Hey guys sorry I couldn't get this up sooner, I literally wrote most of this in my revision sessions over the week ... woops and so now I haven't revised for my geography mock .. Tee hee.

Anyway yeah thank you guys for the reviews for the last chapter, they really do make my days happy and sunny: P

And and ooooh I made something happen in this chapter ... but I can't tell you here... go and read!! Bye!!!

And again I'm really sorry for the chapter being a day or two late and slightly shorter than the last but you will see why!! x x x

****** ............. *******

"I love this colour on you."

We had both sufficiently calmed down by now. And he had moved his hand from my hair to stroke the dark blue material covering my shoulders.

I smiled to myself, and then sighed in content as his arms kept me close to him, feeling warm although his body was cold.

He still had his face buried in my hair, and I could feel his cool breath move the strands as he breathed deeply.

He began stroking my forearm now, and I sighed again in disappointment ... we were nowhere near done talking it seemed. He began fiddling with the hem of the sleeve, I didn't think he wanted to see the scars again, but just wanted to make his intent clear.

Finally growing agitated by his continuing fiddling I shifted my head to look up at him, just to see his face pinched in frustration, and he seemed to be struggling with whatever he wanted to say next.

I felt another tugging, but this time it wasn't the sleeve, it was one of the bandages I had left on just in case. He didn't try to loosen it or take it off, but trying to be more specific in what he wanted to talk about. Eventually he looked into my eyes and heaving a breath, he asked me in the barest of whispers if I had stopped.

"Yes" I made sure that my voice sounded resolved and sure and everything else that would help to make him believe that I had stopped, he didn't need to know about my rare slip ups. Besides I was more than sure that he was going to keep a closer eye on me now, whether he would ever ask Alice to keep an eye on me I wouldn't know. But that however got me thinking about why Edward hadn't found out sooner due to Alice. She wouldn't actually keep something like this away from Edward, and even if she did, she would talk to me about it first- I was sure of it.

But I obviously wasn't going to ask Edward about that now, if I did he would want to find out if there was any possibility that Alice had seen and kept it from him, which would then in turn let her know what was going on and then she would tell jasper, and soon it would come full circle, and everyone of them would know. I wouldn't be surprised if they found a way to tell Charlie about it as well.

That was another reason why I had never wanted any of them to find out. I had been enough trouble for Charlie during the months of Edwards's absence, he didn't deserve any of that and he doesn't deserve to have any more put on his plate to worry about.

During my inner monologue Edward had continued to stare into my blank eyes, but finally snapping out of it I assured him once again that I have stopped and would never ever do it again... I hope.

He growled out a 'good' and pulled me even closer to him, he returned me to my previous position with my head under his chin and the words from his mouth made me want to cry the tears I was sure had finally ran out.

"Because I couldn't bear to cause you more pain Bella. I wish I could take away all of the pain you have endured over these months we have been apart. I would gladly suffer your pain, knowing you would not suffer."

Well that was very sadomasochistic of him, and slightly odd.

"I would never wish that you know" My voice was quiet, and I had to refrain from snickering at his shocked face when I pulled back again, I didn't realise his eyes could open so wide.

"Edward ... everything that happened, happened for a reason. Before you ... left... I think that what we had was very big and scary ... but so wonderful. Edward you have to understand that you are the first person that I have ever loved like this, and I am so new to it, and I know you are as well! But it's so different."

"How is it so different?" He was confused, but happy I was talking to him.

"Well, I was 17 when we fell in love and everything was so new and then the only experience of a couple I have seen was Renée and Charlie, and just look how that turned out. But then you have had decades to see what kind of love there really is, you had your family and that would have given you hope. I never had hope for a love like this ... this kind of stuff is in books and fairytales... But now, I feel like the time we spent apart has given me time to reflect over it all, I was able to see how naive I was in some things, but now it feels like we've both grown up in some senses, we've both changed."

He stared at me in a shocked silence, and I felt my cheeks heat with a sudden embarrassment of talking so much.

"When did you become so wise?" Well that was a shock. I looked up to stare at him quizzically and he grinned back at me. His grin softened into a tender smile when he saw my confusion, and he gently kissed my forehead.

"I understand that Bella, and you are right that while the experience was the worst I have experienced, I too see the change it has had in both of us, and we ... well I mainly will learn from it."

"Edward no you-"

"Bella, do not try to take the blame for this, I shouldn't have made the decision, I should have talked to you about my fears, instead of forcing my family to leave home, without telling you goodbye ... and I most certainly should not have don't it how I did"

"Well, while I'm not happy it happened, the experience was necessary to get us where we are now. But there will always be a part of me that wished you hadn't done it at all."

His eyes were unreadable, but then closed them softly, and pressed his lips to my forehead.

"I know" he murmured against my skin. "I know..."

The silence soon felt heavy, so much was already was said, a lot of it I never thought I would have the guts to tell him, but now everything felt calm, we finally had an understanding between us on his absence.

But I knew that there was still much for us to talk about, I didn't want to totally acknowledge the fact that there was so much more to talk about, but I figured that could wait for another night. Eventually I suggested a game of cards, totally cliché for tense moments but he agreed to it with a small smile.

Of course Edward won every game I suggested, but I managed to beat him on go fish.

"Yes! Finally I beat the almighty card champion!" I giggled uncontrollably until I heard a growl, no matter how playful it was it still managed to shut me up. I looked up at him with wide eyes from were I sat on the opposite side of the couch. He continued to growl, and then suddenly in a move so quick I missed, I was pressed into the couch under him and he was torturing me – well tickling me relentlessly.

I giggled again, gasping for air attempting to tell him to stop. He seemed to understand my struggle and grinned down at me.

"Tell me a secret" He was enjoying this far too much.

"I don't *gasp* have any secrets!"

"Hmm, well I'm not sure I believe that Isabella" He growled again, but this one was not playful in the slightest. He stopped tickling me and pinned me down.

He was staring at my arm ... the one he hadn't been suspicious of.

My luck really wasn't on my side today, after moving around so much during the tickling attack, the sleeves had managed to move up my arm, half of my left forearm was now exposed, the bandage covering my deepest was still tightly wrapped, but the other scars were on show. This was more scared than the right; I could barely see anything in Edwards's eyes except for anger and betrayal.

I thought I was doing the right thing in not telling him ... it wasn't his business or anyone else's, and I felt helpless now, I had no power over the situation and I had no choice but to lay there and let him glare at the scars.

"After the storm ... we are talking to Carlisle" He ground out through clenched teeth.

With that there was hardly any noise in the room, only my increasing heartbeat. I couldn't breathe from the shock of another of his decisions.

He refused to look at me now; he slowly released my arms and moved back to his end of the couch. Without much thought I lifted myself up and without looking at him, turned and went back upstairs. I felt the sting of tears, but refused to let them fall just yet.

My mind reverted back to the times when I would slip up, and the momentary break of the pain in my chest I would receive. It was rare for me to slip up, and even rarer for me to think like this. But it hurt too much and I just didn't care anymore. I refused to see Carlisle, if it was my choice no-one would have ever found out.

I soon found myself in the bathroom and I came to a realisation. Alice would see this without a doubt ... I had made a decision and now Alice would see... and she would know.

But by the time I had realised this, I was already in the bathroom, gripping hold of a razor I had no memory of finding. The first few passes of the blade hardly did a thing, and I could faintly hear Edwards phone ringing, then stopping, and then shouting.

Again I was hardly aware, but soon I found myself on the floor, feeling so dizzy, as if I hadn't taken a real breath in some time. This was a possibility from my sobbing. Looking down, I noticed that my arm that held the blade was so relaxed that the blade soon fell from my loose grip. Slowly turning my head I saw deep gashes, crimson liquid steadily flowing. There was more noise now, sounding like rushed running up the stairs. Turning once again, I saw the terrified eyes of Edward, and I knew I had really messed up this time.

Was it worth being late I wonder?

Again thank you for your reviews for the last chapter, it's great to know that some people are getting an understanding from this story and it's great to the others that you're enjoying the story in general.

Hopefully I'll get the next chapter done on time next weekend, I usually get it posted by Saturday night, so I'm not sure what time people in the US n stuff get it =S.

Anyway peace out guys and see you next weekend XxX