him leaving. My body and my mind wanted him, but my heart wasn't so trusting.

"I'm sorry Edward I want to, but I cant, not yet. If you…" he cut me off.

"I will not leave you again, I am a selfish creature, I know I shouldn't, continue to be around you, I'm a monster, but its what I want. I want you, I need you. I know what my limits are, I could not leave again if I wanted. The pain was unbearable. But I'll prove myself to you Bella, I'll prove my love for you, I'll prove to you that I will not ever leave again. And if I do, I will take you with me. Always." I could see the sincerity in his eyes, he meant every word. I think deep down I knew he meant every word. But I just needed to be sure, my heart needed to be sure. I nodded my head and smiled. It was all I could do, I didn't really know what to say, I didn't trust myself to say anything. Knowing my mind, an my heart both wanted two completely different things. They were fighting, one wanted to be with Edward kiss him so patiently he would never ever leave again. And the other didn't want to go through the pain of him leaving again, I didn't trust so easily anymore.