I deserved every word.
I deserved being treated that way.
But I didn't deserve her tears.
I didn't deserve her…
I looked around and noticed there was no one in sight. I was glad everyone rushed home because now I could talk to him without interruption. I ran to the end of the hallway and pushed the doors open. My heart was beating frantically and I knew this wasn't going to be easy for me. But it was now or never…
"Sasuke!" I said as I finally caught up to him at the stairway. I stopped at the top of the stairs to catch my breath.
He stopped at the foot of the stairs but didn't turn to look at me.
"Sasuke…" I repeated. I didn't want to talk to his back. I wanted to talk to him. But he still didn't turn. He just stood there, his hands in his pockets as though he were deep in thought. I had to say something… But my voice was caught in my throat.
What could I say when I didn't even know where to start?
"What do you want?" he suddenly asked.
My head shot up to look at his back. I wanted too many things at once… I wanted an explanation. I wanted to know why he was so cold towards me. I wanted to know why he was ignoring me…
"Why are y-you acting like this?" I finally decided to ask. I clenched my hands tight, waiting for his response.
He didn't reply. His silence hurt more than the presumed answer I thought he'd say. Did he even hear me?
I contemplated my words. I had too many things on my mind that I couldn't think straight. It didn't help how nervous I was about what I was doing. I now realized why I avoided confrontations, they were too stressful. And here I was, choosing to confront Sasuke Uchiha of all people…
"You w-weren't like this y-yesterday. You were d-different." I replied trying desperately to keep my breath steady.
"I'm not acting differently." Sasuke answered.
Yes he was! He wasn't the Sasuke I laughed with, the one I confided in, the one who made me smile…
"Yes you are!" I said loudly. I didn't know where the sudden confidence came from but I took advantage of it. "You're acting as if you b-barely know me!"
"I don't know you." He said as he turned to face me. He looked up at me with defiance, daring me to continue.
I looked at the ground and felt my face heat up. It was funny how even if I was the one at the top of the stairs, I still felt vulnerable. Did he take me for an idiot? I knew that we couldn't know anyone in a short period of time… I knew that I didn't know him either…
"That still doesn't explain why y-you're ignoring me…" I said in quiet voice. "I thought you considered me as..."
"As what?" he asked. I slowly looked at him.
"As what?" He repeated harshly. I looked back at my feet. I hated that tone of voice… It reminded me so much of someone else's…
"As a friend?" he then said unpleasantly.
Mustering up my courage, I nodded.
He laughed bitterly. "Now what made you think that?"
I stared at him completely taken aback. I pondered how I could answer him. But these things couldn't be explained... they just happened... didn't he understand that? But his words made me think. Were we even friends? Was I too quick to think he was one? I knew we weren't friends at first, but gradually…
"I asked you a question. Answer it." He snapped
I fiddled with my fingers. Everything suddenly felt so hot. My palms were sweating and I could feel my face burn. My heart felt like it could jump out of my chest at any moment … I didn't like where this was going. I didn't like the images I was remembering at the sound of his voice…
No... It wasn't his voice… It was someone else's… But I had to ignore it. I wasn't facing him, I was facing Sasuke.
It was Sasuke…
"You're nicer to me…" I said in almost a whisper. "You talk to me… you show me a different side of yourself…"
"I was only being polite." He cut in.
I slowly raised my head up to look at him. He was lying. I just knew he was. No one would act like that if they were "just being polite", it was more than that. This was so frustrating! I wish I could just see what was going on inside his thick skull. He was just plain annoying now. What was there to lie about? Why the sudden change now that we were in school? I do admit it was rather odd for the famous Uchiha to be friends with Hinata Hyuga… I mean, for someone like him to be hanging out with me, it would be perfectly normal to be a- ….
That was it. There was only one reason that could explain this…
He was ashamed…
Ashamed of being my friend…
"You're not going to cry are you?" He asked clearly amused.
I snapped out of my thoughts and wondered what he meant. I realized as I looked around me that my sight got blurry. No! I wouldn't cry! Not in front of him! Not now!
"Stop wasting my time." He then said as he started to leave.
"Sasuke!" I pleaded. "Please Sasuke! Don't g-"
"You actually thought I was your friend?Go be a pain in the ass somewhere else. You're pathetic."
I took a step back from where I was standing and stared at him stunned. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. His words were painful. More painful than the hits I received from my dad, more than the insults, the disappointments… Every word he said opened up the wounds I tried desperately to heal, every word triggered memories I longed to forget…
"You're a disgrace! "
"You disgust me."
"You're worthless!"
"Get out of my sight."
"You call yourself a Hyuga?"
"You're weak!"
"Shut up!" I screamed as I covered my ears with my hands, trying unsuccessfully to mute out the words in my head. I was shaking and let the tears fall down my face. I didn't care anymore. I wouldn't let another person treat me this way, no matter who it was. I was sick of being pathetic, I was sick of being called weak and worthless. I wasn't like that, I'd show him…
"What did you say?" he asked as he turned around sharply.
"I said shut up! You bastard!" I said through clenched teeth.
Sasuke suddenly made his way up the stairs and stood in front of me. Surprisingly I didn't shrink under his glare but met his eyes and stood my ground.
This all looked so familiar…
"Think you're so tough now? Calling me a bastard? I never thought you were the kind to stoop to name-calling." he said furiously. I would've flinched at the familiar tone, but today was different.
I was going to change.
"I'm not like you." I said. "And I'm not name-calling. It's the truth. You are one! It fits you perfectly!"
He roughly grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him.
"Who do you think you are?" He said louder.
Images of my father flashed through my mind…
"Who do you think you are? Treating people like crap! I'm sure it makes you feel better about yourself doesn't it?" I replied.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he snapped.
I saw his face…
"You're just putting others down because deep inside you know that you're the one who's really worthless! You're nothing!" I said.
For once in my life I wanted someone to feel how I've been feeling this whole time. Let's see how he liked being put down. Let's see how he'd enjoy being treated as the coward he was.
"I don't care what you think." Sasuke seethed, his grip on my wrist tightening.
The images kept coming…
"Yes you do! You do care what everyone else thinks!"
"Don't talk about things you don't understand!" Sasuke yelled. But I just ignored him. I didn't know what took over me. My lips moved on their own… I was angry and…
I knew exactly how to hurt him.
"Want to know something else?" I said even louder. "You really think I didn't feel the same way about you like the others did? Do you really think I'm that forgiving?"
I suddenly felt the painful pressure my wrist was receiving and remembered how my father held me the night before. The pain was only fueling my anger. I looked at his eyes…
My father's glare looked back at me…
"Guess what," I continued "I hated you! I hated the way Sakura would cry at night, the way Naruto wouldn't smile, the way you just ran away from everything good, from everyone who loved you!"
"Shut up!" he screamed.
My father was standing in front of me…
"No you shut up!" I screamed back. "You might think I'm weak. But the real weak one here is you! You shouldn't have killed Orochimaru! Maybe he could've given you all the stupid strength you wanted!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! You don't know anything about me!" Sasuke screamed.
"That's because you don't give anyone a chance! You never let anyone know you! And it's because of Itachi! You think he doesn't have power over you but he does! He controls you!"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" he roared as he pushed me violently away from him.
Exactly the way my father did before he…
The sound of a slap echoed through the empty stairway.
I trembled as I stared at my hand… I just hit him. I slapped Sasuke…
"I-I… I'm so s-sorry!" I sobbed.
Sasuke looked at me in disbelief. He was so shocked he didn't move.
He slowly took a step away from me. "I'm so sorry!" I cried as I ran down the stairs and out the door.
What had I done?
I was sobbing as I ran through the empty parking lot. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I was turning into him… I was turning into my father. Something I said I'd never become…
I said things just to hurt someone. I chose exactly what to say and went straight to what I knew would hurt him most. I took out my anger on someone else and felt good about it… I was horrible. I was turning into a terrible person…
I didn't want to hurt Sasuke…
"HINATA!" I suddenly heard someone scream. I stopped abruptly. I recognized that voice…
I couldn't breathe as I heard his footsteps coming closer to me. After everything I said he still followed me?
I didn't look back for fear of what I might see. Maybe he didn't follow me for a good reason… maybe he just wanted to get back for what I said…
"Hinata…" he said softly. I listened carefully at the sound of my name on his lips. It sounded different coming from his voice… not bad, just different… I realized that he never said it before until now…
"What do you want?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady. "Want to get back for everything I said?" More tears fell down my face as I pronounced those words.
He didn't say anything and it irritated me more. I just wanted to go home. "Well?"
He took a couple of more steps closer and stopped right behind me. My back instinctively tensed and the hairs on my neck stood up. Why was he following me now? Didn't he have enough with that whole scene back at school? Did he just come here to humiliate me more? Not that I could blame him… I deserved it…
A moment has passed and he still didn't answer. What did he want? A moment ago he was pushing me away, telling me how pathetic I was and now he wants to talk?
My eyes widened in realization.
"That's it isn't it? What you were trying to do? Push me away?" I asked as I slowly turned to him.
He didn't answer but looked directly at me. Our eyes met and I could see all the conflicting emotions he was feeling at that moment. He was furious, sad, confused…
"Why?" I asked. There has to be a reason.
"I…" He started. He then looked away from me in annoyance. I didn't say anything and waited for him to continue.
He looked defeated as he gave a long sigh. "I don't hate you." He finally said.
"What?" I asked. He doesn't hate me? I was glad to know that but it wasn't the answer I was expecting.
"Didn't you hear what I just said? What, are you deaf or something?" he snapped.
I flinched at his tone. No I'm not deaf.
I guess I was right, I was only going to get insulted if I stayed with him. I turned to leave.
"No wait! I just, just… wait." he said as he rubbed his temples.
I sighed as I slowly turned back to face him, but ended up opting to look at his shoes.
"It's just…" He said as he took two steps closer to me. "I'm not used to-" he didn't finish his sentence. He was silent for a moment before he spoke again.
"I'll hurt you."
I raised my eyes to look at him questioningly. Hurt me?
"Someday. I will. Like I always do." He continued his voice getting lower and lower, until it was only a whisper.
"I'll always hurt those who are close to me…"
I was speechless. He didn't want to hurt me... But what made him so sure he would in the first place? Yes, he was moody and arrogant at times… But I knew deep down he was a good person. Tears formed once again in my eyes. I was so rude to him, I was a bitch…
"You would be better off if you weren't my f-" he stopped and looked hesitant. I could tell he was uncomfortable with the word. "My friend." He finished once again in a whisper.
I tried to say something but I couldn't speak. I didn't know how to explain how I felt. I wanted to jump out of joy at what he said. I wanted to scream and punch him for acting so stupid. I wanted to cry at the thought of not being able to openly be his friend with my father around…
"Now's probably the time to say something." He said quietly after a couple of moments of silence.
How could I reply to that? There was nothing I could do or say that could make up for what he had just said. I looked at his face and saw he was still looking straight at me.
"I see." He said. "I won't blame you. I understand." He then turned and started to walk away. While I just stood there, watching him leave. Like an idiot. But I had to do something! I couldn't just let him leave!
"Sasuke!" I said as I ran towards him. I was his friend. I wouldn't let him leave like this. I didn't care of what people might think. I didn't care what he thought. My father was the last thing on my mind. This wasn't how I wanted our friendship to end. I never wanted it to end... All I knew was that I finally chipped off a part of his wall. I finally had a glimpse beneath his mask. And now, I wanted to see more.
I caught up to him and I wrapped my arms around him. He stopped walking and froze. My grip around him tightened as I leaned my head against his back and sobbed.
"I'm so sorry!" I said. "I'm sorry!"
Sasuke didn't move as I incoherently blurted out apologies. Suddenly, he grabbed my arms and untangled himself from me. I was scared that he was going to get angry. I was scared that I crossed the line with that hug.
Bu that's not what happened. He turned, his face so close to mine, pulled me hurriedly towards him and wrapped his arms around my waist. His hand traveled up my back, pushing me closer to him. I shook as I felt his breath against my neck, the warmth of his body on mine…
His hug said everything words couldn't. I hugged him back, taking in the moment. We didn't have to say anything, we both understood. We both knew how safe we felt, how right this was. How the emptiness we felt finally started to disappear…
"I won't make any promises I can't keep." He suddenly said, his voiced muffled by my hair. "I won't promise I won't hurt you."
"You won't." I said. "You won't…"
"I'm not perfect. I make mistakes."
"I know that. I do too." I answered. "But I don't care. You've changed."
"I hope you're right." he replied.
"I'm a Hyuga. Of course I'm right." I said remembering what Neji had said with a giggle (well it was supposed to be a giggle, but since I cried it came out more as a snort).
"You're ruining this you know?" Sasuke said amusingly. I shivered as his hand slid down to my waist, loosening his grip on me.
"I'm sorry." I said. I really meant it. I was truly sorry for everything...
"Stop apologizing." He said a little irritably as he let go of me. I almost protested against it. I wanted him to hold me longer…
Which was odd…
Very very odd…
We both looked away from each other. I fiddled with my fingers, and he put his hands in his pockets. I cleared my throat and wished that my face didn't look as red as it felt.
"I guess I'm stuck with you." Sasuke said as he kicked a pebble. Was he blushing?
"Yes to both our misfortune." I said with a small laugh. I peeked over at him and saw the same smile he had last night.
"You're as stubborn as Naruto and Sakura." He said. My smile widened.
"You sure hit like Sakura." He muttered.
"I-"
"Don't." Sasuke warned. I closed my mouth. It's like I was going to say "I'm sorry." Really!
"I deserved it." He whispered.
"Here." He said as he handed me an ice pack.
"Thanks." I answered as I placed it over my bruised wrist.
He sat on the couch next to me and stared at my arm.
"It's fine, Sasuke. Really." A white lie couldn't hurt right? I was a bit angry at him since now I'd have to think of ways to hide it from everyone. But I was partly to blame… I did provoke him…
He looked away from me. "Hn."
"Translation: I'm sorry?" I asked. I just had to master the many meanings of "Hn." like Sakura did.
Sasuke smirked. "I guess you can say that. But you did provoke me…"
I gasped as I hit his arm with a cushion. "Sasuke!"
"What?" he chuckled. "It's true isn't it?"
I was about to snap back when my phone rang. I rushed over to get it and panicked when I saw the caller ID.
I flipped it open and steadied my voice. "Hello father."
I looked over at Sasuke who tensed up a bit. "Hinata, where are you?"
I had to think fast! "I'm waiting for the b-bus to go to Ino's from the l-library." I replied. Did that even make any sense?
Sasuke gave me the old You're-a-horible-liar look my friends often gave me. I glared at him and showed him my bruised wrist. He glared back. Touché.
"I see. Have you seen Neji?" he asked.
"N-no I haven't but I know he's with Lee, father." I replied.
"Very well then." He said and hung up. I didn't even have enough time to say goodbye…
I sighed. Was this how it was going to be from now on? Was I always going to have to lie to my father when I was with Sasuke? I almost laughed at how pathetic that was. It's not like he was my boyfriend or anything.
"Do you want me to take you home?" he asked as he lay down on his couch. For someone who wanted to take me home, he didn't seem ready to leave. I looked around my surroundings. I don't think I'll ever get tired of this place. It might've only been my second time in their loft but I was already in love with it. I didn't want to leave…
"Or are you waiting for a certain blonde idiot?" Sasuke asked. I blushed as I thought about Naruto.
"No, but actually I have to meet Ino." I replied.
"Did you just indirectly call Ino an idiot?" Sasuke asked.
I gasped. "No! I'm just saying that I have to g-go meet her later. N-no one else wanted to help at the store!"
I really wasn't calling Ino an idiot! It was just the "blonde" reference that reminded me of her, I swear!
"Riiiight."
I huffed. This was going to be an interesting friendship.
Thought they were gonna kiss didn't you? hehe...
I'm so sorry you guys waited so long for this chapter! I hope it was worth it... Too much has been going on! GAH! But since it's Thanksgiving weekend (in Canada) I have more time to write (yay!). But still, I REALLY hope you guys liked this chapter, drama isn't my strong point. And as you may have noticed I started this out a little differently (guess who's talking? But I think you already know who it is! lol)
Thank you so much for the faves and please review! ) xoxox
