A/N: I hope nobody's sick of Sam and the gang – believe me, I worry about that! I worry if he's run his course, but my sweet and loyal band of reviewers keep me smiling. I hope this chapter does that for you!
XXX
Six Months, April:
White was awfully…bright, Mary reflected as she stood in her bedroom examining the silky, satin feeling of her dress beneath her fingers, the way it swished and rustled over her skin. It was so white; in fact, it made all the other supposedly white-tinted objects around look dull.
Standing in front of her mirror – the mirror she hardly ever placed herself in view of for more than a few seconds – she still saw herself lingering underneath. Shouldn't she have glimpsed some sort of transformation taking place?
First, there was her hair. Jinx had waved it a little bit more than it usually did on its own. It cascaded over her shoulders and down her back, pinned twice on either side across the top with bobby pins. Mary had just wanted to wear it down, but her mother had insisted she dress it up even marginally. The twisting of the strands in the bobby pins were as far as she'd been willing to go.
Secondly, there was her makeup. She was actually wearing some, this time courtesy of Brandi. To her sister's credit though, she did not look like a hooker or a whore; her lids were not heavily penciled, her cheeks not smacked with rouge. Not a word she usually used to describe Brandi, but it was tasteful. Even if Mary didn't see much difference between this look and her normal one.
And then, of course, there was that dress. Snowy white and practically shining, blinding her with its hue. Despite Jinx's and Brandi's beliefs, she'd not taken it because it was the first one she'd found, but because it was the simplest. She'd insisted on straps, still convinced she needed to contain her boobs after having given birth to Sam six months before. And so she had them – a little off-the-shoulder and slippy – but they were there, just the same. The rest was plain enough; little glittery something's adorned the right side of her chest where the fabric hugged her and then spanned into a flowy skirt - not full, not wide, free of tripping over. She'd refused to wear a veil.
Regardless of the changes, however, Mary Shannon resided underneath. For some reason, this bothered her. She'd thought she'd see something unusual – something new. She cursed herself for hoping it, but something feminine, someone giddy and girly about getting married. Maybe something about the fact that she already felt married hampered it.
She could hear Sophie and Sarah arguing with Claire beyond the door. She could hear Carolyn shooing them outside where Jinx and Brandi had gone to town transforming the backyard into something appropriate for a wedding – lights and altars and more flowers than they knew what to do with.
It was perfect – more prefect than Mary ever envisioned her life being, and still there was something missing.
A sharp knock on the door shook her from her thoughts and she whirled from the mirror, suddenly wanting to hide her more womanly exterior from whoever lay waiting on the other side.
"Mare, can I come in?" it was Brandi.
Groping indistinctly at nothing in thin air, Mary nodded as she spun on the spot, attempting to somehow appear self-assured.
"Yeah…" she finally replied, hands fluttering nervously and casting her gaze away from the door as it opened.
Her sister practically flung herself in, dressed in strapless pale purple – her own choosing, as Mary's only bridesmaid. She was facing the entrance as she came in, so she didn't notice Mary at first and was busy with the squirmy little boy in her arms.
"Somebody wanted a kiss before we get this show on the road…!" Brandi declared as she shut the hatch and turned around.
Mary would not have been shocked if her sister had burst into tears. As it was, she actually welled-up and put a hand to her mouth at seeing Mary all decked out for the occasion.
"Oh my God Mary…" she breathed dramatically, completely the opposite of Sam who was fidgeting and squealing on her hip. Fortunately, it appeared they were squeals of delight.
Brandi walked over and reached out her hand to touch the dress, as though making sure Mary was real. The elder shifted away only slightly, feeling conspicuous at the display.
"You look beautiful!" Brandi burst.
"I do not…" Mary shook her head, trying to be modest.
"Yes you do; you look amazing!" Brandi reiterated.
"You're overcompensating," Mary pressed on.
Now Brandi laughed, shifting Sam higher onto her hip where he continued to jabber and swat at Brandi's dangling earrings. He clearly liked the way they sparkled when they caught the light because he kept snatching and coming up with nothing in his fingers.
Fortunately, Brandi let it go and moved on to something else.
"Sammy boy wanted to say hi before things get cracking…" Brandi moved to transfer the buoyant Sam into Mary's arms.
"Told you that, did he?" Mary mused, reaching to pull him close, her eye catching the tufts of hair he had sprouting on top. Mary continually tried to convince herself otherwise, but no matter the light, his locks were brown. Like Mark.
"You don't even take a day off for a wedding, do you?" Brandi joked at Mary's comment, but Mary was no longer listening.
Sam was in rare form. He radiated the oddest sense of thrill, as though he actually knew what was going on. He was much noisier than he usually was, fingers flashing and eyes bright with joy. Up close, he caught Mary's gaze and placed his tiny hands on her face, over her mouth which made her laugh and then patting her cheeks like a drum.
"Hi Smush…" she whispered, feeling a little better because he seemed so happy. "Where's the fire, bud?"
"He's been that way all morning," Brandi reported. "Sammy's such a clever boy…" she crooned, leaning forward and rubbing her nose on his cheek. "He knows what's about to happen."
"Uh-huh…" Mary muttered disbelievingly.
"What's with you?" Brandi asked, sticking a hand on her hip and looking curious. "What, are you nervous?"
"No, I'm not nervous," Mary responded a little too quickly, still with that nagging feeling that something was missing. What could she have forgotten?
She snuggled Sam in next to her, hoping his excitement wouldn't prompt him to spit up while she was holding him. Disdain for the dress or not, she couldn't help feeling it would be a little tactless to commence in a garment laced with the scent of sour milk.
"You seen Marshall recently?" Mary couldn't resist asking, stooping to grab her bouquet from the bed so Sam could play with it.
"He'll tear that up," Brandi said warningly.
"I don't care," Mary shrugged, not having understood the need for her to carry one, especially when the petals were such a bright shade of purple.
"Mom will – she paid a fortunate for those things," Brandi reminded her just as Sam ripped off the first bud and promptly tried to eat it.
Brandi was looking annoyingly superior and the elder sister had to admit, whether she wanted the cloud or not, she definitely didn't want Sam snacking on it.
"Give it to me…" his mother murmured, poking her fingers into his mouth and pulling out the wet strands.
Brandi promptly dashed over to grab her a Kleenex so Mary wouldn't be tempted to wipe it on her dress. There, she snatched the bouquet from her son and tossed it back to the bed.
"Yeah, Marshall's hanging out with Claire," Brandi finally answered the question. "Calm and cool as ever."
This was no surprise to Mary, who had not spent the night away from her husband as was tradition, but they'd both been so busy for most of the day that she hadn't seen him in his tux yet. This reminded her of Sam's outfit, and she scrutinized it closely while she was still holding him.
Marshall had insisted their boy would look beyond adorable in his own tuxedo, but Mary had refused. Instead, she had him in khaki pants and a purple plaid button-up with a matching sweater vest. Brandi had supplied the purple to go with the rest of the wedding theme she and Jinx had cooked up.
"I still think he looks too preppy…" Mary muttered as she thought about this. "Tie a sweater around his neck and just watch Daniel and Quinn start wisecracking…"
"He looks darling!" Brandi gushed, not even bothering to listen, fingering the material on the vest. "He matches perfectly!"
Why did she think Mary would appreciate this?
"Don't you listen to mama Sammy," Brandi adjusted the sweater so it reached the proper spot on his pants. "You look very dashing. She's just in a bad mood because she had to dress like a girl."
"Charming, Squish," Mary groused.
Brandi giggled, clearly not going to be baited into her sister's usual method of deflecting apprehension. She was plainly lit up by the entire scenario and was attempting to beam some of it over to Mary with little success. Leaning in next to Sam's ear, fingers wiggling enticingly, she whispered to her nephew.
"Doesn't mama look gorgeous?" she hissed, crouched down beside him. "Mama's so pretty…" and she dug her fingers in Sam's sides, tickling him, and he squealed with delight, making him wiggle all over in Mary's arms.
"Such a happy boy!" Brandi sang girlishly, positively glowing at the little one. "Where do you suppose he got that, Mare?" she raised her eyebrows goofily, indicating it certainly hadn't been from his sullen mother.
"Very funny," but she smirked against her will watching Sam pat the bare part of her chest with his little fingers. He was awfully handsy; he could hardly contain himself.
"Holy God, look at the time!" Brandi burst unexpectedly, catching a glance of the clock over Mary's shoulder and bouncing up on the spot. "It's only twenty minutes till the ceremony starts!"
Twenty minutes? Mary's heart began to race, but fortunately Sam didn't seem to notice and yanked on her hair. She could've cared less if he pulled it loose, but Jinx would pitch a fit.
"I'm gonna make sure everyone's here…" Brandi declared without waiting for approval. "Almost show time!"
She wasn't even looking at Mary as she jabbered and sashayed to the door, her dress making a swishing sound as she walked. Mary was hoping for a minute or two alone before everything commenced and came rushing in, a second to remember what seemed to be out of place, but it appeared this was not to be. When Brandi flung the door open, it was to find Jinx and Carolyn down the hall in the living room, and neither one of them missed the sound of the hinges creaking.
Mary groaned in the split-second before Jinx made a mad dash, and then had to paste on a smile.
"Oh darling!" her mother tottered on six-inch heels over the hardwood in a gown of palest pink. It wouldn't have been so bad if not for all the ruffles and sequins.
"Mom…" Mary began; grateful she was holding Sam so she couldn't get too close. "I'm not a mannequin; don't adjust me, all right?" she swatted Jinx's hovering hands with her free one.
"What's to fix?" Jinx proclaimed, holding out her palms in display. "You look wonderful!"
Why couldn't Mary just take the compliments for what they were? As she was reflecting on this, Carolyn strode in – calmer, much more sedate, dressed in navy that so complimented the blue in her eyes. The sight of her put Mary at ease.
"You do look beautiful, honey," Carolyn admitted, leaning over as she arrived and pecking her cheek. "We'll have to watch Marshall; he may not be able to breathe when he sees you."
"No kidding," Brandi chuckled her hoarse laugh.
Mary barely heard her sister because she was concentrating on giving Carolyn a genuine, quiet smile – her own version of a thank-you for the praise.
"We should go sit down…" Jinx suggested among Mary's thoughts.
"I was just about to go over the guest list…" Brandi continued.
"All of Marshall's college buddies are here…" Carolyn chimed in.
There weren't very many, but at least it gave them a few more seats to fill.
"The cake's at the back of the buffet by the tent…"
"Keep an eye on Daniel; he will definitely try to sneak a piece…"
Mary had quit listening, resigned to letting them work out the details, trying to keep a cool head by fiddling with Sam's sweater, straightening the collar on his shirt, pondering whether he might need a jacket later if the April spring got to him when the sun went down.
Vaguely, she saw Jinx and Carolyn on their way now, Brandi at the rear still rattling off directions, placements, the whole shebang. Who knew the younger Shannon could take charge so swiftly?
It was when the two mothers had already disappeared that Mary finally tuned in to Brandi's voice once more.
"…So Marshall will walk out when Claire gets to the end and Mary will walk down…"
The speaking stopped. So did Mary's heart. Her eyes weren't with her sister's; they were resolutely fixed on the face of her little boy, doing his own fiddling with a loose thread on his shirt. She knew what had prompted Brandi's freeze frame.
Something was missing.
"Oh God…"
Mary slowly flicked her eyes upward; Brandi looked stricken – panicked.
"Mare…" she shook her head, like she was hardly daring to believe she could've forgotten something so important.
The bride-to-be waited it out.
"Who's going to walk you down the aisle?"
Mary hadn't forgotten. Not really. She'd known all along this was the piece that was missing. As soon as Brandi had spoken the words, it was as if she'd been aware the entire time. Part of her had. She'd let Jinx and Brandi do all the planning, dutifully keeping silent when they both managed to leave out the detail of who would give her away. How they'd managed to neglect the issue in all their checking and double-checking was a mystery, but it had worked.
Until now.
Casually as possible, Mary shrugged, "Nobody."
She should've known Brandi would not accept this as she backtracked inside, "Mary, somebody has to give you away."
What a ridiculous phrase. The man who was supposed to give her away already had. He'd signed her off and shipped her out a long time ago.
Still, a stupid part of her had actually spun a silly fantasy about her father showing up while she floated on his arm. Stupid-stupid-stupid.
"Mary…I am so sorry," Brandi said sincerely even though the bride was completely still. "I can't believe I missed this…"
There had been no rehearsal for her to catch her. Mary and Marshall had been on the road so much in the days leading up to the wedding trying to tie up loose ends at work, they'd just tossed the dinner.
"Squish, I don't care," Mary shook her head, shifting Sam up. "I don't care. I don't need someone to walk me down the aisle. It's not important…"
"I'll fix this," Brandi decided at once, plainly not listening to a word. "I'll figure something out…"
Without waiting for Mary to agree, she reached out her hands to take Sam back to the setup outdoors, but Mary shook her head. She wasn't interested in letting him go.
"Leave him."
Brandi clearly didn't know why but took her own turn at shrugging, "Fine."
She was back at the door in an instant, still looking ashamed and also harassed. Her bridesmaid-slash-matron-of-honor duties were going to return in full-force. But she was determined.
"Wait here. I'll figure something out…" she repeated.
Mary decided to let her as she slammed the door on her way out.
Once she was gone, Mary put Sam on his belly onto the bed where he bounced up and down against the mattress like he was trying to crawl. She kept waiting for him to do it, even though he was a little young still (as Marshall constantly reminded her.) He seemed to want to, but all he usually succeeded in doing was rolling over and hitting his head a lot.
But now, as Mary sat in front of him and took one of his light-up toys from the bedside table, he just sat and sprung up and down, perfectly content with going nowhere.
"Here Smush…"
But he ignored the toy Mary placed in his line of vision, with its flashing colors and spinning blocks and just looked at her. He had such a smile – gaping and wide with just one tiny tooth coming in at the bottom. His blue eyes shined and twinkled with so much joy as he gazed happily at his mother. Could it really be because she looked different – like a girl? Did he notice something like that? He resembled a puppy wagging its tail.
Brandi was gone a little while, and Mary began to feel silly perched on her bed in that dress with just Sam to keep her company. It was also increasing her nerves and she wished she'd been more firm with her sister, telling her to just forget it. Who could walk her down the aisle that would fill the void left by the fact that her father was not here to send his little girl off on her own?
Snatching Sam off the bed, for he was becoming bored with his toy, she took him into the bathroom where the evidence of Jinx's hair-tooling still lay. Standing in front of the mirror, she waggled her fingers against the reflection, getting Sam's attention.
"Who is that?" she asked, turning from the mirror to the real thing. "Who's that boy?" she pointed.
Sam blinked furiously, like he couldn't quite believe his eyes, and reached out a hand to try and touch the glass. Mary tilted him forward so he could attempt, but then he pulled back and giggled softly, like he knew he was being tricked.
"Is that Sam?" she posed carefully. "Is that a handsome Sam?"
But Sam wasn't looking at himself anymore. His eyes had strayed to Mary's reflection and stared, enraptured, at the Mary in the mirror and then turned, gazing up into her face. He stuck out his index finger and pointed up at her. He had it all figured out.
"You're such a smarty pants," Mary told him, and she laid a kiss on his head.
And got caught.
The door outside the bathroom creaked and Mary slowly stepped back through into the bedroom, expecting to see Brandi with no news at all, that they'd have to do it Mary's way, that they'd just have to resign themselves to doing things in untraditional fashion.
But no. The face was one she'd never even considered.
"I understand you need an escort, inspector."
Why was she embarrassed? Why was she embarrassed as she saw this sweet-sweet man offering her his arm, dressed in black tie, fully willing to step into a role Mary had needed filled for many long years? Why couldn't she just accept it?
"Stan…" she murmured, suddenly feeling strangely conspicuous with Sam on her hip. "You don't have to do this…"
"I want to," he said softly, but putting his arm down and smiling a little less freely. "Someone's gotta."
Mary nodded, knowing he was right, knowing she probably would've felt worse just gliding down on her own, contrary to what she'd told herself all this time. But it didn't erase the doubt. It didn't get rid of the ache. Nothing did. No matter how much she was given, how much she accomplished, nothing washed away the hurt that still resided deep inside, that still longed for her father to appear on her doorstep.
She'd let her eyes fall to the ground, but Stan's gentle pats on her arm made her look up again.
"Ah, kiddo…" he mused sympathetically. "I know you miss your dad. Don't beat yourself up."
"This isn't any different," she felt the need to share. "Today isn't any different from the ten thousand others he hasn't come back. Why the hell can't I let this go?" she almost spat.
Stan shrugged, clearly a little uncomfortable, and put his hands in his pockets.
"It's his loss Mary," he finally said in a low voice.
So sweet. Why didn't she let sweetness in more often? Why didn't she try it herself once in awhile?
"Come on…" Stan went on before Mary could respond. "It's just a little march down the aisle. Your mother's waiting to take Mini Marshal here before we step off…"
Clearly, they had this all worked out. Mary was considering, not wanting to become her usual surly and sullen self on this day of all days. For Marshall, if nobody else.
"We don't have to do the first dance shit…" Mary bargained.
"You sure?" Stan teased. "I could fall back on those Mambo lessons I gave Marshall."
Mary smiled a real smile then, and found that it was now or never. Stan clearly saw the shift as well and put out his forearm once more. Mary took pause, looking into his warm, sensitive features and knew there probably wasn't anyone else who really deserved to give her away. Someone who had put up with her and Marshall's antics for so many years – who was going to continue to do so – who scolded them and praised them and was there for them when they fell.
Slowly, carefully, Mary slipped her arm into his. Elegantly, he drew her out of the bedroom and down the hall. As promised, Jinx was waiting in the kitchen to take Sam. Beyond the back door, Mary could see the guests already seated. She could see Brandi and Griffin waiting to walk down together – Claire the single flower girl in a pleated purple dress.
"Say 'good luck mama,'" came Stan's voice from beside her as Jinx took Sam.
All Mary could do was lean over quickly and kiss his soft cheek.
And then she just waited. Some strange part of her felt like it took an eternity. A thousand things were whirling through her mind as Stan guided her further and further up the line behind her bridal party as it made its way down the aisle.
Was she really fit to be a married woman? Could she stand to be tied down forever?
Did she belong in a traditional family? Had she been fooling herself all this time?
The fears came in full force but she still managed to make her feet move.
What was she doing? Why was everyone standing up? It couldn't be time yet.
Stan tugged the crook of her arm, recalling her to the real world. She snapped to face him, looking wild-eyed she was sure, but he just smiled.
It was time.
"I forgot to tell you sweetheart…"
Sweetheart.
Smiling genially, "You look beautiful."
It was the third time she'd heard it today, but coming from Stan it was a little different. Deep down, he was like her in revealing his emotions on occasion. So for him to say it – it meant a little more because she knew it wasn't as easy for him to utter the word.
"Thank-you," she whispered, trying to smile back but without success.
The ache was still there. Maybe it would help if she laid out her own confession, even as they stood waiting to make the march of all marches.
"And thank-you for…"
She let her gaze float to their intertwined arms, becoming tight now. Mary swallowed, hoping Stan would get the message.
He smiled again, leaned up, and kissed her cheek.
"My pleasure, inspector."
The spring breeze was warm on her face as she turned to look at the crowd. With less of an enormous effort, she and Stan stepped off together.
With every stride, her heart became a little lighter. She could see Jinx bouncing Sam in the front row, who was pointing at his mother and chattering excitedly. She could see Carolyn near tears sitting beside Julian, who was grinning politely. And she could see Peter, looking appropriately mesmerized by Brandi rather than the bride.
And then her heart grew wings and more shapes and figures came into focus. Daniel and Quinn in their suits, Sophie and Sarah in matching dresses of bright pink complete with bows and sashes. Connie and Kim floated at the edges, looking taken in by the way the yard had been transformed. There were flowers everywhere, an altar erected, tables beyond piled high with food. It didn't even look like Mary's yard.
They were getting near it now. She could see Brandi practically jumping up and down with excitement, but doing her best to contain Claire who was swaying side-to-side in front of her as they waited for Mary to arrive. And there was Griffin on the other side. He was standing there talking – in the middle of the march – talking to…
And her heart took off and flew. James didn't matter. Neither did any of these people. Nobody mattered except this man who was waiting here for her. This man who always waited for her. No matter how far astray she ran, he always waited for her to come home.
Dimly, she felt Stan release her arm and she held out a palm so Marshall could pull her forward. As she did so, he leaned in.
"You are stunning."
It was the difference in the phrase she'd heard all day that made her realize she had nothing to worry about. Not you look beautiful, you look gorgeous, you look stunning – a mask, a cover, a shield that hides your true nature. But you are.
You are stunning. Inside and out, not just today but every other. And beautiful and gorgeous she was not, no matter what they said; she just didn't believe it. But stunning spoke of an entirely new realm and if she'd asked, she was sure Marshall would've given her a definition.
She pulled him in and kissed him – square on the mouth in front of everybody before they'd even gotten started. She could hear Brandi laughing as she lost herself in him for a moment. When she pulled away, he was smiling.
"You know it's usually easier if you jump me after the vows and all that," he told her. "It'll make more sense to all these people sitting here."
It was her turn to smile.
"When have I ever done things the easy way?"
A/N: I know there wasn't much Marshall in this one, but I hope you enjoyed the wedding festivities! We needed a peek into a little part of that day!
