To Turn Back
A Criminal Minds Story
A young blond woman sat awake, as her entire team slept in their injured friend's hospital room. Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, and Reid were all on chairs that the hospital staff brought in. Garcia, who had finally been able to convince Strauss to let her fly down for the night was on a cot and Emily was right in the middle surrounded by everyone else. The hospital had been very understanding and allowed the team to stay overnight. Even though they should have left hours ago, they weren't quite ready… as if getting on that plane and returning to Quantico would bring back the harsh truth of her not being there. Of JJ not being there and they felt that if they could just stay here, where in the last few days she had been very real to Emily and for a moment they could all pretend that JJ was there, with them, exactly where she should be.
The blond FBI Agent laughed at the thought. Don't they realize that I will always be here? JJ shook her head as she sat in the extra chair that had accidentally been brought into the room. She felt very at peace being with her team and knowing that they were safe. She knew it wouldn't last long though. There was somewhere else she belonged now, somewhere beautiful and light, and way up high. A familiar feeling washed over her as she stood up.
It was time to say goodbye.
But suddenly she didn't want to.
She wanted to stay.
She wanted to live.
She wanted to grow up.
Grow old.
To see Henry and to teach him and to tell him that Mommy will always love him.
To be with Will.
To stay part of this team. Her team.
Sure she could watch from above, but JJ wanted to be there to live in every moment. Because there is one thing that they always tell you to expect when you are in your time of dying… they tell you that your life will flash before your eyes. But what they don't tell you is that you see the life of loved ones go by too.
You see every moment that you are going to miss.
JJ let out one tear of regret, but then got over it, because she lived a life. A very good life. Silently she walked to every single member of her team and kissed them on a forehead. A simple goodbye to the ones she loved. As she reached Emily, her friend shifted uncomfortably in her sleep. A pained expression streaked across her face. Out of habit, JJ placed her hand on Emily's forehead searching for a fever. Satisfied that her best friend didn't have signs of a terrible infection she leaned over and placed a friendly kiss on her forehead.
"Goodbye Em," JJ smiled and started towards the door.
"Goodbye JJ," JJ turned around while the hand that had been reaching for the handle dropped to her side. She looked to see Emily awake, her eyes showed an understanding. "I'll miss you."
"Take care of Henry for me. Don't forget that you promised to get him ice cream," JJ added desperately, her voice tight.
"And to splash in puddles," Emily added, "I won't forget."
"Promise?" JJ choked out.
"I promise." Emily assured her, her bottom lip trembling. She watched helplessly as her best friend reached for the door, opening it.
"Stay out of trouble, don't make me come back here," JJ half-heartedly warned.
Emily gave a chuckled sob as she wiped the tears from underneath her red eyes. "Don't count on it, I'm a rebel."
JJ shook her head while rolling her eyes, "Oh, and Emily?"
Emily waited expectantly,
"I'm going to miss you too." The door shut softly behind JJ as she stepped out into the hallway and disappeared.
Emily sat alone staring at the now empty space by the door, and she fell into peaceful sleep thinking about a friend she knew who lived a good life. A very good life.
Four months later…
It was a cold, rainy November day, and the beginnings of the snowy season were finally starting to show itself to the state of Virginia. Emily kept her head low as she walked through the nearly empty cemetery towards the sadly familiar grave. She was bundled up in a black coat, her hair blowing with the wind, her red rain boots keeping her feet dry as she stopped at the light gray stone.
"Hey JJ," Emily whispered, placing the small plastic butterfly she had found at a toy store on the grass by the stone. "I found this and thought it needed to be here. You could probably name what type it is, but I just thought you would like it."
"Aunt Emily!" A small boy screamed as he ran across the cemetery towards his aunt before jumping into her arms.
"Hi Henry, are you ready for our big day?" Emily smiled, ignoring the twinge of stinging pain the dashed through her stomach as she lifted Henry into her arms.
"Yes! I even wearing my rain shoes that Mommy bought me," Henry added lifting his leg up to show his aunt the dark green rain boots that had soccer balls all over them.
"Those are perfect. Your Mommy knew her shoes," Emily laughed.
"Yes she did," A familiar accent, replied as Emily turned to see William LaMontagne Jr. finally reach them. "And Henry what do we say about running in a cemetery?"
"It's not nice," Henry frowned, "But Daddy, I was so excited to see Aunt Emily and Mommy that I couldn't keep walking when I know running is faster."
"Alright, why don't you go talk to Mommy while I speak with Aunt Emily okay?" Will shook his head and looked at Emily, who had put Henry down, so he could talk to his mom, "Thank you for doing this, I really appreciate it and I know JJ does too."
"Of course," Emily smiled, "How are you doing?"
"Fine. Henry still doesn't quite understand why Mommy can't come home from heaven to at least read him a bed time story, but it's getting better."
"And how are YOU doing?"
"I miss her. I miss her so much Emily. But it is getting better." Emily smiled and gave Will a hug.
"I am so willing to watch Henry anytime, okay? Just let me know… Just because Pen and Reid are his Godparents, don't forget that I am Favorite Aunt Emily."
Will laughed and called over to his boy, "Alright Buddy, say bye to Mommy it's time to go."
"Bye Mommy… I gotta go. I'm getting ice cream. "Henry added, blowing his mom a kiss. He grabbed Emily's hand, while waving goodbye to his father with the other one. Will smiled, thankful to have so many people that loved his son.
I think we are going to be okay Jayje, He thought.
"Aunt Emily. Are we going to splash in puddles too?" Henry questioned excitedly.
"You bet we are."
"I wish Mommy could come."
"Me too Buddy, Me too."
As the wind blew and the rain started to fall a young mother watched her son exit the cemetery in his little green rain shoes, a comforting feeling washed over her, and she knew that they really would be okay.
The End!Thank you for reading the story.I am so very grateful to all of you. I hope you liked it,but if not, I loved being able to share it. So, again, thank you for reading. You're the best!
-HCB
