Chapter Eight
I'm waking up, and I don't know, where Becca is. Maybe she woke up earlier than me, and she went out of my room. I still can't believe, what happened. I mean… I slept with my roomate.
I slept with my roomate… That sounds good. I mean, making love with your rommate is kind of cool. It shows, that I'm still young, and I still have hope to find a girl. That's good. But the bad things. I don't think, that I could ever find a girl. I know, I should forget Robin, and I swear I will, but damn it, if you're in love, it won't disappear in a day. It would be good, but the reality is always worse. Sometimes I felt I won't forget her, and I won't stop being in love with her. But now, after I slept with Becca, and it was really-really good (as I thought she can do it very well), and until I woke up, I really didn't think about Robin I feel there's a small reason to believe that once everything is gonna be okay. Maybe once I can forget her and living without the thought that she belongs to me. I wish I could see her only once again. Not because I miss her smile, I miss her face, or because I ever will miss her, just it would be like a sign for the universe, that she belongs to someone else. And maybe this „someone else" is my old best friend, Barney. Maybe I supposed to accept this thing sooner, or I should accept it now, but a small, now just a really-really, microscophic small piece of my heart still thinks it belongs to Robin. It's so bad!
And I still don't know, where Becca is. I'm going to the livingroom, but I don't find her, I'm saying her name, but there's no answer. I'm desperated a bit. Where is Becca?
But when I'm being really disappointed Becca opens the door, and looking at me.
Hi! – she says. – Finally, you woke up! – she looks really happy. – I thought you died...
Thank you. – I say. Honestly I don't know what to say. This situation is new for me. I remember, when Robin was my roomate, and she slept with me. Okay, it was different, because I always loved her, but after I slept with her, and I knew it was just phisically thing I felt guilty. And it was more worse, when I found out Barney's feelings. Sweet old times, when Robin was mine, and I let Barney to be with her. Okay, maybe Barney has right last night, I'm a terrible person, and Robin is not an object. Maybe we aren't so perfect together as I tought. You, you small, really-really small, microsophic small piece of my heart, which still thinks it belongs to Robin, damn it!
Thank you? – Becca repiets. Yes, maybe I said something weird. – Well, you're welcome… But Ted… You know, that we're just friends…
Of course, that I know, Becca! – I say. What does she think? We slept once what's the big deal? Does she think I am in love with her? Or I could fall in love with her? God, no! I mean… She's pretty. She's awesome, I like her a lot, the sex was amazing, I like, how her hair smells, I like seeing her smile, I want to make her happy, and I never want to let her go… But I won't fall in love with her, it's stupidity!
Okay, just sayin.
And you? – I ask. – Don't you have some feelings?
No! – she starts to laugh. – Of course, that not, I mean… It would be stupidity. You and me… I… I don't think we could work together.
Me neither. – there's a short silence, then Becca is starting to speak.
So? Do you want to give me a rommate-and-bestfriend-but-never-more high five? – I'm nodding.
One day later
Ted… - Becca is waking me up. She slept next to me, and I'm happy that she is still here, and didn't go out like yesterday. It's much better. I know, I should feel guilty, because I made love without feelings two times in two days, but I feel much better than yesterday.
What? – I ask.
You know, yesterday, when I said, we're just friends, I meant we won't spend a night together again.
Yes, me too… - I say.
But I still don't have any feelings.
Me neither.
Becca is standing up and walking out of the room. I'm staying alone with my thoughts, when my telephone is starting to rang.
I'm answering the phone.
Hey Ted, this is Lily. – hearing Lily's voice brings old times back. But I have no idea, why she's calling me.
Hy Lily. – I'm answering. – What's up?
Everything is fine! - she says. – More than fine! But we missed you last night so much. Why didn't you come out at Barney's and Robin's place? We thought we can talk to you.
Wait… They didn't even told you about… - I bit my tongue.
About what? – Lily asks. – Ted, what's going on? Did anything happend between you and them?
No… - I'm lieing. Of course that I'm lieing, and I'm so thankful, that Lily doesn't see my face because she can read it very well. – I've just had a date yesterday, and I couldn't cancel it.
That's amazing, Ted! I knew, that you'll finish your feelings about Robin, I'm so proud of you! I thought it'll take more time, but seems you're stronger than I thought. It's so good. So are you going to go at Monday?
No, I'm so sorry. The things with Maria are going really fast. I'm busy all of the week.
And the next week?
I'm sorry Lil, but I don't think I can visit you soon. I'm having a lot of interwievs, and Maria wants to be with me all the time.
Then why don't you introduce Maria for us?
I think it'll be to soon. I mean... This relationship is so new, we're testing our limits. – I hate to lie, and I can't lie well. I swear Lily didn't believe me, but she pretended she did.
Okay, than I'm saying the big news in telephone. New, you heard it good. Marshall and I went to the doctor, and we're going to have twins! – Wow. They're going to have twins. It's so… I'm so happy for them.
Congratulations! – I say, and I know she doesn't see, but I'm making a big fake smile.
So Lily's pregnant with twins. Lily and Marshall are going to have three child, and what about me? I'm having a fake girlfriend called Maria. Maybe I'm not the part of the group anymore. Robin and Barney are going to have a child too. And last night, while I was making love with Becca, and cheated on my fake girlfriend, they were have some fun together, and they didn't talk about me. It hurts.
What's wrong? – Becca asks. I don't know, when she came back. – I'msofreakininlovewithherbutshe'smarriedtomybestfr iendandpregnantandshedoesn'twanttoseemeanymore Robin called you?
No, of course, that not. – I'm ansering. In the deep of my heart I know, that she won't call me. That's the sadly truth. When Robin said she didn't want to see me anymore she really meant she didn't want to see me anymore. – Remember? She knocked me out.
Of course, that I remember. Just… I don't know. You were friends for years. I know, that she's angry with you, and I totally understand it. I mean, if I would be in her place, I would kill you. But… The friendship is friendship. I thought she'll calling you in a few days.
Maybe me to… But I should accept it. She really doesn't want to see me anymore.
I'm so sorry, Ted. When your love rejects you, it's… It's the worst feeling ever.
You know, it's funny. – I say. – Because I don't think, I'm still in love with her. I mean, a small, really-really small, microscophic piece of my heart still thinks it belongs to her, but the other pieces… They think they can live without her.
And what about that small piece? – Becca asks.
I don't know. Maybe it's waiting for a sign…
